All That Jazz
by javamomma0921
Summary: AH/AU Set in 1919. Meet orphan sisters, Bella and Alice Swan, as they journey to Chicago to meet their Aunt Esme, brazen, disowned sister of their mother. Join Bella as she learns the true meaning of marriage and love. M for adult themes and later lemons.
1. Leaving Philadelphia

_**A heart, full of joy and gladness,**_

_**Will always banish sadness and strife.**_

_**So always look for the silver lining,**_

_**And try to find the sunny side of life.**_

"**Look for the Silver Lining," by Jerome Kern (1919)**

Disclaimer: I do not own _Twilight_ or any of the characters from the Saga. Stephenie Meyer is the owner of _Twilight_. No copyright infringement is intended. This work and the original ideas presented therein are the sole property of this author.

Many thanks to my amazing beta BelleDean as well as my lovely pre-reader BMSequestrian for their invaluable advice and support. Without these ladies, I doubt very highly that I'd be posting this story.

**Mature Content: This fiction is rated (M). It contains adult themes including severe corporal punishment, domestic abuse, and detailed sexual situations. If you aren't old enough to be buying porn, you shouldn't be reading this story.**

From Bella's journal

_21 October 1919_

_We leave tomorrow on the early train for Chicago where we will meet Aunt Esme and Uncle Carlisle for the first time to begin our new life with them. I would never have thought I'd say this, but I will miss Carson College when we leave. I had grown fond of the routine here and the quiet. Yes, I did so enjoy the quiet. This place seemed to hold the perfect balance for Alice and me. She could socialize with the other girls while I sat in our room and wrote. It was better this way and Alice was happier._

_It had been nearly a year since Mother passed during the flu. A year since we were officially considered orphans and had become wards of the state of Pennsylvania until the lawyers could settle on where we belonged. Aunt Esme, Mother's sister, was desperate to adopt us and wrote to us the moment she was informed, but papers had to be drawn up and wills settled. Leaving Carson would be more difficult than I imagined when we came here a year ago, but Alice had high hopes for our lives in Chicago. She told me that we would start over and no one would know us. Of course, Alice had every intention of finding a niche for herself where everyone knew and understood her. But I was sure no one would ever know me. Nor would anyone ever want to._

I capped my pen and put it down in the crook of my journal, sighing as I stretched across my bed to tuck the journal into my bag. Nearly all of our things had been packed away; only the small travel bags we would carry with us remained. Alice was in a temper this morning when she realized all of our fine clothes had been packed away and we would be required to wear "orphan grey" for our travels. Really the clothes were quite sensible for traveling. A serge jumper which modestly covered our knees, a black turtleneck to keep us warm, and sturdy, buckled shoes.

"We look like twins," she groaned. "Orphan twins, no less!"

"Don't be silly, Ali," I said. "We couldn't be more different if we tried."

Alice just sparkled. Even in her "orphan greys," Alice's beautiful personality shone through in every fiber of her being. From her twinkling blue eyes that always looked mischievous to her button nose, Alice radiated both beauty and poise. Mere clothes couldn't contain her personality, her most beautiful feature. No, despite her grumpiness this morning, Alice remained perfectly beautiful.

"Well, you must let me curl your hair for you tomorrow morning," she continued. "We ought to both put our hair in curlers tonight."

After setting out our schedule for the night, Alice traipsed off to spend some last moments with her friends before our journey to Chicago. There was no need for me to say good-bye to anyone. The one bonus of keeping up a silent façade and never interacting with any of the girls here was that it left me with no ties to break. The only indication that I had been here for a year would be my admission and departure records.

I stood and looked around the now drearily empty room and found myself folded into the window sill, watching the October wind blow the leaves around the grounds of the college. It was an unseasonably warm day, so many of the girls were roaming the grounds in light jackets. I watched as Alice's group came into view, kicking up the leaves with their feet and laughing raucously as they went. Alice turned around and looked up at the building, completely unsurprised at seeing me in the window. She waved her hand at me, beckoning me to join her group. I shook my head quickly and motioned for her to go on without me.

I'd get cold out there without a heavier coat or I would trip over one of the many downed branches. It was safer to stay inside where it was warm. I could hear Mother's satisfied voice in my head as I watched Alice skip along with her friends. _She'll catch a cold and be sick before you get to Chicago. No man will look at her then with her red, running nose. You're being smart, Bella. Practical_.

Alice was never practical. Mother always chided her for being "too much." She was "too" happy; she ought to be more reserved like me. She moved "too" quickly; she needed to show more decorum. She was "too" loud; men of means did not appreciate loud women. And most importantly, she was "too" opinionated. Instead of saying yes and agreeing with Mother, Alice would disagree with her and _argue_. Mother would beat Alice with the strap when she did so, but Alice never learned. I hated when Mother would beat Alice, but nothing I said to Alice made any difference and I didn't dare say anything to Mother.

Despite my disgust with Mother's discipline tactics, I was privately happy to be able to please her so with my practicality. Although my appearance never pleased her because I was so plain, she always reminded Alice that I would be easier to find a match for because I was growing into the perfect helpmeet. Mother would shake her head at Alice and threaten her, saying she would be an Old Maid while I was married and taken care of. I could still see Alice sticking her tongue out behind Mother's back as she droned on about how my future husband wouldn't conscience supporting an opinionated, spinster sister. Alice always knew better; she wanted more than a "match" and she told me about it one night after Mother had taken the strap to her again shortly before she died.

I was holding a cool rag to the backs of her legs where the strap had hit her and left ugly pink welts. Alice had been arguing with Mother about going to a local social function. Mother was intent on making an appearance, despite warnings by health officials about the fast-spreading flu and its dangers. Alice told her she was being reckless which inevitably made Mother bring out the strap. I wanted to tell Alice to be quiet -- remind her that contradicting Mother would only lead to another encounter with the well-worn piece of leather. My words wouldn't come and the outcome seemed clear. Ever the obedient daughter, I remained quietly ensconced in my room until the punishment was over and I could tend to Alice's wounds.

"Anyone who is damn-fool enough to show up at that event isn't bright enough for us, Bella," Alice said through her tears. "Mother ought to know that."

I replaced the rag with a cooler one and Alice sucked in a hiss of breath. Mother hadn't broken the skin, but it still looked very painful; she would have bruises.

"Don't you ever get tired of her scheming?" Alice asked, rolling onto her side.

Seeing the evidence of Mother's cruelty written so plainly across Alice's pale skin made me wish to agree with Alice, to fight against Mother and her painful discipline. Still, the words choked in my throat and only my implied acquiescence to Mother's brutality came out.

"Mother wants to make the best matches for us that she can," I murmured.

"No," Alice said, snorting. "She wants to find matches for us which suit her. She doesn't care a lick for us."

"You don't really believe that," I whispered.

"Of course I do," she exclaimed wide-eyed. "Don't be so naive Bella, she's told you so herself. 'Marriage is a duty a daughter performs for her family; love doesn't factor into it.'"

"But that's nothing more than the truth, Alice."

"It doesn't have to be the truth!"

"This isn't a fairytale, Alice," I said, anger creeping into my voice. "We're not princesses waiting for our princes; we're regular girls. Regular girls take the matches that their mothers and fathers make for them and they make the most of them. Or do you see yourself differently?"

"I'm going to find a man who loves _me_, not my money or my social position," she said, her mouth set and her eyes staring out into the distance. "I'm going to find my _perfect_ match and that's the only man that I'll marry."

"But you won't have a choice," I argued. "You'll marry who Mother says you ought to, just the same as me."

Alice reached up and cupped my face.

"I love you, little sister," she said softly. "But I won't stay here long enough for her to ruin my life. I hope you develop some sense before she marries you to the highest bidder."

I looked down at my hands in my lap, my cheeks crimson and my mind in a snarl. Alice would leave home to get away from Mother? I could never do that; Mother relied on me and I wouldn't be able to function in a world without her direction. Mother always had all the answers; I wouldn't know how to begin living without her directing my life.

But the flu had its say and Mother was ripped away from us. I cried bitterly after she died, lost and feeling more abandoned than I had ever felt in my life. Alice just stood stone faced next to me, her tiny body rigid next to my taller frame as I lost myself in my grief. She never shed a tear. I was embarrassed to admit it, but part of me was relieved; Alice wouldn't leave me now. She wouldn't abandon me.

However, without Mother, I wondered if I would ever make a match. The orphanage where we were headed wouldn't play match-maker for me; I felt my hopes of being someone's helpmeet fall to pieces at Mother's death. Alice would find someone; neither she nor I had any doubt about that. Suddenly, our roles were reversed. It seemed more likely that _I_ would be the spinster sister because no one would play matchmaker for me.

We then received the letter from Aunt Esme and Uncle Carlisle promising to bring us "home" to Chicago. Alice was so excited that she bounced on the bed for nearly a half hour thinking about the opportunities a new city would offer us. I, on the other hand, was a bundle of fear and uncertainty. We hadn't lived with a man since Father died so long ago. What if Uncle Carlisle was a tyrant? What if he matched us with tyrannical men? What if I wasn't the apple of Aunt Esme's eye the way I was with Mother?

We never really knew Aunt Esme and Uncle Carlisle. Mother vaguely talked about her older sister who had "scandalously" married a man of her own choosing. Mother wouldn't visit them or write back when Aunt Esme wrote to her. Even though Mother was dead now, I was petrified of doing something she would have disapproved of. In fact, I heard the ghost of her voice for the first time after reading Aunt Esme's letter. I understood that it wasn't actually Mother speaking to me; it was my own subconscious. However, it sounded far too much like Mother not to frighten me. My "mother" voice was angry as it spoke in my mind startling me so that I dropped the letter on the floor. _Esme will be nothing but trouble for you, Isabella. Mark my words, nothing good will come out of this_.

"Whatever is wrong with you?" Alice asked me.

"Nothing," I replied stiffly, still reeling from hearing a voice so like Mother's.

"Bella, you can't lie to me," she said frowning at me. "You never could."

"Would you think I was crazy if I told you that I just heard Mother's voice?"

Alice stared at me; she looked as though she was trying to decide if I was crazy or just grief-stricken.

"We all grieve in different ways, Sissy," she said rubbing my arm and stooping down to pick up the letter. "You're just feeling Mother's loss more acutely right now because of all of the changes. But don't worry. Aunt Esme and Uncle Carlisle are offering us the chance at a new life! This is what I've always wanted . . ."

She broke off, looking at my trembling lip and watery eyes.

"You might not know it yet, Bella, but this will be good for you as well. Mother wasn't the best judge of what is right for a young girl; it will do you good to be away from this ideal that she's created for you. Just wait and give it a chance? For me?"

I smiled at her because I knew it was what she wanted me to do. Yet in the back of my mind I could hear and echo of Mother's voice chastising Alice for her insolence and telling me to be the good girl that she raised me to be no matter what my naughty sister did. Of course, I would be the good girl. I was always the good girl. Mother's perfect daughter.

* * *

The night before we left for Chicago, after Alice had said all of her goodbyes, she came back to our room and started setting out the things she wanted for tonight and tomorrow morning. As she set up, I hopped off the bed and strolled towards the door.

"Where are you off too?" Alice asked with a smile.

"I just wanted to see Mrs. Clearwater before we left," I answered softly.

"Of course," she said. "Don't be too long. I need to pin up your hair."

I nodded and slipped out the door. This was going to be hard for me; I had said that I didn't have any ties to break when we left. It was a lie though. It would be very difficult to say goodbye to Mrs. Clearwater.

I found her on the third floor near the laundry room stalking her prey. She was crouched to the ground and her little bottom was swishing in excitement as she watched the mouse from across the room. My appearance was enough distraction to allow the mouse time to run away, but Mrs. Clearwater wasn't angry with me. She stretched herself out and sashayed over to me, winding herself around my legs and purring almost instantly. I was the only human she tolerated and I would miss her dearly.

"That's a good kitty," I cooed to her, sitting on the floor cross legged. She found the curve of my legs and sat herself in them, butting the top of her head against my chin and making me giggle. "I missed you too," I whispered.

Yes, my only companion here besides Alice had been a cat. I recognized how pathetic it was that my older sister was leaving behind five or six close friends and the only thing here that would miss me was the third floor mouser. I couldn't see how things would have been different though. I just didn't fit in with other girls my age with their strange ideas of liberation and independence. They didn't understand me and I didn't understand them. Mrs. Clearwater understood me just fine and she listened so well, her intelligent little eyes always creasing at the funny parts and her soft head burrowing into me when I was the most sad. She was my only friend other than Alice.

I thought about trying to smuggle her away, but I had visions of Aunt Esme throwing her out of the house as soon as we arrived. I decided that it was best for her to stay here where, though not loved, she was warm and fed. _Practical_, the echo of Mother's voice intoned. _Neither cats nor daughters need love, only stability._

I sat and pet Mrs. Clearwater until the tears were rolling down my face and into her soft brown and white fur. I scooped her up, held her close and then put her down.

"Go on." I ran my hand along her sleek coat one last time. "Get. I need to go now or Alice will come find me. I won't be back."

She looked at me, her clear eyes gazing up at me. Then she blinked once and turned around. She disappeared behind one of the washers and I felt a small fissure in my heart open up. It was ridiculous to be this sad over a cat. I wiped angrily at my cheeks and stomped back down to our room where Alice was waiting for me. She had a wet rag and a soft towel waiting for me to wash and dry my face because, like Mrs. Clearwater, she knew me.

* * *

I woke up early the next morning with a stiff neck from the curlers and the sound of Alice buzzing around our room. I squeezed my eyes shut against the coming storm from my sister, but it was useless.

"Get up, Sissy," she said, stroking my nose with the tip of her finger. "We have lots to do before breakfast. Come on, Bella, open your eyes."

I opened one eye and stared at her blandly.

"You torture me without reason," I croaked. "My hair will be limp by the time we get on the train."

She shrugged and pulled at my hand.

"Regardless, I'm doing your hair," she said, putting her hand on her hip. "And you are going to thank me afterward."

Her voice could be so forceful that, at times, she reminded me of Mother. It was a silly thought; neither Alice nor Mother would have appreciated the comparison. Still, the comparison was there and it got me out of bed. After plodding back from the bathroom, I sat grudgingly on the straight backed chair as Alice worked through my hair.

"You could be grateful," she said.

"I am," I replied. "However, I can't be as chipper as you are in the morning."

"You need to look forward to things more," she said, pulling through my hair and scooping it up and away from my neck. "You spend too much time frightened of things."

"There is a lot to be frightened of in this world . . ." I muttered.

"That's Mother speaking, not you." She cut me off. "You've never been out in the world, so you wouldn't know what there is to be frightened of."

"Don't be ridiculous, Alice," I snapped, turning my head around sharply. "Women aren't meant to be out in the world."

"Oh, I forgot, Bella. We're supposed to be seen and not heard, viewed and adored behind glass and a gilded cage, but never sullied by the interactions in the real world. Is that right?"

"You make it sound so terrible," I grumbled as she pulled my hair harder.

"That's because it is," she said flatly. "And you're a fool if you think you can be happy like that. Don't you want more out of life than being some man's pretty ornament?"

"It's what I'm made for," I answered stubbornly. "Mother always told us a woman was made to serve a man. We're not their equals, Alice. We can only hope for a man kind enough to allow us to keep house and raise children in peace. So many women don't get that! They get tyrants who expect unseemly favors."

Alice came around in front of me and stared at me.

"Honey, is that what you think?" she asked, kneeling down in front of me and taking my hands. "Do you really believe that marriage is a choice between domestic servitude or sexual abuse?"

I reeled back and away from her.

"Don't be so prudish, Bella. You know what I mean. Not every man who wants to sleep with you is out to hurt you, you know."

"But . . ." I spluttered. "Mother said . . . She _told_ me, Alice. She told me all about the pain and the humiliation."

My face was on fire and I could feel the tears warm in my eyes as I thought back to the lectures Mother gave me about men. I thought about how she told me that my husband would expect certain _favors_ of me that I would have to endure, but that a good man wouldn't prolong the experience. I couldn't believe what Alice was implying.

"Bella, sweetheart, you're too young to be this jaded," she said. "Can't you even imagine a scenario where you might love your husband?"

"What are the chances of that?" I asked, grabbing the handkerchief she was holding out and rubbing at my face vigorously.

"I'll grant you with your attitude and the poison Mother filled your head with, it's unlikely," she said. "But if you'll just open your eyes, Bella, there could be so much more to life than what your allowing yourself."

An echo of Mother's voice filled my head then, reminding me that there were words for women who believed as Alice did. Men called them sluts or whores, but they didn't marry them. If I wanted to be a good girl and get married someday, I wouldn't let her fill my head with nonsense; I'd listen to the sensible advice Mother had given me and I would find someone to take care of me.

Alice sighed and shook her head, going back to fix my hair again.

"I know that look, Sissy. You're not listening anymore. But someday I'm going to get through to you . . . I have to."

She worked harder and faster on my hair and I could almost hear her mind working itself through the problem in front of her. I knew that I was the problem troubling Alice right now. Unfortunately, I was just as worried about her as she was about me. What would Aunt Esme and Uncle Carlisle think of her when they met her? Alice didn't change to suit anyone. Would they think her immoral and beat her the way Mother had? A smaller voice in the back of my head whispered my even greater fear: _Maybe they'll like her better than you_, it said. _Maybe Alice is right and everything you've been told is wrong. Maybe in Chicago __**you**__ will be the target instead of Alice_.

The echo of Mother's voice was so much stronger than my weak wonderings; it drowned out my worry, filling my head with vile thoughts about women who thought as Alice did. I was ashamed of myself, and yet powerless to break free of those thoughts. Alice finished my hair and I got dressed for our trip numbly. The nagging voice was still there, quietly worrying that I wouldn't be good enough for my new family. It continued to nag at me as we boarded the train that morning and plagued my mind for the entire twelve hour trip to Chicago.

I was barely able to concentrate on the passing scenery Alice kept pointing out to me. She was angry with me because I wasn't keeping her company on the long trip and opting instead to write in my journal or stare vacantly out the window. She was excited about our journey and wanted to make small talk with me, something I was never good at. She was speculating about our aunt and uncle when I started to listen to her more carefully.

"I remember Mother comparing me to Aunt Esme once," Alice said.

"Mother talked to you about her?" I asked.

"Oh, you are awake. Yes, she spoke to me of Aunt Esme frequently." Alice was smirking at my sudden interest, crossing her arms and leaning back in triumph.

I leaned forward, interested for the first time, and whispered conspiratorially to her.

"What did she say?"

"She said I reminded her of Aunt Esme. I knew that it wasn't a compliment, but it thrilled me. Aunt Esme is an amazingly strong woman."

"I heard she was brazen," I commented.

Alice snorted. "Of course you did. You only ever listened to what Mother said and never heard what she _didn't_ say."

"Don't be cryptic, Alice. What is that supposed to mean?"

"You know that Aunt Esme married Uncle Carlisle even though Grandmother had picked out a different match for her, right?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.

I nodded, remembering the many times that Mother muttered about her brazen sister as she threw out her letters unopened.

"Do you know what happened to the other man?"

"No, Mother never mentioned."

"But Aunt Esme did," Alice said in sing-song.

"What do you mean?" I gasped. "You've spoken to her!"

"No." Alice shook her head. "But her letters were _fascinating_."

"Alice Swan!" I whispered furiously. "Mother threw those letters out! How did you get your hands on them?"

"She didn't rip them up when she threw them out," Alice insisted. "And besides. Mother never paid attention to me unless I was sassing her. It was very easy to get what I wanted when I didn't open my mouth."

I stared at her open-mouthed; I was at once incredulous that she would go behind Mother's back in such a way and intensely curious about what she had found in those letters. Alice across from me, her little foot tapping expectantly and her smile widening. She was savoring my warring emotions even more than thrill of finally divulging her information about Aunt Esme.

"Well are you going to tell me about it or not?" I asked, annoyed that she was making me beg for the information.

She flashed over beside me, tucking her legs up under herself and grabbing my arm in a vice-like grip. Alice's energy was contagious and I found myself smiling in spite of my reluctance to go against Mother's orders. Her breath tickled my ear as she began whispering furiously about the letters.

"I started stealing the letters when I was about ten," she began, her eyes darting around involuntarily as if checking to make sure we wouldn't be discovered. "That was when Mother started becoming intolerable to me. The day after one of our arguments, I stumbled upon one of Aunt Esme's letters in the trash. I just wondered . . . I wondered if maybe Mother's comparisons were right and I might be able to relate to Aunt Esme. I always felt so alone in that house."

Her voice was so bitter. I tried to imagine life for Alice in a house with a mother who hated her and a sister who, though plain, seemed to do everything correctly. I reached over and squeezed her hand and she smiled at me.

"It wasn't your fault, Sissy," she said. "I just didn't fit in there. Aunt Esme's letters were beautiful daydreams. Do you want me to tell you about her?"

I swallowed loudly, trying to block out the remembered warnings about 'loose' women such as Aunt Esme. Part of me wanted to shut my ears to her story; nothing good could come out of identifying with her. I shook my head to clear my mind of those thoughts; I could tell how important this story was to my sister.

"No?" Alice asked disappointed.

"No!" I said. "I mean, yes, please tell me about her. I'm sorry, I was just trying to clear my head. The train is making me . . . sleepy."

Alice frowned. "You didn't sleep well, did you?"

I smiled and shrugged my shoulders weakly. "I don't know that I'll ever get used to sleeping with curlers, Alice."

"Bella, what am I going to do with you? Your hair looks so beautiful like this!"

"Aunt Esme, Alice. Please tell me?"

She giggled. "Alright, alright. She missed Mother terribly although I could never understand why. From my estimation of their relationship, Mother was positively awful to her."

"She was her sister," I said simply.

Alice squeezed my hand and smiled.

"Yes, I can see that," she whispered. "Anyway, it seemed like Aunt Esme was constantly trying to explain something to Mother. In the first letter I read, she seemed angry at Mother for not writing back to her. I realized Aunt Esme had a story she was trying to tell so I vowed to intercept every letter she sent. She wrote every three months religiously; she never missed a month."

"Did you ever find out her story?" I breathed.

"Of course, silly girl. It just took some time and piecing together. I saved every letter I read so I could go back and figure everything out. Here's what I came up with."

She reached inside her bag and pulled out a leather pouch I had never seen before.

"Alice," I hissed. "Where did you get that?"

"I took it from Mother's room one day so I could hide the letters," she said quickly. "Mother never noticed."

"That doesn't make it right," I scolded.

"Hush, Bella," she said looking at me. "My thievery was the least of what was wrong in our home. Did you know I used to imagine that Aunt Esme would come and rescue me?"

I shook my head furiously, unable to believe that my sister was so unhappy.

"Oh yes," she said, nodding just as furiously. "Mother told me all the time how it was inconceivable that I was her daughter with the way I acted; so I wished I really did belong to Aunt Esme. But all the wishing in the world didn't make life with her any better. I only wish I could make you see . . ." She trailed off, as if thinking of a way to get through to me. She sighed and shook her head. "I have all of the letters here, but I know her story by heart. Would you like me to tell you what I know?"

I looked over at the gathered letters, there must have been more than thirty letters in all. I wanted to read them. However, I wanted to know what Alice saw in Aunt Esme more than anything. I liked to think that if I were the one who Mother beat, I would still love her and respect her for trying to better me. I wondered what Alice could have seen in Aunt Esme to make her wish to live with her.

"Tell me, Alice," I murmured. "I want to hear it from you."

She smiled, clearly happy to be able to share her childhood stories with me after all this time.

"Tell me what you know of Aunt Esme," she began. "I want to know what I'm working with."

I thought back over the tangled pieces of information I had picked up over the years. There wasn't much. I frowned at Alice, annoyed at her for drawing this out further.

"I know the basics," I huffed. "Grandmother and Grandfather had a match picked out for her and she chose to marry someone else."

"Oh, so you don't even know the basics then," Alice muttered, picking at the lint on her dress as she thought through the story.

"Alice," I said a bit more loudly than I needed to. "What do you mean I don't even know the basics? Wasn't that why Grandmother became so angry with Aunt Esme?"

"No, honey, she was disgraced after Aunt Esme divorced her first husband."

I gasped. A divorce? No wonder Mother refused to talk about her errant sister. The shame the family must have felt after the divorce must have been monumental.

"It gets worse. Just try to listen to me without judging her," she pleaded.

I nodded my assent, unable to form words. I was shocked by this revelation and couldn't imagine an explanation to justify these actions.

"Charles Evenson was an older man who knew Esme from an early age. His family was friends with Grandmother and Grandfather for years and they hoped to make a match between Esme and Charles. When Esme was just sixteen, Charles, then twenty-five, began courting her. She never liked him. In her letters, she told Mother that he made inappropriate comments to her while they were courting. His attentions just felt wrong to her.

"On her eighteenth birthday, Charles asked Grandfather for Esme's hand in marriage. Grandmother and Grandfather were ecstatic; Esme was terrified. Something in her cowered from the thought of a marriage with this man. Plans were made, however, and they were married just after Esme's nineteenth birthday. It wasn't long before Charles's true nature came through. Once she lived in his house, Charles began to beat her routinely."

Alice paused, letting the information sink in. Thus far, Alice hadn't really told me anything to suggest why Aunt Esme would seek a divorce. Of course it was awful that she married a tyrant, but so often that was the lot of women. It didn't warrant divorce, only pity from those of us who could potentially share that lot in life. After a deep breath, Alice continued.

"Esme became pregnant only a year after they were married. She was devastated."

"Devastated!" I said. "Why wasn't she thrilled? It's what every woman would want!"

"Think, Bella!" Alice said angrily. "Her husband beat her. She was terrified to bring a baby into that home."

"When you say he beat her . . ."

"I mean he beat her within an inch of death several times," she said grimly. "He was not merely an overbearing husband; he was a monster. He enjoyed her pain. Don't think ill of Esme because she didn't want to bring a child into that world. She wanted a child so badly, but not like that."

I could feel my stomach churning. If what Alice was describing was true, Aunt Esme had been tortured. But to divorce her husband? It seemed unthinkable, even knowing what he did to her.

"Don't judge yet," Alice said, taking my hand. "There's more. Charles didn't stop beating her after she told him about the baby. If anything, the beatings got worse as she got bigger. She feared he was trying to kill both her and the baby. She went to Grandmother, pleading with her to help her, but Grandmother wanted nothing to do with her. She told her she was being unreasonable; she was a married woman now and not her mother's concern. Grandmother told her to go home and be a good wife.

"Esme felt abandoned. She went home and cried on her bed for hours and Charles found her there. He had been drinking and Esme was certain this was be the end. He stormed into their room, screaming and yelling at her, telling her she was a worthless and disgraceful wife. He began beating her, but it was different this time. She knew that he meant to kill her. She tried to run, but he caught her and threw her down the steps."

My hands went immediately to my stomach. "The baby?" I whispered.

"The neighbors called the police when they heard the yelling and the loud banging. They found her crumpled at the bottom of the steps, bleeding profusely. She lost the baby, honey, but she found her light that night. Uncle Carlisle was the doctor who cared for her in the hospital. They fell in love quickly and he was her strength while she went through the divorce."

"What happened to Charles?" I squeaked.

"Nothing," Alice spat. "He snuck away and hid like the coward that he was. After the divorce, no one from Esme's family would speak to her. They felt she should have forgiven Charles when he apologized and gone back with him. Esme was devastated to lose her family and her beloved sister. She hinted in one of her letters that she believed Grandmother hid the truth of what happened from Mother, telling her only that Esme left her husband for another man."

"Well that explains Mother's reaction, then!" I exclaimed. "She didn't know."

"It doesn't excuse her," Alice hissed. "She could have known if she had just opened up one of Esme's letters. Don't you see, Bella? She chose not to know."

"Alice, you're being horrible. Mother couldn't have guessed that story."

"She didn't have to guess," she said, waving the letters in front of me. "The whole story was right here. All she had to do was look, but she wouldn't even do that. It was so easy for her to walk away from her sister. I could never do that to you, no matter what you were accused of."

I hung my head. Alice was right. There wasn't a charge in this world great enough to make me walk away from my beloved sister.

"It's not all sad, Sissy. Esme found her perfect match in Uncle Carlisle. They were married after the divorce was finalized and they had a son of their own. We have a cousin! His name is Emmett and his three years older than me."

How could I have gone my whole life never knowing that I didn't have a cousin? How could I have lived thinking that my aunt was an immoral woman and not the courageous woman whom Alice had idolized for so long? I felt cheated. The tear hit my had before I even realized that I was crying. Aunt Esme's story was so tragic and yet so full of hope! The knowledge of her strength helped to beat down that echoing voice telling me to ignore the story and remember what I had been told. Aunt Esme's story, more than anything Alice had ever told me, made me question my Mother's wisdom.

But her story frightened me at the same time. Aunt Esme _was_ like Alice. What would she think of me, Renee Swan's daughter? She loved her sister it seemed, but would she love what her daughter had become? Would she try to change me and my beliefs? Or would she accept me the way that I am?

I realized that Alice was kneeling in front of me with a handkerchief, her eyes full of tears as well.

"I know, Bella," she said. "It's almost too sad for words, isn't it?"

I nodded, wiping at my eyes and looking around. Quite some time had passed while I considered the effect Aunt Esme's story had on me.

"So you see?" Alice said, her voice pleading. "She's not as bad as Mother made her out to be. Our life isn't going to be as bad as you've been imagining."

I looked at her, unsure how to communicate the dread I was feeling about the coming meeting. I knew that Alice was nothing but excited to finally have her childhood dream come true: she would belong to Aunt Esme, her heroine. But what about me? What would happen once we stepped off the train into a world where my ideas about marriage were clearly in the minority? I wondered what I household run by Aunt Esme would be like and how they would view me.

As if she could read my mind, Alice took my face in her hands and brushed the stray curls behind my ears.

"It's going to be ok, Sissy," she said softly. "We're going to be together and we are going to be loved."

"Of course, Alice," I said softly.

She curled up next to me on the seat again and tucked her arm through mine. She laid her head on my shoulder and began to hum to me. Her melody was soothing and calm; it lulled me into a light sleep as the wheels of the train pushed us closer and closer to Chicago.

* * *

_**A/N: Welcome! Thanks for taking a chance on my new story. This story goes way outside the box for me. Most of my stories are canon and this is quite the opposite. After writing my o/s, An Edwardian Birthday Surprise, I felt compelled to write this larger story telling Bella and Edward's story. This story actually comes many years before the time period of the o/s. First and foremost, this is definately a Bella and Edward story. However, you should know that this won't be a Twilight re-write. I have a story outline in mind and am anticipating about 20 chapters. I hope you enjoy the ride. Please leave a review if you enjoyed it -- or even if you didn't! I'd love to know your thoughts and reading those reviews really help me to improve my craft! Thanks! ~Jen**_


	2. Awkwardly Beautiful Meetings

_In my sweet little Alice Blue Gown,_

_When I first wandered down into town,_

_I was so proud inside,_

_As I felt every eye,_

_And in every shop window I primped, passing by._

**By Joe McCarthy and Harry Tierney (1919)**

_Disclaimer: _I do not own _Twilight_ or any of the characters from the Saga. Stephenie Meyer is the owner of _Twilight_. No copyright infringement is intended. This work and the original ideas presented therein are the sole property of this author.

_A/N: Special thanks to my awesome beta, Belle Dean, for all of her help. Also, if it weren't for the sassy chicks from the WC Playroom, this chapter likely wouldn't have gotten written. Thanks for writing with me: SweetVenom69, Loss4words, beatlefnatic, swimom7, and AmelieGee! Hugs, kisses, and cookies for everyone._

The steady, thrumming motion of the train slowed, startling me out of a fitful dream. I dreamt that I was sitting in the middle of a large bed. Alice was at the foot of the bed as were a number of people I didn't recognize. Although I had never seen them before, my dream self recognized Aunt Esme and Uncle Carlisle as part of the group. They were all staring down at me, shaking their heads sadly. I was talking to them, trying to get them to answer me, but they never said a word. It was frustrating. I was pulling at my hair and shaking my head with exasperation, but still they remained silent and sad. I was getting ready to jump off the bed when the train's slowing woke me.

"Hello, sleepy head," Alice murmured as she rubbed her eyes. Sometime after I had fallen asleep, she had moved back to the other seat in the compartment. I was curled up with my head on my traveling cloak and my neck was stiff.

"Hello," I replied, sitting up and smoothing out my dress. It was much darker than it had been when I last looked around. I thought perhaps the train was already in the station, but I realized quickly how late it must be and how long I must have been sleeping. "What time is it?"

"Going on eight. We're nearly there."

The knot was immediately back in my stomach and I knew the fear was plain on my face. Alice was at my side in a flash, smoothing my hair and whispering to me.

"You need to relax, Bella. This is our family. They _want_ us. They _fought_ to get us. They will _not_ do anything to harm you."

"Alice, I know that," I said, shaking my head. "You don't understand. They're going to love you! I'm just so afraid they won't understand me."

"Honey, why are you worrying about something that hasn't even happened yet? They're going to love you just as much as you think they'll love me."

I nodded, not telling her the truth: they could only really love one of us. I felt certain Aunt Esme would feel an immediate kinship with Alice, a feeling which Alice would naturally return. I doubted Aunt Esme could ever feel that way about me.

"Come on, Sissy," Alice said, pulling on my arm. "The train is stopping. Let's get our things together so we can get right off."

Her excitement was compelling, but not enough to erase my fear. I slowly placed my journal back into my carry on bag and shrugged into my jacket. As I pulled the jacket off the seat, the leather pouch with the letters in it fell onto the floor at my feet, spilling some of the letters onto the floor. Alice dove for it.

"Oh! I nearly forgot about these!"

"I'm sorry," I said, bending over to help her gather the letters. "I should have been more careful."

She smiled at me, squeezing my hand.

"It's all going to be ok. I promise."

"How do you know?" I whispered, gripping her hand tightly.

"I just do. Now come on. We don't want to keep Aunt Esme waiting."

I rolled my eyes at her impatience; the train had barely stopped and no one had exited their compartments yet. But there was little left for me to do except follow behind my sister and pray.

A porter greeted us as we exited our cabin and was leading us off the train to where we would meet Aunt Esme and Uncle Carlisle. Union station was far larger than the station we had left from in Pennsylvania. From the small windows of the train, I could see the massive metal buttresses supporting the mostly glass ceiling. The train shed seemed large enough to house at least ten trains, possibly more. It was overwhelming. I clung to Alice as we made our way off the train.

There was a bustle of activity on the platform, people scurrying around carrying bags and other boxes. The open concrete shed amplified the sounds of men shouting orders at each other. The noise was deafening, making me want to cover my ears. Porters were pushing large carts carrying luggage as well as ushering important passengers through the crowd. With the last observation, I noticed a change in my sister. I watched as she took note of the well-to-do passengers walking behind the porters, shoulders held back and surveying the crowds. She immediately took on their air, smiling at the scene in front of her. This was her stage and she was ready for her entrance.

She shone as she stepped off the train; people stopped and stared at her as she walked by and it just made her smile and stand straighter. She breezed through the crowd and I gawked after her, forgetting to walk with her. In my rush to catch up, I tripped over the last step, nearly stumbling to the ground.

A pair of strong arms caught me, righting me as they broke my fall. I found myself firmly on my feet and clutched in the grasp of a large, strong man. My nose was inches from his chest when I dared to open my eyes. I immediately jerked away from him and looked up into the eyes of a concerned boy. He could be no more than a year or two my senior.

"Miss, are you hurt?" he asked me. I heard Alice calling after me as well. The blood was swirling loudly in my head as I felt the blush rising in my cheeks.

"I'm fine," I said stiffly, stepping back and trying to put further distance between us. Suddenly, he reached out quickly and grabbed my arm, his viselike grip on my arms scaring me badly. I knew I wouldn't be able to pull away from him.

"You don't want to touch that," he said, pointing behind me. "That'll burn you good."

I looked behind me and saw I was within inches of backing into one of the steel pipes on the train. I felt my head swimming in my embarrassment. Suddenly, a pair of cool hands were grabbing my upper arms and pulling me to the side. The boy quickly released me into the arms of my sister and looked after me with concern in his eyes.

"Oh, thank you for catching her fall," Alice said to the young man. "Bella, honey, what were you doing? You could have broken your leg!"

"I'm sorry." I let my head droop onto Alice's shoulder and closed my eyes to the passers-by who were craning their necks to get a look at me. "I was watching you," I whispered.

She giggled and squeezed me tightly.

"Are you going to be alright, Miss?" the boy called after us. Alice stopped immediately and turned around to face him. "I could call someone. They could bring you a chair."

"Oh, no! Please!" I begged Alice to lead me away.

"Thank you again," Alice said, looking at me pointedly.

I murmured a thank you to the young man and stayed glued to my sister. Alice offered a weak apology for my embarrassment which the boy brushed aside, again wishing me well. I heard the exasperated sigh of the porter as we began following him again.

"Where is he taking us?" I asked Alice as we hurried behind the porter.

"To the waiting area, I suppose. That's where people wait. I wonder if Aunt Esme will allow us to get something to eat? I'm starved!"

"Alice!" I hissed. It was so unladylike of her to mention hunger right now. We needed to be polite and cordial to our new family.

"What? Tell me you aren't hungry, little sister. I can hear your stomach talking from here." She giggled as she poked me in the stomach. My embarrassment was slowly fading away as my sister poked and jeered with me in such familiar ways. She always knew exactly how to ease me.

We stepped into a marble atrium filled with wooden benches. Along the white walls were lines of green marble pillars holding up a faux ceiling. The ceiling itself was clean white and edged with large windows. I imagined during the day the entire room would have gleamed with the sunlight. It was really quite beautiful…and completely frightening.

Although the night was thick and deep outside of the station, the electric lights lit up the interior of the station like daytime. People were bustling and greeting each other as though they were simply meeting on the street. There were people dressed in fine clothes walking right next to people dressed in little more than rags. Everywhere I looked, the upper crust of Chicago society was walking side by side with the urchins on the street, neither one taking much notice of the other. I looked around me, looking for a familiar face and only finding my sister. I found she was now clinging to me as tightly as I was clinging to her. The waiting area was overwhelming even for my outgoing sister.

"Alright, Misses," the porter called over his shoulder, pointing and gesticulating with his arms as he showed us where to find things. "Your family should be waiting for you here. Your bags will come in over there. The taxis line up outside that door over there. And you can find a bit to eat there and there. Anything else? Have a good night."

With those words, he was gone. Alice and I called after him, begging him to help us find the family we had never seen before. Alice turned to me as he disappeared into the sea of humanity, her cool clearly cracking. Her lips were pressed together in a thin line, and I could see them threatening to turn downward. She was angry; I could tell this was not how she pictured the start of our new life. Alice always became upset when things did not go according to her plans. I breathed in deeply, mustering courage from somewhere within me.

"Come now, Alice. Uncle Carlisle will surely have picked up people from the train station before. Certainly they won't leave us here."

"But they don't know what we look like, Bella," she said, her lip quivering and revealing the fear hiding underneath of her anger.

I looked around frantically, as if something out in the large waiting room would give me an answer. Though several inches taller than my older sister, I was still at a height disadvantage in the large room. I couldn't see anyone who stood out to me…except for one brown-haired head which seemed to be almost a full six inches above everyone around him. I was looking at the back of this man's head which was covered in tightly cropped curls. My eyes were continually drawn to him, willing him to turn around and look at me. I didn't know why I wanted him to look at me; perhaps because he was the only person who truly caught my attention. As if he could feel the weight of my gaze on him, he began turning, looking for who was staring at him.

"Alice, what does Uncle Carlisle look like?"

"How should I know?" she snapped, looking around wildly. "Aunt Esme never sent pictures!"

"Is he exceptionally tall, do you think? Perhaps with brown, curly hair?" The large man was bending down to someone at his side, saying something and pointing in our direction. He had seen us and something had drawn his interest. I hoped he was either Uncle Carlisle or a police officer. Otherwise, I would have just committed my second serious blunder having only arrived in Chicago a half hour ago.

"I think Aunt Esme wrote in one of her letters that Uncle Carlisle had blond hair," Alice said trailing off. "Why do you ask? My stomach dropped to the floor. The curly haired man was walking quickly this way, staring directly at me with a smile on his face. Beside him, I could see the head of a woman with wavy, brown hair bobbing quickly up and down trying to keep step with his huge strides. As he got closer, he began waving at me.

I tugged on Alice's sleeve and pointed at the towering man coming our way.

"Is that Uncle Carlisle?" I asked.

"Where?" Alice asked, trying to follow my wavering finger. "Oh! I don't know but he seems to know us."

The man was about twenty feet away when he broke out into a huge grin. As he approached us, I could see how gentle his face seemed. I reminded myself that looks were very often deceiving, took a deep breath and tried to prepare myself for anything. I looked beside him and was faced with a vision of my mother.

Well, not my mother exactly. Where Mother's face was lined with worry and grief, this face was open and pure. Where Mother's lips turned down in nearly constant frowns of worry and disappointment, this mouth seemed to turn naturally up. Where mother's eyes were dark and very often angry, these eyes were the lightest, dancing blue. They were almost exactly the same shade as Alice's.

"My cousins, I presume?" the big man said in a deep baritone. His voice, though loud enough to carry over the din, was kind and cautious, as though he wished to put us at ease.

"Cousin Emmett?" Alice choked.

"You know my name!" he exclaimed. "You must be the younger one. Isabella, right?"

She laughed and grabbed my arm, bending over slightly in her relief and mirth.

"No, that's Alice I expect," the woman next to Emmett said. Her voice was like the softest silk. She was looking at Alice and me with open amazement. "And you are Isabella. You look very much like Renee when she was a young girl."

"Aunt Esme," Alice breathed.

I was too stunned that I had picked out my cousin from across the room to be able to speak just yet. Instead, I stood dumbfounded, looking from one to the other. Aunt Esme was gathering Alice into a hug and the large man, my cousin Emmett it seemed, was watching the scene with a smile.

"How did you know I was Alice?"

Aunt Esme shrugged and pulled her tighter. "It doesn't matter how I knew, sweetie. I'm just so glad you both are here! Come, Isabella! Give me a hug!"

I stepped closer to her and allowed her to pull me into an embrace. She smelled of cinnamon and linen. It was a clean, warm smell. Her arms were strong around me and I could feel how deeply she wanted to form a connection with me. I was tentative though. Mother had never been open in her shows of affection; I couldn't remember the last time she had hugged me or Alice. This was strange to have someone who was practically a stranger hug me tighter than my own mother had in a long while.

"I'm so glad you've finally arrived," Aunt Esme whispered in my ear.

"She goes by Bella, actually," Alice informed her as we broke apart.

Esme nodded. "It suits you well," she said finally and turned to her son. "Em, darling, be a dear and get the girls' luggage into the car. We're going to get a table at the restaurant. You both must be starving!"

"Yes, Mother," he said, lumbering off to the baggage pick up.

"You have a car?" Alice asked.

"Yes, dear. Your Uncle Carlisle has a passion for cars. We have the Studebaker with us tonight. It will fit all of your luggage as well as the four of us quite comfortably I'm sure."

Alice was awed into silence and I became speculative. Aunt Esme spoke as though they owned more than one car. Mother would have felt even one car to be an extravagance. To own more than one was just gross excess. How ever could they afford it?

"Thank you for taking us to dinner," I said as we seated ourselves in the nearly empty restaurant.

"But of course, dear! I know they barely carry anything edible on those trains. You must be famished!"

"Where is Uncle Carlisle?" Alice asked, excitement dancing in her eyes.

"At the hospital," Aunt Esme responded, raising her hand to Emmett who was standing at the front of the restaurant. "He is working the night shift this week. He was so sorry that he would be missing your arrival."

"What does he do at the hospital?" Alice asked.

"He specializes in surgery, but is happy to go where he is most needed," Aunt Esme said, her voice trailing off as Emmett reached the table. She smiled up at her son. "That was fast!"

"You two travel lightly!"

"Bella does, anyway," Alice commented with a snicker.

Of course, I blushed in response. Alice was clearly at ease with our new family, but I felt utterly on display, as though every part of me were up for observation and critique. What would they think of my backward style? My clumsiness?

Aunt Esme was a vision of style and grace. She seemed to just exude assurance. It seemed odd to me that a woman who had endured the horrors Alice told me about on the train could sit in a room full of strangers without cowering. Though I sat with perfect posture as Mother had instructed, inside I felt the stirrings of fear. I understood my fear to be a tad irrational; we were with an adult male, chaperoned by our aunt. No one would likely approach us. However, I could not forget the cautionary tales mother used to tell us about licentious men. It made being in public uncomfortable.

Emmett was talking now, his strong voice managing to come off gentle as he asked polite questions.

"What was Carson like?" he asked both of us, looking us in the eye and smiling.

"It was a lovely place," Alice said smiling. "We made a lot of friends there and learned quite a bit as well."

"What subjects did they cover?" Aunt Esme asked, sitting up at once.

"They offered a number of different options for us," Alice said. "I took several art classes as well as cooking, sewing, and pottery."

"What about math? And a language? Didn't they have any requirements?" Aunt Esme seemed to be getting angry about something.

"Well, no…not exactly. We were encouraged to take the cooking, sewing, and home economics classes. I took art and sewing because…" Alice broke off, looking down at her grey dress. "I love fashion," she said softly.

"That's nothing to be ashamed of, darling," Aunt Esme said, reaching across the table and squeezing her hand. "But the other subjects are important as well. We'll have to do a bit of catch up at home for you both in order to keep up with what the schools are offering here."

She pursed her lips thinking.

"Well, I would wager Bella is more than caught up in Literature at least. She is quite the writer and reader!"

Aunt Esme turned to me and smiled. She reached out her other hand and took mine. Her hand was warm and soft.

"That is wonderful to hear, Bella!" she said, looking me straight in the eye. Her gaze was gentle and yet probing, as though she were looking through me. "What are your favorites?"

Immediately I felt the perspiration forming on my forehead. I looked from Aunt Esme's calm eyes over to Emmett's openly interested gaze, and finally to Alice's encouraging face. She seemed to be willing me to speak up.

"I-- Well, I love poetry," I said, looking down at the table.

I was noticing how awkward it felt to have my arm extended over to the side. I wanted to pull it back to myself and wrap my arms around my midsection, but I knew it would be rude.

"What type of poetry?" Aunt Esme asked. There was no exasperation in her voice, simply interest.

Emmett was engaged in a whispered conversation with the waiter, placing our order. Just knowing his attention was diverted for a time gave me a little courage.

"Tennyson is wonderful. And I love Byron and Keats as well."

"_I hold it true, whate'er befall; / I feel it when I sorrow most; / 'Tis better to have loved and lost / Than never to have loved at all._ Tennyson has some wonderful works. I'm sure you will find many of his words in your Uncle Carlisle's study."

I gaped openly at her, surprised to hear the whole of that stanza fall from her lips so effortlessly. Most only quoted the last two lines and they never even knew he was referring to the loss of a dear friend to death. Before me sat a very well educated woman who seemed to be impressed with _me._

"That is a lovely poem," I said. "The "Idylls of the King" are my favorite though."

"Oh! You're a romantic then!"

Alice, blast her, nearly choked on her water. Aunt Esme never batted an eyelash at my sister's poorly hidden laughter. She regarded me evenly, acceptingly.

"I enjoy the distraction which romantic literature provides." I didn't wish to get into an argument with Aunt Esme, nor did I wish to discuss this with Alice at the table, knowing her feelings about my take on relationships. It would be all too inappropriate with our cousin here anyway.

"Is it just poetry then, Bella, or do you enjoy other forms of literature as well?" Emmett asked.

"Bella likes it all!" Alice said enthusiastically. "She always either has her nose in a book or a pen in her hand."

"Do you want to write for a living someday?" Aunt Esme asked.

"I doubt I will have time to write once married with children," I replied.

"I see," Aunt Esme said.

The waiter arrived with a few plates of rich food and Aunt Esme carefully took her hand back first from me and then from Alice. She didn't say another word about Literature or try to question me about my views on marriage again through dinner, but I felt the sting of her short reply immediately. She was disappointed in me. I wondered why it mattered to me so very much.

During dinner we learned that Emmett was nearly finished with law school. He was interning with a lawyer in town by the name of Masen. The family had been friends with Aunt Esme and Uncle Carlisle for as long as Emmett could remember so it seemed a natural choice for him to intern with Mr. Masen when the time came. He enjoyed working closely with Mr. Masen and hoped to one day practice law with him.

"Ed is fabulously respected in the community," Emmett was saying. I found his enthusiasm about practicing law absolutely compelling. "He has this knack for always seeing through the lies and finding the really innocent clients. And he rarely loses. He's been so much help to me."

"The whole family is just wonderful," Esme said, tilting her head to the side. Much to my surprise, Aunt Esme brought out a cigarette case and a book of matches. After lighting her cigarette, she continued. "Alice, how old are you?"

"I'm 17, Aunt Esme. I'll be 18 in December."

"So you have just this last year in school. And you, Bella?"

"I just turned sixteen last month," I replied, wondering where Aunt Esme was headed.

"Edward would be perfect then," she muttered, blowing smoke up in the air.

My stomach dropped. Who was Edward? Why was she bringing him up after asking our ages? Was she considering matches for us already? Over our first dinner? I hoped she wouldn't try to marry my sister off too quickly; I feared that Alice would rebel and try to leave. I looked over at Alice who shrugged her shoulders.

"Don't you think Emmett?" she asked. "Edward is just a year older than Alice. He would be perfect to get girls caught up, don't you agree?"

"Edward is an amazing student," Emmett said, rubbing his chin. "And he's over at the house enough as it is, stealing my law textbooks."

"Don't be rude, Emmett. Edward looks up to you and hopes to follow in your footsteps. Your guidance has been as helpful to him as his father's has been to you."

"I'm only teasing. You know I love him like a brother."

She smiled. "I know. The two of you are very much like brothers."

Alice and I looked between the two of them and then back at each other. We were still quite confused by this exchange.

"I'm sorry, dears! You must be wondering what we're talking about. Mr. Masen has a son just about your age who just graduated from the boy's school and is beginning college. I thought it would be wonderful if he tutored you both, bringing you up to date. I'll have to talk to Elizabeth and Edward tomorrow about his school schedule and try to find a time which will work."

"Tutored?" I stuttered. "By a…boy?"

Esme looked at me, her calm features cracking slightly. She seemed concerned. She stubbed out her cigarette and leaned over toward me.

"I would never leave you unattended, Bella."

Her words were light, but they came with the weight of a promise. She was not making a match for me. She was not forcing me or Alice to court this boy. I realized I had been holding my breath and let it out in an audible whoosh. Emmett remained quiet with what now appeared to be a false smile on his lips. Aunt Esme looked both frightened and sad. She shook her head and then motioned for the waiter. I was shocked to see her pull out her own wallet and pay for the meal herself. With a grown man at the table, it seemed strange to see the lady pay for the meal. Emmet, however, never batted an eyelash at the way his mother took control of the table and the bill.

Emmett ushered us out of the train station and into the nearby car. The night was dark, but the streets were lit with an eerie glow from the overhead street lamps. Our small town outside of Philadelphia didn't have street lamps. Although I despised the dark, I hated the way the lights seemed to cast shadows around the city, lighting things in sinister ways and creating new places for people and things to hide.

We drove to the Cullen residence in silence, Aunt Esme sitting in the front with her son and Alice and I sitting close together in the back of the car. Neither of us were bold enough to tell Aunt Esme that this was our first car ride. Mother thought it unseemly for a lady to drive, so without a man in our lives, we did without.

Although I was still on edge from the unspoken conversation Aunt Esme and I had shared in the restaurant, I was finding it difficult to keep my eyes open on the way to the house. Alice and I were both nodding off by the time the car lurched to a halt in front of a large brownstone. We both blinked looking at it. It seemed nearly as large as one of the dormitories at Carson. It was certainly larger than any of the houses near where we lived before.

"Emmett will bring the luggage in. Girls, I'll show you to your rooms."

"Rooms?" Alice squeaked.

I knew what she was worried about. We had slept in the same room from the time I was born; we had never had separate rooms. Instead of wondering why Alice suddenly seemed scared, Aunt Esme smiled a rather sad smile.

"I figured you were used to sleeping in the same room," she said softly. "I have the beds in the same room. The other room is a dressing room with two large closets for your clothes as well as two desks for your homework. We can spend some time tomorrow and the next day setting things up how you would like them."

She turned and walked to the house, but I was nearly certain she caught Alice's look of ecstasy at the thought of a "dressing" room. I rolled my eyes thinking of the torture she would likely subject me to in said room.

We walked through the house while Aunt Esme flipped on lights and pointed out rooms. The house was enormous, but it was not opulent or ornate. Everything was carefully placed and thought out, creating a comfortable place to live and be. I found myself focusing on small details which caught my eyes. My eyes were particularly drawn to the large room Aunt Esme called the library room. It was filled, floor to ceiling with books. There were no little trinkets or baubles on the shelves; this was a true library where the only things placed on the shelves were tightly packed rows of books. My feet slowed and I stared into the room, my mouth hanging open slightly.

The room was larger than I thought. There was a large desk off to one side and a large ladder attached to the wall. Although the room looked to be a normal size, I felt like I could get lost in the rows of neatly lined books. They were all so beautiful, with multi-colored bindings. I felt overwhelmed by the possibilities the books offered to me. Suddenly, my sister's hand was in mine.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?" she asked.

I nodded.

"And it's all real."

Esme was watching our exchange from the steps, leaning against the banister with a wistful look on her face. I wondered what she thought of us, two sisters who were so different and yet so close. I wondered if she and my mother had been like Alice and I at one time or if they had always had their differences. From the look on her face, I guessed that Esme had fond memories of her sister.

I awoke in a strange, four-poster bed with light streaming across my face. The night before, Alice and I had barely found the energy to get ready for bed. We threw on our night clothes and rushed through our night routine before falling gratefully into bed. After blinking my eyes several times and jogging my memory, I remembered where I was. This was Aunt Esme and Uncle Carlisle's house. Alice and I lived here now.

I looked around the room, seeing it clearly for the first time in the morning light. There was a beautiful painting on the wall of two women. One woman was facing the window and the other woman as brushing the seated woman's hair. There was something so vulnerable and sweet about the way the women were posed together, like they were sharing a secret of some kind. I wondered where Aunt Esme found it.

I looked further around the room and realized I was alone; Alice was not in her bed. I threw the covers off of me and jumped out of bed. I looked at my bed side table where I saw my brush and hair tie. It suddenly dawned on me that I had no idea where my clothes were. When we came into the room last night, we pulled on matching night gowns which Aunt Esme had laid out. Before bidding us goodnight, she had taken our traveling clothes for the wash. I was now without any appropriate clothing to go downstairs.

I felt the blush rising in my face when I heard a familiar fast step outside the door. Alice was coming to rescue me.

"Bella!" she called, hearing me awake. "It's just me, Sissy. Can I come in?"

"Yes, please!" I said.

She came in, fully dressed and carrying my clothes for me. I sighed in relief.

"Where did you get our clothes?" I asked.

"I unpacked our trunks this morning while you slept. You must have been very tired."

"What time is it?"

I ran my hands over my face, trying to clear all cobwebs from my head. The light coming through the window was quite bright.

"It's nearly ten in the morning, sleepyhead." Alice's smirk was quite unflattering and I told her so. In response, she threw my clothes at me.

"Get dressed. We're expecting company for lunch today."

"_We're_ expecting guests?" I repeated.

"Aunt Esme invited two families over for lunch today. Since it's Saturday and everyone is home, she thought it would be the perfect time to introduce us to some of our peers."

"Our…peers?"

"Don't be daft, Bella. Why are you worried?"

"We just got here! We haven't even met Uncle Carlisle!"

"I have," she interjected. "He's charming."

I rolled my eyes at her and stepped past her toward the door.

"Where are you going?"

"To freshen up," I insisted. "I'll be right back to get changed and ready. Then you can tell me everything about everyone we are meeting as I'm sure you already know their entire histories."

Her laughter followed me down the hall. I wasn't really cross with the idea of a luncheon. It had been so long since we had been to any social functions. And, perhaps, meeting some other people would take the pressure off of Alice and myself. I finished in the bathroom and returned the room where Alice had laid out my clothes properly, along with some jewelry and hair accessories.

"Just who is coming for lunch?" I asked suspiciously.

"As I said, two families who are close to Aunt Esme and Uncle Carlisle."

"You're avoiding the question."

"No I am not," she said pouting. "The Hale family is coming. Dr. Hale works at the hospital with Uncle Carlisle. They have two children, twins, about two years older than me, by the name of Jasper and Rosalie. Rosalie is Emmett's intended. They are to be married in four months time!"

I could hear the excitement in her voice. Alice had never attended a wedding before but dreamed often of both planning and attending weddings.

"And? Who else?" I asked.

"And the Masen family will be here as well. You remember Emmett speaking last night about the gentleman he interns for? Apparently the whole family is very close with the Cullens and they will be here as well."

I stared ahead as my sister began to work my hair into place. The curls from yesterday had settled into gentle waves and Alice was pulling all of it back and off my neck. Her fingers were strong and cool in on my scalp.

"Why were you so worried about who was coming for lunch?" Alice asked as she pinned my hair back.

"You will laugh at me," I objected.

She came around in front of me and leaned against the vanity. Her eyes were clearer than I've seen them in a long time.

"Things are not going to be like they were before, Bella. Aunt Esme and Uncle Carlisle don't believe in forcing their children to marry; Emmett and Rose fell in love all on their own. They hope the same for the both of us."

"That's all the more reason for me to worry, Alice," I said, my lip quivering as I thought through the possibilities. "You've always known this is what you wanted. Now that you have this freedom, you could find your dream husband today and leave me tomorrow. I'd be left here not knowing what to do for myself. I've never even dreamt of the possibility of finding a match for myself!"

As I spoke, my voice began to rise higher and higher. A tear spilled out of my eye and onto my cheek and I rubbed at it furiously. All the while, Alice observed me calmly.

"I am not going to leave you tomorrow, though I don't rule out the possibility of finding my match today…or any day for that matter. That's the biggest problem with you, little sister. You are always placing limitations on yourself. You're never exploring the possibilities. What if _your_ perfect match showed up here today?"

"Don't be ridiculous," I said. "Things like that don't happen to people like me."

"Why? Why do you say things like that?"

"Because it's true Alice!" I said angrily. I couldn't sit any longer. I stood up and strode over to the window. I didn't hear her walk over to me but I sensed her presence behind me. "You talk like now that we're in Chicago, suddenly the world is open to us and anything can happen. Do you really believe that?"

"I do," she said firmly, crossing her arms across her chest and jutting out her jaw. "Everything feels…right now. Like we are finally where we are supposed to be."

"That's because this is your childhood dream!" I lashed out at her. "You've always wanted to be here with her! What about me? This wasn't how life was supposed to go for me!"

Alice stared at me, her face blank and angry. I hadn't heard the door open, but suddenly Esme was standing behind Alice with her arm around her.

"Alice, won't you be a dear and help Emmett set out the linens? He never gets it quite right."

Alice nodded, still staring at me. I knew she was angry at me for refusing to share in her dream, but I was angry too. Didn't she see that when her dream came true, my dream all but shattered? She walked out of the room and banged the door harder than she needed to.

"She's angry with me," I mumbled.

"I heard," she said, smiling. "May I?"

She held out the brush and the rest of the pins. I nodded stiffly and walked over to the chair. I sat stiffly, uncomfortable with the intimacy Aunt Esme and I were sharing.

"How was your life supposed to go?" she asked, brushing my hair gently. It was different than when Alice did it, but not unpleasant.

"The usual way," I said. "I was supposed to live at home with Mother until she found the proper match for me and then I would marry. Once married, I would take care of my husband and family."

"All of those things revolve around other people. What do you want for _you_?"

"I don't understand."

"I know, sweetie. That's what is so sad. There is so much more to life than the servitude my mother drilled into me, and it seems your mother drilled into you. Alice says you love to write. Don't you dream of writing someday?"

"I write everyday, Aunt Esme," I said. "My writing is only for me, though."

"What if one day it wasn't just for you? What if one day there was someone who took as much pleasure out of your writing as you did?"

"I don't understand," I said again. "No man will care what a woman has to say."

"The right man will," she said wistfully. "Baby, I know you've been fed a future where your life is supposed to revolve around some man who barely knows you exist except at dinner time. But life doesn't have to be like that. And I know I can't make you see that. I know Alice wants to, but even she can't make you see it. You're going to have to see it for yourself. Just…let yourself see, Bella. Don't close your mind. Can you promise me that?"

It seemed I had no other choice. Everyone wanted me to "look around" and "see what there was to see." I guessed I would need to do so in order to appease everyone. I just couldn't imagine anything or anyone who could change what I had become.

Alice and I had made up within a half hour. She and I never could stay mad at each other for very long. She came back up to the room as Aunt Esme was finishing my hair and we had a tearful reunion. Aunt Esme watched silently.

"Alice, were any of the guests here when you came up?"

"The Masens are here," she replied. "I only saw them as I was coming up the stairs. I didn't think it proper to introduce myself."

"Of course," Aunt Esme said. "We want to introduce you both together. Why don't the two of you finish getting ready and then come down together?"

We both nodded and Aunt Esme left us alone. Alice immediately began simpering with my hair and face, trying to fix the damage from crying.

"Stop," I said. "I'm fine. Besides, you were the one telling me over and over how no one was trying to make a match for me. Don't go proving yourself wrong."

"Bella, darling, you should look beautiful for you, not for any man."

I giggled at her put on tone. I could tell she was trying to sound like Aunt Esme.

"Whatever you say, Alice."

We walked down the stairs to the sound of piano music. Both Alice and I stopped on the steps to listen. It sounded live, as if someone was playing in one of the downstairs rooms.

"Did they hire a pianist?" I asked.

"Aunt Esme said this was just an informal lunch. Why would they hire music for us?"

I shrugged and listened more carefully. The piece was classical, but whoever was playing lent a relaxed almost modern twist to the music. The melody was familiar, but the rhythms were just slightly…off. From the time I was a child, I had always enjoyed piano music. Mother tried to have someone teach me, thinking it would be a graceful skill. I failed. This music was different than anything I had ever heard. It made me want to move with the staccato bass rhythms the pianist was adding. My traitor knees were moving to the rhythm and I quickly stilled my leg. The last thing anyone wanted to see today would be my ungraceful dance steps.

"Shall we go see?" Alice asked.

I nodded eagerly, anxious to see who was reworking the classics in such an intriguing manner.

I hadn't been past the large main staircase last night, so I had to follow Alice into the solarium where the piano music was coming from. We walked quietly into the room, surprised not to see anyone except the lone pianist there. Alice continued into the room, intrigued by the boy behind the piano but I froze.

The young man sitting behind the piano was like nothing I had ever seen before. The light from the window wall behind him came in in golden shafts that seemed to set his hair on fire. It was the most unique shade of bronze. As he played, he kept his eyes closed and a near beatific smile on his face. He moved his upper body in time with the music, his unruly hair falling in and out of his face.

I stepped forward, wanting to get closer to the music. I kept telling myself over and over again it was the music which was drawing me in. I was so focused on the beautiful piano player, I didn't see the plant holders lining the side of the room. My foot caught in one of the holders, causing three of the empty pots to clatter the ground. I followed quickly after.

The music stopped abruptly and too quickly I was being lifted to my feet by a pair of warm hands. I looked up into eyes the color of jade flecked with ebony and gold. They were fascinating in themselves. I had to shake my head in order to clear the haze.

"Are you alright?" he asked.

I nodded, my head feeling light.

"You took quite a spill; are you sure I can't help you to a seat?"

I was never more ungrateful for my propensity to blush. I couldn't help the torrent of red I felt creeping up my neck as I listened to his words and watched his mouth move. I immediately chastised myself for being so immoral as to watch a stranger's mouth move. It was unthinkable. I vaguely recognized that he was still talking and that he had let me go; something within me that I didn't recognize was sad not to feel his too-warm hands on me any longer

"I didn't expect anyone to come in here," he said, running a hand through his hair and smiling. "I was just stealing some time on the baby grand before lunch time. Dr. and Mrs. Cullen are so kind as to let me play whenever I come over."

"And you are?" Alice's voice broke through my hazy thoughts.

"Oh, I'm very sorry. I'm Edward Masen."

"Edward, how nice to meet you!" Alice exclaimed. "Aunt Esme has told us much about you. I'm Alice Swan."

"A pleasure, Alice." He turned back to me and favored me with another crooked smile that made my heart stop for just a second. "You must be Isabella. It's so nice to make your acquaintance."

"Likewise," I stuttered inanely.

Alice took pity on me and grabbed my arm, anchoring me to her. Once in Alice's grasp, I found my head again. _Beautiful young men who play piano and go to law school do not seek to court plain, orphaned young women,_ I admonished myself. It just does not happen in real life. Men such as him court and marry attractive women with whom they have beautiful children and live in stately homes. I reminded myself that to hope for a anything such as that in life would only lead me to disappointment and heartache. It was much more practical to forget Edward, with his tousled copper hair and his deep green eyes before I allowed myself to get hurt.

Lunch was lovely and went by quickly, everyone chatting and exchanging pleasantries. I found myself having difficulty concentrating at times, mostly when Edward was speaking. I sighed inwardly. I would never hear the end of this from my sister, I was sure. The day seemed over all too quickly and I realized that our guests were getting ready to leave. The Masens were the last to leave and to my great surprise, Edward walked directly over to me.

"I hope you don't find it too forward of me to say I am looking forward to tutoring you?"

"No, of course not," I said, thankful to have found my voice after failing so miserably at speaking to him earlier this afternoon. "I appreciate you agreeing to help my sister and me. You must be very busy."

"It's no trouble at all. May I look forward to seeing you in a few days then, Isabella?"

"Bella," I whispered. "I prefer Bella."

He stared at me for a moment and I worried that I shouldn't have corrected him. He then broke out into another smile and my face flushed almost immediately.

"Until Saturday…Bella."

**_A/N: Enter Edward. :) So, how are you liking Bella now? I know that a few of you had some difficulty connecting with her. I guess that is to be expected; her ideas are thankfully quite foreign to us nowadays. So, I realize I was vague about lunch...that was intentional. I was thinking...it might be fun to hear from Edward, don't you think? Who's up for a little EPOV? Everyone who wants to hear from the bronze haired, piano god, push the review button!_**

**_I just wanted let you all know that I will be submitting a one shot to the Fics for Nashville fundraiser along with about 80 other talented authors. All you need to do is donate five dollars or more to one of the approved charities and you will get access to ALL of the stories submitted. This is just our way of thanking you for donating to a charity which needs our help so much. Anything you can give will help._**

**_Thanks so much for reading! ~Jen_**


	3. The Perfect Afternoon Lunch EPOV

_Music is a language lovers understand_

_Melody and romance wander hand in hand_

_Cupid never fails assisted by a band_

_So if you have something sweet to tell her_

_Say it with music_

_Beautiful music_

_**Say it with Music, Irving Berlin (1921)**_

_Disclaimer: _I do not own _Twilight_ or any of the characters from the Saga. Stephenie Meyer is the owner of _Twilight_. No copyright infringement is intended. This work and the original ideas presented therein are the sole property of this author.

_A/N:_ Special thanks go again to my amazing beta, Belle Dean, for her careful attention to detail. Her help has really taken this story to the next level and I am so grateful to be able to work with her. Also, much love to BMSequestrian for pre-reading this story for me. I value your advice so much!

_**EPOV**_

"Edward Anthony Masen!" Mother called. "What in heaven's name is taking you so long? I said I needed you down here!"

I strolled into the kitchen where she was standing over the sink, her eyes shut tight and her lips pressed together. I crept up behind her.

"That was less than five minutes ago, Mother, and I am right here," I said.

Her green eyes flew open and she let out a tiny shriek which dissolved into laughter.

"You're quiet as a cat, Edward," she scolded. "You shouldn't sneak up on your mother like that; it's impolite."

"And you ought to have a little faith in your son," I responded. "Where's Father?"

"He's just getting dressed. You remember, of course, that we are going over to the Cullen's house this afternoon?"

"Oh, right, I had forgotten. Was there a reason or just to get the families together?"

"Honestly, Edward, do you listen to anything I tell you?" she asked, shaking her head.

"Occasionally," I said.

She rolled her eyes and swatted at me with a towel.

"Stop being cheeky. The Cullen's are hosting a luncheon to welcome their nieces to Chicago. The girls have just arrived from Philadelphia and they lost their mother to the flu."

I shuddered, remembering. The influenza outbreak was still fresh in everyone's mind, perhaps mine more than most. I was sick for almost three weeks with the dreaded flu. The fever was so severe that it ate away at my memories of those weeks. The lucid times I _do_ remember were the worst; Mother tended me constantly and lived in fear that I would succumb to the disease. Hearing her cry over my bed was perhaps the hardest thing I had to endure during those weeks.

"I want you on your best behavior, Edward," Mother continued. "Esme says these girls have had a difficult life. She wouldn't elaborate, but there was something about her face…it didn't sit well with me at all."

"I'm always a gentleman," I teased. Her face never even hinted at a smile; my own slowly faded away. "It's that bad, Mom?"

She nodded, wringing her hands in her apron. Father came into the kitchen then.

"What's all this serious talk?" he asked jovially.

"We were discussing the luncheon today…and the girls," Mother explained.

"Oh, yes, I wanted to speak with you about that, Edward," he said more seriously. "Emmett says his mother is very concerned about the girls…it seems their mother was a sort of tyrant. She has no idea what to expect when they arrive."

I looked back and forth between my parents. Both of their faces were clouded with worry. What could have happened to these girls to make all of the adults so anxious? What weren't they telling me?

"You can't be flip with these girls, Edward, the way you are with so many other girls," Mother continued. "Esme wouldn't speak ill of her deceased sister, but she had no kind words for her either. Apparently the school where the girls resided was particularly concerned about the youngest girl, Isabella. They said she was entirely too introverted, never spoke to anyone except her sister. These girls are fragile, Edward. Do you understand?"

I nodded, at a loss for words. Many of my peers were beaten liberally by their parents; it seemed to be standard practice. I thought of Jasper's stories of his father and the strap he used on both twins and I shuddered. Still, neither Jasper nor his sister Rosalie were physically or mentally scarred from their parents' form of discipline. It was simply the way punishment was handled in their house. I had never met anyone, however, who had been truly abused by their parents. This is what these girls seemed to have endured. I felt for them, especially knowing how difficult it must be for them, adrift in a city they didn't know living with family they have didn't know. They must be petrified.

"I'll do my best, Mother," I said solemnly.

She reached up, stretching on tip-toes, to ruffle my hair.

"I know you will, son. You're a good boy; I didn't mean to imply otherwise."

Mother turned back to the counter and began moving dishes around nervously. Father cleared his throat and walked over to find the morning paper. Something was bothering my parents—something more than the hint of abuse. They had something uncomfortable they needed to discuss with me.

"May I ask why you are both making such a point of this to _me_?" I asked as I picked up an apple. "This is just lunch; I can't scare them so very much over lunch—can I?"

"Well, about that…" Mother hesitated, worrying her lip with her teeth. "Esme called me this morning…it seems the girls are quite behind in their studies and are in need of a tutor."

"And you both thought I would be the perfect candidate to act as tutor I assume," I said, crossing my arms.

"Well, you're just beginning university and your course load isn't terribly heavy." Her voice was rising with emotion as she began thinking of reasons for this to work. "Father says you won't begin your law studies until next semester at the earliest. The courses can't be very difficult for you, can they?"

"Well, of course not," I said. Worry was curling through me now; I recognized this tone. Mother had _plans_ concerning me and one of these girls.

"Good, then you won't mind spending a few afternoons a week tutoring the girls," she concluded. "And, if something were to come from these meetings…if perhaps you chose to _court_ one of these girls…you know I wouldn't object."

"You've just gotten done telling me how timid these girls are, detailing how difficult their life has been, and now you're talking about the possibility of me courting one of them? I'm confused, Mother."

"There's nothing to be confused about son," she said. "I'm simply saying that should the fancy strike you, you should keep your mind open to courting one of these girls. Lord knows they could use some happiness in their lives."

"So we've gone from your advice of 'be careful around them, Edward,' to 'why don't you court them, Edward?'" My voice was sarcastic, a quality which I knew grated on her nerves. She immediately stiffened her shoulders and faced me with her blazing, green eyes.

"Why is it always a fight with you?" she asked, her voice barely above a whisper.

"I'm not trying to fight with you," I argued. "I simply don't understand how we've gone from treating these girls with kid gloves to tutoring them, unchaperoned, and finding a…a _mate_ for me."

"Now, son—." Father began speaking, but Mother cut him off.

"Who said anything about being unchaperoned, Edward?" she said, her voice darkening. "You won't be alone with these girls, I can assure you of that."

Honestly, I had no reason not to tutor Mr. and Mrs. Cullen's nieces. Mother was right; my course load was light at the moment and I was having no difficulty keeping up with the work. Still, I couldn't help the sneaking suspicion from creeping into my mind that perhaps my mother had more in mind than just tutoring.

"This is the right thing to do for these girls," Mother continued. "They need our help and I won't _allow_ you to turn your back on them because of your stubborn refusal to court anyone."

I chose to ignore her comment on my stubbornness; it was hardly my fault that everyone she set in front of me I found insipid. I wanted to understand all of Mother's motives behind her insistence on this tutoring. Mother could be…persistent. So could Mrs. Cullen. I truly was trying to look out for these girls; if Mother and Mrs. Cullen set their minds on seeing one of the girls with me, they would pester the both of us incessantly.

"Mother, can you assure me that this is _only_ about tutoring?" I said warily. "You and Mrs. Cullen aren't plotting again, are you?"

She threw her hands up in the air dramatically, her auburn hair escaping the tight bun at her neck and curling around her chin.

"Honestly, Edward, I don't know how I can do right by you," she exclaimed, a faint Irish lilt infusing her voice as her temper boiled just under the surface. "I tell you the girls are timid, you make jokes. I tell you they are behind in their studies, and you think I'm trying to marry one of them off. I tell you Esme wants to keep them safe, and you think we're conspiring together! Jesus, Mary, and Bride, Boy, you'll be the death of me."

My father and I exchanged knowing glances. She was getting into her stride now, her cheeks blazing red and her green eyes darting between the two of us, looking for any sign that we weren't listening.

"Help me, Ed! Tell your son why this is the right thing for him to do! Obviously nothing I say to him ever gets through that thick skull of his."

She turned away from us, dusting the counter but listening to every word we exchanged.

"Edward, your mother is right, son," he said, looking pointedly above me. "You are the right person to handle this delicate situation. You should be honored that Mrs. Cullen trusts you with her precious nieces."

"I am," I said.

"And you oughtn't take the responsibility lightly," he continued. "The future success of these girls is resting on your shoulders."

I sighed.

"Of course I'm not taking it lightly," I said through gritted teeth. "I just wonder if perhaps Mother was hoping for more to happen than studying."

"Why must you treat the thought of finding a match like a dreaded disease, Edward Anthony?" Mother intoned, bending her head over the counter.

"Perhaps it's not the thought of finding a match that galls me so, but your continued interference, Mother." I pitched my voice low, speaking in a whisper, but she still heard me…and so did my father.

"You will not speak to your mother in such a manner, young man," he said, his voice severe. "Go to your room until it is time to leave."

"You can't send me to my room!" I nearly shouted at him. "I'm eighteen years old!"

"I can and I will. Now go. We'll discuss this later."

Neither his voice nor his features brooked any response from me. I turned and went up the steps to my room, slamming the door behind me.

I knew she meant well, constantly putting girls in my path in the hopes that they might interest me. It could be worse; she could be forcing me to court the young women she set in front of me. Worse still, she and Father could make a match for me, regardless of my own choice. Perhaps the freedom they had given me had spoiled me. I balked at the thought that I needed my mother's interference to find a wife…it didn't sit well with _me_. I wanted the choice to be mine.

Though it might seem terribly romantic, I felt I would know her when I found her. I thought there would be no doubt about what I wanted when indeed I found it. It was terribly juvenile of me, but I didn't want my mother involved in the match. It seemed less honest to me for some reason.

I stretched out on my bed, lying on my back and looking up at the sunlight as it crept across the ceiling. We would be leaving shortly for lunch. My punishment wasn't harsh considering the words which had been exchanged. He could have been much harsher, even pulling out his rarely used strap. Father didn't tolerate disrespect and handled it harshly.

I was beginning to believe he sympathized with my stance about marriage. Father told me once about meeting Mother and knowing immediately that she was the woman for him. Perhaps his experience influenced my ideas about what it would be like for me. Still, like my mother, he worried that I would spend my life alone because of my own stubbornness. At least I knew where my stubbornness came from; I didn't _only_ inherit my mother's green eyes and auburn hair. I got her Irish temper as well. Mrs. Cullen often teased Father that the only thing he contributed to my personality was a desire to pursue a law degree.

About an hour later, I heard a soft knock on my door and knew it was my mother.

"Come in," I answered, sitting up on the bed.

My mother opened the door and stood in the doorway. She had changed into a lavender colored tea dress with light green highlights. Her hair was loose, but out of her face and she had put on her favorite emerald necklace.

"This is very important to you." I stood up as she entered the room, smoothing my trousers and clearing my throat.

"The Cullens are like family, Edward." The tears I knew she had cried when I slammed my door were thick in her throat. "I've never seen or heard Esme more distraught than when she spoke of these girls. I feel for her and for them."

"I'm sorry I continue to disappoint you," I said, frowning and avoiding her heavy gaze.

She came into the room and sat on my bed, smoothing her dress over her knees as she sat. Her eyes, like mirrors of mine, were deep and full of emotion.

"You've led a very sheltered life, baby," she said softly, reaching up and brushing a stray hair out of my eyes. I repressed the urge to roll my eyes at her tone and the juvenile name she used. "The things you've seen…well, they don't amount to much in this world. These girls have known the most dangerous type of love a mother can show to her children."

I furrowed my brows, trying to understand the concept of a dangerous love.

"I'm not only talking about violence here, Edward," she explained. "Esme told me about her childhood once and you know about her time…before Carlisle."

We all knew about Mrs. Cullen's past. The Cullens were both dear friends of the family, and my godparents. They _were _family and we knew even the darkest of their family secrets. Word travels quickly and most of the neighborhood knows something about Esme and her former husband. Some of the girls we knew looked up to her, calling her the "new" woman. I had only ever known her as a happy, loving woman who treated me like a second son. But I knew of her past and the life Dr. Cullen had helped her leave behind. Emmett wouldn't speak of his mother's past. Though possibly the gentlest person I know, I saw him get into numerous fights in the school yard to defend his mother's honor.

"Has it never struck you that we've never met Mrs. Cullen's family?" Mother asked me.

"Emmett said they lived far away and didn't visit often," I answered.

"They live in the next town over." Her voice was harsh and her features twisted in anger. "They disowned Esme after she divorced her first husband. She had no contact with them after that, though she wrote them and her sister for years after. None of them would speak to her; they blamed _her_."

"But…she was attacked," I said.

"Yes, son, she was attacked…by her husband. Esme's family believed that as her husband he had every right to treat her the way he did. They said she was wrong for leaving him and she was immoral for finding another man so quickly. Tell me, if their mother was raised to believe her own sister was a harlot for running away from that type of abuse, what do you think these girls were raised to think of themselves? Or of their possibilities for marriage?"

I couldn't fathom what my mother was trying to tell me. From what I could gather, Mrs. Cullen's family _knew_ she had been attacked and…didn't care. They condemned her for protecting herself. I couldn't imagine the kind of person who would wish that type of life on anyone, let alone their own child or sister. I looked back up at my mother.

"You see, son?" she asked. "It's not just that I want you to be married…I fear for these girls. They are already so grown up. Who knows what poison that woman has filled their heads with, God rest her wretched soul."

My eyes widened at her words. It wasn't like her to speak ill of the dead. Whatever Mrs. Cullen had said to her must have affected her deeply. She reached over and squeezed my arm.

"I know this is a lot to take in," she said, winding her fingers through mine. "I just want you to understand that this isn't as simple as two mothers taking an interest in their children's romantic life. Your father was right when he said the girls' future depends a lot on the tutoring you will be providing. Think how beneficial a positive experience with a man could be for them."

"Mom, I'm so sorry," I said, squeezing her hand before standing up.

I walked over to my window and looked out over the perfectly manicured lawns and pristine brownstone buildings on our street. Searching behind the carefully painted, wrought iron fencing of our neighbor's homes, I wondered what dark secrets my neighbors might be hiding behind those walls and fences. I wondered if I had been blind my whole life to these kinds of abuses or if my parents had just worked very hard to hide it from me.

"I just couldn't even imagine that type of life," I continued. "I'm sorry I jumped to conclusions."

"Edward, I wouldn't expect you to anticipate that kind of story," she said. "There's a reason we live in this neighborhood and keep the friends that we do. We want your life to be as simple as it can be; we don't _want_ you to have to deal with these harsh realities. But I know you; I know you would want to be the best_ friend_ you can be to these girls. That's why I'm telling you this."

The confidence that my mother had in me was both inspiring and frightening. She seemed to be putting so much faith in my ability to bring these girls out of whatever shell their mother had encased them in. I didn't know if I was as confident as she was.

The Cullen's house was far more opulent than our house. Mrs. Cullen had an eye for design and she enjoyed filling the house with interesting architectural details. Also, it was far larger. Dr. Cullen did well for himself at the hospital and enjoyed allowing his wife free reign to decorate. She made the house both visually stimulating and comfortable to be in. I very much enjoyed spending time in their house.

"Edward! Elizabeth! Come in, come in!" Dr. Cullen greeted us at the door, gathering Mother in for a hug and shaking hands with Father. "And Edward," he said, coming over to me. "So good to see you, son."

"It's good to see you too, Dr. Cullen," I said.

Over Carlisle's shoulder, I caught a glimpse of one of the smallest girls I had ever seen. Her features were striking. Her face was drawn in sharp lines, but they were far from severe. She was walking slowly up the stairs, casting glances over at our family as she went. From her size, I gathered that she must be the youngest girl…Isabella, my mother had said. She seemed more curious than timid, however. When she caught me staring at her, she waved shyly and ran up the rest of the steps. I shook my head, confused. She didn't seem overly introverted to me. In fact, her little wave was almost coquettish.

"Come in and join me for a drink before lunch," Carlisle said. "You'll have to excuse Esme; she is helping the girls get ready."

"Of course," Mother said, nodding her head sympathetically.

"Esme is just so thrilled to have two girls to cluck over," Carlisle said laughing. "I've never seen so many different colored bows and ribbons in my life than I have in the weeks before the girls arrived."

"Ahh, so lovely," Mother said. "She must be so happy to have her family closer to her."

Carlisle cleared his throat, a dark cloud of emotion passing over his face. He smiled quickly and clapped me on the shoulder.

"I'm guessing you'd like some time on the piano, Edward?" Carlisle asked with a smirk.

While I was happy to spend some time on their baby grand, I guessed at Carlisle's reasons for offering now. There were things to be discussed…and I was not invited to that discussion. I nodded my assent and walked off to the solarium.

The conversation with my mother earlier today, followed by the revealing conversation in my room, made me uncomfortably aware of everything that was going on around me. As I walked through the large house, I listened carefully, almost expecting to hear the soft crying of a fragile young girl who was petrified of meeting so many new people. I shook my head as I entered the solarium and then smiled at the sight of the baby grand.

I loved this piano, much more than I probably should. I loved where it sat in the room so that natural sunlight poured in over the keys and warmed the air around the piano. I loved the way the old ivory felt under my fingers, like living bone. The keys gave under my fingers like they were somehow aware of the melody I wanted to play. Even the pedals responded to the lightest touch of my foot as I played, swirling the notes together.

Mother had enrolled me in piano lessons when I was just six years old. I loved it even then, though I hated to practice on our dusty, out of tune upright. Our house was by no means small, but it was older than the Cullen house. The rooms were smaller and didn't have the space for a baby grand piano. As a small child I loved sitting behind the huge instrument and watching my small hands make music on the keys. Even now that my hands were larger and seemed to fit the keyboard, I was entranced by the way something so big responded to my touch.

Lately, the classics weren't enough for me. Some of the boys in my study group had been listening to the new Jazz music and it had seeped into my subconscious and I found the rhythms haunting me whenever I sat down at the piano. Today was no exception. I lent my own jazzy interpretation to Mozart's seventeenth Sonata for piano.

The piece was really perfect for modification; it's waltzing melody interspersed with runs and arpeggios allowed me to swing the melody and embellish the piece when I wanted to. I closed my eyes and let the music wash over me, swaying my body to the rhythm as it filled the room. I was completely entranced with the music, ignorant of my surroundings. In the escape the music provided, I was able to forget the weight of the words exchanged today.

I didn't hear anyone come in until a loud noise announced my audience's presence. My eyes flew open to see the most beautiful girl I had ever laid eyes on tumbling forward on top of an over-turned planter. My eyes were drawn immediately to her rosebud lips, drawn back in a shocked expression as she fell. Even in shock, her porcelain features were striking and beautiful. I was up and across the room before I thought twice about what I was doing. She had fallen and scraped her hand on the side of the wrought iron planter, leaving an angry looking welt on her pale skin. I knew this must be one of the sisters. I vaguely registered that the other young lady I had spied as we arrived was somewhere near us…watching my movements; however, the only concern I had was for the safety of the girl in front of me.

I reached down, grabbing her gently around her upper arms, and pulled her to standing. She raised her head slowly, as if in a daze. _Had she hit her head?_ I wondered, as she turned her eyes questioningly up toward my face. Her eyes were the deepest shade of brown I had ever seen, barely discernable from her dark black irises. But within the rich, chocolate depths, I could see flecks of lighter brown swimming with yellows and even greens. Her eyes were wide and stunned as she looked up at me. She shook her head once. I wanted to hear her speak; it seemed essential in order to determine if she was truly injured. I convinced myself it had nothing to do with simply wanting to hear her voice.

"Are you alright?" I asked, leaning my head in closer to her.

She pulled back slightly and nodded quickly. Her eyes seemed to dilate slightly and I worried that she might faint from the fall. I resisted the urge to pull her closer in order to steady her, but held her arm as tightly in my hand as I dared.

"You took quite a spill; are you sure I can't help you to a seat?" I asked.

She shook her head. It was a small movement, but ferocious. Suddenly, my mother's warnings from this morning were ringing in my head. I reminded myself that the girl was probably scared senseless of me. I reluctantly pulled my hands away from her and immediately missed the feel of her soft arm in my hand. Needing something to do with my empty hand, I ran it through my hair. I floundered for something to say to her as she continued to stare at me with her wide, deep eyes.

"I didn't expect anyone to come in here," I said, angry with myself at the sheer stupidity of my statement. I hoped she wouldn't think I was angry at her for listening to me play. "I was just stealing some time on the baby grand before lunch time. Dr. and Mrs. Cullen are so kind as to let me play whenever I come over."

"And you are?" A sharp voice behind me pulled my eyes away from the girl in front of me.

I turned to see the girl who had waved at me from the steps. She was smirking at me now, darting her eyes back and forth between me and the girl.

"Oh, I'm very sorry. I'm Edward Masen," I said.

If possible, the girl's smirk got wider. I wondered what she could possibly be thinking. _What about my name was so funny?_

"Edward, how nice to meet you!" she said, smiling widely with her eyes sparkling. "Aunt Esme has told us so much about you. I'm Alice Swan."

_Alice?_ I thought. _She's the older one? Lord in heaven, I'd been manhandling the young, frightened one._ I was not off to a good start with the Cullen's young nieces.

"A pleasure, Alice," I murmured. I turned back to the girl, _Isabella_ I remembered my mother saying. I smiled warmly at her. "You must be Isabella. It's so nice to make your acquaintance."

Her eyes became unfocused and I steadied myself in case I needed to catch her again. She hadn't spoken yet; perhaps she was so overwhelmed with fear that she might lose her balance again.

"Likewise," she murmured. Her voice was light, but deeper than her sister's. In just that one word, I could hear that she would have a lovely singing voice. I wondered if I would ever hear her sing. I shook my head as Alice came forward and took her sister by the arm, smirking over her shoulder at me as she walked toward the dining area. I would need to watch Alice carefully; her smiles worried me.

We entered the dining room to find the Hale twins, Jasper and Rosalie sitting at the table along with Emmett. None of the parents were anywhere to be seen. Emmett was sitting close to Rosalie; much closer than he would have dared had any of the adults been present, and whispering in her ear. She was giggling into her napkin as he spoke and I saw his finger trace a line up her bare arm. Jasper caught my attention and rolled his eyes in the direction of his sibling.

Emmett looked up with a raised eyebrow.

"I see you've managed to meet my cousins, Edward," he said, squeezing Rose's arm quickly and then stood up to recognize the presence of the two girls. Jasper followed suit and I noticed where his gaze rested: on the small form of Alice Swan.

"Alice, Bella," Emmett said formally. "May I introduce you to my fiancé, Rosalie Hale, and her brother, Jasper?"

The girls curtsied formally to both Rose and Jasper. Alice's eyelids remained lowered as she curtsied to Jasper, but I saw her blushing under his gaze. I also noticed that Emmett had called Isabella _Bella_. I wondered if that was just his casual nature, or if that was her preference. I would ask her…later. For now, she would be "Isabella" to me.

"It's a pleasure to meet you," Jasper said formally.

Emmett sat back down and motioned the rest of us to sit around the table, the formalities clearly over with.

"The parents are out in the kitchen, probably sharing a drink and a fag or two," he said casually. "They'll be out when their done dishing all the dirt and talking about the wedding."

He pulled on one of Rose's carefully arranged curls, earning another giggle from her. I noticed Isabella's sharp intake of breath when Emmett mentioned drinking and cigarettes. She was watching the exchange between Emmett and Rose now, looking at his hand as it stroked her hair and the way Rose playfully swatted his hand away. She looked both curious and confused at their interaction. I couldn't blame her; the two of them confounded me on a daily basis.

"You're being positively rude, Emmett Cullen!" Rosalie exclaimed. "I want to meet my future cousins in law now, so stop!"

She sighed dramatically and looked over at Alice and Isabella expectantly.

"Men," she said, leaning across the table to them. "They can be such brutes. Now, tell me, are you ladies settled in comfortably?"

Isabella's head bobbed up and down as she watched Rosalie's red lips. She seemed unsure of how to take Rosalie's interest. Alice, on the other hand, looked positively intrigued by Rose. She leaned forward, gushing over the details of the rooms she and Isabella were sharing and all the things she had seen so far.

"But have you been shopping yet?" Rose said seriously.

Alice's eyes flew open at the thought.

"Is it good here?"

"The best, baby," Rose responded, nodding her head. "And there's no one better to go shopping with than Esme; she has the best taste in all of Chicago."

Bella drew in a soft, shocked gasp when she heard Rose address Mrs. Cullen so casually. I happened to know that this was a recent development, starting from the time that Emmett proposed. I assumed, however, that this was somewhat disturbing to someone as formal as Isabella seemed to be. Rose never even took notice of her, though. In fact, it seemed like the rest of the table had forgotten about Isabella…except for me.

I was hyper-aware of her every move and breath. I recognized that this was slightly unusual for me. While I was always fairly observant about the people and things around me, I was never so attuned to one person, especially not one female. Usually, girls just didn't interest me for very long. This girl, however, had completely captivated my attention. I attributed this to my concern for her well being; she had taken a rather nasty fall.

As Alice and Rose continued to discuss the shopping possibilities around downtown Chicago, I watched Isabella's deep brown eyes drop to her lap where she was fidgeting with a napkin. She would bunch it up and then smooth it out again, repeating the pattern over and over again. Her rose colored lips pouted as she listened to her sister's excited conversation. Though she never looked up, I was certain she was taking in every word. Occasionally, when Alice would mention something about going out, Isabella would chew on her bottom lip nervously and dart her eyes to the side, almost flinching in anticipation of…something. I wondered if she was worried that Alice wouldn't ask her to go with them. Or, if she was worried that Alice _would_ ask her to go with them. Either way, the conversation seemed to be troubling her greatly.

A lock of Isabella's hair had fallen out of her loose bun and into her face. From behind the drape of her hair, I noticed her darting glances in another direction; she was looking at me. My heart fluttered in my chest, surprising me. A blush was pricking at my cheeks as I realized she was catching me staring intently at her. I couldn't stop the small smile that was forming at my lips; she was looking at me. _Perhaps I was not alone in my fascination?_ No; I couldn't think like this. It would be wrong to interpret anything of the sort with a young woman as fragile as Isabella must be. Luckily, at that very moment, all of our parents entered the room in a swirl of laughter and smoke. After that, formal introductions began and we returned to our roles as children.

Isabella was fascinating me. She never spoke more than a sentence or two at a time, but it was clear she was both well read and intelligent. She had ideas, though she balked at voicing them. I could almost hear them in the tone of her voice as she responded to questions. Always respectful and agreeable, when someone mentioned a story or poem she didn't particularly enjoy, her nose would twist upwards involuntarily and she would sigh before she agreed that, "Yes, that's a lovely poem." I had to stop myself from chuckling at her thinly veiled disdain so many times during the lunch.

All the while, there were small conversations going on around the table. Alice and Jasper were equally smitten with each other—that seemed quite clear. Alice gave him doe eyes every time the adults looked away from her and Jasper would return the favor with a wide smile. Their attempts at subtle flirting were terribly hidden. Mrs. Cullen had noticed and smiled widely when she saw Jasper respond to Alice. Mr. Hale, on the other hand, was not as indulgent. He expected as good a match for his son as Rosalie had made for herself. Though Alice and Isabella technically belonged to the Cullens, the Hales couldn't know whether or not they would come with the Cullen money as well.

I very nearly rolled my eyes at the thought. Whitmore Hale was the most pretentious man my parents socialized with. They wouldn't bother were he not linked to the Cullens so closely, but now that the marriage was so close, they couldn't avoid it. Still, it shocked me that a stuffed-shirt like Mr. Hale could father a stand up fellow like Jasper. He had been my best friend throughout grammar school and high school. Now, we were going to be entering law school together. I hoped for his sake that his clear infatuation with Alice wouldn't cause trouble with his parents.

Near the end of the lunch, Isabella looked in my direction more directly than she had before. It was difficult, but I managed not to turn my head and look in her eyes again; I knew she would look immediately away. I could just barely see her out of my peripheral vision. She moved her hair out of her face carefully and left her hand on her cheek, just hiding the direction of her eyes. She stole a glance at me then, her lips parting as she did and her face coloring immediately. She dropped her eyes away from my face almost immediately, but she continued to look in my direction.

I chanced a glance at her and realized she was watching my hands. I had been absentmindedly playing piano on the tabletop as I listened to the conversation. I abruptly stopped what I was doing, bringing my hands under the table, and then immediately regretted what I had done. Her brown eyes snapped up to my face, her mouth in a horrified "O" as she looked at me. Her face was blood red now and I realized she knew I had observed her staring at me. I felt my own blush rising as I thought about what horrible things she must be thinking and how terribly rude she must think I am.

"Edward?" I heard my mother calling me, only deepening my blush.

"I'm sorry, Mother. I must have been day dreaming," I murmured. I stole a glance at Isabella again, praying she'd notice my word choice and that she'd realize I was pleased to know she had been looking at me. "What were you saying?"

Mother stared at me for a long moment, long enough to make me look down in embarrassment before she continued.

"Mrs. Cullen was asking about your availability for tutoring, son," she said.

Tutoring. All that time alone with the girls that I had been dreading not three hours ago. It suddenly didn't seem nearly as unsavory to me.

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Cullen," I said. "I can be available whenever is convenient for you and the young ladies. Perhaps we can get started on Saturday, if that is not too soon? It might give us more time to discern where Alice and Isabella need the most help."

"That sounds perfect to me," Mrs. Cullen said with a smile. She looked over at Alice who nodded eagerly; Isabella remained silent and still, acquiescing to her sister's assent.

My eyes stayed on Isabella as talk moved inevitably to the wedding. Her silent acceptance of everything worried me and I couldn't understand why. She didn't seem able to voice her own wants or needs; she just attempted to please everyone around her. I realized that I very much wanted to hear her say she was looking forward to spending time with me. _Wouldn't Mother be thrilled?_ I thought bitterly. It would figure that after my outburst this morning, I would find the one girl who infatuated me at this luncheon.

But I wondered if I would ever hear those words out of Isabella Swan's lips. Regardless of what she wanted, liked or desired, I got the impression Isabella had never once voiced her own opinion on anything, except to her sister. Alice seemed more than ready to voice her own opinion, happily diving into conversations and parrying wits with Esme and Rosalie alike. How could two girls, seemingly subjected to the same treatment, come out so differently?

I wondered if Isabella had taken the worst of their mother's beatings. The thought made me suddenly and insanely angry. My hands formed into tight fists under the table, digging my fingernails into the palm of my hand hard enough to form red crescents in my skin. My breathing came faster as I thought about Isabella being hurt. I had to concentrate all my energy on not standing up abruptly and walking over to her. It was irrational. The woman who had potentially hurt her was long dead and no one here would ever hurt her. I looked suddenly around the table, my eyes squinting in calculation, and I realized I was evaluating everyone's intentions toward the girl sitting across from me.

I sighed and finally released my fists. Like the sudden and blinding luminescence of a blot of lightening on a stormy night, I finally realized what had been in front of me from the moment I saw Isabella tripping over the plant holder. She had "struck my fancy," as Mother would have said. But it was more than that. It was what I had been waiting for, the one I would know as soon as I met her. She was the girl I had been waiting for. And it just figured that she would be the most difficult to woo.

Sitting in our family room after we arrived home, I sat thinking about the last words I'd shared with Bella. When she'd softly corrected my formal use of her name, my heart stuttered with joy. She'd cared enough to correct me; she wanted me to call her by the name she preferred. I could barely choke out my goodbye, mumbling "Until Saturday…Bella" as I walked away from her.

She'd never said goodbye to me, just stared up at me through the loose strands of hair. I'd been forced to ball my hands into fists again to avoid tucking it behind her ear for her. As I sat in the family room, I found myself wondering idly what her hair would have felt like, or her skin.

"Edward," Mother said.

I jumped up, surprised to hear her voice so close to me. I had thought I was alone in the room.

"Mother," I said. "I—you surprised me. I thought I was alone."

"Hmm," she said. "I seem to be surprising you a lot today."

I looked down at my hands, my fingers twitching again as I thought of Bella's hair. I shook my head.

"I'm sorry about that," I mumbled, my face reddening under my mother's gaze.

"For all your blustering earlier today, you are certainly more smitten than I could have possibly imagined, Edward Anthony."

I looked up at her quickly. She stood with her arms folded and a wry smile playing on her lips. Of course she noticed; I would have been foolish to think that she would miss my interest. Mother was even more observant than I am. She very often saw things than no one else bothered to notice. I held out hope that this was one of those times.

"Was it that obvious, then?" I asked, sitting down heavily on the ottoman.

"It's written all over your face, son," she said, coming and kneeling beside me. "What drew you in?"

I laughed and shook my head.

"You won't believe me," I said.

"Of course I will," she said, her eyes showing her eagerness to hear all of the details.

"She tripped over a plant holder as I was playing the piano," I said, thinking back to the way her eyes looked as I held her up. _Was there anything in her eyes except fear?_ I couldn't be sure. "I looked into her eyes when I helped her up, Mom, and I haven't been able to get them out of my head since."

"What were you thinking about at the lunch table?" she asked.

"I was playing piano at the table," I said. Mother rolled her eyes at me, but I continued without taking notice of her. "She was watching my hands as I played and I couldn't help thinking that perhaps she was…interested in me as well. And then I was so stupid! I stopped and she knew I had caught her. She was mortified!"

Mother chuckled and patted my shoulder.

"You'll have plenty of time to make it up to her," she said gently. "And of course she's interested in you. Didn't you see her face when you said goodbye to her?"

"Yes," I whispered, "I did."

She chuckled again and ruffled my hair.

"She was very taken with you, my Edward. But she will not admit it readily…even to herself. You must not lose faith in yourself or her…unless you think she isn't worth it."

I looked up at angrily and she dissolved into laughter.

"Just as I thought," she said, getting up and turning to walk out of the room. "You'll figure it out, son. I have faith in you. Perhaps tutoring won't be so dismal after all?"

I snorted and shook my head at her.

"Perhaps some intervention from my mother and meddling Godmother wouldn't come amiss, either," I remarked as she walked out the door.

She poked her head back into the doorframe.

"As if we'd let you attempt it on your own," she teased.

Her laugh tinkled down the hallway and I was left to think about how drastically my outlook on life had changed in just one afternoon luncheon.

**_A/N: I am absoultely overwhelmed with the response this story has received. Thank you to everyone who has reviewed, favorited, and alerted this story. It means so much to me! I hope you enjoyed this little foray into Edward's mind. We will revist him again. :) If you enjoyed, please consider leaving a review. I try to respond to each one and they do make my day! ~Jen_**


	4. No Secrets Among Sisters

_I always thought that I'd prefer single-blessed-ness_

_Thought that I'd like to stay free_

_I never thought my time would come to marry,_

_No wedding bells for me,_

_I've changed my mind after all,_

_You are the one made me fall…_

_**I Never Knew I Could Love Anyone Like I'm Loving You, Unknown**_

Disclaimer: I do not own _Twilight_ or any of the characters from the Saga. Stephanie Meyer is the owner of _Twilight_. This work and the original ideas presented therein are the sole property of this author.

_A/N: One again, I must thank my lovely, kick-ass beta, Belle Dean. She's amazing and so is her story. Also, my awesome pre-readers, BMSequestrian and Swimom7. They read my drivel before Belle pretties it up and their suggestions are invaluable. And, of course, to all of you. The many favorites, alerts and, of course, reviews, just make me more happy than you can know. Thank you all so much!_

* * *

Even though Alice and I called the Cullen house "home" now, it still felt new and foreign to me. I darted my eyes around the hallways as I entered the library, making sure I was alone. Once inside the large room, my eyes hungrily raked the shelves, taking in the sumptuous leather bound volumes. My fingers were itching to touch the bindings and open the crisp pages so that I could smell the familiar musty odor of an old book. I breathed in deeply, drawing the stale, library air into my lungs and I immediately felt more at home.

I walked over to the bookshelf and was dwarfed by its tremendous size. I brought my hand up and lightly traced the neatly arranged rows of books, feeling the raised filigree lettering on some and the smoother, more modern labels on the others. I pulled a random book off the shelf and held it up to the light.

The cover was richly decorated with the figure of a pirate. The title was in Italian, but I knew enough of the language to be able to understand it. This was _Il Corsaro Nero_, or_ The Black Corsair_, and it was written by a man named Salgari. I was admiring the detailed cover art when I felt a presence behind me. Thinking my sister had finally come to question me about my exchange with Edward, I turned around quickly.

"You like the books." Uncle Carlisle stood behind the desk, his hands clasped behind his back and his head inclined to the side as he appraised me. The smile which had played upon my lips when I thought my sister was sneaking up on me, faded quickly along with all of the blood in my face. "Don't stop browsing, Bella. I have some paperwork to finish up."

He sat down in his large leather chair and began rooting through the papers on his desk, purposely ignoring me. I remained frozen in place, staring at him with what I knew was a look of horror. I knew I ought to say something or do something. Still, I could not will my body to move. A paralyzing fear gripped me and rooted me to the ground.

It was irrational. Seeing him interact with Alice and the other young people at the luncheon, I knew him to be kind and courteous. However, I couldn't remember the last time I had been alone with a man. Father died when I was only two. Ever since, Mother kept both Alice and I within her eyesight at all times. This was both new and frightening. More than anything, I dreaded the hurt I would cause him when he looked up and saw me staring at him with fear written plainly on my face. He didn't deserve this reaction.

"Bella, sweetheart!" Aunt Esme walked into the room, her strangely comforting floral and smokey scent wafting through the room with her. "You found the library! I'm so glad."

The sound of her voice was enough to snap my fear; I rearranged my face into something resembling surprise and tried to focus on Aunt Esme.

"Y-yes," I stammered. "I was admiring the books."

"Do you read Italian?" Uncle Carlisle asked.

I noticed that Aunt Esme stood between me and Uncle Carlisle. Her position allowed me to see him, but never without seeing her. I was ever so grateful for the way she so naturally tried to protect me. I shook my head in answer to Uncle Carlisle's question, still unable to address him directly.

"Bella, just loves books, don't you, love?" Aunt Esme answered for me. "Your uncle Carlisle prides himself in collecting first volumes of his favorite works. What you're holding is a signed, first copy of _Il Corsaro Nero_."

"Oh!" I exclaimed, snapping the cover shut and trying to hand it to Aunt Esme. "I'm sorry! I shouldn't have picked it up!"

Aunt Esme shook her head and stepped back. I was instantly worried that these books were precious to Uncle Carlisle; so precious even that his wife was forbidden from touching them. Uncle Carlisle rose from his desk chair, a light smile on his lips. My breath caught in my throat as I wondered what type of punishment I might receive.

"Bella," Uncle Carlisle said, coming around the desk. He stopped when he noticed me backing away. "This is your home now, dear. Don't apologize for looking at the books. We want you to consider them _your_ books."

He was a tall man, though not imposing. As he placed his long arms around Aunt Esme's waist, I noticed her relax back into his body. There was such a comforting, easy grace between the two of them. The adults I had witnessed in the past kept their distance from each other, touching only when necessary for dancing or greetings. I saw how their bodies seemed to yearn for each other when apart and both seemed completed with the other's touch. I felt intrusive watching their intimacy, though I could find nothing unseemly about their movements. They simply thrived from each other's presence; it was really quite beautiful. Uncle Carlisle looked down lovingly at his wife. In the moments when his eyes were averted from mine, I found my voice.

"You are too kind," I whispered.

My heart still hammered in my chest from the shock and fright I had endured, thinking that he might discipline me…or worse, beat me. I didn't know how to process the kind and welcoming attitude that he presented to me now. It pleased me more than I would have imagined having him welcome me into a place clearly set aside for his own enjoyment. However, I was confused. This wasn't the type of behavior I had been taught to expect from men.

"May I ask what your favorites are?" Uncle Carlisle asked, inclining his head toward to the book shelf. "Your aunt mentioned that you love poetry; I fear our collection is short on books of poetry. Perhaps you would agree to accompany myself and your Aunt to the book store this weekend in order to obtain a more rounded library."

"As it pleases you, Uncle Carlisle."

"But will it please you, Bella?" Aunt Esme asked, stepping forward and taking one of my hands. "You must know that we want you to be happy here with us. If venturing out with your Uncle and me is uncomfortable for you now, we need not do so yet."

"I am so sorry." I dropped my head from my Aunt's gaze and felt tears forming in my eyes. "I do not know how to behave here and I am afraid I've hurt both of your feelings. It's just that this is very new to me."

"We know that, sweetie," Aunt Esme said, holding my fingers with her strong hand. "You couldn't hurt our feelings by showing us how you feel."

The tear fell down my cheek and I brushed it away quickly. I shook my head.

"There is just so much that I don't understand…" My voice was thick with the tears of confusion, brought on by my encounter with Uncle Carlisle, and if I was being honest, because of the strange feelings Edward had stirred in me this afternoon. Everything about this day had been too much.

Aunt Esme wrapped me into a strong embrace and rubbed circles in the small of my back. I looked up to see Uncle Carlisle looking at me with sympathy. He looked helpless as he stood there with his arms out to the side, trying to decide if he should gather us into a hug or step quietly away.

"Come with me, Bella," Aunt Esme whispered in my ear. "We'll get some tea and talk about things."

Before she led me out of the room, I turned and took a deep breath. I walked over to Uncle Carlisle and handed him the book.

"Thank you for your kindness," I said.

"You're quite welcome, Bella," he replied, taking the book from my hand and smiling warmly at me. In the moment that I held his eyes, it felt as though he almost understood how difficult it was for me to walk over to him.

One of the kitchen staff poured tea into the small kettle on the tray already laden with cream, sugar, biscuits and a decanter of amber liquid.

"Shall I take this to the Solarium, ma'am?" a girl, not much older than myself, asked Aunt Esme.

"No, Leah, thank you. Bella and I can manage," Aunt Esme said, picking up the tray. "Bella, love, would you take the seltzer water from Leah, please?"

Aunt Esme breezed out of the kitchen and toward the large solarium where I had first met Edward this afternoon. I turned and looked at the girl with dark hair and eyes. She was holding the glass water dispenser in her hand and glaring at me. When I held out my hand for the water, she thrust it into my hand with a grunt and turned on her heel away from me. I watched her walk away, wondering what I could have done to offend her so much. To the best of my knowledge, this was the first time we had met.

"Thank you," I called after her.

She muttered something under her breath as she began washing the dishes from lunch. I stood watching her for what seemed like a couple of minutes as she banged the dishes into the soapy water, spraying droplets onto the countertop in her haste. Suddenly, she froze; her arms stiff and her head set rigidly.

"Do you need something, _Miss_ Isabella?" Her voice was hard and bitter. She whipped her head around and stared at me. Her brown eyes were like stone as her gaze bored into me.

"N-no," I stammered, backing away from her. "I—thank you."

I turned and ran into the solarium where Aunt Esme was sitting in front of the glass wall waiting for me. The garden stretched out in front of her and she seemed content staring out onto her property. She had lit up a cigarette and the smoke swirled around her, dancing in the rays of the sun.

"Bella!" she said as I walked in. "Were you talking with Leah? She's just around your age."

"Well, no," I said, handing her the seltzer water. "I'm not sure—she was very busy."

I didn't wish to cause trouble between Aunt Esme and her staff. Mother could not afford a staff, though she talked often about the workers who used to tend the house before Father died. She often instructed us on the proper way to run a household's staff; I doubted Aunt Esme would have agreed with much she had to say. Her gentle words with Leah previously and the casual way she interacted with her staff stood in stark contrast to the callous way Mother instructed us to treat the help.

"Leah is difficult," Aunt Esme said, inhaling the smoke from her cigarette. I sat down and watched her, fascinated, as her mind worked over the problem at hand and she exhaled the smoke through her nose. "Perhaps it will take some time before you are able to befriend her. You see, Leah is an orphan as well…she may resent your place in the house."

That made things much clearer to me. I felt bad for her immediately, reminded of the girls from Carson who would never have a family like this to care for them. I wondered what Leah's circumstances were and if I would ever know. I realized I had been staring at Aunt Esme as she smoked her cigarette.

"Does this bother you?" she asked, brandishing the cigarette.

"No!" I replied immediately, blushing. "It's just—I've never seen a woman smoke before."

Aunt Esme smiled and stubbed out the cigarette.

"Hopefully…there will be much you see women doing that you've never seen before," she said cryptically. I wondered whatever she could mean, but she didn't elaborate. Instead, as she poured the tea, she glanced up at me. "Would you like to tell me what happened with Edward this afternoon?"

Her voice was a low purr; it sounded conspiratorial, almost the way I knew Alice would sound when we discussed this tonight at bedtime. I was surprised at the direction of her questioning; I expected to talk about my encounter with Uncle Carlisle, not about Edward.

"Nothing!" I stammered. "I assure I did nothing unseemly."

"Oh, Bella," she said, chuckling and handing me a cup of tea. "I'm not worried about _that_. I'm more interested with the look on your face whenever he spoke. You like him, don't you?"

My face colored immediately. I thought back to the way his fingers found their way to his messy bronze hair whenever he was nervous and the way his lips curled into a crooked smile when someone told a joke. I sighed, thinking about his gentle voice and the way his eyes had made me feel at ease.

"Yes," I said shakily, mostly to myself. I surprised myself with my admission and widened my eyes at Aunt Esme, expecting some kind of lecture. Instead, she laughed harder as she poured some of the amber liquid into her tea and swirled it with a spoon.

"He's quite a catch!" She took a sip of her tea and smiled happily as the steam rose up around her face. "Has he mentioned anything about courting you?"

She was so calm; it unnerved me. It made me more honest with her than I would have been normally.

"No! And I'm certain he never would! I—well, I'm not exactly his type of girl, am I?"

I expected Aunt Esme to comfort me, perhaps tell me I was being silly…the way Alice might have. Instead, Aunt Esme tilted her head to the side, a playful smile on her lips.

"And what sort of girl _might_ be his type, Bella?"

I stared out the window wall, watching the wilting flowers blowing in the afternoon breeze. They'd all be gone soon with the coming winter. I tried to find words to express what type of girl a boy like Edward would want. It made me angry to realize my throat was tight with unshed tears.

"He would want someone…beautiful to ornament his arm and his household. Also, she would need to be adept at managing a household and servants. Someone with a respectable…name."

I could no longer hold back the tears; one slipped down my cheek and landed in my tea.

"An orphan would never do for one such as Edward," I whispered.

I stood and quickly turned myself away from Aunt Esme, hiding the tears that were now flowing freely down my cheeks. I felt Aunt Esme behind me, wrapping her arms around me and leaning her head on my shaking shoulders.

"Shh, baby," she crooned. "It's not that bad."

I couldn't answer her. The sobs were breaking through my chest. _Am I in love with him?_ I asked myself. I couldn't be; we had only just met. But the ache in my chest when I thought about how he would never want me could not be denied. This was ludicrous. I had no right to hope for Edward's attentions; he was merely being kind to me when I fell this afternoon. Why could I not get his beautiful eyes out of my mind?

"You don't know Edward very well…but I do." Aunt Esme walked around me and held me at arms' length. "I happen to know that Edward isn't an average young man. Nothing less than an extraordinary woman would be enough to capture his heart…I think you quite fit the bill, young lady."

I shook my head sadly, knowing she was only trying to make me feel better. As if knowing what I was thinking, Aunt Esme tried to allay my fears.

"I don't blow smoke up anyone's ass, Bella." She frowned at my gasp and shook her head. "I have always believed in telling the truth to shame the devil, whether it hurts or not. Edward was taken with you, sweetie. I wasn't the only one who noticed. You can take it for what it's worth, but it's the truth."

I looked out, over Aunt Esme's head to the fading flowers of the garden. I wanted to badly to believe her. So much of me wanted to wrap myself up in the thought that the beautiful boy who played the piano this afternoon could ever notice me. But hanging between me and that lovely thought was one word: _orphan_. Even if he had been "taken with me" as Aunt Esme insisted, certainly his parents would never let him make such a foolish social faux pas as to marry a woman without a family to call her own.

I caught sight of someone walking through the garden. It was Alice, her hair hanging loose and blowing in the wind. She was walking through the rows of flowers, giggling as her touch broke the delicate petals and sent the pieces tumbling to the ground below. She picked a late flowering Gerber Daisy and twirled it in the sunlight, throwing her head back with laughter as she watched the petals dancing in her hand. I envied the optimism I always saw when I looked at my sister. Though I couldn't imagine what had made her so happy, it didn't really matter. Whatever it was had lit her entire countenance and made her shine with an inner light.

"I bet you don't even know why she is so happy," Aunt Esme whispered, looking at Alice.

"You do?" I asked.

"Well, one of the guests caught her eye today…"

My stomach suddenly clenched and I immediately recognized the emotion coursing through me. I was jealous. Could it have been Edward who caught her eye? For the life of me, I couldn't imagine anyone else at the lunch having any effect on her.

"Yes," Aunt Esme said with a smile on her lips. "Jasper Hale was quite taken with her as well…"

My stomach muscles relaxed at the name.

"Oh?" I said, as lightly as I could manage. "I didn't notice them speaking."

"I expect you didn't notice much of anything that didn't have to do with Edward," she responded, nudging my shoulder with her own.

I immediately flushed and felt extremely uncomfortable. Was my behavior so poor that I had made my little attraction so obvious to everyone at the table? Was it that obvious to Edward himself?

"Don't worry, Bella!" Aunt Esme soothed. "Go. Find your sister. I'm sure you both have much to discuss."

I turned to Aunt Esme who gathered me immediately into a hug. Aunt Esme had brought me out here to discuss my relationship with Uncle Carlisle

"I want to apologize for being unfair to Uncle Carlisle earlier," I said formally.

"Darling, there's nothing to apologize for," Aunt Esme said. "Your uncle understands that your life before was…different. We both understand that this is a difficult transition for you…"

"Still, I must try harder," I said, closing my eyes and gritting my teeth in frustration. "It is unfair of me to treat him in such a manner when he agreed to take us in and give us a home."

Aunt Esme stepped back and crossed her arms across her chest.

"With all due respect, sweetheart, he didn't have much choice in the matter. I wanted you girls here and you were coming no matter what. Luckily, he wanted you as much as I did."

I didn't know what to say to her. She was so confident and assured of herself and her place next to Carlisle. I thought back to the way he held her in the library, as if she was essential to his very being. Was it really as Alice insisted, that they were married for love and existed as equals? Admittedly, I hadn't been in the household for very long, but I had never witnessed Uncle Carlisle exercise his authority over Aunt Esme. Nor did I believe the strong woman standing in front of me would tolerate someone making her subservient.

"I'm very glad to be here, regardless of who caused it to happen," I said finally.

"You can't know how happy I am to hear that." Her face broke into a radiant smile. "Your sister is still dancing with the daisies. I'd thank you to ask her not to pluck them all? They are my favorites, you know."

She winked as she said it and I understood that she was not angry at Alice, only teasing. I smiled back at her, helpless to resist her inviting gaze. She shooed me away and I scampered out the solarium door into the crisp autumn air.

Alice was walking as if in a daydream. When I came up behind her in the garden, she took no notice of my approach. She was weaving the stems of the daisies together, linking them into a long chain.

"You know those are Aunt Esme's favorites, don't you?" I called, louder than necessary, just to see her startle in surprise. It was so rare that I could startle Alice.

"Oh, Sissy!" she cried, covering her heart with one of her hands. "My goodness you gave me a turn! What are you doing here?"

"I saw you dancing out here while I had tea with Aunt Esme…I wanted to know what had made you so happy."

"Wasn't it obvious?" she asked wistfully.

She turned around in front of me, her eyes turned up to the sky and a smile played around her lips.

"Wasn't he divine?" she asked.

"Who was divine?" I asked coyly, wanting to hear her say his name.

"Jasper Hale," she said and rolled her eyes back into her head. "He was simply the most perfect person I've ever laid eyes on, Bella. I don't know how I'll live if he doesn't come back tomorrow and ask to court me!"

"Alice, really, you're so dramatic," I chided.

I ran my hands over the light sleeves of my dress, chaffing my arms in an attempt to stay warm. The afternoon was by no means cold, but the autumn wind had picked up, sending shivers through my body. Alice seemed to be immune to the weather. She motioned me to sit on the ground; after checking to make sure we were alone in the garden, I complied, tucking my skirt underneath of me. Alice immediately came around behind me and began braiding the flowers into my hair.

"Bella, he _saw_ me," she said quietly.

When we were at Carson and they forced us into groups to talk about the loss of our loved ones, girls would often talk about being ghosts to the rest of the world: nameless wraiths who wandered around waiting for someone to see them and recognize them. When word came that we would be going to Chicago, more girls pitied us than were happy for us, despite Alice's exuberance. They knew that much of our life would be an uphill battle to shrug the term of "orphan" from ourselves. When Alice said he saw her, she meant that he saw past what she was.

"I know what you mean," I whispered.

_His eyes, flashing to mine just after I fell…the way his hand felt wrapped around my arm…the crooked smiles he directed at me during lunch._ Edward _saw_ me too.

"Did someone catch your eye perhaps, Sissy?" she asked as she deftly worked the daisies into a long plait at the nape of my neck.

"It was nothing," I insisted quickly.

"I'm not buying that, Isabella Marie Swan," she said sternly, pulling my hair back gently so that I had to look in her eyes.

Her ice blue eyes danced with mischief as her face hovered over mine.

"You might have fooled me while I was distracted, but you cannot hope to fool me now, my little sister. Tell me."

"It was Edward," I said, sighing.

She released my hair enough so that I could straighten my neck and she continued working on the braids. Her fingers worked slowly, deliberately moving through my hair and she did not say anything for a long time. When my hair was plaited to her satisfaction, Alice crawled around in front of me and knelt on her dress like she had when we were children. She scooped my hands into her delicate fingers which were warm from my hair.

She knelt and looked at me, her eyes boring into mine though her gaze did not make me uncomfortable. Alice and I had always had a very special connection with each other; I understood what she was doing.

"You're scared," she said finally, frowning.

"I'm confused," I admitted, "which is frightening."

"Can you tell me what happened?"

"Nothing!" I exclaimed, biting my tongue in frustration.

"Bella, that's not what I meant. I understand nothing untoward happened between Edward and you. I want to know what has confused you."

I looked at her, a blush creeping up my neck and onto my cheeks.

"Did you want something to happen?" Alice asked gently.

I held her eyes with mine in order to give myself courage and slowly nodded my head. The smile that broke out on Alice's face caused me to bury my head in my hands.

"And it's terribly immoral, I know! But his eyes…and the way he played the piano…and his smile…Alice, it was all so very confusing!"

"I saw he spoke to you before he left. What did he say?"

"He said that he looked forward to tutoring me," I said. "And then—oh, Alice it was horrible! I corrected him when he called me Isabella! I asked him to call me Bella. He just stared at me for what felt like ages and then he smiled and said 'Until Saturday…Bella.' Do you think he was very upset at me for correcting him?"

Alice's smile got even wider.

"Why did you correct him?"

"I have no idea! It just came out before I could stop myself."

"Bella," Alice warned. "Tell me the truth. Why did you correct him?"

I squeezed Alice's fingers between my own and looked down at our clasped hands. The blush was burning my cheeks, making me feel warm despite the increasing breeze.

"Because I wanted to hear him say my real name," I admitted softly.

Alice threw her head back and laughed, the noise carrying through the garden on the wind. She shook our hands together and then threw her arms around my neck.

"See…that wasn't so difficult to admit, now was it?" she whispered in my ear.

"For all the good it will do me…" I grumbled, hugging her back.

She stood and pulled me up with her. We immediately locked arms and started walking toward the house.

"Do you think that Jasper will ask to court you?" I asked her.

She turned and looked at me, both hope and doubt playing in her eyes.

"You're as little help to me as I am to you, I'm afraid. I was hoping you would have picked up something to tell me whether he noticed me or not…seems you were as preoccupied as I was!"

She dissolved into giggles and leaned against my shoulder.

"I don't know Bella," she said, sobering. She stopped on her path to the house. "I've never had anyone look at me the way he did today…and I've never wanted a boy to court me as much as I would like him to."

I wanted to tell her that her dreams would come true. I wanted to believe that mine might come true as well. Despite Aunt Esme's lovely words and the pictures she painted about Edward noticing me, I couldn't allow myself to hope for such a reality.

That night, after Alice and I got ready for bed and Alice seemed asleep for the night, I fished my journal out of my small bag and opened it to a fresh page.

_23 October 1919_

_Alice can be nearly insufferable when she is right about something. How she could have known what today might bring is beyond me, but she has been acting superior ever since she found out that Edward Masen caught my eye at lunch._

_Despite my best efforts, I have been unable to forget the way he looked as he played the piano. I seem to recall each detail and shamelessly replay the scene in my head over and over. Though every detail seems perfectly clear in my memory, his eyes and the feel of his hand on my arm have set my imagination on fire. It seems terribly immoral of me, but I cannot forget the softness of his fingers pressing through my thin sleeve or the way his strange jewel colored eyes seemed to look so kindly at me. _

_There was never a moment where I felt ashamed for having fallen in front of him; he never made me feel clumsy. Instead, I felt __**safe**__. He only touched me that once as he helped me up from my fall, but instead of shying away from his touch, I felt an almost irresistible urge to lean into it and get lost in his eyes._

_All of this is moot, of course. He pulled his hand away from my arm as if it might burn him as soon as he was sure I was steady. I'm sure this is only the romantic rot caused by reading too much which Mother always spoke of. I'm certain it is addling my brain into thinking that there could ever be anything between a boy like Edward and a girl like me. It's preposterous and can only lead to my own disappointment._

_No matter what, I must strive to focus on my studies and do as Aunt Esme and Uncle Carlisle wish. They both seem so caring; I am certain that they will lead me in the right direction and make a suitable match for me some day. I can only hope that by Saturday, Edward's beautiful green eyes will cease to have an effect on me._

I snapped the book closed, happy to have finished writing and pouring my soul out on paper. Writing always made my heavy heart lighter and made it easier for me to drift off to sleep. I could only hope that the focus of my writing might have distracted me enough so that images of _him_ would not come visiting me in my dreams. _You don't really mean that, Bella!_ I thought to myself and giggled mischievously. Perhaps I did wish to see him in my dreams, but it would only bring heartache in the morning. I tucked my journal under my mattress and reached for my bedside lamp.

"Have you managed to convince yourself, then?" Alice's muffled voice called out from under the mountain of covers.

"What's that, Alice?" I asked, surprised to hear her voice. I was certain she had been asleep.

"Don't play coy, Bella. I know you were writing." She threw the covers off her head and looked at me bleary eyed, clearly having pulled herself from the brink of sleep. "And, if I know you, I know you were writing your heart out trying to convince yourself that Edward was wrong for you."

"Stop it, Alice," I said, my mouth drawn in a tight line. "I _am_ wrong for him and I need to convince myself of it…or else I will just suffer when he does find his match."

"He'd be lucky to have you," she said, yawning. "And I'm fairly sure you'd be lucky to have him if you'd just let yourself live a little. I can't be sure as I had other concerns this afternoon…however, you can be sure I will watch closely on Saturday. Good night, Sissy. Pleasant dreams!"

She threw the covers back over her head, thus ending our discussion.

"G'night Alice," I mumbled to the mound of covers.

I spent that night and the next sleeping fitfully and waking often covered in sweat with the covers twisted uncomfortably around my legs. Always, I would wake barely able to catch my breath with Edward's green eyes in the forefront of my mind. The dreams were so real; I would awake thinking he was hovering over me. The feeling that he was close enough for me to see the facets of his eyes would make my breath catch in my throat. I would reach out into the darkness of our bedroom and be disappointed to find myself alone except for Alice's soft breathing.

The morning of our first lesson, I awoke early. The dream had been even more lurid than before and in this most recent one I felt him touch me on my hand. My fingers still tingled from the imagined touch. I dressed early and left the room before Alice even rose for the day. I found solace in the library before breakfast with one of my favorite Austen novels, _Persuasion_. The beautiful prose always made me happy when I was most despondent. However, it was a poor choice for today.

As I read over the story of Anne and her heartbreaking devotion to Frederick Wentworth, I couldn't help but reverse the roles and replace the penniless Frederick with myself. Would Edward ever hold a torch for me the way that Anne held her love for Frederick in her heart. I snapped the book closed angrily and stormed off to the dining room to break fast with the family and wait for Edward's arrival.

The morning began to move in slow motion as we waited for his arrival. Alice insisted on redressing me and arranging my clothes. She fussed over me for what seemed like hours, making my hair fall over my shoulder and then letting out an aggravated sigh and pulling it back again.

"You should save yourself the trouble, Alice. He won't be worried about my hair," I mumbled.

"Nonsense," she said, gritting her teeth as she wound braids through my hair to hold the heavier tresses away from my face. "Do not be so self-deprecating. It isn't flattering."

"I'm only being realistic."

"Pessimistic," she grunted. "Enough out of you, Sissy. Let me work."

I sighed and folded my hands in my lap. She was cross because she had to redress me; she disliked being up after me because it meant she didn't have a say in what I wore for the day. It was rare that she ever slept later than me, but she certainly wasn't going to allow me to dress myself on a day such as today. I decided to allow her to fuss with me, regardless of the futility of the situation.

Edward arrived just as we finished a late lunch. Aunt Esme asked Alice and me to wait in the study just off the library. We entered the room and I was immediately drawn to the hordes of books Uncle Carlisle had laid out for us on the small rectangular table. There were math books, science books, and even some English books as well. I immediately went over to the table and stood with my back to the doorway as I examined the treasures on the table. I was so engrossed with the books, that I missed Edward's arrival.

"Where shall we begin?" a soft voice said just behind my shoulder.

I startled and dropped the book on the table with a loud thud, raising my hand to my mouth as I did so. I whirled around and stood face to face with Edward, his green eyes full of concern and…what looked like regret.

"I'm so sorry to have startled you, Bella," he said, smiling warmly at me. I felt my heart speed up and my face begin to flush. "You seemed anxious to begin."

He bent down and picked up the book I had dropped. He handed it to me, his large hands covering most of the book so that I was forced to brush his fingers with my own as I took it from him. I swallowed the gasp of surprise at how warm his fingers were underneath my fingertips and pulled the book into my grasp. His smile wavered slightly, but managed to stay in place. I cleared my throat and blinked my eyes in order to focus.

"Thank you again for doing this," I said. "Really, it is much appreciated."

"As I said, it is my pleasure. Shall we start with the classics?" he asked, gesturing to the book of Virgil's poetry in my hand.

"Honestly, Bella will be able to help you tutor that," Alice piped up from behind Edward. "She's in love with poetry of all kinds."

"I remember," he murmured and turned toward the table.

It was infinitely difficult to focus while sitting next to Edward. There were three chairs set up around the table, two on the longer side and one at the end. In a flash of movement, Alice stole the lone chair that was clearly set there for our tutor and forced Edward and I to sit together. Edward seemed not to notice this, but Alice smiled sweetly at me as I glared at her. It was impossible to sit next to him without our bodies coming in contact occasionally. Every time his arm brushed the fabric of my dress, I had to bite my lip to stop from shivering at the contact.

Aunt Esme, true to her word, did not leave us alone with Edward. She sat in the library while our tutoring session took place, reading, drinking tea and smoking. Her eyes darted between the book and our small table, making sure things were going smoothly. On several occasions, I caught her smiling at me. When she noticed my eyes settle on her, she immediately became engrossed in her book. I felt safe under her gaze, but I also felt on display. She seemed to be hoping for something that could never happen.

"The debate about _The Aeneid_ stems from man's desire to break free of pre-ordained fate," Edward was explaining to Alice. "In Christianity, we are told that we have free will to choose our own destiny. In _The Aeneid_, all of Aeneas' trials and travels are pre-ordained by the gods…he has very little control over his own destiny."

Edward's eyes flicked over to me as he talked about destiny. My body flushed at having his gaze on me for any length of time and I suddenly felt perspiration pricking on my forehead.

"And what do you believe in, Edward?" Alice asked.

To someone who didn't know Alice, she looked merely curious. But I knew her fathomless blue eyes almost as well as I knew my own brown ones. She was fishing. One dimple appeared at the corner of her mouth as she smirked nearly imperceptibly.

Edward shifted in his chair, again resting his gaze on me; this time, he did not drop his gaze from mine. His emerald eyes were darker today than I remembered from lunch the other day, perhaps because it was overcast and the light was not dancing in his face. Still, they were mesmerizing. As was the movement of his mouth as he began to speak. His eyes never left mine as he spoke, making it difficult for me to breathe.

"I believe in destiny," he said softly. "But I don't need anyone to determine my future for me. I'll know what I want out of life when I find it. And then, nothing will stop me from getting it."

I wanted to breathe. Truly, I did. Somehow I couldn't make myself pull the air into my lungs that I needed. The lack of oxygen was making stars appear in my field of vision. Thankfully, Edward dropped his eyes from mine and I suddenly remembered how to breathe again. As quietly as possible, I sucked in a deep breath, clearing the stars from my eyes. I clenched my hands around the folds of my dress and focused on Alice's face. I prayed neither of them would ask me any questions for a good deal of time.

"You seem very determined," Alice commented.

"Yes, well, if something is worth fighting for, it will take determination to see it to fruition."

I hadn't noticed him take his hands from on top of the table. I felt a fluttering on the knuckle of my left hand and the resulting shiver of pleasure that rippled through my hand and up my arm was exquisite. His warm fingertip traced the ridge of each of my knuckles and found its way into the plump flesh near my thumb. He traced the curve of my thumb and followed it around to the top of my hand again. When I found the courage to look up, he was staring at me again.

His eyes were even darker than they had been a few minutes prior. His lips were curled into a beautifully crooked smile, showing just the barest hint of his white teeth. I knew my mouth was open and my cheeks were burning with embarrassment. I did the only thing I knew how to do. I pulled my hand away from the searing heat of his finger and dropped my eyes to the comfort of the book in front of me.

I never saw whether Edward was amused or upset that I pulled my hand away. He never spoke of it for the rest of the day. I kept my head in my book, only answering questions when I was directly spoken to. Alice sensed that something was wrong, but refrained from asking. She also stopped asking Edward pointed questions. I hoped that the whole incident would be forgotten, at least by the others at the table. I knew I would never forget the feel of his finger on my hand.

The rest of the tutoring session went off without incident. Edward was a very patient tutor, able to help us with our math as easily as our literature. Alice was thrilled to be done and traipsed out of the room as soon as Edward said we were done for the day. I stayed to help clear up the books and was surprised to find that he began to help.

"I can do this," I said. "You must be very busy."

"I'd like to help," he said, his hand covering mine as we both reached for the same book.

I was standing now and the feel of his entire hand covering mine was enough to make me close my eyes and feel weak in my knees. To my great surprise, he did not pull away from me. He snaked his thumb underneath my palm and squeezed gently.

"Bella, look at me," he whispered.

His voice was close, as I had imagined it being in my dreams. When I opened my eyes, his face was too close. Still, I felt my traitorous body leaning toward him. I pulled back slightly and he in turn pulled back as well. I sighed sadly.

"I'm sorry, Bella," he said. "I do not mean to frighten you."

I shook my head, but words couldn't come out. I stared at him, pleading for him to understand for I could certainly understand none of this.

"I—it's just…" his voice trailed off and he shook his head, his bronze hair falling into his face and hiding his eyes from me. His hand remained covering mine and I could now feel a current that seemed to be running between us. I wondered if he could feel it too. "I'll see you on Wednesday?"

He looked up at me, a different emotion playing on his face. I could not understand what I saw swimming in the green depths of his eyes. I nodded and he squeezed my hand again, gently brushing the underside of my palm with his thumb. It was both intensely intimate and completely wrong. My eyes were fluttering, unsure of whether to meet his gaze or run away from him. Aunt Esme made my decision for me.

"That seemed to go well," she said loudly from the doorway.

Edward pulled his hand away from mine but held my gaze with his eyes.

"I just spoke with your mother, Edward. She and your father will be here for dinner in about an hour. You can stay if you like?"

Edward turned to her, but not before I could catch a glimpse of the happiness lighting his face.

"Of course, Mrs. Cullen," he said. He turned and bowed his head. "Until dinner…Bella."

He walked from the room and it was all I could do to remain standing as he walked away.

"Sit," Aunt Esme ordered.

I did not have the strength to argue. I sat down heavily in the chair, my hand still glued to the book and tingles still running up and down my arm. I sat and stared at my hand, still almost able to see Edward's large hand covering it.

"Are you OK?" she asked, coming over to me and reaching out to take my hand.

I snatched it away before she was able to touch me. I didn't want anyone else to touch me, not while the warmth of his hand still tingled on my skin.

"I'll have to have to talk with that boy," she said, her voice hard and angry.

"No!" I cried. "Please…"

My face colored and I felt the tears pricking behind my eyes.

"What is it, Bella?" she asked gently. "Please tell me."

"Is it terribly wrong that I…liked that?"

Aunt Esme's face transformed in front of me. The concern draining away from her face was replaced with delight.

"Of course not, baby," she whispered. "That's the best thing I've heard all day!"

She snaked her arm around my waist and guided me away from the solarium where I could already hear Edward playing and into the kitchen to help prepare dinner. Throughout dinner preparations and through the rest of the night, my hand continued to tingle with the heat of Edward's hand. Every time I looked at him, my fingers would twitch and I would wonder when I would be able to feel that heat again. By the end of the evening I was convinced my careful planning had been for naught; I had fallen quite hard for Edward Masen and there didn't seem to be any turning back now. I only wondered what my sister and aunt were plotting, because it was clear to me they both had something up their sleeves.

* * *

_**A/N: Thank you to whoever nominated ATJ for a "Bring Me to Life" award. You are amazing and Jazzward wants to hold your hand. ;)**_

**_As most of you know, I'm participating in the FGB author auction which kicks off tomorrow! All of my auctions are outlined on my profile. Please check them out and consider bidding. This year is going to be HUGE for FGB. Let's blow last year's total of $88 K out of the water and get lots of money for ALSF in the process!_**

**_Shutting up now. Hope you enjoyed the little bit of heat in this chapter. Just a little hint of how hot these two will be once they get their act together. ;) Much love! ~Jen_**


	5. Dreams, Dances, and Decisions

_When my baby smiles at me_

_Oh what a beautiful day._

_All my troubles go hurrying by_

_Just like bubbles they fly to the sky_

_And I never ask the weatherman whether it's fair or warm_

_Rain or shine, the weather's fine, when my baby smiles at me._

_**When My Baby Smiles at Me (Bill Munro, 1920)**_

**Disclaimer: **I do not own _Twilight_ or any of the characters from the Saga. Stephenie Meyer is the owner of _Twilight_. No copyright infringement is intended. This work and the original ideas presented therein are the sole property of this author

_Thank you, again, to my amazing beta Belle Dean for keeping me in line. You rock. Thanks to my good friends in the WCs for all of their amazing support, humor, and encouragement; without you guys, writing would be so lonely. And to all of you amazing readers, you truly rock my world. I hope you enjoy the chapter!_

* * *

Edward came to tutor us at least twice a week for the next month as Alice and I settled into our school routines. On days when he wasn't tutoring, he came over to play piano and talk to Emmett. I found myself darting glances to the door every time I heard a knock. Alice would snicker at me behind her book, knowing who I was looking for. And when he came into view, I could not stop myself from smiling.

He would always seek me out first, returning my smile with his own awkwardly beautiful one. And each time I saw him, my stomach would flutter and my pulse would race. I would blush and look away from him. When my eyes were inevitably drawn back to his face he would be looking at me, his eyes sad. He would look away uncomfortably, fidgeting with his shirtsleeves or playing with his hair.

I ached for him to look at me, to _touch_ me, the way he had at our first tutoring session. I _burned_. I tortured myself for the burning and aching. It was all so very wrong. And yet…I could not stop myself because he _didn't_ touch me again. The lack of his touch tore me to pieces though I fought against it with all of my might.

When I was alone in my room, I would convince myself that it was terribly immoral to have such a fixation on a boy who had shown me little more than passing interest. I would remind myself that well-behaved girls did not _lust_ after young men. It was just…improper, immoral, and so very wrong. …

But then he would look at me, with his green eyes boring through me, and he would burn away all of my propriety with a single gaze. I was left full of wanton thoughts with no concept of how to see them to fruition. I needed my sister's advice.

My face burned into the pillow as I gathered the courage to ask Alice about Edward, hating myself for all of the questions his behavior caused me to ask. I wished I was as confident as Alice was when she looked at Jasper. There were never any questions in her eyes when she looked at him; only love and devotion. I thought it a bit brazen of her, since he hadn't asked her to court him, and yet it was so lovely to watch.

"Alice," I called.

"Yes, Bella, what is it?" She was sleepy, her voice soft and thick.

"Why do you think Edward has been so distant lately?"

"Distant?" she asked, propping herself up on one hand. "There's hardly been a day that he wasn't here!"

"That's not what I mean." I shook my head and fisted my fingers in frustration. "I mean…with me."

Suddenly, Alice was curled up in my bed next to me. As she slipped under the covers, her ice cold feet brushed against mine, making me yelp in surprise.

"Bella, honey, he only comes to be near you," she whispered once she was settled.

"No he doesn't!" I cried.

"Of course he does," she argued. "Do you not see the first thing he does when he walks in the door?"

I stared at her in the darkness and she shook her head at me.

"He looks for you of course! My God, Bella, the boy doesn't smile until he sees your face."

I blushed as I thought about his happiness depending on me. Mine certainly depended on him over the past few weeks.

"Why do you think that, Alice?" I whispered.

"I see it in his face," she said. "And you would too if you would stop your foolish blushing and coquettish aversion of your eyes and just gawk at him for a bit. I know you want to!"

I bit my lip and she poked me in the side, making me squeak.

"Don't you?" she asked.

"I do."

I blushed even harder thinking about how I longed to stare at him the way Alice would stare at Jasper.

"Then for God's sake, Bella, just look at him. Give him what he wants: your attention!. No one is going to think you a harlot for looking at a boy!"

"Mother would have," I replied.

"Yes, well, you know my feelings on Mother's opinions. Besides, it was inconvenient for Mother when we looked at boys," she said, looking at me as if she was waiting for me to fill in the missing piece. I shrugged, indicating my ignorance and Alice simply snorted. "It was inconvenient because if either of us took a fancy to a boy, _she_ wouldn't have the final say. It would be our choice. Mother didn't want that."

"I still find this all very hard to believe," I said. "Why would it be so difficult for Aunt Esme and Uncle Carlisle to arrange a courtship between Edward and me?"

My voice was whining and thin. I knew I sounded as desperate as I felt, but really this was the outcome that I desired. I wouldn't have to change at all that way.

"Because that is the old way, Bella. And Aunt Esme and Uncle Carlisle both want more for you than that. They want you to find a love match. Edward's parents want the same for him."

"But it is all so confusing. I can't be forward with him! How do I let him know how I feel?"

"When he looks at you, don't look away. Smile at him, invite him in with your eyes. _Talk_ to him. Laugh at his jokes. Just…be who you are when you're with me."

"I can't do that!" I whispered.

"You must," she said, taking my hand. "He won't come around forever, Bella. You need to give him reason to believe you wish to court him."

"You think he cares what I want?" I asked,

"Very much," she whispered, stroking my hair. "Very much indeed."

The next day was a school day and everyone was in a buzz about the upcoming "coming-out" party for one of the girls in our class. All of the girls were in a whirl over who would be going with whom and what each girl would be wearing. It was exhausting and I wished the day would just come and be done with. I didn't share my classmates' fervor and anticipation.

"Everyone will be going," Lauren whispered to Alice as we rounded the corner on our way home from school. "Do you think _she'll _go as well?"

I knewLauren was speaking of me. From the moment that Alice and I made our awkward entrance that first day, Lauren had never tried to hide which of the two of us she preferred. Alice did her best to include me, especially since our class was so small. But it was a futile attempt. There were only ten of us in the class and two out of the ten girls disliked me from the moment we met.

"Of course my sister will attend, Lauren," Alice said indignantly. "And I'm certain she will have an escort for the evening."

"Please, Alice, don't be ridiculous!" Jessica chimed in. "She cowers at the very sight of a boy. You expect us to believe that she will dance with one?"

"I don't expect much of anything from either of you," Alice muttered under her breath.

"Well, _I'm_ certain that Edward Masen will ask to escort me," Lauren stated haughtily.

The words were like tiny punches in my gut. I knew that Lauren fancied Edward. She noticed the look on my face every time she said his name and made a point to mention him every time we were talking. This time, however, her words nearly made me sick. Edward would ask _her_ to the party?

Though he hadn't touched my hand again since that day, I still often felt the ghost of his thumb brushing my palm. And always, his eyes haunted my dreams. I was quite taken with him and I sometimes fancied that he felt the same way as I did. I tried to remind myself that Edward came from a certain type of family and because of that, certain things were expected of him. It would be foolish of him to court a girl like me when someone like Lauren Mallory was available.

Lauren came from old Chicago money and her father was a well-respected politician. Her family's name opened doors all around this city…much the way that Edward's name did. A marriage between the two of them would be a match both families would benefit from. Mother would have said it was a "fortuitous" match for both parties. However, the thought of it was sickening to me.

"Oh, yes, Alice, I'm fairly sure that he will call at the house later this week. Father has made inquiries, and really, it would be in Edward's best interest."

Her pale green eyes snaked over to me as she said this and I realized she was saying most of this for my ears. Alice knew it too and balked against Lauren's prodding. Before she could say anything though, I grabbed her hand and squeezed it gently. The last thing I needed was Alice flying into a temper and letting these girls know with certainty the extent of my feelings for Edward. They would never let me hear the end of it, especially when he eventually did ask Lauren to the party, as I was sure he would.

"I hear you already have an escort, Alice," Angela said softly.

Alice drew in a deep breath and exhaled. Bringing up Jasper was a stroke of genius on Angela's part and I thanked her silently with my eyes.

"Yes," Alice said, her voice still thin with anger. "Jasper Hale is escorting me to the party."

"Oh, how quaint," Jessica said, her voice simpering.

"And who will be escorting you, Jessica?" Alice asked, her mouth tight and her eyes triumphant. She knew that no one had asked Jessica yet.

"Oh, well…Mother insists that Michael Newton will be around some time soon. She says it's only a matter of time…"

"Of course," Alice said, a wicked gleam in her eye. "I'm sure it will be any day now…"

Jessica glared down at Alice who looked back at her with her lips parted and a wide-eyed look of innocence on her face. She smiled and turned away.

"Come, Sissy, we mustn't be late for our tutor," Alice said, her voice trilling and a smile playing on her lips.

The girls were well aware of who tutored us and Lauren had turned a pale shade of pink in her jealous anger. Alice grabbed me by my hand and led me away from the group of girls, her back held straight and her steps quick.

"The nerve of those girls!" she seethed as we approached the house. "Those catty, no good, worthless…"

"Alice!" I whispered.

She stopped and looked up. We were at the house and Edward was waiting at the corner for us. He'd heard Alice's ranting and looked curious.

"What girls?" he asked. "Alice, what happened?"

I grabbed hold of Alice's hand and squeezed tightly, warning her. I did not wish her to tell Edward about my troubles with Lauren and her friends.

"Nothing, Edward. It's not worth mentioning. Are you ready?"

Alice breezed past him, leaving me standing on the sidewalk with Edward. He watched her walk into the house and then he looked back at me. When he did so, I was tempted to drop my eyes and scurry past him into the house. Instead, I remembered Alice's words from last night and I kept my eyes on his. His eyes lit up when I didn't walk away, when I didn't drop my gaze.

"Bella," he said softly. "Is everything OK?"

I nodded, holding his gaze though the urge to run and hide was strong.

"Yes," I said. "We're fine."

"I'm glad we have a moment," he said, walking closer to me.

He looked around quickly, checking to make sure we were alone. I saw a stirring at the window and saw Aunt Esme's curls; she was watching.

"Bella, you know there is a dance coming up," he said. "Kate's coming of age party?"

I nodded, feeling my face blush.

"Yes, I heard about that. Jasper has asked Alice to attend."

"Do you have an escort, Bella?"

Edward reached his hand over and took my hand in his. I swallowed loudly as his warm hand closed around mine. It took all of my courage, but I squeezed his hand slightly, earning a dazzling smile from him.

"No," I said. "No one has asked me yet."

If possible, Edward smiled wider.

"I was afraid I would be too late."

"Too late?" I asked. "Too late for what?"

"Please would you accompany me to the party, Bella?"

I stepped back, shocked.

"Me? You want to go with me?" I blathered, shock making me talk more than I ever would have dared before. "But Lauren said…she told me…"

"Lauren?" he asked, unconsciously grasping my hand tighter as a frown crossed his face. "Lauren Mallory? What did she say?"

I shook my head, but Edward stroked the palm of my hand, undoing my carefully built defenses.

"Tell me, Bella. I'm not angry; I just want to know what she said."

"She said you were meant to ask _her_ to the dance. She said her father had arranged it."

"Her father arranged it, eh?" he said smiling. "He holds no sway over me, I can assure you of that. I wish to escort you, if you don't mind."

"I—I don't know what to say," I stammered.

"Say yes."

His jewel green eyes pleaded with me and I felt nearly powerless in his gaze. His face was getting closer to mine, making it more difficult to breathe.

"Yes," I whispered. "Yes, I would like very much to go with you."

His crooked smile split his face and he pulled my hand to his lips in enthusiasm. It was like a burst of fireworks under my skin as his lips brushed my knuckles. I could feel the warmth of his breath tickling my skin as he exhaled and dropped my hand to his side.

"Thank you," he whispered.

He squeezed my fingers one last time before turning toward the house.

"Alice will be waiting," he said, smiling at me.

I nodded, still unable to speak and smiling just as broadly as Edward. He still held my fingers lightly and tugged me forward.

"Come on," he called playfully, making me laugh. "You don't want to be late for tutoring."

I threw my head back and laughed harder. I'd never seen Edward so informal or so happy. He was intoxicating and he made me drop all of my pretenses for a moment. His eyes lit up as I laughed, but his smile became softer, harder to read.

"You're very beautiful when you laugh like that," he said softly.

Immediately, I blushed and looked away. It was difficult enough to keep my eyes on him when he was only smiling and laughing; to look at him as he complimented me and stared so intently at me was impossible. When I looked back up, he was still staring at me and smiling. A movement from behind the blinds drew my attention. Alice and Aunt Esme were both peeking through the blinds at us.

"Oh!" I cried out and pulled my hand away to cover my mouth.

"What?"

He looked around just as both of them ducked out of the window.

"Oh," he said, coming back down the steps to me. "I'm very sorry. Should I not have held your hand?"

I desperately wanted to ask him to hold my hand again, to tell him what it did to me every time he touched me, but I didn't know how to say those things. It felt wrong to me to be so open with…a boy. So I shook my head dismissively and smiled at him.

"Alice will tease me," I said simply.

"Does her teasing make you wish for me not to do it again?"

His eyes were burning as he asked the question. Again he was too close to me and not close enough at the same time. The look on his face dissolved my fear and loosened my tongue.

"Nothing could do that," I said.

The moment the words were out of my mouth, I regretted them. I had opened up to him, laid my feelings in front of him and now he would know…everything. I expected him to become nervous or distant. Instead, he reached his hand up and brushed a stray hair behind my ear, setting off more fireworks on the side of my face. His fingers lingered on the edge of my ear for just a moment before dropping down.

"Good," he said, and then turned toward the house.

I could not wipe the smile from my face as we walked into the house and set up for tutoring. Edward would steal glances at me over the books and it would send my heart fluttering every time. By the time Edward needed to leave, my face was actually tired of smiling. He approached me after gathering his books as I was going up the stairs.

"Bella," he called.

I turned, automatically smiling in response to the sound of his voice.

"Yes?"

"I…Shall I pick you up here? You know—for the party?"

He was shy and quiet now, unsure of himself.

"I—Well, I will have to ask Aunt Esme of course," I said.

All of our family was attending the party. I doubted that Aunt Esme would allow Edward to escort me on his own, nor was I sure I was ready for such a thing. He hadn't even asked me to court him; he was only escorting me to a single event. I noticed Aunt Esme come up behind him and my eyes widened in surprise. I wondered how much she had heard.

"Bella, would you like to walk with Edward to the dance? It is only three or four blocks and I am sure Alice and Jasper would be happy for the company."

I doubted very highly that my sister wished for company on her walk with Jasper. However, I knew she would be unable to walk with Jasper at all without some chaperone. I debated it and then decided that for my sister's sake I would give this "new way" a try. It was unconventional to step out with a boy without an adult chaperone. But if Aunt Esme condoned this, perhaps it wasn't so wrong.

"I would like that," I said.

Edward had been holding his breath as he waited for my answer and he let it out in a low chuckle that filled the hallway with music. He looked up at me with twinkling eyes and dropped one lid in a wink, mouthing the words "thank you" as he stepped backwards down the steps.

"I'll let myself out, Mrs. Cullen," he called.

He walked down the hallway, the echo of his whistling traveling down the hallway until we heard the door close gently behind him. I had been following him with my eyes as he walked away. When the door closed, I looked back at Aunt Esme who was leaning against the banister staring at me, a catlike smile on her lips. I blanched almost immediately, wondering what she might say or do, but she continued to smile and stare at me.

"Your sister's waiting to pounce on you upstairs," she commented. "Would you like some company when you go up?"

"Yes, please," I said. "Aunt Esme?"

"Yes, dear?"

"Are you angry with me?"

"Why would I be angry?"

"I know you saw Edward…hold my hand," I stammered quickly. "I wondered if perhaps you thought it improper for me to be seen in public being so loose with a boy who had not asked to court me."

"Bella, I saw more than hand holding, and none of what I saw was loose behavior. Besides…he will ask to court you," she said slowly. "He's…going slowly."

"Slowly?" I asked, astounded.

"It must seem rather fast to you, doesn't it?"

I nodded, running my hand unconsciously over my ear where Edward's fingers had brushed up against me.

"Does it scare you?" she asked.

"Terribly," I said immediately.

"And yet…" she drawled.

"And yet…I find myself…unafraid when he is around. Bold, even. But once he is gone…all that fear comes back. I don't understand it."

It was true enough. I didn't understand the hold he had on me and the way his gaze seemed to undo the self imposed bindings I had placed upon myself. I didn't understand the way his touch made me feel or the way I was nearly addicted to his presence. I didn't understand any of it; all of it was new to me.

"Honey, these feelings are normal. They are part of growing up and finding love."

I opened my mouth to protest, but she held up her hand.

"I'm not saying that you are in love with Edward or that you _will_ be in love with Edward. All I am saying is that your feelings are completely natural and you shouldn't be afraid of them."

I nodded, still unable to completely focus on anything other than the way he'd touched me so casually and the way I had allowed him to continue doing so. _Was_ I falling in love with him? I'd never dreamt of the possibility of falling in love with _anyone_ before marriage. I'd always assume that love was something that came with familiarity and time. What was happening between Edward and me was…something I was completely unprepared for.

Aunt Esme ushered me upstairs where I was subjected to both her and Alice's incessant chatter about the dance, dresses and our eventual shopping expedition. I tuned them out, though I loved that were fussing over me and happy for me. All I could focus on was the happiness I had seen on Edward's face both times I'd said yes to him. I'd made him happy, nearly as happy as he'd made me every time he had smiled at me.

* * *

"Alice, really, this is ridiculous!" I cried as she grunted again.

Alice was attempting to tame my unruly, heavy hair into a stylish up-do for the party. She had been curling and teasing for nearly an hour now and was at the sculpting phase. She'd broken out into a sweat and begun using foul language about fifteen minutes ago; that was when I encouraged her to give up. Though, if she did, I had no idea what I was going to do with my hair.

"Alice, let me help you, darling," Aunt Esme said coming up from behind.

I felt her firm, sure fingers working through my hair in the next minute. In the mirror, I could begin to see my hair taking a smooth shape.

"Hmm," Alice murmured. "I was attempting a Gibson, but a twist might be even better."

"I think so," Aunt Esme replied. "With the shape of her face and the dress she's wearing? The more streamlined the better, I think."

"I agree," Alice said. "What about makeup?"

"No," I said firmly.

"Bella, you need some color," Alice whined.

"No," I said again. "I do not wish to wear makeup."

"She doesn't need it," Aunt Esme said softly. "Her skin is so beautiful…the makeup only hides that."

I smiled at her in the mirror, pleased that she agreed with me. Alice wouldn't fight me anymore. The two of them worked together, gathering my hair back and up, securing it in a dramatic twist which was accented with three large curls.

I looked at myself in the mirror. I looked…different. Having my hair up and exposing my neck made me look older, more sophisticated. I wondered what Edward would think?

I had gone along with Alice, Rosalie, and Esme when it was time to pick out dresses, but I did not have much of a say in what I was currently wearing. Alice and Rose had conspired together to dress me in something completely opposite of my personality. The silky fabric bellowed out and only reached to my mid-calf. I feared that Edward would think this type of dress inappropriate; though Alice assured me he would love it.

I helped Aunt Esme curl and fix Alice's hair and then helped her into her white and crimson dress. It was gorgeous and complemented her complexion perfectly. The red accents on the dress brought out the dark red highlights in her hair. She applied a bit of red paint to her lips, some powder to her cheeks, and then twirled in front of the mirror looking like something out of a dream.

"You look beautiful, Alice," I said.

"So do you, Bella. The violet really suits you well."

I shook my head and blushed.

"I feel indecent in this short dress!"

"You're hardly underdressed," Alice said, coming over to stand beside me with her arm around me. "You look perfect for the occasion; just…trust me, okay? Edward will love what you are wearing."

I smiled in spite of myself, thinking about Edward. He and Jasper would be here soon to escort us to the hall. I wondered what it would be like, walking with him and socializing with him. Until now, he and I had only really interacted as tutor and student or over family dinners. Tonight would be different. It would be almost as if we were courting. I wondered if he thought of it like that and whether it excited him as much as it excited me. I wondered if he thought about it at all.

When the doorbell rang, I felt my heart stop in my chest. I looked over to Alice who was sitting across from me in the sitting room. She smiled warmly and jumped up, ready to greet Jasper.

"Alice," I hissed. "What are you doing?"

"Getting ready," she said. "Stand up, Bella; I want him to see your dress."

I debated what I ought to do. But in the end, it was nearly a foregone conclusion that I would do as my sister said, especially whenshe was looking at me the way she was now. She could look so very much like Mother.

Jasper came in first and he barely glanced at me before his eyes were drawn to my sister like magnets. He walked over to her, holding out a long stem, red rose to her and kissing her outstretched hand. They were so natural and good together. I could see every one of my sister's childhood dreams coming true in Jasper Hale. I couldn't help but love him a little myself.

I was focused so fully on Alice and Jasper that I missed Edward walking into the room. When I looked back at the door, Edward was there, holding a beautiful yellow rose with red tipped petals. He was dressed in a dark blue suit and a starched white shirt. His hands shook slightly as he walked into the room toward me and I noticed a high flush on his cheeks rivaling my own.

I clutched my wool cover-up tighter around myself as he walked closer and I felt his eyes raking over me. I still feel wholly underdressed. My arms and shoulders were almost completely exposed and my dress showed off far too much of my legs. Alice had forced me to wear fancy white tango shoes that crisscrossed over my foot and had a higher heel than I was used to. I worried constantly that I would trip and fall in the shoes.

"Bella." His soft, musical voice lent a beauty to my name that I hadn't really noticed before I met Edward.

He finally smiled, stretching out his hand for me to take the rose.

"Thank you," I said, inhaling the scent of the flower. "It's beautiful."

"It's nice," he said softly. "But you are beautiful."

I immediately colored at his playful words. He reached out and took my hand the way Jasper had taken Alice's. I held my breath and stared into his eyes as he brought my hand to his lips again, anticipating the spark of heat that always seemed to accompany Edward's touch. When his lips brushed my knuckles, I felt and saw him take in a deep breath, inhaling my scent as he kissed my hand. His eyes closed for an instant as he held my hand to his lips and I struggled to remain on my feet. He was literally making my knees weak.

Edward briefly brought the back of my hand to his cheek before bringing my hand down. The skin on his face was smooth and warm and I wished immediately to reach up and touch him again, but he still had a firm grasp on my hand. He was slowly, maddeningly swirling his thumb back and forth over my knuckles. My heart was beating out a staccato rhythm and I wondered if it would be highly improper to ask him to continue holding my hand in this manner for the rest of the evening. It likely would be highly improper, though I gladly would have done so if I had been able to speak.

"Are we ready?" Alice chirped from behind us.

When I looked at her, she was smiling like a cat that had caught a canary. She and Jasper walked past us, Jasper with one hand on her back as they went. They exited the room and Alice turned back around to wink at me which made me giggle.

Edward exhaled deeply and nodded his head.

"Shall we go?" he asked, though his hand hesitated before releasing mine.

It almost felt as though he did not want to let my hand go. He finally did, however, when I nodded my assent and I felt the absence of his warmth immediately. I did not miss it for long. As we turned to follow Alice and Jasper, he placed his hand firmly on the small of my back, leading me out of the house. Even through the layers of clothing, I could feel his warmth radiating through to my skin. I gasped softly at the feeling of him so close to my side and I leaned into him without really thinking about it. Our bodies were mere inches apart.

We walked out of the sitting room and were greeted by Aunt Esme and Uncle Carlisle who were beaming at the four of us.

"We'll see you kids when you arrive," Aunt Esme was saying. "Uncle Carlisle and I will take the car, so we'll likely beat you there."

"Yes, ma'am," Jasper answered.

"Take care of our girls, you two," Uncle Carlisle warned, his hands behind his back.

"Of course, Dr. Cullen," Edward said deferentially.

"Alright, alright, you better hurry or you will miss the beginning of the dinner!" Aunt Esme shooed us out as she spoke. "Remember, Edward, your parents are saving us all a large table so that we might all eat together. Look for them when you get there."

"Yes, Mrs. Cullen," he said, nodding.

He applied a gentle pressure to my back, leading me toward the door. He would be a natural dance partner. Everyone seemed to relax slightly once we were out of Aunt Esme and Uncle Carlisle's gaze. Jasper's arm snaked all the way around my sister's back and she leaned into him as they walked. My eyes widened at their open easiness with each other. I wondered how long they had been so close and what else I had been missing while fixated on Edward. Also, I was jealous of their closeness; Edward's hand dropped once we were outside and I missed the feel of him touching me.

"Are you cold?" Edward asked as we walked.

I realized I was clutching my cover-up around myself with both of my hands in an effort to keep my hands to myself. I laughed softly and released my hold on the cover-up, letting it slip a bit off my shoulder.

"No, I'm sorry. I'm just slightly nervous, that's all."

His eyes seemed to darken slightly as he watched the cover-up slip off my shoulder, but he shook his head quickly and smiled warmly at me.

"There's nothing to be nervous about, Bella," he said. "I'll be with you the whole night."

His words filled my heart with a bubbly joy. He'd be with _me_ all night. He'd be by my side, dancing with me and talking with me all night. I had his conversation, his presence, and of course, his touch to look forward to. I knew my happiness was apparent on my face because I could see it reflected in Edward's smile.

"That is something to be happy about," I responded evenly.

"May I…" He covered his mouth and cleared his throat. "Might I hold your hand?"

My heart stopped for the second time this evening. I thought about it for a moment. Would it be wrong? He _had_ asked me to the party. This could be considered a trial courtship. And I so wanted to feel his hand wrapped around mine. I smiled and felt my face on fire as I nodded to him.

I expected him to simply hold my hand; instead he threaded our fingers together and held my hand so that our palms were touching, wrapping my hand neatly inside of his. My entire forearm was touching his arm as we walked in step and I felt the rough wool scraping at the underside of my arm. His thumb brushed lazily against mine as we walked in a charged silence. I could not stop thinking about the feelings he was creating in me, the way my hand seemed to fit perfectly into his, the way our steps seemed to be timed to each other's, the way his hand had fit the curve of my back. I wondered what he was thinking but was still afraid to ask.

"What are you thinking?" he asked, pulling me out of my own thoughts and surprising me.

I immediately blushed crimson and faltered in my steps. I couldn't tell him what I had been thinking; it was scandalous. But at that moment, I couldn't think of a single thing to say instead. I just looked at him with shock and surprise written on my face.

"Were you thinking about this?" He held our linked hands up, his lips lifted in a half smile.

I nodded and giggled softly.

"Yes," I admitted. "Why?"

"It's nice to know we were thinking about the same thing."

He squeezed my hand tightly and continued walking, not asking any more questions but smiling broadly as he walked with me. I couldn't help thinking I was making him happy, that my presence here with him was responsible for his bright smile and quick step. It made me giddy to think I'd had that effect on him. It also made me feel slightly powerful.

These were heady and foreign thoughts for me. I'd never felt powerful before. But today I felt as though I held sway over Edward's heart, possibly the most precious thing in the world to me at the moment. I could tell that he knew the effect he had on me to some extent. I watched the way he would smile at my blushes, the way he would say certain things in order to get me to smile or laugh. He knew and enjoyed the way he could make me react to him. For me, it was not as easy to understand my new found power. I wanted to make him happy; the very sight of his smile made my pulse race. I had just allowed myself permission to admit how he made me feel; I still didn't have a very good concept of the things which made him happy. I was determined to do a better job of trying to decipher these things tonight.

We arrived at the hall after most of the guests had already arrived and were mostly seated. Edward held my hand more tightly when we walked into the hall. Following the direction of his gaze, I understood why. Lauren Mallory sat with her family and her ice blue eyes were full of hate as she glared at Edward and me. I automatically shrunk into Edward's side and he released my hand in order to wrap his arm around me protectively. It was the most secure feeling I'd ever experienced. I knew that no one could hurt me here.

"Are you ok?" he asked.

"I am now," I whispered, shocked at my own honesty.

He smiled in response, a dazzling mixture of happiness and possessiveness crossing his face. He had just claimed me in front of most of our peers and it seemed to embolden him. He kept his arm around me as we walked through the crowd and over to our families' table.

"What happened?" Aunt Esme never missed much so it didn't shock me that she had seen the silent exchange between Lauren and me.

"One of the girls in Bella's class feels she holds a claim on me," Edward explained, pulling out a chair for me and guiding me into it.

It pleased me beyond measure that Edward sat in the seat beside mine and I smiled at him once he was seated, silently thanking him for keeping his promise to be with me all evening. He leaned over to me as he arranged the napkin on his lap.

"Do you think she got the message?" he asked softly.

I could only giggle in response. Lauren sat ramrod straight at her table, her face a dark purple color of mingled anger and humiliation. After Edward and I had walked in, numerous girls around the room began talking behind their napkins to each other, presumably about what Edward's feelings for me truly were. Lauren was in disgrace, having told all of our class that Edward Masen would be _her_ escort. She sat between her parents, unaccompanied and trying to look disdainful. I chided myself for my uncharitable thoughts, but I could not help feeling slightly glad about Lauren's misfortune. She had been horrid to me since the moment I arrived at school.

After Kate was brought out for her formal introductions, we relaxed into our chairs and waited for our meals to be served. Dinner was a boring formal affair where we were expected to keep quiet while the adults made conversation. I did not understand much about what they were discussing, but the conversation became extremely heated when Mr. Hale took exception to Aunt Esme's continued interruptions of the discussion at hand.

"The government is interested in stimulating the economy and helping the city grow even further," Mr. Hale was saying.

"Nonsense, Whitmore!" Aunt Esme chimed in. "The government is interested in padding its pockets and hiding its corrupt ties with the mob!"

Mr. Hale's face was pinched and growing redder by the second, but Aunt Esme looked calm and assured of herself.

"Carlisle, really, don't you know how to control your wife?"

Everyone looked down at the same time, trying to avoid each other's eyes. Yet Aunt Esme never looked down. She remained looking directly at Mr. Hale despite his now murderous gaze.

"My wife is her own woman," Uncle Carlisle said, his voice hard and commanding attention. "And I happen to agree with her assessment."

Mr. Hale made some strangled blathering noises, but at that moment the band struck up some louder music, signaling the start of dancing. Edward stood up in a rush and held out his hand to me.

"Bella," he said with a smile. "Would you do me the honor?"

I slipped my hand into his and he lifted me out of my seat, deftly snagging my cover-up and hanging it on the chair. Without the bit of cloth I felt even more exposed, but Edward's deep blush and darkened eyes were well worth my slight discomfort. He held my right hand with his left and slipped his right arm around my waist as we walked toward the dance floor.

"Perfect timing," he whispered in my ear before twirling me around to face him.

The motion and feel of his breath on my ear made me dizzy with anticipation. He firmly wrapped his arm around my waist and held my hand up with his other hand. I had only danced a few times before and it had always been awkward and ended in my embarrassment. _This_ was completely different.

Very few people were on the floor when we got up and began dancing, so I felt self-conscious, as though all eyes must be on us. My timidity didn't last long. Edward moved fluidly with the music, guiding my body around the dance floor as if I had been dancing for years. Effortlessly, I glided with him, my body seeming to anticipate his every move. His eyes were locked with mine as we moved around the dance floor and I didn't feel awkward about getting lost in his eyes as we danced. I felt as though we belonged like this, our bodies moving naturally together, without awkwardness or conventions holding us back.

I was dancing on air. I never wanted it to end. Of course, the music changed and our dance had to change with it. The music was slower, with a swinging syncopation that I wasn't used to. I felt Edward's arm tighten around me, pulling me closer to him until our bodies touched. I breathed in deeply as he folded my hand down and held it against his chest. My breathing quickened as I felt his heartbeat under the folds of his jacket and reveled in the racing electric currents running up and down the front of my body as our bodies touched and swayed together.

"Is this ok?" he asked, his voice hoarse.

It was more than ok. It was perhaps the best feeling in the world. But I couldn't bring myself to say something so revealing. Instead I nodded and smiled.

"I like dancing with you very much, Bella," he said, his hand stroking my back gently.

My eyes closed as I smiled at his touch. It felt like heaven being here with him; I didn't want this night to end, knowing how unsure the future was for us. I wanted to be sure that he and I would dance this way again, that he felt the same pull to me as I felt to him. I wished to rest my head on his shoulder and whisper in his ear the way Rose was doing with Emmett. But that would be too forward of me. Instead, I contented myself to be wrapped in his arms and twirling around the dance floor with him.

After several dances, Edward walked me over to our table and guided me into a seat.

"You look flushed," he said with a smirk. "Let me get you a drink."

"Thank you," I said, rolling my eyes at his retreating form.

I was flushed, but not from over-exertion. Being so close to Edward for so long had left me dizzy with his presence. I looked around and realized that Mrs. Masen was sitting at the table with me and she was staring at me.

She was a remarkably striking woman. Her hair and eyes were the exact shade of Edward's, but the lines of her face were softer. She had a kind smile on her face and she appeared to be appraising me openly.

"Dancing with my son agrees with you, Bella," she said finally, smiling wider.

I felt suddenly on guard. Would she be angry with my behavior this evening? I remembered Lauren's words about how a match between her and Edward would be beneficial…did Mrs. Masen think that as well?

"He is a fine dancer," I agreed.

"He cares about you a great deal," she said. "Did you know that?"

"I—I had hoped…"

I stammered over my response, not knowing what to say. Her words seemed to echo in my head, making my heart swell with hope. _Edward cared for me_. Mrs. Masen was smiling at me kindly as I stuttered over my response.

"You care for him a great deal too, I can see."

I wasn't surprised by her ability to see through me; I knew that my feelings for Edward had been plastered on my face tonight. I didn't have the strength to hide them when he was so close for so long. I simply nodded and shrugged, admitting to the obviousness of her statement.

She perplexed me. She just nodded and looked away, seeming to consider our conversation. I followed her gaze and felt as though someone had punched me in the stomach. Edward was talking to a beautiful girl who looked to be about three years older than me. She had reddish-blonde hair and perfect features. Her eyes looked to be either blue or light green; I couldn't tell from this distance, but she was batting them at Edward as he smiled and spoke to her. He darted his eyes over to the table and smiled widely at me when he saw me looking at him. It gave me some measure of comfort, but it did not ease the worry gnawing at the pit of my stomach.

Suddenly, a pair of firm, comforting hands covered my shoulders. I jumped before I recognized Aunt Esme's rings and realized it was she who was touching me. She leaned down to whisper in my ear.

"Ask Elizabeth," she said.

I turned to look at her, confused.

"You wish to know who Edward is speaking to," she explained. "Ask Elizabeth."

I furrowed my brows, wondering if it was smart. I didn't know how Mrs. Masen viewed me. Was it any of my business after all? I sighed, curiosity and possessiveness winning out.

"Mrs. Masen?" I asked.

"Yes dear?" she replied with a strange, triumphant smile.

"The girl who Edward is speaking to? May I ask…?"

"Oh, Tanya," she said with disdain. "That is Edward's third cousin who would like very much to forget that we are related."

I breathed deeply for what I realized was probably the first time since I first saw Edward talking to the girl.

"Bella?" Mrs. Masen called.

I looked over and she smiled at me openly.

"I'm glad you asked."

Edward broke away from Tanya and dashed across the room to me, bypassing his mother and Aunt Esme to bring me a drink and sit by my side. I saw Tanya staring at him, as well as Lauren and several other girls in the room. It made me nervous to see the way he drew people's attention, but I reminded myself that he was here with me.

"I'm so very sorry, Bella," he said when he sat down. "I didn't think that girl would ever let me walk away!"

I giggled and took a sip of the water he'd brought me.

"I had a lovely chat with your mother while you were gone," I said.

He turned and looked suspiciously at his mother who shrugged and got up from the table.

"Just making small talk, son," she said softly as she walked over to Mr. Masen.

I finished the water and sat uncomfortably next to Edward. I very much wanted him to ask me to dance again. At the very least, I wanted him to touch my hand again. I felt very loose for even thinking such a thing, but I fumbled idly with my dress anyway, in the hope that he would think to ask me to dance again. Luckily for me, Edward seemed attuned to these things.

"Bella?" he asked, a teasing tone in his voice. "Do you want to dance with me again?"

I chuckled softly into my hand and nodded.

"Very much."

He stood and reached for my chair to help me up. As he did so, he gently ran his fingertips down the nape of my neck, making my skin break out in gooseflesh. His touch was so delicate I almost didn't realize he was caressing me. But my body certainly knew and reacted accordingly.

On the dance floor, he pulled me close immediately, our bodies touching intimately. This was much different than our last trip on the dance floor; Edward moved me with purpose, keeping our bodies in contact as we moved. The whirlwind of our movements made my heart race with excitement.

We danced in this manner for the rest of the evening, his body too close to mine and his face a dancing mask of emotions that I drank in as I looked at him. I had a nearly irresistible urge to touch his face, to reach up and run my fingers across his lips and cheeks. I didn't, of course, but I wished that I were able to do so.

The night began to wind down and it was nearly time to go. The band slowed the music and Edward pulled me tighter to him, holding my hand to his chest again and looking deeply into my eyes. He brought his face close to ear and began whispering to me.

"Were you jealous?" His breath tickled my earlobe as he hissed into my ear. "When I spoke to Tanya, did it make you jealous?"

His husky whispers and the feel of his hands around my waist as we moved to the music made me dizzy.

"Yes!" I gasped.

"You have no reason to be jealous, Bella," he said.

He looked at him, his eyes boring into me with hidden meaning and I grasped at straws trying to understand what was behind his eyes.

"I will be over to your house on Wednesday, if it pleases you."

"But…our tutoring is scheduled for Thursday this week," I said, confused.

"True," he said. "But I have other business at your house this week."

My stomach flip flopped as I looked into his eyes and understood for the first time what he had been trying to tell me all night: Edward was planning to ask permission to court me.

_**A/N: So...what'd you think of their first dance? For those of you who have read my birthday one-shot, this story has a slightly different arc than that story set up. It's just kind of the way it has worked out. I hope you enjoy the way it is going so far. If you do, I'd love to hear your thoughts. Thanks so much for reading! ~Jen**_


	6. Courtships and Intrigue

_A pretty girl is like a melody_

_That haunts you night and day,_

_Just like the strain of a haunting refrain_

_She'll start up-on a marathon_

_And run around your brain._

_**A Pretty Girl is Like a Melody, (Irving Berlin, 1919)**_

* * *

**Disclaimer:** _I do not own __Twilight__ or any of the characters from the Saga. Stephenie Meyer is the owner of __Twilight__. No copyright infringement is intended. This work and the original ideas presented therein are the sole property of this author._

_Once again, huge thanks go to my beta, Belle Dean, who always forces me to do what is best, if not easiest, for this story. Truly, her touch has made this story so much better. Big thanks to my WC gals for holding my hand as I wrote this difficult chapter and stroking my ego so nice. ;) You ladies rock. And of course, you readers. Holy hell have you blown me away with your devotion to this story. Just...wow. Thank you so much. Enjoy!_

* * *

_One more day until I can ask Carlisle for permission_, I thought with a smile as I played a random tune on the piano. Perhaps it was bold of me, but I had every confidence that Carlisle would think me a good match for his niece. And I so hoped that Bella would think me worthy too.

My plan had been to go slowly and subtly with Bella. I wanted to be gentle with her so I didn't scare her away. Things had not gone exactly according to my plan. I sighed as I remembered the feeling of her hand clutched in mine and the sweet smell of her hair as I pressed my cheek against her forehead while we danced. No. I had not been slow or subtle at the dance.

But Bella had surprised me with the way she responded to my touches. Though she shied away at first, her shyness seemed reluctant at best. I instinctively felt that a greater part of her wanted to give in to my touch. My heart soared as I thought of the way she looked at me near the end of the night. There was trust in her eyes, and so many questions.

I hadn't been paying much attention to the music I was playing, but I noticed the tone and rhythms change as I thought more about dancing with Bella. I let my mind lead me as I began to swing the rhythms the way I had swung Bella on the dance floor, the music expanding on my memories of her. I was composing for her, about her, but it didn't need to be written down. It was constantly moving, ever changing, just like my feelings for Bella had been over the last several days.

Soon, my reminiscences were giving way to my daydreams and my plans. The tempo picked up along with my heart as I thought about walking hand in hand with her. I wanted to show her things, things that were probably new and foreign to her. I wanted to share them and experience them with her, bring her into my world and never let her leave. I closed my eyes and swayed with the music as I thought about playing only for her one day and the way it would make her smile. Remembering her smile made me think of her lips which I had studied so carefully the other night…it made me wonder what it would be like to kiss her.

The song took off and I had to stand in order to keep up with its pounding, syncopated rhythms. I didn't think about what I would look like to anyone watching me. This was Bella's song, inspired by everything she made me feel as I held her in my arms. I felt like nothing could stop this music that was pouring out of me.

Jasper must have cleared his throat three times before I finally heard him and stopped playing. I expected to turn around and be greeted with Jasper's familiar, cocky smirk. Instead, I was shocked to see his disheveled appearance and Mother standing protectively behind him looking worried. Jasper walked into the room and Mother wrung her hands worriedly for a moment before finally backing out of the room.

"I'll just—leave you boys to it, then," she said.

I shook my head at her retreating form and then turned back to my friend. If anything, he was more distracted than when he walked into the room.

"Jasper, what's wrong?" I asked.

He didn't appear injured, but he looked nearly beside himself. I could think of only two things that could get Jasper this upset: his father or Alice.

"For starters, my father's a stuffed shirt who thinks he can rule my life with an iron fist," he said, pacing the room and looking more distracted than I'd ever seen him.

He was gripping his hands in tight fists at his side. I walked over to him and put my hand on his shoulder. He immediately pulled out of my grasp and turned around to face me.

"He refuses to allow me to ask Alice to court her," he said, his voice low and dangerous all at once.

"What? Why? You took her to the party!"

"Yes," he said through gritted teeth. "And he had that _discussion_ with your godmother and it changed everything. Now he is determined to keep me away from the 'intemperate Cullen women' and the damage they can do to his good name."

Immediately, my mind went to Bella and I became defensive. I could feel my shoulders tensing and my brows knitting as I got ready to defend her. I took a deep breath, remembered this was about Jasper and his father, and tried to proceed more calmly. I decided that the air would do us well.

"Let's take a walk," I suggested. "You could use the air and I don't need Mother getting curious about the raised voices."

He laughed sourly and nodded. Jas stepped outside and I explained to Mother that we would be back for dinner. She looked both frustrated and curious. I didn't blame her; Jasper was like a son to her. I was sure she would have the full story out of me eventually. I found Jasper leaning against a telephone pole and lighting up a cigarette.

"You smoke now?" I asked as the door closed behind me.

He shrugged and threw the match away.

"You should have heard the ass, Edward," he said immediately. "You'd have stormed out too."

"I'm not sure I understand the situation," I said slowly, trying to avoid more outbursts from him. "He disapproves of you and Alice, but Rose and Em…?"

"Oh, of course, the engagement is still on," Jasper said thickly, gripping the back of his neck. "The Cullen money talks volumes and Emmett is a man. Father said he has no doubt that he can provide for Rose. He's concerned about our family name and what Alice would do to sully it if I…if I were to marry her."

"Perhaps he's just sore over the display on Saturday," I said, chuckling a little bit. "It was a bit funny to watch Esme hand it to him, wasn't it?"

Jasper snorted but there was no mirth in the sound. I cleared my throat uncomfortably.

"Just give it a few days, Jas. Maybe he'll lighten up."

"I didn't have a few days!" he burst out. "I told her before we left the dance that I would ask to court her this week. Besides, it's moot. I talked to Alice last night."

"Last night? Were the Cullens aware of this? Was your father?"

"The Cullens were aware that I had a conversation with Alice in the afternoon. They were not, however, aware of my conversation with her late at night."

"Dangerous, Jas," I said, shaking my head.

"Nah," he said. "I wasn't aiming to get her in trouble…I like the Cullens. But I needed to tell her how it was and see if she'd be amenable to a…somewhat unorthodox courtship."

"Let me guess," I said, pinching the bridge of my nose. "She was more than amenable."

He nodded and shrugged as if there couldn't have been any other conclusion.

"If you like the Cullens, why are you going behind their backs? They might be able to help, but they're not going to thank you for ruining Alice's reputation."

"Relax," he said dismissively. "I have no intention of ruining her reputation. I just needed her to know that she…has me. I'm hers—even if I'm not here."

"Not here? Please tell me you're not running away with her."

"Of course not! Father's…opinion has just forced my hand. I will proceed with Alice, with or without his approval. And I'll simply have to make my own way."

"Have you thought about what this could mean for you? For Alice? He'll likely disown you."

Jasper laughed then, a much more natural sound.

"I've never had much use for his money anyway, Edward," he said. "It just galls me that the man thinks so little of Alice!"

"That man is your father, Jas," I said. "And without his money and his approval, how are you going to go to law school? Have you really thought through this plan?"

"I've thought of nothing else for the past three days," he said. "I don't mean to disappoint you, but law school was your thing. I just decided to go along because father wouldn't have approved of my other choices." He shrugged and turned toward the window. "Now, his opinion isn't as important to me."

"That seems like quite a lot to give up." Honestly, I couldn't wrap my head around everything that Jas was giving up. He seemed to stepping out of the world that I knew completely.

"Edward, what do you want out of life?"

I opened my mouth and then closed it again tightly. _What did I want?_ I thought to myself. I wanted to join my father in the law firm, I had known that for certain since I was old enough to sit on Father's lap and hear stories about the cases he'd tried and the men whose lives he'd changed. Though, I would have to admit, the solid idea of my future had become somewhat fuzzy in the days and weeks since I'd met one Isabella Swan.

"Tough question, eh my friend?" he said. "Not as easy to answer as…say, a few months ago?"

I snorted and shrugged my shoulders.

"You know how difficult that situation is, Jas," I said softly. "I can't—well, I certainly like her."

"My point is that a woman—the right woman, perhaps?—she can change everything you think you know about yourself. And maybe that's not such a bad thing."

"But giving up your inheritance? Your education? Jas, it's an awful lot."

"Tell me you wouldn't do the same," he said evenly.

He stopped walking and I had to turn around to look at him. He was looking directly in my eyes and I couldn't lie to him or shrug off his question when he looked at me in such a way.

"Tell me, Edward," he said. "Tell me that if you were in my shoes and your father gave you the choice between his money and Bella, you'd choose differently than me."

I stared levelly at him for a moment as I considered. I'd wanted to be a lawyer for as long as I could remember. But in the past several weeks, something else had crept into that vision. Bella…standing behind the stove of a kitchen fixing me coffee in the morning. Bella…waiting for me at night when I came home. Somewhere in the time between when I'd met her and when I'd danced with her, Bella had become part of my imagined future. And I wasn't sure anymore that I could accept only part of that future.

"I'm glad I don't have to make that choice," I said.

"It was easy," Jasper said with a smile. "I never wanted this. Jesus, Edward, I hate this world with all of its rules. This was never me!"

"Then who the hell are you Jasper Whitlock? What do you want? You most certainly had me fooled!"

He was calling into question everything we'd known our entire life. I understood his decision to choose Alice; I'd seen them the other night. They were nothing short of perfect for each other. But giving up everything? Talking about our world, the society we'd grown up in, as though it was nothing he'd ever want? I didn't understand that.

"Edward, I've never fit in this world," he said. "All of the made up rules and expectations…I was constantly letting one of my parents down. I want more than just an office in the city and a fancy brownstone house where I can host boring parties. I want to _do_ something."

"Well, thank you, Jas, for making my life sound like an utter waste of time," I said sourly.

He punched me in the shoulder teasingly.

"That's not what I mean and you know it. Do you remember when we were younger and taking music lessons? You were always better than me on the piano…"

"You hated the piano," I said laughing. "Every time Mrs. Cope would walk into the room, you'd roll your eyes and slink lower in your chair, like she'd overlook you!"

"I hated the music, not the instrument," he corrected. "Bet Mrs. Cope didn't teach you that music you were playing earlier."

"No," I said, stifling a laugh. "I don't suppose that kind old lady would know quite what to do with jazz."

"Where'd you hear it?" he asked.

I shrugged.

"Some of the guys in study group listen to it," I said. "I've passed some…seedy places where I've heard bits and pieces of it. It just sort of stuck with me…I wasn't playing anything in particular today."

"I know," he said. "I've been to some of those seedy places…played at them too."

"What?" I stopped this time, grabbing his arm and turning him around. "What do you mean you've played at them?"

"It doesn't matter," he said shaking his head. "Look, it's probably better for you if you don't know too much about what I'm doing right now. But it's only fair that you know some of it. I get the feeling that Alice and Bella don't have many secrets…you'd have heard what's happening soon enough anyway."

"And what is happening?" I asked warily.

Jas was in deeper than I thought possible. I hadn't guessed that he'd already talked Alice into betraying Esme and Carlisle.

"I'll be away for a while," he said softly. "Just until I can get my feet under me and make a place for myself.

"And where are you going to be?"

"Not far," he said. "But as I said…it's going to be better for you _not_ to know these things. Dear papa will certainly ask questions when I go missing."

"Jas…I think you're making a big mistake here," I said honestly. "You're taking an awful lot of risk…and you don't have any guarantee that it's going to count for something. What if you throw away everything and then Alice _isn't_ the one?"

"She is," he said simply. There was no anger or defiance in his voice; just a surety that I couldn't argue with. It all but ended that vein of our conversation. "So tell me _your_ plans. When are you going to ask permission?"

"Tomorrow," I said with a smile. "I've asked Carlisle if I might meet with him before dinner. He agreed. Esme, of course, knows what I intend to ask and has invited me to stay for dinner. I hope to be able to spend some time with Bella after dinner."

It felt inordinately foolish to be so excited about such a little amount of freedom. But Bella was more traditional than any other girls I knew; I felt quite certain that she would never be truly comfortable with me until she knew my true intentions. For a girl such as Bella, that meant formally requesting to court her and doing so in the traditional manner. There would be no shortcuts with Bella.

"I envy you in many ways," he said. "You'll get to claim her…out in the open and everyone will know she's your girl. I want that with Alice. I want her to _have_ that security. But I think with Alice, this is enough for now. Somehow, I think she just knows."

We walked through the local park and then back to my parents' house where Mother invited Jasper in for supper. He graciously accepted and ate as though he hadn't eaten much all day; I had to wonder if that was the case. Before going to bed that night, I tried to imagine the life that Jasper was willingly seeking out, a life without the support of his family, cut off from the people he'd known his whole life. I wondered what it would mean for our friendship.

My mind turned to Bella, naturally. I wondered what she would think of the things her sister was choosing…I couldn't help but wonder if it would affect her choices with me. I doubted the unorthodox courtship which Jas was suggesting would appeal to a girl such as Bella. I wondered if it would sour her to the idea of courtship completely. That didn't seem likely, but still it gnawed at me. I found myself troubled as I tossed and turned trying to find sleep.

Jasper's heartfelt declarations and somewhat impetuous decisions had me questioning my own feelings for Bella. Asking her to court me was a very large step…I didn't undertake it lightly, knowing the implications not only to Bella but within the rest of the community. Couples who courted publicly usually married. But if I couldn't fathom making the sacrifices that Jas made so easily for Alice, was I committed enough to Bella? Or was it simply the fact that no one was forcing me to choose which made it so difficult for me to understand his choices?

I didn't know. But I did know that a future without Bella was unfathomable to me. In the space of a few short weeks, she had become…essential to me. Courting Bella was only the first step and I knew that the first time I touched her hand. She'd made an indelible mark on my being that day and though I didn't know it at the time, she'd marked me as her own. I belonged to her, the way Jas had described himself as being Alice's even if he wasn't around. I was Bella's. There was finality in that realization. It made me smile and eased my restlessness.

* * *

Mother pounced at breakfast, cornering me over my hot cakes and eggs.

"What did he say?" she said, placing Father's plate in front of him and sitting down at the table. "And why was he smoking?"

"Who?" Father asked, pushing the paper aside. "Who's smoking?"

I buried my face in my hands, but mother tapped on the table to catch my attention.

"Edward, I want answers," she said shrilly. "Jasper is like a son to me. I need to know what he said."

I looked over at Father who was trying valiantly not to smile as he stuffed his mouth. I was certain it had taken superhuman willpower on her part not to interrogate me last night

"Well, it seems Mr. Whitlock was more upset about his confrontation with Esme than anyone would have guessed and he has forbidden Jasper from courting Alice."

"Well, no wonder Jasper was in such a state," Mother said sympathetically and then her eyes narrowed. "That isn't the whole story, is it?"

"No. Jasper intends to proceed with or without his parent's blessing."

"I see." Mother and Father exchanged a glance. "What else?"

"There really isn't much more to tell," I said. "Jas is set on his course and insists he has a plan to be self-sufficient. Of course, he will not be attending law school without the help of his parents…"

"Where he was headed? Is he travelling far?"

"He said he wouldn't be far away," I groaned. "I doubt he could be far from Alice, honestly."

"Did he give you any clue what he might be doing?" Father asked.

I looked over at him and he was looking back at me seriously. I could tell that he was worried about Jas's safety and about what he might choose to do; there were far too many illicit careers in Chicago and they might be highly attractive to a man looking to make fast money. I tried my most genuine smile on him.

"He said that it would be best if I didn't know specifics…in case his father asked questions."

Father grunted and returned to his eggs. He was not pleased with my answer, I could tell that. I knew that he would approach me later; I took comfort in the fact that I did not have any more of an answer for him than I had already provided.

"Edward, this is a very serious situation," Mother said, standing up from the table and wringing her hands in her apron. "I can't imagine that boy who played ball in our backyard going homeless and hungry. I won't have it, Ed."

My father looked up, startled to be pulled back into the conversation. They exchanged a wordless conversation, something I'd seen them do countless times before. Father simply nodded and put his head back into the paper he'd unfolded.

"You'll tell Jasper that he has a place to stay here," Mother said finally. "The Cullens' hands are tied right now, with the engagement and with the situation with Alice, but we are not linked to the Hales in any way. If Jasper needs a place to live, he will stay here."

I thought about Jasper's allusions to jazz and to seedy places I'd heard the music played. If Jasper got involved in any of the illegal, sordid business found there and was caught, it would reflect poorly on Father…not to mention me. Even the hint of scandal could taint Father's record and hurt my chances for admission into the more prestigious law schools.

Both of my parents watched me as I considered Mother's words. Father folded the paper and held his chin, waiting.

"I'll discuss it with him," I said tersely.

Again, Father looked down. I knew that he understood my hesitation, perhaps better than Mother ever could. I pushed my half eaten plate away and got up from the table. I had too much to worry about today and refused to let this issue with Jas interfere with my plans with Bella. He was the brother that I never had, but something had occurred to me just now that I hadn't really thought of in my moments of worry the night before. Losing the future I had planned for myself: the job at the law firm and the sensible brownstone which Jasper so disdained…that could easily make me lose Bella. She belonged in that world, even more than I did. I realized that putting that future in jeopardy was putting my future with Bella in jeopardy. It was a consequence I didn't feel ready to accept.

Up in my room, I began thinking over my plan for the day. I had roughly five hours before I was supposed to be over at the Cullens' house, but I had much to accomplish. Several things needed to be picked up: flowers for Bella, Alice and Esme, as well as something small for Carlisle. As I was jotting down a short list for myself, Mother came into my room. She had a smile on her face so I didn't worry that she would delve more into Jasper's situation.

"Esme called," she said. "She invited your father and me for dinner tonight."

I frowned unintentionally. I had been looking forward to tonight being different than our usual dinners. I had hoped to be Bella's suitor tonight, not simply the Cullens' godson visiting for dinner.

"I politely declined," she said.

"Oh?" I asked, relieved. "Why was that?"

"I can see right through you, Edward Anthony," she said with a knowing grin. "Don't think I don't know how important this day is for you…or how you've planned it all out in your mind."

"It's not that I don't want you there!" I protested. "It's only…"

"I understand, son. You want to start this relationship on your own. At the risk of inciting your more stubborn side, I came up here to tell you how proud I am of you."

I rolled my eyes and began to protest, but she held up her hand.

"Don't," she said. "I know that it wasn't easy for you to admit your feelings for Bella. They had to be very powerful indeed to have quashed all of your stubbornness."

"I'm not that bad, am I, mom?" I asked sheepishly.

"You're as bad as I am," she said, walking all the way into the room, "and I've often given up my own happiness in order to prove someone wrong. She's rather important to you, isn't she?"

I hadn't come out and stated my feelings for Bella to either of my parents; I had assumed that my intention to court her would be a definitive enough statement on the matter. Still, I found myself unable to downplay my discoveries.

"She's become _the_ most important thing," I said softly.

Mother nodded and came to sit beside me on the bed. She patted me gently on my knee.

"It isn't easy to realize someone else is more important than yourself, is it?"

"No," I admitted. "I don't know if I'm doing anything right anymore. I want to do everything perfectly…but suddenly everything seems to have so many consequences."

"That's because it's not just about you anymore. You've factored a whole other person into your equation and the possibilities are now doubled. You'll get used to it, dear."

"How will I know?" I asked.

"What?"

"If the decisions I make are good for…both of us?" Talking about Bella and myself as a unit did strange things to me, making me blush and my heart race. I smiled, knowing that my decision to be with Bella was right. Now I just worried that I would make a mistake.

"What makes you think you're going to do this alone?" she asked. "Sweetheart, if she agrees to court you, and one day marry you, you'll make these decisions together. You worry too much, Edward. Ask her to court you first; worry about the rest of your life another day."

I snorted and shook my head.

"You're right," I said. "I didn't used to worry so."

"You didn't have anything important to lose before."

She got up and started to walk out of the room.

"Thanks, Mom."

"You're welcome, Edward. Just try to enjoy today. I know you'll be nervous until it's done, but just remember that you're making the right decision."

"I know I am; I have no doubts about that."

"Do you worry that she'll accept?"

"I hope that Carlisle thinks me worthy of his niece." I smiled as I thought of my godfather and hoped that he would think me the type of man worthy of his niece's affections. "As for Bella, I can only hope that the draw I feel is not one sided."

"I think you're safe, son," Mother said chuckling. "Go. I know you have errands to run before this evening."

* * *

When I was finally sitting in the Cullens' parlor, waiting for Dr. Cullen to make his appearance, it hit me all at once. I knew the gravity of this choice; I knew I was choosing this girl and I wanted her for the rest of my life. But it wasn't until I was sitting there, my palms sweating and the collar of my shirt feeling stiff and tight, that I realized this wasn't just my decision. She might not want me.

The nerves I had tried all day to quell hit me full force. I had gone through every scenario and decided that I could not picture a future without Bella. And yet…all of the careful planning, all of those difficult admissions could be for naught…she could say no.

"Good evening, Edward."

Dr. Cullen's smooth voice interrupted my musings and I leapt from my chair, spilling the flowers for both girls onto the floor at his feet. I scrambled down to pick them up and found him bending over to help me.

"Calm down, Edward," he murmured. "_This_ is the easy part."

I laughed nervously and picked up the flowers, setting them on the table and then holding my hand out to my godfather.

"Good evening, Dr. Cullen," I said formally, forgoing the privilege of using his first name in favor of playing the part of a suitor tonight.. "Thank you for agreeing to see me."

He quickly hid a wry smile at my stiff formality.

"What can I do for you this evening, son?"

"You are aware that I escorted Isabella to the party this past weekend," I said slowly, trying to silence the tremor in my voice. "Prior to that, it became apparent that I had deeper feelings than tutor to student. I care for your niece very deeply, sir, and it is my deepest hope that you would consent to allow me to court her."

"Edward, I've known you your whole life. I can think of no one better to care for Bella than you. But there are things you must understand, son…things you may not be prepared for."

"Sir?" I asked, my voice breaking embarrassingly.

"Bella wasn't raised…with love the way you were and the way those you know were. Frankly, we don't know much about the way she was raised because she refuses to speak ill of her mother and we know that Alice exaggerates so! But I can tell you that the world she comes from is quite different than the world you are used to. She will expect that when you ask to court her, you intend to one day marry her."

I cleared my throat. I hadn't expected so plain a discussion, though I felt strangely surer of myself now. I had an answer for this…one that I felt certain Carlisle would appreciate.

"I'm aware of Bella's…proper upbringing. I did not come here today lightly. I did not come here only because I enjoyed dancing with Bella. I came because I can't imagine a future without her in my life. It is my sincerest hope that one day Bella will share my name."

Carlisle's smile was immediate and genuine. He stood up and I stood with him. He clapped me on the shoulder and nodded.

"You have my blessing and my best wishes, Edward. You're like a son to me already and I believe that the two of you will make each other quite happy someday."

I followed him out of the parlor, darting my eyes around for a sight of Bella. I had hoped to see her before dinner, to let her know my intentions as quickly as possible, but there was no sign of her. I followed Carlisle through the house to the solarium where we waited for dinner to be called.

Bella was distant during dinner, withdrawn almost. She sat across the table from me and I tried on numerous occasions to catch her eye, but found it nearly impossible; Bella kept her head down throughout nearly all of the meal. As the meal was drawing to a close, Mrs. Cullen brought matters to a head.

"Edward, perhaps you would be so kind as to wait for Bella in the sitting room," she said, winking slyly at me. "I know you have something you'd like to discuss with her?"

"That would be wonderful, Esme," I said, standing and bowing my head to her.

I noticed the shocked look that crossed Bella's face as she fully understood her aunt's words. She looked over at Alice who simply smirked at her knowingly. I tried to discern their silent conversation, but couldn't seem to grasp onto anything. I exited the room in order to wait nervously for Bella.

I'd been waiting for nearly ten minutes when I began to hear noises just outside of the sitting room. I guessed from the tone of the voices, Alice was with Bella and coaxing her to go inside. I strained to hear what they were saying to each other.

"Alice," she hissed. "I don't understand at all."

"You can't place your faith in what that malicious cow told you," Alice said. I could picture her angry eyes as she described the person in question. Clearly, Alice Swan was not a woman to cross. "She hates to see others get what they want, Bella. She was literally glowing green with envy on Monday."

"But what she said made _perfect sense_," Bella moaned at her sister. "Why would _he_ want _me_?"

"Why don't you let him tell you that?" Alice asked.

A small scuffle ensued, followed by oaths and giggles. I smiled in spite of the heavy words I'd overheard. I found myself eternally grateful that for all of the pain Bella's mother had caused her, she had given her Alice. I'd never met two sisters with a more unique bond.

Finally, the sliding door opened. Bella entered first followed by Alice with her sly cat smile on her face. I presented each of the girls with the flowers I had brought for them, daisies for Alice and purple roses for Bella. I got them because they reminded me of her dress the other night. Her blush told me that she remembered.

"I'll be on the other side of the door," Alice said uncomfortably, "along with Aunt Esme and Uncle Carlisle. Have…fun?"

She giggled and backed out of the room, pulling it closed until it was only open a crack. Bella and I stood facing each other, Bella's eyes fixed on the flowers in her hands and my eyes searching her face for some sign for how to proceed. Dr. Cullen had been correct; talking with him _had_ been the easy part.

"Would you sit with me for a moment, Bella?" I asked nervously.

I felt awkward and confused. I had been so sure of myself this afternoon as I thought about this moment and now that it had arrived, I felt totally unsure. I wanted to touch her hand, reform the bond that we had shared at the dance and try to erase whatever words seemed to be looming in her mind. But she was so different tonight, so distant. I feared if I touched her now she might fly into a million pieces.

She walked over to the long chaise lounge chair and sat down, smoothing the light blue taffeta of her dress. She looked up at me, meeting my eye for the first time this evening. As she did, I saw the mask she had arranged throughout the night slip a little and recognized a trace of fear in her eyes. She wasn't frightened _of_ me; she was frightened of losing me. I could relate to her fear in ways I couldn't express to her. Seeing her emotions laid bare in that way made it easier for me to proceed.

I sat down next to her on the lounge, taking the flowers from her hands and placing them on the long table behind us.

"It makes me very happy that you agreed to meet me, Bella."

She blinked her eyes several times before taking in a deep breath. I furrowed my brow, worried that she was about to cry. Instead, she smiled at me and it warmed my heart. I had missed her smile.

"I had a lovely time at the party on Saturday," I said, smiling. "Did you enjoy yourself?"

She blushed furiously and dropped her eyes. _Damn_.

"It was a…pleasant evening," she said so softly I nearly missed it. Her face fell into a look near sadness. I couldn't imagine what memories from that night might have made her sad, but seeing her so vulnerable and so clearly hurting tore at my heart.

"I found it infinitely more than pleasant," I responded immediately, unable to keep up the pretenses of formality that I had begun the evening with. "Bella, please, look at me? I don't understand. Why are you sad?"

She looked up, her eyes wide with some emotion beyond sadness. It looked as though she felt she had done something wrong, made some misstep. Without thinking, I bridged the gap between us and touched her hand, just brushing her fingertips with my own. Her response was immediate: the flush of color to her checks, the darkening of her eyes, the increase of her breath…we were back to the way we were Saturday night.

"I'm…confused." Her voice was stronger now, as though she was gaining strength.

"I overheard you and your sister speaking tonight," I said, moving slightly closer to her. "Was something said, Bella? Were you made to question my intentions for you?"

She frowned and nodded.

"Alice says I am terribly foolish and naïve, that I oughtn't listen to the girls at school."

"You may be naïve, but you are far from foolish. You hide it away, but you have a rare ability to see through to the heart of things, Bella. You don't give yourself enough credit. Won't you please tell me what was said?"

"I shouldn't repeat it," she said, shaking her head. "It would be gossip."

I leaned in closer to her, making her look at me.

"Tell me."

"Lauren hinted that you were forced to ask me to the dance," she said, her voice rushed and whispered. "She said your mother and Aunt Esme were old friends and that they told you to take me."

She finished and closed her eyes, balling her hands into fists. I reached out and brushed her knuckles with my fingertips, urging her to release her hands. She finally opened her eyes and looked at me.

"No one told me to ask you to the party," I said softly. "I asked you because I wanted to spend time with you away from musty books, because I wanted to dance with you. Bella, I care for you a great deal. Do you know why I've come here tonight?"

She nodded and closed her eyes again, a small smile forming on her lips. I reached forward, taking her balled-up hand between mine.

"I requested permission of your uncle to ask you if you would do me the honor of courting me," I said. "Bella, nothing would make me happier than to hear that you want me to come calling again. Would you do me the honor of allowing me to court you?"

Her hand slowly unwound within mine, her fingers stretching out against my slippery palm creating flutters of electricity running down my arm. She placed her palm against mine and sighed.

"Why do you suppose it's easier for us to talk when we are touching?" she asked, surprising me.

It was the most honest thing she had said all night and I didn't have an answer for her. I felt it too, the pull to feel her skin against mine, the way it made everything fall into place.

"Perhaps…it reminds us of the connection we have?" I asked her, shrugging slightly. "I feel it too."

She nodded and sighed again.

"May I be honest with you, Edward?" she asked, her voice clear and low.

"Of course! I always wish you to be honest."

"I care for you very much, too. I have since we first met and have only grown fonder of you now that we know each other better. But I don't understand why you wish to court me."

There was pain in her eyes as she spoke and I recognized the courage it took her to lay herself out to me in this way, to expose not only her feelings but her fears as well. I urged her on silently with my eyes.

"What do you gain by making a match with me?"

I had spent the day thinking about what I could offer her. I hadn't dreamt that she would think I wanted something from her other than her assent.

"If you'll have me, I'll gain you."

"You want _me_?" she asked, her voice shaking. "I honestly can't fathom why."

"You don't see yourself very clearly," I said with a smile. "You are beautiful, intelligent, and you make me laugh. Bella, will you allow me to call on you as your suitor?"

She looked at me, 'through me' would perhaps be the better word. I felt she could read every doubt I'd had, every concern. My heart seemed to beat harder and my breathing stopped in the moment she considered.

"Yes," she said finally. "I would be honored, Edward."

Relief washed over me as I finally breathed easily.

"I won't disappoint you," I whispered. "I can't promise that I'll always be perfect, but I'd do anything to do right by you."

She smiled and then looked over at the door.

"I imagine it is almost time," she said, a note of regret entering her voice.

"Perhaps if it pleases you, I can return next week for a visit?"

"I would like that."

Bella returned my smile then, the full, beautiful smile she had graced me with when I danced with her before. I realized she must be relieved as well to have this over with and finally be certain of me and my intentions.

I stood, extending my hand to her. Without hesitation, she took my hand and allowed me to help her to her feet. I looked behind me and saw the door still standing slightly ajar, but noted that there were no shadows outside of it. I stepped closer to her, pulling her toward me. Her eyes became heavier as she came closer to me and she tilted her head to look up at me. She parted her lips, perhaps to ask a question or just to take a breath. My eyes darted down to her lips, my desires warring with my knowledge of the boundaries which still contained us.

I brought our faces close together, closing my eyes as my nose brushed against her cheekbone and pressed my lips gently against her cheek. Her skin was exquisitely soft and warm. I heard her draw in a deep breath and I squeezed her hand as I pulled away.

"Until next week, my Bella."

I could not hide the smile on my lips as I stepped away from her, knowing the truth of those words. She had agreed to be mine. I took my leave of Bella and left to thank the Cullens for their hospitality and inform them of my plan to return next week. Mrs. Cullen could barely contain her excitement as she held on to Bella. She waved to me as I turned to leave, a dreamy smile playing on her lips.

I only had to nod at Mother and Father when I walked in the house. They could tell almost immediately from the look of pure happiness on my face. I still couldn't believe the ups and downs of emotions I had experienced during this day, but I readied myself for bed that night lighter than I had in weeks. Bella was mine. It was now my duty to live up to the honor.

**_A/N: What did you think of the added drama with Alice and Jasper? This was planned from the beginning and we will get more as the story goes on. I promise we will get a clearer picture of what Jasper is up to and how Alice is reacting in future chapters. And I know there was some major excitement about E asking to court Bella. Did it live up to your expectations? I must send out an enormous thanks to Bella C'ella Luna and Rose Arcadia for their lovely review of ATJ on Rose's blog. You girls knocked my socks off. There is a link to the review on my profile if you wish to check it out! So, you know I love to hear your thoughts! Push the little review button and make my night. Thanks so much for reading! ~Jen_**


	7. Afternoon Encounters in the Gardens

_**I Could Write a Book**_

_If they asked me, I could write a book; _  
_About the way you walk, and whisper; _  
_And look. _  
_I could write a preface; _  
_On how we met; _  
_That the world will never forget._

_By Rodgers/Hart, year unknown._

_**Disclaimer**_: _I do not own Twilight or any of the characters from the Saga. Stephenie Meyer is the owner of Twilight. No copyright infringement is intended. This work and the original ideas presented therein are the sole property of this author._

_Once again, huge thanks to BelleDean for keeping me on track with this story. Swimom7, you are a wonderful pre-reader and friend. :) Writing this stoy is one of the highlights of my week and my friends who write with me in WCs make it even better. There are too many to name, but you know who you are. Thank you!_

* * *

The bright rays of the sun streamed through the window and across my face, waking me from a hazy, pleasant dream. I curled my toes under the comforter and stretched catlike in the bed, letting the last strands of the dream cling to me as awareness took hold. Edward was in my dream, as usual, and as I woke, he was stroking my hair and smiling at me. Waking up with his face, the feel of his hands on me, was a wonderful way to wake up.

When I was fully awake, I sat up in the bed and a smile began to creep onto my face. It was the day of our first outing; Edward was taking me to the Lincoln Conservatory. I turned the covers back, letting the chill of the room nip at my feet and send shivers up and down my legs as my toes touched the floor.

I was trying to be as quiet as I could be in order not to rouse Alice from her sleep. I wanted my sister to help me get ready for this outing, but I knew that was selfish. Alice wouldn't be accompanying us; she couldn't, and it wouldn't be fair of me to expect her to help me. My absence today would be a reminder enough of her situation; there was no need to rub her face in it.

Edward and I had been courting for nearly a month now. He no longer came over to tutor us; neither Alice nor I were in need of extra help and he preferred to spend his time with me away from school related pursuits. I was happy with this arrangement. So much of the past month seemed to be too good to be true. Edward wished to be with me; he seemed happier and more light-hearted when we were together. And we were together frequently. His family dined with us at least once per week and he came courting by himself as well. Usually, he found reasons to be at the house more frequently, and always he found time for me.

In spite of my happiness, Alice was always on my mind. She looked happy when Edward called and she generously played the happy chaperone for us, but there was always a touch of sadness in her eyes when she looked at us. The sadness touched both Edward and me and made our interactions more careful, less…free. As much as I hated to admit it, I was looking forward to being out with Edward and away from Alice's sadness. I thought back to the first time I understood the difficulties Alice was facing.

Her situation wasn't fair; Whitlock Hale had no right to judge her the way he had. In fact, I was angry at him for his judgment of Aunt Esme as well. It wasn't difficult to connect Aunt Esme's harsh words at Kate's party with Mr. Hale's sudden change of opinion. A few months ago, I would have thought Aunt Esme's actions to be scandalous. But so much had changed since then. I couldn't see Aunt Esme as a bad person. While everyone in the family was relieved that Rosalie's and Emmett's engagement wasn't put in jeopardy, a melancholic mood lingered around the house because happiness remained elusive for Jasper and Alice.

I knew that Alice had no intention of quietly forgetting about Jasper. It became apparent that Jasper was of a like mind when he went missing shortly after the dance. Mr. Hale had burst into our home the day after Edward had come to ask permission to court me. Mrs. Hale and Rosalie were behind him, wide-eyed and frightened, as he demanded to know where Aunt Esme and Uncle Carlisle had hidden his son. Aunt Esme and Uncle Carlisle were confused to say the very least; I was deathly frightened of him. His face was purple and the veins bulged out of his head; he looked murderous. Only Alice looked at him calmly, understanding what was happening.

"_He isn't here," Uncle Carlisle said, stepping forward. "Perhaps we should call the authorities…"_

"_Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you, Cullen?" Mr. Hale bellowed loudly, spittle flying from his mouth as he pointed his pudgy finger in Uncle Carlisle's face. "You'd love to see my good name tarnished in the papers. No skin off your back, right?"_

"_I certainly don't know what you mean; but if Jasper is missing, we should alert the proper authorities so that he can be found quickly."_

"_He's not hurt," Mr. Hale said, waving his hand._

_He turned and pointed directly at Alice._

"_He ran away because of __**you**__," he said harshly._

_He began walking toward Alice but Uncle Carlisle stepped in front of him. The disturbance brought Emmett out of his room and he stood on the landing with his hands in his pockets, he and Rose exchanging a lingering glance. Only at that moment did I think what this outburst might mean for them._

"_That little tart has filled my son's head with notions," Mr. Hale continued, "and I won't have it! You'll tell me where my boy is!"_

"_I've told you we don't know," Uncle Carlisle repeated, his voice louder, more menacing. "And I'd thank you to show some respect for my niece."_

_Mr. Hale paused only for a moment before continuing, seeming to ignore Uncle Carlisle's last demand._

"_Can you say the same for everyone in your family, Carlisle?"_

_Mr. Hale looked over Uncle Carlisle's shoulder at Alice. I waited with bated breath, hoping that Alice would keep her mouth shut. Mr. Hale was dangerous and though I knew Aunt Esme and Uncle Carlisle would never let him hurt Alice, I was worried that one of them might get hurt protecting her. Alice seemed to know this and kept quiet._

"_You can't seriously believe that our eighteen year old niece is harboring your son in our house without our knowledge, can you?"_

_Aunt Esme's voice is hard and angry. Mr. Hale's face turned a darker shade of purple, but Mrs. Hale's face scared me the most. When Aunt Esme spoke, her face went deathly white and her hands balled into tiny, ineffectual fists. She looked the way I knew I looked when Mother was about to discipline Alice; Mrs. Hale looked scared and helpless. It became very clear to me what Mr. Hale was capable of when I saw Mrs. Hale's reaction._

Emmett had come down the steps when he saw Mr. Hale's reaction. He didn't say anything; he only stood shoulder to shoulder with Uncle Carlisle, between his mother and Mr. Hale. He took a stand, a very brave stand in my opinion. He was straddling a line between his future father-in-law and his own family. I could see, however, that Rosalie was in full agreement with his actions. She had looked proud of him.

The situation was sorted out over brandies and cigarettes in the study while Rosalie filled Alice, Emmett and me in on what happened with Jasper in the solarium. Alice took everything in without much comment. She refused to comment even when Rose had asked her directly if she knew anything about Jasper. The Hales left with strained goodbyes, everyone knowing that the issue hadn't truly been resolved. That night Alice had told me everything. I felt so helpless. I had been reveling in my own happiness and my sister had been braving this story all by herself.

I snuck back into our dressing room and saw Alice looking at me with her pale blue eyes full of accusations.

"You were going to get ready without me," she said quietly.

"I just—I didn't want—."

I flapped my hands in front of me trying to find an explanation, but Alice just waved me off.

"I know," she murmured. "But I still want to be part of this. Just because Jas and I can't go with you, doesn't mean I don't want to be a part of it."

"I'm glad," I said as I walked over to her. "I never would have been able to do take this step with Edward without your guidance, Alice."

"Nonsense!" she said, standing up and smiling a ghost of her old smile. "Of course you would. Edward is exactly right for you; I don't think there is a thing in this world that could keep you apart."

She looked at me for a moment and I wondered if Mother came to her mind as quickly as she came to mine. Mother certainly could have kept me away from Edward and she likely would have. It wouldn't have been because he was a poor match. I was beginning to see the truth in Alice's words from before. I would have chosen, not Mother. Therefore, he wouldn't have been good enough. I sighed, angry at myself for feeling pleased that Mother wasn't there to interfere.

Alice picked out my clothes and fixed my hair, smiling and chatting happily as she went. After she was finished, she brought me over to the mirror so that I might see myself. I twirled in the heavy skirt that was my favorite shade of midnight blue. I noticed the way the black embroidery was almost unnoticeable except in a ray of sunshine. I liked the way the embroidered flowers seemed to shine in the light. The midnight blue of the skirt was echoed in the ruffles of my blouse, each piped with blue fabric. Alice had let my hair flow freely down my back in natural curls.

"It looks so pretty like that," she said as I flipped my hair over my shoulder.

"Thank you, Alice," I replied quietly.

"You're welcome, of course. You are going to have so much fun. I've heard the Lincoln Conservatory is an amazing place."

I nodded, unsure of what to say. I wanted to tell her how much I would miss her, how much I wished she would be there to see it all with me. I knew, however, that it would be wrong to bring that up; there was nothing she could do to change her situation.

We went downstairs and everyone fussed and clucked over my outfit. I felt uncomfortable as Alice shrank into the background of the room, allowing everyone to look at me. It was terribly embarrassing and I just wished that Alice was dressed up with me; they wouldn't have been looking at me nearly as much if she had been going out too.

* * *

Emmett went to get the car just after lunch time and I stood nervously with Aunt Esme in the foyer. Alice was tucked away in the library reading with Uncle Carlisle. I didn't blame her; seeing me leave would have been upsetting for her. I fidgeted with my handkerchief as we waited for Emmett. He seemed to be taking a very long time to get the car from the garage to the front of the house.

"You're nervous," Aunt Esme said quietly.

"Not about the outing," I said quickly. This had nothing to do with Edward.

"What is it, Bella?" she asked with a small smile.

I blushed furiously. I had no reason to be nervous around my cousin. And yet…the fear was bubbling up inside of me. The thought of driving alone with him for just the short distance to Edward's house seemed overwhelmingly frightening.

"You can tell me," she said, taking my hand gently.

"I'm nervous about riding with Emmett," I said nervously.

"That's nothing to ashamed of," Aunt Esme said, patting my hand. "He's hardly ever home; it's no wonder you're still slightly uncomfortable around him."

While her words made me feel better about my discomfort, they did nothing to quiet the irrational fear. I heard the gentle purr of the engine just outside and my stomach was assaulted with nervous flip-flops. For an instant, I wondered if this was perhaps a mistake…if I shouldn't have agreed to an outside trip this soon into our courtship. The doorknob was turning and I expected to see Emmett's dark, curly head come through the doorway.

Instead, a grey fedora peeked around the door. From underneath the hat, I could just see Edward's burning auburn hair. He flashed me a smile as soon as he saw me, winking at me as he did so.

"Good afternoon, Esme," he said while still looking at me. "Bella."

The butterflies in my stomach continued to fly wildly around, but they weren't nearly as uncomfortable. There was a warm trickle of excitement that accompanied the fluttering and a smile had spread over my face. Edward came all the way inside the door and he was quite something to look at. He wore a long, dark overcoat that came to his knees. A cream colored scarf was wrapped around his neck and his cheeks were flushed with color, as though he had been walking in the cold wind. His leather-gloved hand reached up and he dipped his hat at Aunt Esme and me.

"I hope you don't mind the surprise," he said. "I spoke with Em at Father's office last night. I told him I wanted to surprise you by meeting you here."

I shook my head as he walked over to me. He bent down and leaned close to my cheek, brushing a soft kiss on my cheek and making my stomach turn somersaults.

"You look beautiful," he whispered in my ear.

Aunt Esme cleared her throat and smiled at us as I stammered my thanks to him for his compliment.

"You two better hurry," she said, handing Edward my wool coat. "You don't want to be late picking up Rosalie."

Edward held my coat up so I could easily slip my arms in. I reached up to free my hair, but his hands were already there, gently pulling my hair out of the back of the coat and letting it fall down my back. His fingers brushed lightly against the nape of my neck as he arranged my hair and they lingered there just a second too long for it to have been an accident. I smiled to myself, remembering my dream from this morning and thinking of how much better his touch felt when I was awake.

Edward opened the back door of the car for me and helped me over the dingy snow pile on the ground into the back seat. He closed the door behind me and I tried not to be disappointed that he slid into the front seat with Emmett. It would have been odd for him to sit in the back while Emmett drove us. Still, it would have been nice to sit close to him for the ride.

Edward removed his hat and shook out his hair as soon as he was in the car, dusting Emmett with stray ice that had clung to the ends of his hair.

"Watch it, Masen!" Emmett bellowed at him, making me flinch slightly.

Em cuffed him on the shoulder and they both laughed at each other. Edward turned in his seat and smiled at me.

"How do you live with him?" he asks seriously. "Is he always this loud?"

I merely giggle, unsure of the right words to answer him.

"Leave my cousin be, you dandy," he says, snatching Edward's hat.

Edward immediately grabbed his hat back and dusted it off dramatically.

"She's also my girl, Em," he says, with a wink to me.

I immediately flushed at his words and his wink. I had to cover my mouth to hide the unladylike grin that was plastered on my face. I loved hearing him call me "his girl." I loved _being_ his girl. It was such a change from just a month ago when I couldn't imagine him ever wanting to be with me.

"Yeah, yeah. You ready? Rosie'll kill me if we're too late."

He gunned the engine and we flew off down the slick road. I was bouncing in the back seat and I couldn't help the giggles that were coming from my mouth as we jolted down the streets toward the Hale residence.

Rose was standing in the window when we pulled up to the house and I saw her mother perched behind her, a hand on Rose's shoulder. As soon as she saw the car, Rose darted out of the window and opened the front door. Edward got out of the car and opened the back door for her as she walked down the steps. I caught enough of her mother's words to know that she was disgruntled with Rose for not waiting until Emmett came up to the door. Rose ignored her completely and walked toward the car. She nodded at Edward and then slipped into the front seat next to Em, wrapping her arm around his.

Edward only paused for a few moments before closing the front door and then hopping into the cramped back seat with me. He rested his arm on the back of the seat behind my head and slid over close to me so that our legs were touching. I looked down and blushed at his proximity, but I didn't try to move over even though there was room.

I was staring at my lap when Em started the car and it lurched from the parking spot. I was, therefore, unprepared for the quick movement and lost my balance, almost falling forward. Edward caught me, reaching his arm across his body and mine and catching my shoulder before I hit my head on the seats in front of me. He gently eased me back into my seat. When I looked up, his face was very close to mine and his arms were nearly wrapped around me.

"Are you okay?" he asked, his voice slightly hoarse.

"Yes, sorry. That was very clumsy of me."

He let his hand trail down my arm and I watched as he licked his bottom lip before leaning back in the seat and pulling his hand back. I sunk back into my seat, thoroughly embarrassed at having almost fallen. I completely forgot that his arm was behind me. As I leaned back, I ended up fitting my body into the space under his elbow. He draped his arm across the back of my shoulders and I gasped slightly at the closeness of him. I looked furtively at the front seat where Rose was curled at Emmett's side and realized that they didn't know and wouldn't have cared how Edward and I were sitting in the back of the car. It was completely up to me.

Edward looked over at me, raising his one eyebrow at me. I nodded and attempted to sit more naturally at his side. It wasn't that I felt uncomfortable with his arm around me. Rather, I was hyper-aware of every place that our bodies were touching and the way it felt when he breathed or moved. He shifted as well, making a spot for my head. Without even meaning to, I was leaning my head on Edward's shoulder.

It was like I had somehow slipped into one of my dreams. Edward reached around me and slid his gloves off so that his bare hand rested on my shoulder. He moved his thumb back and forth against the wool of my jacket and it was incredible how those small movements reverberated through my arm and I felt them in my stomach. My hands were clasped in my lap because I didn't know what else I ought to do with them. I felt Edward lean his cheek against my head and simply had to close my eyes in happiness. I felt wrapped up in him, like I did on the dance floor; I wanted to stay in his embrace for as long as I could.

The car stopped too soon, but I didn't feel Edward move at all. I was already blushing before I opened my eyes and saw Rose and Em smirking at us. Thoroughly embarrassed, I sat up slowly, reluctant to break this connection with Edward.

"Fall asleep, Bella?" Rose crooned at me.

I shook my head, blushing even harder.

She laughed, but not unkindly. I felt as though Rose understood me…the way Alice might have had she been in the front seat. It was a nice feeling, but it made me miss my sister.

Edward gave me a slight squeeze on the shoulder before pulling on his gloves and getting out of the car. He took several moments before coming around to my side and opening the door for me. His fedora was back on his head and he was carrying a wicker picnic basket in his hands. Rose and Em were already out of the car and walking hand in hand.

"We'll catch up with you two later," Emmett called over his shoulder. "You take care of my little cousin, Masen."

Edward chuckled and waved at him as they walked away.

"Aren't they supposed to chaperone us?" I asked worriedly.

"It was just a show for the adults," he replied, holding out his arm.

I slipped my arm into his and began walking with him toward the conservatory.

"This won't be…frowned upon? You and me being alone?"

He shook his head as we approached the ticket booth that Emmett and Rose had just walked away from.

"Times are changing, Bella," he said softly. "The rules aren't as strict any more for most people. But if you are uncomfortable, we can ask Rose and Em to join us."

I only considered for a mere second before I shook my head and smiled.

"I trust you, Edward," I said confidently.

And it was the complete truth. I couldn't think of anyone I had ever trusted more, except perhaps Alice. Edward paid for our admission to the gardens and we went down the stone walkway to the large glass door. He walked slightly ahead of me and opened the door with a slight bow and tip of his hat. I giggled as I walked into the conservatory, anxious to see what was in store for us.

I'd been to gardens in the past, outdoor ones where the flowers were arranged in rows and the trees were pruned perfectly. They were always among my favorite places to visit, though we never tarried long because Mother disliked the outdoors. Edward helped me out of my jacket and took his off as well. He handed them to the gentleman who collected coats along with what looked like a generous tip. He offered me his arm again and led me forward into the main wing of the conservatory.

The smells hit my nose before I was able to see anything. These were rich, bold flavors, spicy and foreign to me, that seemed to wrap me up and pull me forward. We rounded a corner and the smooth floor gave way to a stone pathway surrounded by lush green grasses. I gasped in surprise at the array of color and sheer size of the place.

"Oh, Edward," I whispered. "It's unbelievable."

The ceiling was glass, fogged over because of the misty heat. It allowed the sunlight to filter into the gardens in a strange, muted way. The light seemed to reflect off of the bright flora, casting colors and shadows around the conservatory and bathing everything in a strange luminescence.

"You like it?"

I could hear the smile in Edward's voice and simply nodded, unable to look away from the beauty around me.

"I thought, perhaps, you might enjoy a bit of spring in the middle of all of this dreary snow," he said, his tone pleased. "Winter always seems to sap all the color out of everything."

"I never thought of it like that," I admitted, finally looking away from the flowers and at him, "but you're right."

"As a child, I used to like to come here to remember what I was looking forward to spring for," he said with a chuckle.

He looked down and blushed.

"It's difficult as a child to remember from season to season," I agreed with him. "Mother never took us anywhere like this."

Edward's arm stiffened slightly, but we continued walking through the gardens. Edward was a consummate tour guide. He pointed out flowers, both native and exotic, and gave me the names of them. He would regale me with stories about other times he had visited the conservatory, with his mother or alone, and I felt myself growing closer to him. He was charming, as he had always been. But there was something more about his demeanor as we walked around the gardens; he was inviting me to know him better.

We came to a small fountain where water lilies floated. Edward stopped us and smiled as he looked at the spring of water before continuing on.

"I fell into that fountain when I was about seven years old," he said wryly, pointing at it. "Mother warned me not to walk along the slick edges, but it was just too tempting. I fell in, soaking my short pants and embarrassing myself royally."

"Did your mother scold you terribly?" I asked, thinking about what Mother would have done to Alice or me had we ever embarrassed her in that way.

"No," he said, laughing. "But she did make me walk home in wet pants. My face burned the entire way home!"

"Your mother sounds…lovely!" I burst out unexpectedly, making him laugh harder.

"Why? For embarrassing a seven-year-old?" His eyes were crinkled into devilish triangles as he looked over at me.

"For not beating you," I whispered.

Edward stopped abruptly, a dark look clouding his face. He turned to face me and his hand travelled slowly to my face. He stopped before actually touching my cheek, moving instead to tuck a stray lock of hair behind my ear. His eyes were full of some emotion I couldn't fathom as he looked into mine.

"I can't imagine anyone hurting you," he said finally.

I realized I had said too much, and began to scold myself for implying something ill about my mother. In the back of my mind, questions and doubts had been nagging at me since Edward and I began courting. I had rarely opened up to anyone other than my sister or my mother. It even took me a great deal of time to feel comfortable with Aunt Esme. But with Edward…I felt my defenses slip away at his slightest smile or touch. I worried that this was a strange and dangerous hold he had over me.

Hearing him talk so freely with me about his past and the memories of his own embarrassment made me question all of my careful rules about what I ought to say and what I ought to hold back. Mother had taught me only to speak when spoken to, never to initiate conversation because I wasn't clever enough for that. But Edward _enjoyed_ the things that I let slip about myself. He seemed to _want_ to know more about me. It made me think that, perhaps, I ought not to listen to the advice I had been given.

Edward led us over onto the grass close to the fountain.

"Excuse me for a moment," he said formally as he took his arm from mine.

I watched in confusion as he set the basket he had been carrying down and pulled out a red checkered blanket from inside.

"I thought we might have an afternoon picnic," he said, smiling at me as he arranged the blanket on the grass. "I didn't bring very much, just some of Mother's freshly squeezed orange juice and some cookies, but it will be a nice treat to eat on the lawn."

I smiled back at him and nodded excitedly. He brought out two glasses, a wrapped parcel of cookies, and a bottle of orange juice.

"You'll never taste better," he said, saluting me with the bottle.

"I'm sure it's delicious."

He stretched out on the blanket and patted the other side, encouraging me to sit down. I was unable to move for a moment as I looked at him lounging comfortably on his side, waiting for me to sit with him. My thoughts were entirely inappropriate and naturally my face betrayed me. I hurried over and sat on the farthest corner of the blanket from him, tucking my dress under my knees and looking at him for approval.

"Are you comfortable?" he asked quietly.

"Yes," I lied.

Actually, though the ground was soft, my knees and legs were uncomfortable tucked underneath of me.

"You look stiff," he commented.

"I—well, a little," I admitted, sighing. "Mother didn't enjoy the outdoors and we weren't permitted to go with friends. I've never been on a picnic and I don't know how to behave."

I expected him to laugh, but instead he offered suggestions on how I might be more comfortable.

"You might be more comfortable if you sat with your legs to the side," he said. "That's how Mother sits and I believe it is very decorous."

I rearranged myself, feeling very silly that he had to tell me how to sit. I could feel my eyes pricking with tears in spite of myself and I knew that Edward was watching me carefully. As I was fixing my skirts, Edward reached over and took my hand.

"I don't want you to feel as though you need to be perfect for me," he said. "I wanted to bring you here because I was hoping this would be something new and exciting for you. I didn't mean for anything to make you uncomfortable."

I sighed, picking up a cookie with my free hand and nibbling on it. Edward had poured the juice and drank some right away, making satisfied noises that almost made me giggle. Unfortunately, my stomach was turning flip flops as I thought about the things I wanted to say. I felt unable to hold it back any longer.

"I was told that I ought to always be perfect," I said finally. "Any mistakes I made could cost me a suitor and the possibility for a good match. Mother told Alice and me that men weren't interested in second chances."

I didn't know why I was telling him this, but it felt—right—to share it with him. He squeezed my hand and smiled.

"Do you know when I first knew I wanted to court you?" he asked.

"No." My stomach knotted in anticipation. _Would it be during the first tutoring session when he brushed my hand? Or maybe when he danced with me?_

"When you fell, that first day in the solarium," he said, taking me completely off guard.

"What? Why?"

"I saw you from across the room and something pulled me over to you…I couldn't explain it then and I haven't got the words to explain it now. But I certainly couldn't fight it. I don't—care for you—because you are perfect; I care for you because you are Bella."

I grabbed for my glass of orange juice, gulping it down. When my heart rate had settled, I put the glass down and cleared my throat.

"I don't understand this type of courtship," I admitted, with a wave of my hand. "And I don't know what is expected of me. It seems everything I've been told was…wrong."

Everything was pouring out at once; I felt myself losing the ability to censor myself. Edward's fingers squeezing mine in what felt like acceptance and encouragement didn't help me to curtail my words.

"It is all so confusing!" I continued. "I look at us…everything about _us_ seems different from what I expected. It's the same with Rose and Em…they don't seem bound by the social conventions that Mother drilled into our heads as we were growing up."

He held my hand for a moment, letting me calm down for a moment, before he sat up, crossing his legs in front of him and facing me.

"Do you feel as though we are doing something wrong?" he asked seriously. "Are you concerned that we are proceeding—in the wrong direction?"

"It isn't that," I huffed, surprised at my own exasperation. "I just don't understand what to expect and what you expect of me."

I looked at him, willing him to understand what I was saying. He nodded, making me exhale in relief.

"What do you want?"

His voice was soft and low, deeper than it had been when he was telling me about the flowers or discussing his memories. It made my heart skip and my cheeks redden.

"I'm sorry," I said quickly. "What do you mean?"

"What do you want?" he repeated. "From me? What do _you_ expect?"

I blinked at him, my mind going completely blank. This wasn't where the conversation was supposed to lead; I had no answers for this! I wasn't prepared to make demands or tell him what I wanted. That _wasn't_ part of what I'd been taught by Mother. Instead of thinking, I told him about what I'd been brought up to expect.

"I—Mother explained when we were very little that the ultimate role a woman could play in her life was that of a good wife and mother. When I was only seven or eight, she began schooling me in the proper etiquette for courtships. I was to speak only when spoken to; I was to agree with my suitor when my opinion was asked; I was never to ask for anything…"

My voice trailed off and I pulled my hand away from his, bunching up the folds of my skirt as I thought about what might answer his question.

"I never thought I would be with someone who _cared_ what I thought, who _asked_ whether I was comfortable. I don't even know how to respond!"

"Those are the things you were told as a child. I want to know what you truly _want._ Do you want that life, or can you picture anything different for yourself?"

I laughed…it was a hard, unladylike sound. I finally gained enough courage to lift my eyes and found Edward looking at me calmly, simply waiting for me to respond. His patience gave me the push I needed to answer his question.

"Alice was always the dreamer," I said, smiling sadly. "When we got word that we would be moving to Chicago, she knew immediately that she would find what she had always hoped for…true love. To me, those were only words in a book. I had never dreamed that someone could affect me the way that you have."

I fought with myself to maintain eye contact with him. It was difficult, seeing him smile the way he was now.

"Still, it was easier to believe the rumors I heard that you were only nice to Alice and me because of your ties to Aunt Esme and Uncle Carlisle. I couldn't believe that it had anything to do with me. Ever since you asked to court me, however, I haven't had time to think about what I wanted from this courtship…I've been too busy trying to convince myself that it is real."

I finally dropped my head and looked back at my fingers as they played in my lap. This was probably the most I'd said to Edward at any one time since we began courting. I was afraid I'd let my nerves get the better of me, that I had said too much and made a fool of myself.

He rested his elbows on his knees and reached over, covering both of my hands with his.

"Have you convinced yourself yet?"

His voice was serious, but I could hear a playful lilt behind the question. My lips responded with a half-smirk to his tone.

"Yes," I said warily. "But I am still at a loss for how to proceed. What do _you_ want?"

"So many things, Bella," he said immediately.

His voice was barely more than a sigh and when I looked up, he was no longer looking at me. Instead, his eyes were far away and looking above me, as though he might be able to see into the future.

"I want to know you," he said after some thought. "I want, when packing a picnic for you, to know exactly what would make you happiest. And I want to know that if I pack something which displeases you, you'll tell me without hesitation. I won't pretend that I grew up with the same expectations that you did, but I was beginning to think that I wouldn't _find_ what my mother told me to look for. At least…until I found you."

My heart felt ready to burst. His words were real, stated in plain language…not some flowery sentiment out of one of my books. But they felt true and honest and filled me with a sense of acceptance that I hadn't ever experienced before except with Alice. He wanted to understand my likes and dislikes. He _cared_ whether I was content or not.

"I like orange juice," I said softly, making him laugh, "but I prefer chocolate chip cookies to sugar cookies."

"Chocolate," he said. "Got it."

I laughed and he nodded for me to go on.

"I prefer poetry to prose, but many of the Victorian romantic novelists wrote wonderful stories."

He seemed to be filing away everything I said to him. After a short amount of time, he relaxed onto the blanket and began asking me questions about my childhood: places I'd visited, things I had seen. Everything I said seemed to interest him and I thought he would never run out of questions.

It surprised me how comfortable I was answering his questions. Once he had made his interest in me clear, I felt more comfortable being honest with him. I didn't feel as though I needed to hide from him any longer. We had been sitting, chatting and laughing, for nearly three quarters of an hour when we saw Emmett and Rosalie sauntering over to us.

"How cute, Edward," Rose said as she walked up. "A picnic snack. Very romantic."

"It made Bella happy," he said, but I noticed that his cheeks reddened slightly.

Edward invited Rose and Em to sit with us and it wasn't long before our conversation turned serious and in a direction I was quite interested in. Talk had naturally turned to Jasper and Alice.

"What do you know, Bella?" Rose asked quietly.

Her whole demeanor had changed. Usually so confident and self-assured, I noticed Rose picking at a piece of lint on the picnic blanket in distraction.

"I only know what Alice shares with me," I said, shrugging my shoulders, "and that isn't much. I know she's seen him, but I don't know where and I usually don't know when."

"Has she mentioned where…my brother is staying?"

Rose swallowed hard and I saw Em run his hand up her arm and squeeze her shoulder. I realized that she likely hadn't seen her twin brother in the month since he went missing. I wondered if she had heard from him at all and whether they were as close as Alice and I were. I couldn't imagine not seeing Alice on a daily basis.

"I'm sorry, Rose, but no, she hasn't."

I wished I could tell her more. She looked more vulnerable than I had ever seen her before. I wanted to give her some comfort, but I didn't have anything to share.

"I know where Jas has been," Edward said.

His face was pale and his jaw was set. He had pulled his hand away from me when Em and Rose came over, but seeing him struggle under Rose's gaze made me want to offer him some comfort. I reached over and brushed my fingertips against his with mine. In an instant, he gripped my fingers tightly in his. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath and began his story.

"Jas has been staying at our house every night since he went missing."

"And you didn't think I ought to know?" Rose asked, her face and voice full of malice.

"Hear him out, Rosie," Em said, holding her arm. "Give him a chance."

Her lips were pressed in thin lines of anger, but she didn't say anything more. Edward looked around at each us before continuing.

"Jas is working in the stockyards, Rose. He's making good money and saving up for a place, but…you have to understand…your father can't know…."

"As if I'd tell him," Rose said disdainfully. "Edward, you don't know me very well."

"It wasn't my choice to make," he said. "Jas wanted to protect you. He feels—safer—now about sharing details."

Rose was silent for a moment and her face softened slightly.

"Yeah. That's my brother." She smiled at Edward for a moment. "Is he well?"

"He's fine, Rose. He's…happier. And he keeps telling me that he has a plan."

"I'm sure he does," Rose replied immediately. "Jasper is nothing if not resourceful."

Rose asked Edward for detail after detail and I tuned out of the conversation after a short while. She wasn't asking for new information, only things that would be important for a sister to know. Instead, I couldn't help but think of what Edward's words meant for Alice. He said that Jasper was saving up money for his own place. Did that mean that he was saving up for a place for Alice as well? Were they going to marry secretly? Or, worse, were they just going to run away together without marrying at all?

I worried over the details of what they were planning our entire trip home and I worried that my sudden silence would upset Edward. Once in the car, he didn't ask permission; he simply put his arm around me and I leaned into him, happy to have the security of his arm around my shoulders. He didn't ask questions. He was simply there, as if understanding without my having to say what was bothering me. It was a very comforting feeling.

We went to Rosalie's home first. She had very kind words for Edward before she exited the car with Emmett, leaving Edward and me alone in the car while they said goodbye.

"Are you worried?" he asked as the door closed.

"Terribly," I answered without hesitation. "But not about what you might think."

"Tell me?"

"I've never lived a day without my sister. I can't imagine her disappearing from my life the way that Jasper has disappeared from Rose's life. I want her to be happy, but I'm selfish too. I don't want to lose her."

It felt good to be honest with him about my fears. They had less hold on me when I said them aloud.

"Alice would never leave you," he said firmly. "I've seen the way you two are together; she needs you as much as you need her."

I turned a little to look at him, wanting to tell him that I wanted this for Alice, the happiness I had found with him. But all of my words seemed to vanish when I looked into his eyes. He was staring at me with such intensity, it made me giddy just to look at him.

"You said that you trust me," he murmured.

I nodded and he looked around, seeing that Rose and Em were standing on the sidewalk still talking.

"I want…to try something…if you'll permit me."

He leaned closer to me, licking his lips, and I wondered what he wanted to try. I expected him to stop moving, to stop coming closer to me, but he didn't until his lips were a mere inch or two away from my face. I should have been pulling away from him. We were alone in a car and had only been courting a month. But I was drawn to him, my body leaning into his.

My lips met his willingly, almost without my permission. I had long since stopped being surprised at the way my body reacted to his touches. I expected the fireworks of heat and excitement under my skin. However, I couldn't have been prepared for the way his lips would feel on mine. We only kissed for an instant or two, but the sensation travelled all the way to the pit of my stomach.

I stopped breathing for the moments while he kissed me, unable to think or even move. He pulled away and I took a shaky breath as he leaned his forehead against mine. His breath seemed to be coming faster and I could feel the heat of his skin against my forehead.

"I don't know what the future holds for your sister and Jas," he said, his voice unsteady. "But I want you to know that no matter what they decide, _I_ will be here for you. I hope that will give you some comfort."

"You can't know what that means to me," I whispered.

He kissed my forehead and I closed my eyes in wonder, reveling in the feel of him. I wanted to curl myself up in his arms and stay there, but I was content to keep my head on his shoulder, happy that he didn't slip away to the front seat for the ride home.

* * *

I sat in the window and watched Alice's quiet figure slink along the side of the house and away into the night. We had spoken harsh words to each other before she left, but I knew it wasn't me she was angry with; Alice was angry at having to sneak around at all. Though she would never say it, I understood that it disturbed her to go behind Aunt Esme's back with Jasper. Though she might argue that she didn't care, she still wished to court Jasper in public. I knew that despite her fancy arguments, this hurt Alice.

And for all of my whispered arguments with her this evening as she got dressed, could I blame her? Could I truly say I didn't want some happiness for her like what I had experienced with Edward this afternoon? Of course I wanted those things for her. Selfishly, however, I felt her choice to sneak out with Jasper seemed too close to my fear that she would sneak away for good. Lost in my thoughts about what the future may hold, I never thought to imagine someone else might have been watching Alice disappear as well.

I froze as I heard the door to our room opening behind me.

"Good evening, Bella," Aunt Esme called as she closed the door behind her.

I scrambled out of the window seat and stood looking at Aunt Esme wildly. Not only were the lights supposed to be off right now, but _both_ Alice and I were supposed to be sleeping. What was I supposed to say to Aunt Esme? How could I possibly explain Alice's absence?

"I know where Alice is; you needn't worry about fabricating a story."

I stared at her wide-eyed, unsure of what she expected. My mouth was moving, but no sound was escaping. I was also fairly sure that all the color had drained from my face.

"Bella, I'm not angry," she said quietly, walking over to me. "I wanted to talk to you, if you don't mind."

I nodded, sinking back onto the window sill, still unable to speak.

"Are you angry with your sister?"

I exhaled deeply and tried to collect my thoughts. Was I angry with Alice? No, I didn't believe "angry" was the right word at all.

"I'm…worried for her," I said softly. "They are proposing a very dangerous lifestyle and I worry…I worry about her a lot."

"I'm worried for them, too," she said quietly. "But I have faith in them."

"How…how did you know?" I asked her.

Aunt Esme smiled and pulled a scrap of paper from her dress pocket. Even from across the room, I recognized Alice's handwriting.

"She told you?" I asked.

"Not in so many words, but I understood her meaning well enough." Aunt Esme sat down in a chair and faced me. "Rose's and Em's wedding is approaching quickly…only a few more months. I don't know for sure, of course, but I think that things will come to a head with Jasper and Alice after the wedding."

"You think they will wait until Rose and Em are married before pushing Mr. Hale any further," I concluded.

"They are very practical," she said with a smile. "I give both of them a lot of credit for putting up with Mr. Hale's nonsense at all. Many youngsters would have up and eloped already."

I shuddered involuntarily, but Aunt Esme continued.

"Alice was purposely vague in her letter, but I know enough about love to know they won't walk away from each other. Do you think, if I spoke with her privately, she would divulge their plans?"

I considered the question carefully before answering.

"You have been Alice's hero since she was a young child," I said. "We fought this evening, but I understood that it was her anger at having to deceive you that made her lash out at me. She's trying to protect everyone and carry the burden herself, but I feel as though it's getting too much for her to carry all by herself."

"So you think she might be willing to talk with me at least."

"I think, if she allows herself to, it would be a blessing for her to have someone else on her side. I know that I am not always the best of help to her."

"You don't give yourself enough credit," Aunt Esme said, smirking. "Neither of you are very quiet when you are angry…you made some very good points."

I blushed, naturally, and Aunt Esme waved it away.

"Bella, you've changed a great deal since you and Alice came to stay here, but the most important part of you has remained the same. You care about your sister above everything else and you want what's best for her. Just because her safety is more of a concern for you than her desire to be with Jasper doesn't mean you aren't a help to her."

"I want her to be happy," I said, feeling the tears in my eyes. "But I don't want her to leave, either. The world is so uncertain, even though she is so sure."

"You're very wise for your young years; wiser even than Alice gives you credit for."

I smiled at Aunt Esme's compliment. Alice was no longer the only one who respected Aunt Esme; she had made quite an impression on me as well.

"I know you didn't wish to talk about your outing in front of Alice today," Aunt Esme said, looking down at her folded hands. "Will you tell me now that we are alone? Was it as wonderful as I think it was?"

Her voice was wistful and light, like a young girl's when she asks for secrets. I smiled, unable to help myself when memories of Edward took over, and nodded conspiratorially. Aunt Esme stood, grabbed a brush from the nightstand, and came over to sit behind me on the window sill.

"I sometimes can't believe all of this is real," I said as she began brushing my hair. "You and Alice were right! He cares about what _I_ think."

Aunt Esme laughed at my surprised turn, and urged me to go on, asking for every tiny detail. I surprised myself by divulging details about the day that I thought I would only share with my journal or possibly my sister. We talked for almost an hour.

When she left, I found myself unable to sleep without writing something in my journal about the day.

_8 February 1920_

_My cup runneth over._

_B._

* * *

_****__A/N: So I totally didn't write this chapter thinking there would be a kiss. It just sort of...happened. I guess that's the way it ought to be, right? :) I hope you continue to enjoy the way this story is going. As you can see in this chapter, the real world is beginning to break though E and B's little bubble._

**_A few thank yous are in order. First, the Fan Fiction Rebels picked ATJ as their Friday Fic Rec. There is a lovely review of the story by Charmie as well as an interview with myself and Jazzward! Link is on my profile page if you would like to check it out. Also, ginginlee and the lovely folks over at TwiFic Promotions have featured ATJ on their blog as well. Thank you all so much! Let me know what you think! I look forward to your comments! ~Jen_**


	8. The Back of the Yards

_I play the street life  
Because there's no place I can go  
Street life  
And it's the only life I know  
Street life  
And there's a thousand parts to play  
Street life  
Until you play your life away._

_**Street Life, **__Will Jennings_

_**Disclaimer: **_I do not own _Twilight_ or any of the characters from the Saga. Stephenie Meyer is the owner of _Twilight_. No copyright infringement is intended. This work and the original ideas presented therein are the sole property of this author.

* * *

_Sunday, February 29, 1920_

_**EPOV**_

The smell was repulsive. Though I could not see the rows of meatpacking plants behind the tall, tightly packed tenements, the stench wafting from them made the air heavy with decay. I had to bite the inside of my cheeks until I was nearly bleeding to keep from retching as we walked through the streets. The smell of rotting meat, unwashed flesh, and offal made even the shallowest of breaths unpleasant and made my stomach threaten to rebel. Combined the oily smoke that seemed to hover all around the area, the air was nearly choking me. I couldn't imagine how long it took Jas to accustom himself to this environment, but he did not appear affected by it in the least.

He kept up a running commentary as we wound through the narrow streets, ducking to avoid the dingy laundry and weaving to avoid the dirty, hungry-looking children. I kept silent, my jaws locked tightly to avoid the embarrassment of losing my light breakfast, though I couldn't help a certain measure of curiosity at my surroundings. While I focused my energy on controlling the nausea, my eyes roamed the streets, taking in all of the sights.

Jasper seemed to be full of both nervousness and excitement. He moved quickly, gesturing with his head as we passed buildings and telling me which of his new friends lived in each one. I knew he was excited about moving into his new place, but I assumed the nervousness was stemmed from my presence. I had long since gotten past the differences between Jas and me, but never before had these differences been so clear. There was bound to be a certain amount of tension as all of our differences were now so apparent.

"You'll see, Edward," he was saying as we approached one of many grey buildings on the block. "This is just the first step. Demetri told me that now that I'm in the union, the jobs and opportunities are just going to keep opening for me. I'll be able to afford a real house in no time."

I nodded and grunted, struggling with the two boxes I was juggling. _Em would have come in handy for this part of the journey_, I thought. Of course, he was getting fitted for his tux, an activity I'd have to endure tomorrow. Emmett had promised to meet us here as soon as he was done. I reminded myself not to bring it up; I knew how angry Jas was that he wouldn't be there for his sister's wedding. At least they were talking again.

I couldn't decide whether it was the apartment or his acceptance into the meatpacker's union that had put Jas's mind at ease, but he no longer worried about repercussions from his father. When Rose and Em were over at my house, he had usually made it a point not to be around, even after he knew I had told Rose. He kept insisting that he didn't want to give his father an excuse to cause his sister problem, though he wouldn't elaborate to me. Then one day, he just showed up with his big goofy grin on his face and scooped his sister into a huge hug.

"_Jasper Whitlock Hale," Rose burst out. "You … damn you!"_

_She smacked him upside the head before grabbing onto his shoulders and looking him up and down._

"_Well, you smell like death. What are you doing?" Rose was frowning, as she looked him over, not at all happy with what she saw._

"_Working," he said flippantly. "It agrees with me."_

_Rose sighed and Emmett approached Jasper, holding out his hand to Jas formally. Jasper took it, eyeing Em carefully._

"_Nothing that's going to hurt my cousin, correct?" Emmett asked quietly._

_Rose smacked his arm, but Emmett continued to stare Jasper down._

"_Never," Jasper responded._

"_Well, alright then," Emmett said, breaking into a smile and pulling Jasper into a hug. "It's good to see you, old boy."_

Things were almost normal after that. Jasper would try to be around to see Rose as much as he could; she brought him things as often as she could. It didn't come cheaply for Rose; her father took notice of things that went missing from Jasper's old room. We all knew that she paid for the sneaking around, but no one had the audacity to question her about it. Rose was counting down the days until she was rid of Whitlock Hale, just like her brother. I couldn't help but think that part of Rose was a little jealous of Jasper's hard won freedom, despite all of the troubles he had to endure.

"It's just up here, Edward," Jasper said, wheezing slightly. "You going to make it?"

"Shut up and lead, Jas," I groaned, my stomach clenching as I sucked in a large breath of rancid air to speak.

I prayed that the smell would be better inside. I'd promised Jasper my entire Sunday until I needed to be home to study. Eventually, I'd have to have a conversation with him without gagging.

"Hey, Alec, my man!" Jasper called out to a young boy smoking on the corner.

Up close, I realized that the pale boy was very young, perhaps only twelve or thirteen. But there seemed to be years of wear on his face that had no place marring the complexion of someone so young.

"How the hell are you, Jas?" the boy asked happily, tossing the burning butt on the ground and heading over to us.

He grabbed a box from each of us, significantly lightening our load.

"This is my friend, Edward. Edward, this is Alec. He's the son of my boss, Aro Valentina. Your family lives right down the street, right?"

"Yeah … Jas is ruining the neighborhood," Alec quipped, before Jasper lunged at him .

Jasper was almost too comfortable with his boss's son. I wondered immediately what kind of boss Mr. Valentina was.

"Alec's here to help us move into the place," Jas explained.

He adjusted the box in his arms and dug around in his pocket before pulling out a ring with two brass keys.

"Here we go," he said, inserting one of the keys in the door and opening it up.

I don't know what I expected. I guess I should have expected that Jas wouldn't own the entire first floor of the apartment building. But I sure as hell wasn't expecting a trek up to the seventh floor. I don't know why. I knew about tenements; Father visited enough clients in this neighborhood and others for me to know what to expect. Perhaps the reality of my friend living in this world really hadn't hit home until I got her. If I'd needed a kick in the pants to remind me why I was killing myself to get into law school, helping Jas move out of my house worked beautifully.

Jasper used the other key to open up one of the doors on the seventh floor and we followed him into the room. We set the boxes down in the sparsely furnished living room. There was a wooden barrel serving as a side table, a worn-out chair and couch set which had likely seen their best days sometime around the turn of the century, and a wooden table covered in chips and burn marks. At first, I felt guilty that my friend had so little to call his own when I was living in complete luxury. But then I realized that Jas was proud of this place; it was completely his.

After Jas and Alec caught a fag on the fire escape, we began unpacking his boxes. He only had a few sets of clothes and some books. He'd packed nothing extra, only the essentials. And despite the sparse furnishings in the apartment, there were places for all of his things. It only took us about an hour to get everything unpacked. Alec offered to take the boxes downstairs for us while Jasper finished putting everything exactly where he wanted them.

"It's a nice place, Jas," I said after a moment.

"It's shit compared to what we're used to," he said with a smile on his face. "Still, I'm proud of it. I thought it would be months before I could afford a roof over my head."

"Are you going to be alright?" I asked tentatively. "I mean, I know you have the money for the apartment, but what about food … clothes?"

"I'm fine, Edward, really," he said in a serious tone. "People here take care of each other. They don't have much, but they try to spread it around. And I assume your mother wouldn't be opposed to me visiting from time to time…"

"She'd beat you senseless if you didn't stop by," I said smiling.

Mother hadn't been overjoyed at Jasper's decision to move out. She thought it was dangerous and unnecessary. I understood a little bit more what Jas was going through. I envied him a little bit too, if truth be told. I knew the decision to stay at home with my parents was a good one in the long run, but it was difficult seeing the freedom that he and Alice got to exercise, even knowing that most of their freedom was had without Carlisle's and Esme's blessing.

Before long, we heard footsteps on the stairs. They sounded far too heavy to be only Alec.

"He must have found Em wandering around down there. I didn't expect him this early."

Jas pulled out his pocket watch, a gift from my parents when we graduated high school. I knew it was a treasured possession of his. Alec poked his head in, clearly embarrassed about something.

"I—ah—found some friends of yours downstairs," he said softly. "I'll be getting home. Ma will be looking for me."

He stepped back to reveal Emmett leading Rosalie. I smiled. It was nice of Emmett to bring Rose to see her brother's place. I only hoped that she wouldn't give him too much grief about the upkeep of the building or the unsavory characters who populated the neighborhood.

Rose entered the room first, carrying a picnic basket that seemed to be bursting with food. Perhaps I had finally gotten used to the smell because my stomach rumbled in anticipation of digging into some of that. Surprisingly, Emmett didn't follow Rose into the room. He gestured beside him and two familiar sets of eyes came into view, the rest of their faces hidden by handkerchiefs. Alice and Bella staggered into the room behind Rose.

I looked over at Jas, waiting for him to take the lead. I knew Rose was aware of the new apartment, but I wasn't sure whether Jas had told Alice yet. I certainly hadn't mentioned anything to Bella, not wanting to jeopardize my friend's confidence. He looked stunned watching the sisters enter the apartment but he recovered much faster than I did.

"Alice!" he said, his voice only slightly strangled. "I didn't expect this type of surprise! Bella, welcome as well. Come in, please."

Hearing Bella's name seemed to wake me out of the shock. I moved over to her and she almost fell into me when I arrived at her side. I put my arm around her lightly, not entirely sure what to do to make her feel at ease. I couldn't imagine she was prepared for this.

"Hello, Bella," I said. "It's good to see you."

She looked up at me, her mouth hidden by the handkerchief but her cheeks lifted in what looked like a weak smile. I glanced above her head and saw Alice walking over to Jasper. Bella stiffened underneath my arms as Alice dropped her handkerchief. She turned toward me just as Jas threw his arms around Alice and pulled her in for a deep kiss. Bella looked up at me and the look on her face surprised me. She was blushing, of course; Bella nearly always blushed. But she had what looked like an impish grin on her face as though she was almost jealous of her sister's intimacy with Jasper. Or, perhaps, I only thought that because I was insanely jealous. I wanted to wrap Bella up like that.

"Just because it's your place, doesn't mean you get to be all cozy with your girl, Jas," Rose said, walking further into the room and Jas and Alice broke apart, holding hands behind Alice's back. "It's a nice place, brother."

"Thanks, Rose," he said with a small smile. "It's not much, but it'll do."

Rose held out the picnic basket.

"Esme sent food," she said with a smile. "Em picked us up at the Cullens' house after our dress fittings."

Alice smiled and turned to Jas.

"It was quite a surprise," she said. "I thought for sure Aunt Esme would say no, but she was happy to let us go as long as Rose and Em would be around."

"That was quite kind of her."

Jasper still seemed somewhat uncomfortable. I realized his eyes were resting on Bella and her handkerchief. She was still holding it tight against her nose and hadn't spoken a word yet. Her other hand was wrapped around my hand and her knuckles were white. She was frightened. I knew it was probably making Jasper wary, but my only concern was making sure Bella felt safe. I loosened her grip on my hand and brushed her hair gently away from her eyes so that she would look directly at me. Rose and Em walked over to Jas and Alice and began talking about the apartment, leaving me relatively alone with Bella for the moment.

"Hey beautiful," I whispered softly, so that only she would hear.

Her hand began to relax slightly on her face and I saw the tip of her nose under the makeshift mask. In spite of the fiery blush on her cheeks, the rest of her skin seemed extremely pale. I guessed that the smell was overwhelming her along with her surroundings.

"You going to be okay?"

I brought my hand up to her face, gently touching her forehead.

"I'm fine," she said, her voice muffled. She leaned in conspiratorially. "I'm just trying not to vomit."

I touched my lips to her forehead, chuckling lightly.

"It gets better, I promise," I murmured into her hair.

"It already is."

She leaned into me, bringing our bodies closer together, and I immediately felt my heart rate pick up and my cheeks flush. I ran my hands down her arms and kissed her forehead again, wishing it were her lips. She sighed finally and with a shaky hand lowered her handkerchief. I helped her out of her coat and laid it over the back of a chair.

"Better?" I asked.

"Mmhmm," she hummed, pressing her lips tightly together.

She turned around and faced the rest of the room, keeping herself close enough to me that I could wrap my arms around her. She stiffened for a moment, still unsure about what was acceptable, but relaxed when no one even noticed. I rested my chin gently on her head, happy to have her close to me for the time being without any restrictions on us.

"I'm surprised at how clean the place is," Rosalie said, swiping a gloved finger across the kitchen counter and bringing her finger up to her eye for inspection. "Impressive."

She held her finger up showing us that it was clean.

"The floors and windows look like they could use some attention," Alice commented.

She walked over to the thin closet door and opened it. Inside, we saw a brand new mop, a broom, and a bucket filled with rags and sponges.

"Yeah," Jas said, crossing his arms uncomfortably. "Mrs. Valentina, Aro's wife, I think she set me up with the cleaning supplies. Demetri said she's like the mother hen for the single guys in the union. She probably stocked the ice box as well."

Alice walked over to the fridge and we saw that the bare essentials had been taken care of. Jasper wouldn't want for anything here. Alice nodded her head and turned away from the fridge. Her face had an odd expression as she looked over at Jasper; I couldn't read it. But I could feel Bella's response to it. She stiffened in my arms, her hands seeking mine.

When her fingers found mine, she immediately laced them together and sighed, leaning back against me. Though I was happy with the contact, I was surprised. Bella didn't usually initiate contact with me. She was timid, always waiting for me to make a move toward her, as though she was unsure if her advances would be accepted. Now, it felt as though she was reaching out desperately for me. I wondered what she saw in her sister's face that made her react in such a way.

"So tell us about this place where you're working," Emmett said. "What are the people like?"

"They're good folks," Jasper said immediately. "They're hard workers and they live a very different life than we're used to, but basically they're the same was us."

He shrugged and I could almost feel the discomfort rolling off of him, while we all waited for him to continue.

"How do you do it?" Rose asked bluntly. "Doesn't the smell get to you?"

Only Rose could have asked him without offending him, though we were all curious. I doubted that any of them had walked up the streets without difficulty, inhaling the smell of rotting meat along the way. But Rose's clipped, brusque tone seemed to diffuse the situation. Jasper only stared at her for half a second before laughing out right.

"I lost my breakfast my first seven days at work," he said. "That's when Demetri took pity on me and told me that none of them ate before work. It took some time to get used to the smell. They all waited until the first break to grab their breakfast."

We all laughed uncomfortably and the tension in the room seemed to lighten slightly. Emmett eased himself into the large armchair and motioned for Rose to come over to him. She sat down daintily on the edge of his knee before he pulled her back towards him, making her throw her legs up, unladylike, in the air with a burst of surprised laughter.

"Emmett Cullen!" she cried. "You're a damn brute, that's what you are!"

She talked a good game, but she wrapped her arms around his neck and settled herself more comfortably in his lap. Emmett looked rather proud of himself, as though he had achieved a coup of some sort.

"How about getting out some of the food Mom sent us," he demanded. "I'm starving!"

Rose rolled her eyes, but Jasper jumped at the chance to open the basket. He dragged the table over in front of the couch and he and Alice sat down close together, digging through the contents of the basket.

"Shall we?" I asked Bella, gesturing over to the other end.

It'd be a tight squeeze, but that didn't bother me in the least. In the past few months, happiness for me meant being in close proximity to this girl, the closer the better. I just hoped she would relax a bit and enjoy the fun. This was the first time the six of us had been together since we all went to the dance so long ago. It was good to have all of my friends in one room again.

Bella followed me over to the couch, and when I gestured for her to sit, she did so without hesitation and looked up at me expectantly. I sat down next to her and put my arm around her comfortably. She seemed much more at ease, watching the way the rest of the couples in the room behaved around each other. She seemed surer of herself—and of me. When she leaned into me, I couldn't hide the smile that crept across my face.

"This is nice," I murmured as I pulled her closer to me.

"Yes," she sighed. "It really is."

We ate and talked and laughed more than we had since Jasper had left home. Even though none of us would have admitted it a week ago, Jasper's absence had worn on all of us. We missed him; Bella missed having Alice with her when we went places. This felt right. I couldn't help but wonder, however, how often we could look forward to times such as these. Surely Esme wouldn't allow weekly visits to Jasper's apartment. It would start to look bad and it wouldn't be long before Mr. Hale went looking for his son. No one wanted that. I decided to enjoy it while I could and held Bella just a tad tighter against me.

"So what are your co-workers saying about all of the new regulations?" Emmett said, adjusting Rosalie on his lap so that he could look at Jas more clearly.

"Which regs?" Jasper asked.

"You know," Emmett said. "Prohibition? How's that hitting the folks down here?"

"Doesn't bother us in the least," Jasper said. "If you'd excuse me, darling?"

Alice moved so that Jasper could get up and he walked over to the kitchen with purpose.

"It's easy to get around _regulations_ when the people who are meant to enforce them, refuse to come here," Jasper said.

He turned around with a flourish holding an unopened brown bottle in his hands. Emmett whistled and Alice gasped. Bella just stared.

"We don't have to mess with the hooch or swill you find in the barrel houses uptown. We always seem to get the good stuff here and no one ever bothers the people here."

"But … it's illegal."

Bella's voice was small. It sounded weak even to me and I sat beside her.

"Don't worry, Bella," Jasper said, waving the bottle around. "We're nearly invisible here. There's no chance of trouble."

"But it's still illegal," Bella repeated. "I don't even see Aunt Esme take it anymore."

"She does," Alice said with asperity. "Bella, just because she doesn't say she's having liquor doesn't mean that she's all for the temperance movement. She thinks it's daft, just like the rest of this country that has a brain."

Bella's shoulders stiffened and I could feel her nearly vibrating with the words she wasn't saying. I wanted to turn her to face me and then beg her to let it all out. I might not agree with everything Bella said, but I still wanted to hear her say it. I couldn't believe her sister had shut her down so quickly and I was mad at Alice for the first time since I'd met her.

"Really, Bella," Jasper said kindly. "Don't worry about the law here in the Yards. I promise everything is safe."

Bella's shoulders fell in defeat and she sat quietly at my side, picking absently at her skirt as Jasper gathered glasses and came back over to the table. My heart hurt for her more than it ever had before. I was seeing her as she was _before_: beaten and silent, acquiescing to the views around her. This wasn't the strong-minded young woman I had begun to see peek out of her shell during our time together.

And I hated what I was seeing.

I hated what had _caused_ this: the force unseen that cowed her into submission at the words of someone who appeared stronger than she was. I hated the mother who had taught Bella to submit at the word of a man. Renee Swan's presence was palpable in the room that day and my anger toward her ghost was overwhelming.

"A toast to the new apartment," Emmett said with gusto.

Rosalie sat up in Emmett's lap and helped Jasper get the glasses set out on the table. Her eyes kept flicking over at Bella, sitting uncomfortably at my side. I could feel the way she shifted and squirmed every time a glass hit the table. Rosalie's brows knit together and she looked over at me. Her blue eyes, usually so cool and unaffected, seemed worried.

"Pour it out, Jas," Alice said, standing up.

Bella's eyes snapped up to her sister who was holding out a glass. Her eyes were wide with horror. I stroked her shoulders but I felt no response to my touch. Her eyes were locked on her sister's hand holding the glass out. Everyone in the room seemed affected by Bella's reaction. Everyone except Alice.

Alice stood there, her jaw set and her hand steady, holding her glass out to Jas who was looking worriedly between his girl and her sister. In the back of my mind, I understood Alice's motivations as clearly as I understood Bella's fear. She was taking a stand against her mother. She was fighting back. Maybe she felt the specter as much as I did and wanted to prove a point now that the woman couldn't hurt her anymore. I didn't know. What I did know was what Alice's actions were doing to _my_ girl.

Jasper uncorked the bottle and the tart smell of liquor filled the room as he began to pour, pointedly ignoring Alice's glass for the moment. When he got to my glass, he looked up and I shook my head slightly.

"I think Bella and I will take water. Thank you, Jasper," I said.

All of Bella's unresponsiveness melted away when she heard my words. She turned to look at me and I saw something in her eyes that I hadn't really been sure of until that moment. There was gratitude there, for having spoken when she couldn't. But more than that, I thought I could see love.

"You can't toast with water," Alice said. "It's bad luck."

Bella kept her eyes on me, waiting to see how I would respond to her words. However, it was Rose who spoke up.

"I don't believe in bad luck," she said firmly, looking directly at Alice. "Let them drink what they want. We'll make our own luck."

Alice's stance faltered, but she continued to hold her glass firmly in her hand. Jasper walked over to her holding the now half full bottle in his hand.

"You don't have to do this, Ali," he said softly.

"Don't be silly," she responded. "I can have a drink with my friends if I want to."

Jasper's eyes darted over to Bella, and then back at Alice before tipping the bottle and filling her glass. Jasper took our glasses over to the sink and filled them with tap water before coming back and filling his own glass.

"To Jasper's new digs," Alice said, raising her glass.

Rosalie shook her head quietly.

"To friendship," she said. "And to family."

I think I loved Rose a little in that moment and I could see the way that Emmett was beaming behind her. She had so much poise, so much _class_ in the way she subtly nullified the unspoken argument between the sisters. She reminded me very much of Esme.

Everyone threw back their drink and only then did Alice waver slightly. I could tell this was a first for her. I wondered how she would react to the bright spark of the liquor on her tongue and the way it traced fire down her throat. In all honesty, I didn't feel I was missing much with my water. Bella sipped at her water and watched her sister's every move.

Alice brought the glass to her lips, sniffing and turning up her nose at the smell. She closed her eyes and upturned the glass, pouring the liquid into her mouth. Alice had barely swallowed before she began coughing and spitting the whiskey out of her mouth. Jasper was up in a second and I stood as well.

I walked over to try to take her other arm, but surprisingly Bella was there before I could get to her.

"Your bathroom, Jasper?" Bella asked quietly.

"Downstairs," he said, pointing to the door.

Bella looked confused, but Rose stood up taking Alice's other arm and leading her out of the apartment. We heard Alice's coughing and retching all the way down the steps until they reached the communal bathroom.

Jasper turned to me after they closed the door.

"What was up with the two of them?" he asked me instead. "Bella and Alice? I've never seen them act like that."

Truthfully, he hadn't seen much of the two of them together lately. But I understood the question. Bella and Alice had always been a unit to me. They came together. They held each other up. When Alice got sick, Bella was the first person there. _That_ made sense to me and turned the world back into the right place. Alice's actions before…those were all wrong.

"I think," I said, rubbing the side of my face as I tried to think of the right words, "I think Alice and Bella have very different ways of handling the past."

"Alice looked like she was angry at Bella," Jasper said softly, shaking his head.

"No," I said, not disagreeing with the statement, but with the idea. "I think she was angry with what Bella stood for."

"You mean prohibition," Jasper guessed.

"I mean their mother."

The door opened and Rose came out, shutting it behind her before she came over to Em.

"They're fine," she said, nodding her head.

"Thank you, Rose," I said.

She smiled, a half-smirk that was quite playful.

"Of course," she said, her smile lingering for a moment before she continued. "Alice and Bella will be out of the bathroom shortly. I know that they are talking. Edward, you should offer to take her home and Emmett, you'll give Bella your permission."

Emmett's brows furrowed.

"You're her guardian here," Rose explained gently, "and it will mean a lot to Bella knowing that she has your permission to spend time alone with Edward, if only for the car ride home."

In spite of myself, my heart fluttered nervously at the thought of being alone with Bella for the car ride. Would she curl herself next to me the way she did on the couch, allowing me to wrap my arm around her while we drove? Or would she sit far away from me? I shook my head, trying to focus on Rose's words.

"Bella needs to get home," she said to me. "She's uncomfortable and it will do her good to get out here. And Alice needs some distance from her right now too."

I nodded my agreement as the girls emerged from the bathroom, Alice's face a bright red and Bella's deathly pale.

I stood up and walked over to Bella, taking her elbow the way that she had done for Alice mere moments before. She leaned against me, looking up and smiling at me. Her face had regained the barest hint of color to it, as though she had been fighting for a very long time and was completely worn out.

"I'm going to take you home," I whispered, kissing her temple as I spoke.

"But—Emmett," she said, lifting her arm in the direction of her cousin. "Aunt Esme will expect me to come home with Emmett."

"Bella, it's fine," Em said uncomfortably. "Go with Edward. I'll bring Alice and Rose home later."

I expected, if not an argument, then fear or distance from Bella. But she surprised me yet again. She looked at me and smiled genuinely.

"Would you get my coat for me?" she asked.

I smiled and nodded, and when we were both ready, we said our goodbyes. Alice walked over and kissed Bella's cheek stiffly.

"I will be home tonight," she said.

Bella nodded without a word and put her hand in the crook of my arm. I led her out of the apartment. She sighed and pulled out her handkerchief when we got to the front door, looking up at me in apology.

"I'd say some fresh air would do you good, but…" I said, trying to make her laugh.

She did giggle, but an older lady carrying laundry overhead me and began yelling loudly at us in a foreign language. I didn't recognize it, but I thought it might have been Polish. I hurried Bella out the door and down the street to where my father's car was parked.

When I rounded to the other side of the car and got in, I found Bella holding the handkerchief over her face and leaning forward making muffled noises into the linen. _She's crying_, I thought immediately. I was drawn to her, instantly wanting to make the hurt go away, to fix whatever was making her cry.

Without thinking, I crossed the distance between us and scooped her into my arms, pulling her close to me. It shocked me when she threw her head back and I saw that she was smiling and that the sounds coming out of her mouth had been muffled laughter.

"Bella?" I asked, unsure of what she was feeling. "You're laughing?"

_That was truly inane_, I thought to myself.

"Yes, Edward," she said quietly, hiccupping with her laughter as a tear rolled down her cheek. "I'm laughing."

I caught her tear and looked at her seriously.

"Why?"

"Because I don't know what else to do," she said, shrugging her shoulders.

Her head fell forward onto my shoulder and I felt her body shaking under my arms. I knew she was crying and all I could do was hold her. I only hoped that it was enough.

I drove her home in silence and to my great delight she stayed tucked at my side the entire ride home. Only as we were pulling up to her house did she reluctantly pull away from me. I felt her absence as soon as her body shifted and I had to put my hand on the steering wheel in order to keep from reaching out to her.

"Will you come in with me?" she asked timidly.

"Of course," I said.

I had been planning to ask her if I might join her inside for some time. It pleased me beyond measure that she had asked me.

"Edward, Bella," Esme said as we walked into the house, her eyes darting behind us quickly. "You're back so soon."

Bella looked down at her hands, worriedly wringing together, and I put my hand on her back.

"Esme, I brought Bella back early when she began to feel slightly under the weather," I said.

Esme stared at Bella for a full moment before smiling widely.

"I expect you two would like some time alone," she said airily. "Edward, perhaps you'd like to take Bella to the solarium. Have you ever played for her?"

I had. I just hadn't known she was watching. I hadn't played for her since I started courting her, though I'd wanted to. I wondered how Bella would react. I looked down and saw her cheeks burning and a small smile forming on her lips.

"I haven't," I said, "but perhaps you'd allow me to rectify that, Bella?"

She nodded quickly and glanced up at me with bright eyes. I helped her out of her coat and she led the way to the solarium. Without saying anything, I sat down at the piano and began to play a soft melody. It was a new song, one I'd only heard a few times on the victrola, but it had really caught my ear. It was called _Avalon_ and the rolling melody reminded me of Bella.

Bella leaned against the edge of the piano, running her fingers over the wood as I played. I couldn't take my eyes off of the way the light hit her hair, the way her eyes crinkled happily as I played. I wanted her closer to me, but I didn't want to stop staring at her. She was so beautiful when she forgot to worry.

"Will you sit with me?" I asked, continuing to play. "I'll keep my hands on the piano…"

Bella blushed perfectly and looked askance at the piano bench. It was none to wide, but it would easily fit the two of us. We would simply have to sit close. Bella seemed to take a deep breath before moving. When she reached the bench, she looked at it and then looked up at me. Her lips turned up in a half smile before she arranged her skirts and sat down beside me. I missed a few notes as her fingers brushed against my thigh. It seemed that it was my turn to blush.

She arranged the fabric so that it was tucked in and she sat with her hands clasped and resting on her thighs. She seemed to be holding her hands rather tightly together and I wondered what it was she wished to do with them.

"Thank you for today," she murmured.

I continued to play but turned my head so that I was facing her. Her cheeks were blazing now and her eyes appeared on the cusp of tears again. I had finished the song and segued into a more familiar tune I'd learned as a student. To my surprise, Bella's fingers crept up to the keys and she ghosted them over the lower notes that matched mine.

"You play?" I asked hoarsely.

"Not like you," she said immediately, bringing her hands down again.

"Play with me, Bella," I said, more forcefully than I had intended to. "Please."

She looked over at me, unsure, but her fingers were back on the keys. When I had finished the first part of the song, she joined in. Her notes were soft, tentative at first. But she got surer of herself and the notes flowed more easily.

We played the simple melody in silence at first, our fingers mirror images of each other. I'd been playing this melody my whole life and I could afford to keep my eyes trained on her fingers and steal glances at her face as she concentrated. I noticed the way she bit on her lower lip as she played and cocked her head to the side as she worked. Near the end of the first refrain, my left hand and her right were mere keys apart and our forearms were touching.

I looked over at her, my tongue darting out as I saw her draw in a shaky breath. Instead of letting the moment pass, I continued on and she followed me, the notes flowing more easily as we continued to play.

"Will you tell me about today?" I asked, still unsure of how she would react to being questioned.

"What do you want to know?" she asked in response, her lips pursed slightly.

I knew I should tread carefully with her, that I ought not to press her. But I couldn't help myself. I wanted to know more. I stopped playing and turned to look at her.

"Everything," I said passionately. I took a breath and steadied myself. "You must know that I want to know everything about you. All of your words and thoughts are precious to me."

Bella's fingers were frozen on the keys and I thought, perhaps, our night was over. I was afraid she would draw away from me.

"I can't believe that Alice would do such a thing!" she burst out. "Whatever possessed her?"

"Bella, I think she was just trying to have fun … to fit in."

"You don't understand," she said distractedly and then bit her lip.

"Then help me to understand," I said softly. "Come over to the other bench and we can talk."

I pulled at her hand, urging her to follow me.

"Can we…?" she asked, trailing off.

"What?" I asked, gently.

"Can we play? It distracts me. I think I can talk more freely if we are playing the piano."

I smiled at her and turned back around to the piano, putting my fingers on the keys.

"Do you know Für Elise?" I asked.

She thought for a moment and then nodded her head, placing her fingers on the keys. I began the slow trill that started the song and Bella chimed in with the lower register. She didn't begin talking immediately, but her breathing changed as she began to lose herself in the ebb and flow of the notes.

"Mother had all sorts of lessons we needed to learn," Bella said, her voice falling naturally into the pauses in the music, rising and falling with the cadence of the notes. "Posture, good grooming, social graces … none of the things you would likely consider important, but for mother they were the only things that mattered."

"Bella, everything about you is important to me," I said when she paused.

I saw her lips curl into a small smile.

"Every once in a great while, Mother would talk to us about—dangers—things we ought to look out for lest we find ourselves in trouble. She always told us that liquor was the drink of the devil."

She paused as the music came to one of the arpeggios and she took her fingers away, waiting for me to play the difficult parts. I did so and her fingers were right back at the keys when the familiar trill began again.

"There was something in her face when she talked about drinking, Edward … it was something I didn't understand at the time, but I believe that her advice about liquor came from her heart. She seemed truly frightened of it."

"Can you tell me what she said?" I asked after several moments of silence.

"She told us that liquor turns people—men especially—to monsters. She said there was no telling what they might do to us once the drink was in them and we should avoid it and those who dealt in it at all costs. So you see I just don't understand … how could Alice do that?"

Bella stopped playing and looked at me, searching my eyes and face for an answer, which I didn't have. I turned on the bench and looked back at her, searching my brain for something I could give her, some reassurance.

"Perhaps Alice didn't take the same lessons from your mother as you have," I said. "We all think about things in different ways. Maybe she didn't see the same things you did."

"If you had seen Mother's face, you'd know I was right," Bella said, looking down.

"I don't doubt you," I said quickly, reaching over and grabbing her hand before she could start worrying her skirt. "Please, it isn't that I think Alice is right and you are wrong. I wanted to offer you a reason. Bella, I don't think you are wrong."

"What do you think of prohibition, Edward?" she asked, not meeting my eyes.

I sighed. I thought it a load of rubbish and a waste of time and money, if I was being honest. Did I lie to her to make her believe I was on her side? No. I didn't want her to lie to me. She deserved honesty from me as well.

"I've spoken about it with my parents," I said. "To the best of my understanding, the concept is faulty. It's going to be nearly impossible for the government to curtail the consumption of all liquor. And I believe that they are setting us up for more danger by outlawing it entirely. People do strange things to get what they want and I believe that the prohibition of alcohol will lead to more trouble than good."

Bella frowned, but I continued.

"On the other hand, I believe that _temperance_ isn't a bad idea. I truly believe that people should govern themselves as much as possible. It's only when someone else tells us what we should and shouldn't do that we become … irrational, if you will."

"Do you think that's what Alice did today?"

"How do you mean? When she took the glass of whiskey?"

Bella's face became pinched and I guessed she was remembering her sister taking the liquor and then drinking it.

"Do you think she was acting irrationally because Mother would have told her no?"

"I don't know your sister well enough to judge her," I said. "But from what I've seen of her, Alice has a good head on her shoulders."

"Perhaps not so much when it comes to Mother," Bella said, covering a grin as she spoke, "though she'd likely say the same of me."

"What do you mean?"

Bella turned around and put her hands on the piano keys and I smiled slightly. If this would keep her talking to me, I would play for her all night.

"Moonlight Sonata?" she asked softly.

I nodded and we began, the mellow notes resounding through the piano as we played the gentle tune.

"You were right. Alice and I remember Mother very differently, but not as differently as Alice might have you believe. I don't think everything my mother said was correct … at least not anymore."

My heart leapt at her words because a part of me knew that I had a hand in changing some of her notions. I kept quiet though, hoping she would go on.

"I worry about Alice's choices," Bella said softly. "I worry that she will do something to prove herself free of Mother and not think about the consequences."

"Like this afternoon?" I asked.

"Yes. Like this afternoon."

"Do you worry that Jasper will hurt her?" I asked tentatively.

"I worry more that she will hurt herself," she said softly. "I believe that Jasper is making his choices because he _wants_ the life he is leading now. I don't know that about Alice and it frightens me."

The distinction she was making was subtle but I understood her worry.

"What do you think she will do?"

"Leave me," Bella said and turned to face me. "I worry that one day, she won't come home and she'll disappear the way that Jasper did."

The tear slid down her face without warning and I could not catch it before it hit her arm, soaking the fabric of her shirt and turning the light blue fabric dark.

"I'm sorry," she said. "I've said too much."

"No," I said, brushing a stray hair out of her face. "Bella, I meant what I said before. I sometimes wish I could peek inside your mind to see what you are thinking. I consider it a gift when you share your thoughts with me."

"You don't think I'm silly for worrying about these things?"

"Of course not," I said. "I wish I could make your worry go away, reassure you that everything will turn out for the best. But the truth is that I don't know any more than you do what Alice will choose and how the future will play out."

"You know Jasper better than anyone. What does he say? What does he want from her?"

"He wants to marry her," I said, "but not yet. The reason he took this job and is working so hard is so that he can afford a house. He wants to live a normal, happy life … just not in _this_ world."

Bella nodded and took a deep breath.

"So you think that Alice will be home tonight as she said. She won't … stay?"

"Bella, Jasper would never take Alice away from Carlisle and Esme like that. He respects them too much to dishonor their niece in that way. Beside, I think that Jasper wants a wedding someday too. Maybe not as grand as Rose and Em's, but a wedding nonetheless."

"Alice wants that too," Bella said quietly, smiling and wiping her eyes. "She's talked of it from the time we were children, though her ideas were always very different than mine."

Her fingers tightened in my hand and she looked up startled, a blush staining her cheeks. I hoped she was thinking, as I was, not of Alice's wedding but of hers … and mine. This wasn't exactly the conversation I'd hope to have with her, but it was an opportunity I refused to miss.

"And what do you want?" I asked, my voice lower.

"I—I don't know," she stammered and got up from the bench to look out at the setting sun over the garden.

The daylight was fading and I could see her face in the window as she worried her lip and crossed her arms in front of her. I'd overstepped the careful boundaries, but I didn't know how to go back. I walked over to her and knew she could see me approaching in the window. I placed my hands on her shoulders, looking at our reflection as I did so. Seeing her eyes close and the small smile that she couldn't hide as I touched her filled me with warmth.

"Why do you hide from me?" I asked, my lips close to her ear.

I felt her shiver and ran my hands down her arms, knowing it was too much and not caring.

"Because I'm more afraid of you than anyone," she whispered and turned to face me. "No one could hurt me more than you … not even Alice."

The look I saw in her eyes was jarring, unexpected. Everything was laid bare in front of me, and I could see all the words she couldn't say hiding in her deep brown depths.

"I would never hurt you," I said, my voice thick with emotion. "Nothing … no one could ever make me hurt you."

"No, not intentionally," she said, her eyes moving to someplace above my head. "But never is a long time, Edward."

She turned away from me and walked closer to the window wall and I saw the hurt in her eyes reflected in the glass. She needed reassurance. I could tell that the sadness and the vulnerability I saw in her came directly from me. She was unsure of me, and what the future might hold.

"Do you care to know what I want?" I asked, closing the distance between us and leaning against the glass so that I could both see her profile and her face in reflection.

She nodded and I looked out in the garden, still watching her face.

"I want to be a lawyer, like my father," I said, fidgeting with the button on my jacket. "And I want a house with a yard like this I can work in some day. I want a wife to come home to and children some day. But most of all … I want whatever makes you smile."

She looked up and her eyes found mine in the glass. I was smiling at her but she only stared for the moment.

"Your happiness is everything to me," I said as she turned to face me. "We are very young still, but I hope that one day it will be you who I come home to."

When my hands found her face, I could feel the wetness from her tears. She let me pull her close, wrap my hand around her waist and kiss her cheek, tasting the salt of her tears. I felt her hands brush against my stomach as she reached for me and her touch sent shivers through my body.

I let my hand travel around to the back of her neck and guided her closer to me so that our foreheads were touching. We'd only kissed the one time, but my lips remembered the feel of her and I wanted more. Always more.

"Edward—I—this isn't," she whispered.

"Shh," I said. "No one is here. What do you want?"

Her eyes fluttered and she licked her bottom lip, blushing, and I knew. She might not say it, but she wanted more too.

"May I kiss you, Bella?" I asked her.

I felt her head nod against mine and she tilted her head up to look at me before closing her eyes. She was so beautiful painted in the window, waiting for me to kiss her. I wanted to remember every detail of her face.

Her lips parted as I brought my face closer to her and I felt her breathe in quickly. I touched my lips to her bottom lip first, just brushing our skin together, and the electricity I felt before seemed to course through me. I immediately wanted to pull her to me, cover her mouth with mine … I wanted hordes of things I didn't understand.

I contented myself to kiss her gently until I heard her sigh against my mouth. My fingers curled around her waist and I opened my mouth slightly, just bringing the edge of her lip into my mouth. Unsure of how to proceed, I brushed her lip with my tongue.

She gasped slightly, but didn't pull away. I closed my mouth and kissed her softly once again before bringing my face closer to her ear again.

"You have no idea the effect you have on me," I whispered into her ear.

My heart was racing in my chest as I stepped away from her, holding onto her hand. I brought it to my lips and kissed it gently.

"Perhaps this is enough for one evening?" I asked, looking up at her as I bent over her hand.

Her eyes appeared lidded and heavy, but her lips were curled into a perfect smile. I had worried that perhaps I had overstepped too far for too long, but Bella seemed happy and more content than I had seen her all day.

"Edward," she said as I released her hand.

"Yes?"

"Thank you for listening," she said. "And for asking. I—I'm glad we spoke."

I smiled at her and nodded.

"Bella I will always listen and I will always ask. You fascinate me."

She giggled and rolled her eyes, but didn't argue.

"I'm going to play for a while," she said, looking over at the piano. "It's been some time since I'd tried to play and I think it agrees with me."

She smiled and turned away from me. I needed to leave then or I would have been over at the piano playing with her for the rest of the night.

As I closed the Solarium door behind me, I heard the tentative notes of Moonlight Sonata begin to play and I smiled. Bella had completely stunned me this evening. I didn't know what to make of all the things she said, only that I was happy she had shared so much with me and yet I still wanted more.

I had my fedora in my hand, ready to find Esme and Carlisle and bid them good night when Alice and Emmett came through the door. Emmett smiled and walked past me, but Alice stood, looking me up and down when she walked in.

"Thank you for taking care of Bella this afternoon," she said.

"Always," I responded.

She didn't smile or respond. She simply waited.

"Are you feeling better?" I asked.

"Yes," she said. "I assume she's angry."

"You assume incorrectly," I said immediately.

Alice watched me with her blue eyes that were so different from Bella's but no less expressive.

"Alice, talk to her. She's worried and she cares about you and…"

"Don't."

Alice's strong voice cut me off.

"I know my sister better than you and I know how she feels. Please don't patronize me by telling me what I should and shouldn't do when it comes to Bella because I assure you I know better than you what to do."

"Do you?" I asked, my voice harsher than I intended. "Are you even thinking about her or are you only thinking about yourself?"

"How dare you!" Alice yelled and I was sure she had drawn the attention of the whole house now. "This is none of your business."

"Alice, what affects Bella is my business. And she _is_ hurting right now."

"And I'll fix that. I don't need you to tell me what needs to be done."

"I'm sure you don't," I said quietly. "I only thought … perhaps it would be good for you to know that I cared."

She paused, her face pale in anger. I thought it interesting how the sisters were different even in how they reacted to emotion.

"I'm sorry," Alice said finally. "You're right. It is good for me to know that. Thank you—for your concern."

I breathed, for perhaps the first time since Alice first spoke to me and looked up. Esme and Carlisle were in the entryway, along with Emmett. I hadn't heard the music stop. But there, in front of all of them, stood Bella, her eyes locked firmly on me. And I had no idea how much she had heard … and no clue what she was thinking.

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_**A/N: Huge thanks to my beta team (yes, there's a team). Belle Dean, ikss, and swimom7, you guys are wonderful. Thank you so much for your time and for returning the chapter so quickly. My apologies on how long this chapter took. I know it was much longer than the usual two weeks. All I can say in excuse is...real life. It's a bitch. haha! Anyway, thank you, thank you, to whoever nominated ATJ in the All Human Awards and in the Hidden Star Awards. I am overwhelmed. You guys rock. Thank you also to Amelie Gray for hosting a kick ass readalong the other night. It was so much fun! I hope you guys enjoy this chapter despite the angst. We all knew angst would creep into this story. After all, I am trying to keep it realistic. I hope you continue to enjoy. And, leave me love. It makes my day! *kisses* ~Jen**_


	9. Reconciliations and Vicious Gossip

_I'm as busy as a spider spinning daydreams_

_I'm as giggly as a baby on a swing_

_I haven't seen a crocus or a rosebud_

_Or a robin on the wing_

_But I feel so gay in a melancholy way_

_That it might as well be spring._

_**Rodgers and Hammerstein, 1945**_

_**Disclaimer**: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters from the Saga. Stephenie Meyer is the owner of Twilight. No copyright infringement is intended. This work and the original ideas presented therein are the sole property of this author._

* * *

**BPOV**

_"I only thought … perhaps it would be good for you to know that I cared."_

Alice stood in front of him, ramrod straight in her anger and indignation, but the only thing I saw were Edward's eyes. Around me, my family stopped breathing. I felt Aunt Esme's hand on my shoulder but I couldn't stop looking at Edward. He was talking about me. And for the first time, I saw it. He was in love with me.

Alice was speaking, but I neither heard nor cared what she had to say; she and I would have much to say in private. I watched Edward as his green eyes softened with relief and then rose to meet mine. His eyes were suddenly full of questions and fear. My aunt's hand squeezed my shoulder gently and I stepped forward with a small smile on my face.

His eyes simply melted with relief. I watched his hands, usually so fluid, gripping his hat in worry. I smiled brighter and his lips lifted in response.

"Alright then?" he asked, a small tremor in his voice.

"Yes, alright," I responded.

He nodded once to Aunt Esme and Uncle Carlisle, again to my sister, and then looked back at me.

"Goodnight, Bella."

"Goodnight, Edward."

It took him a moment to turn from me and by the time he closed the door, I already missed him. I wanted to usher him back to the music room so I could tell him what I had seen in his eyes. I wanted to hear him say it out loud. I wanted … yes, I wanted many things. For the moment, however, I had my family to deal with.

Everyone stood quietly and stared at each other. Alice's cheeks were colored with her embarrassment, but her eyes remained level and indignant. Emmett was the first to leave. He brushed by me and gave me a small smile before walking down the hallway. I hadn't had much opportunity to talk with him, but I liked Emmett. He had a gentle way about him that put me at ease and he seemed to see things clearer than most; it was often very refreshing to hear his point of view.

Uncle Carlisle followed his son out of the room, clearly sensing that this was between the women of the household. When we were alone, a little nudge from my side propelled me toward my sister. Aunt Esme was by my side.

"Are you feeling well, Alice?" I asked quietly.

"I'm fine," she said, looking past me at Aunt Esme.

"Alice," Aunt Esme said softly. "Is there anything you'd like to talk about?"

"No," she replied stiffly. "But I'm sure Bella will be happy to fill you in. I'm going to bed."

Alice pushed past us, her heels clicking against the marble floor as she made her way through the house and then up the stairs. Everything felt surreal as I turned to watch my sister walk away from me; she seemed so different, and so very angry. I felt Aunt Esme's arm around my shoulder, leading me down the hallway, but I kept my eyes on Alice, hoping she would turn around to look at me. In my mind, she'd smile at me and this argument would be but an uncomfortable memory. She never turned around. The soft sound of the door to our room clicking shut made my heart falter, cracking it in half.

The tears that seemed ever close to the surface all day long, poured out of my eyes again as Aunt Esme walked me toward the library where Uncle Carlisle was sitting. He saw us, or rather, he saw my tears, and he quickly exited the room to give us privacy. Aunt Esme sat down on one of the leather couches and opened her arms to me. Without hesitation, I buried my face in her shoulder, smothering myself in her spicy, smoky fragrance that had started to smell like home to me.

She didn't say anything; she simply let me cry on her shoulder until I finally lifted my head. My eyes felt sore and itchy and I knew my face was likely puffy. Out of nowhere, Aunt Esme handed me a clean linen handkerchief and allowed me to wipe my face. I opened my mouth to begin talking, but she held up her hand.

"I don't want to know," she whispered.

She reached over and smoothed a hair which had come loose from my plait.

"It's been a long time since I've been my sister's trusted secret keeper, but one doesn't forget that obligation. I know you'd never betray her trust and I would never put you in that position." She frowned before continuing. "Alice should know you better than that."

"She's angry with me," I mumbled.

"Clearly," Aunt Esme commented, frowning. "Would you like to discuss it? Or … anything about this evening?"

I looked up to see Aunt Esme watching me carefully and naturally I blushed when I thought of Edward. Just half an hour prior I had told him that no one could hurt me more than him. I still felt that was true, but I had forgotten how much my sister's anger could sting me.

"I sometimes feel as though Alice thinks I'm nothing more than Mother's little puppet," I said quietly, "and her anger at me is really her anger at Mother and the things she taught us. I know I shouldn't be upset with her—we all have our own ways of dealing with grief—but I am."

"You have every right to be upset, Bella," Aunt Esme said, stroking my shoulder. "You are not Renée. And you have grown so much in just the few months you've lived here. You are so much more than an echo of your mother."

"But how do I convince Alice?" I asked. "It seems like every time I open my mouth, all she hears is Mother's voice."

"Did you tell her that?"

"Of course not," I said. "Alice usually does most of the talking."

Aunt Esme chuckled and I couldn't help but join her. I wondered if Alice would be talking to me tonight.

"And I'm certain she will have much to say tonight," Aunt Esme responded. "But you need to say your piece. I'm sure Alice has her reasons for being angry, but your reasons are just as valid. You can't let her spark dim yours."

I bowed my head and thought of the way I spoke with Edward earlier. It brought a smile to my face and I knew Aunt Esme well enough to know that she noticed. Even though it might have seemed difficult for Edward to draw me out, talking to him was almost effortless. Even when I didn't want to reveal things to him, they just … slipped out.

"Why are you smiling, Bella?" Aunt Esme asked, her head bent conspiratorially next to mine.

"I was just thinking …"

"Of Edward?"

I closed my eyes and nodded, my smile broadening at his name.

"I worried about him, you know," Aunt Esme said tersely.

My eyes flew open at her tone and she chuckled, patting my leg.

"When I first noticed his interest—not even a full day after you arrived, mind you—I worried. I thought perhaps it would be too much for you. But … you bloomed under his affection." Her fingers ran across my now red cheeks. "What were you thinking about him?"

I had so many questions, so many things I wanted answered. I had grown to trust Aunt Esme over the past months, and yet I didn't want to appear foolish or lovesick. But the need to know was more pressing than the need to remain cool and calm.

"Alice insists she is in love with Jasper," I began slowly, looking down, "and I do not doubt her feelings. She has always been very sure of herself. Do you think … _I_ am too young for love?"

I looked up at her and drew in a deep, shaky breath as I awaited her answer. It wasn't the question I truly wanted to ask. I knew I loved Edward. For me, there would never be anyone who could draw me out or make me feel the way he did. But naturally, Aunt Esme saw to the heart of my question.

"You don't strike me as a girl who misunderstands her own feelings, Bella. You might not talk of them much, but I think you know how you feel. I've known Edward for his entire life … he's quite the same, you know?"

My heart fluttered at her roundabout answer. I knew what I had seen in his eyes tonight. The fear in them didn't come from just anyone overhearing his argument with Alice; it came from not knowing what I would think. He worried about my reaction because it mattered to him, to our future. The thought of a future with Edward left my stomach fluttering as well.

"What do you want?" Aunt Esme asked.

"Edward asked me that very same question tonight."

"And what did you tell him?"

"You know," I said, biting my lip, "I never did answer him…"

I suddenly knew what I must do, but it would need to wait. I needed Alice and though I thought she might deny it, she needed me. I reached out and squeezed Aunt Esme's warm fingers.

"Thank you, Aunt Esme," I said. "I probably haven't said it nearly enough, but I am happier here than I have ever been before."

Her eyes misted over but she blinked away the tears before they could escape. Her fingers returned the gentle pressure.

"You and your sister have completed us, Bella, in every way possible. Thank _you_. Now go; I know you're wanting your sister."

I smiled mirthlessly. It would be a long night, I was sure. Alice didn't back down easily and I had a feeling that tonight, neither would I.

* * *

"You can just get yourself ready for bed, Bella. I'm not in a talking mood," Alice said as soon as I opened the door.

The lights were off, but I could see her curled up on her bed, an uncomfortable lump amid the feathered blankets and pillows. I drew in a deep breath and then flicked on the light switch.

She flipped over and gave me a cold stare.

"I said I didn't wish to talk tonight."

"Well, I do," I said.

She watched me as I walked across the room, still dressed in my day clothes, and sat down on my bed. I knew her well enough to give her space to fume. It wasn't that I feared her hurting me. Her temper could flare up instantly, but her control over it was immense. I just knew she was likely to be more reasonable if I gave her space to breathe.

"What's gotten into you Alice?" I asked once I was seated. "Why are you so angry with me?"

I kept my voice even, trying to hide the fear from her, but of course she hear it in my voice. She could probably even sense it. I hated when Alice was angry with me and she was well aware of it.

"Why did you have to do that today, Bella? Everything was fine; it was perfect. And then, you had to make me remember Mother."

"As I recall, you would have done well to listen to that bit of advice. The whiskey didn't exactly sit well with you, did it?"

"You know that's not the point!"

"No one else was angry with me for voicing my opinion. No one except you. Why?"

"Because it wasn't your damn opinion, Bella. It was Mother's. When are you going to get her foolish ideas out of your head and start thinking for yourself?"

"You really believe I don't think for myself?" I asked. "Even now? If that's true, you're the only one who thinks that …"

"How can you think for yourself if you're constantly spouting her ideas?"

I frowned at her.

"Agreeing with some of the things she said doesn't mean that I constantly spout her ideas. Besides, I could say the same for you!"

Alice sat up in bed and leaned across the gap to stare in my face.

"What do you mean?"

"Think about it, Alice," I said, carefully picking at my skirt. "You say I don't have my own thoughts because I do only what Mother would approve of. If you only do things that Mother would _dis_approve of, how is that different?"

Alice opened and closed her mouth as she considered my words, but I continued.

"Also, I don't believe you really think I only do things Mother would approve of. Would Mother have approved of me riding alone in a car with Edward? Would she have looked kindly on the way he and I are together? Would she have liked him kissing me … and me allowing it?"

Alice's eyes widened and I saw her lips twitching into an almost smile. She caught herself, but it was there.

"Why was it so important that you needed to make a scene, Sissy?"

She was softening.

"Because it was important, Alice. I know you think I worry too much, but I worry about you. I don't think that Mother told us to avoid liquor lightly; I believe it scared her. And I don't want to see you hurt."

"Liquor doesn't hurt people; terrible people who drink hurt other people. Does Aunt Esme hurt people when she drinks?"

"No," I said. I looked up at her and held her eyes with mine. "Nor does Uncle Carlisle … still, there was something about Mother's voice when she said that. I don't believe you ought to just dismiss it."

"Edward's had liquor before, you know. Jasper said so." Alice murmured. "Do you think badly of him now?"

I sighed.

"Alice, I don't think badly of Edward, or Jasper, or you for that matter. Don't you see? I was just surprised by your choice! It seemed so brash. I worried … that perhaps you would make other brash decisions."

Alice was quiet for a moment, curling her hair around her finger as she looked at me. The corner of her lip began to curl up and finally her ice blue eyes began to melt.

"You were worried I'd leave you," she said.

I nodded.

"Of course," I replied. "I saw the way you looked at Jasper when he talked about the woman, Mrs. Valentino, taking care of the single men. It was … possessive. You wanted to be the one taking care of him."

"You know me very well," she whispered. "And I do. I want to be the one making his house a home. But now isn't the time and I understand that. Jas and I have talked about it."

A swirl of fear, like a gust of cold wind, wrapped around my heart when she said they'd talked. It passed, but the uneasiness remained. I wondered how much they had planned and how much time I had left.

"You have?" I asked, trying for a casual tone but missing my mark.

She laughed.

"I know you very well too, Sissy. Yes, we've talked and we have plans. No, I will never leave you without warning. Is that what you want to know?"

I sighed, feeling my heart warm.

"Yes."

"So it was never really about the liquor?" she asked.

"Well, it was a little," I said. "It does frighten me, but I was more frightened about your choices than anything."

Alice nodded, and looked up at me, her lips turning down in a frown.

"I'm sorry for my behavior today," she said quietly. "You must know that this isn't easy … being with Jasper in this way when all around me are couples who can come and go as they please. It wears on me … but I ought not to take it out on you."

"Don't," I replied. "You know it's already forgotten, right?"

She was on my bed in a heartbeat.

"You can't go to bed like that and from what you've just told me, we have _lots_ to discuss."

We both giggled and I rose to get ready for the night. I went in the other room to undress, leaving Alice to lounge on my bed.

"Are you going to make me dig for details, Bella Marie?" she sang from our room.

I chortled as I unbuttoned my heavy skirts and let them drop to the floor.

"Possibly," I said as I carefully hung up the fabric. "What do you want to know?"

"Everything!" she burst out. "You said he kissed you and you allowed it. You must tell me!"

Edward kissing me was perhaps the single most amazing feeling of my life. I bit my lip as I thought about the way his mouth felt on mine, the way his hands fit the curve of my neck, the taste of his tongue … well, I couldn't tell her all of that. Those memories were _mine_, and I didn't intend to share them. I pulled my night shift over my head and walked back into our room with my face burning from the delicious memories. I flicked off the light but not before I saw Alice's smirk.

"I assume he was a good kisser then," Alice said.

I jumped into bed, smacking her lightly as I did.

"Alice!"

"What? I'm not jealous, you know … Jasper is quite talented."

"That's horrible!" I couldn't stop the grin from forming on my face despite the horror at how easily she spoke of us kissing boys.

"Truly, it's not, Bella. It's wonderful."

I giggled and nodded in the darkness.

"Yes, he really is."

It was Alice's turn to smack me. Warmth spread through my body as I realized just how happy I was. I had my sister back, not that she was ever truly gone. I felt she understood me better for having argued with me tonight, however. I felt we were even closer now than we had been before, if that was possible. As we whispered into the darkness, sharing secrets about the boys who had stolen our hearts, I felt like we healed some hurt that had started long ago, something that neither of us knew needed fixing.

As my mind drifted closer to the edge of unconsciousness, I thought again about Edward and his question: And what do you want? he'd asked, his voice low and pleading for an answer, the right answer. I never gave it to him though my heart had been screaming it from the first time he touched me. I wanted him, always. I had wanted to write him a letter before bed to finally answer that question, but bringing Alice back to me was the most important thing I needed to accomplish that night. Before I let the darkness take over and dreams of emerald eyes fill my mind, I promised myself that I would write him directly after school the next day.

* * *

Alice and I walked to school early, arm in arm and silent, though content in our new truce. Though our argument didn't last long, I knew that it had worn on Alice as much as it had worn on me. We had always been close and any fissures in that bond cut both of us to the core.

When we rounded the corner and saw Lauren, Jessica, and Angela, I felt Alice stiffen and pause before she continued walking. There had been talk, silly rumors that went around after Jasper had disappeared. Everyone had a theory, though most _decent_ people left Alice's name out of the gossip. Lauren Mallory was anything but decent.

She had been the worst and Jessica Stanley only fueled her fire, talking behind her hand every time either Alice or I passed her, her voice just loud enough to be heard by those around her. Recently, her talk had gotten vicious. I blamed myself for their attacks on her. It was me they hated, but Alice was the easier target of late. Alice straightened her shoulders as we neared them and Angela stepped forward with a smile on her face.

"Hi Bella, Alice," she said. "How was your weekend?"

"Good, Angela," I said. "And yours?"

She smiled and was about to answer when Jessica turned to Lauren, a fake smile plastered on her face. I felt Alice's arm tighten in mine.

"Lauren," Jessica said. "You'll never guess what I overheard Father telling Mother the other night."

"Really? A bit of _gossip_?" Lauren asked. "Pray, do tell."

"Well, Father was down at the stockyards this past week overseeing the weekly shipment—you know, you can never trust the roustabouts down there … always short changing the orders and _stealing_—anyway, he ran into the most unexpected _person_ while he was there."

My stomach twisted into a knot. I had completely forgotten that Jessica's father owned a chain of successful restaurants in the city. Even had I remembered, I never would have connected him to the stockyards where Jasper worked. I knew what was coming. I wanted to grab Jessica's face and make her stop, but it wouldn't do any good. This was all just a show for Alice; the gossip had already been spilled.

"Really, Jessica? Whoever could your father have run into in that filthy, disgusting place that would be worth mentioning in polite society?"

Lauren's voice was dripping with disdain. My heart hurt for my sister. I knew how I would feel if it was Edward they were speaking of. I thought my sister very strong indeed for not trying to stop them before the words were spoken. She was braver than I.

"It was Jasper Hale of all people," Jessica cackled.

I felt my gorge rising and wanted to run away from the two of them as they giggled idiotically together, but I couldn't budge from my sister's side.

"What of it?" Alice asked, her voice cold. "So what if he makes a living? What does it matter to you?"

"You can't be serious, Alice," Lauren said, her grey eyes hooded in malice. "You know what those _people_ are. They're … trash. Outcasts. _Thieves_."

"He's not a thief!" Alice screeched. "He makes an honest living doing backbreaking work which is more than I can say for either of your fathers!"

"What are you implying?" Lauren said, stepping forward.

"Oh, I think you know," Alice retorted immediately. "Everyone in town knows your father hasn't seen the right side of honest in years, Lauren. It's how he's remained so successful."

"You … horrid … wretched … witch!" Lauren spat.

Lauren moved quickly, walking over in the blink of an eye, her hand rising as she crossed the distance. I heard her hand hit my sister's face without seeing it happen. I didn't believe this had gotten so far out of hand and couldn't predict how Alice might retaliate. To my great surprise, she remained still as stone.

I looked over to her slowly, unsurprised to see her pale in her anger. Her eyes were closed and her lips were beginning to lift in a smile. That shocked me more than anything. Suddenly, I heard what she must have. Someone was coming.

"Lauren Mallory!" Ms. Cope called as she crossed the schoolyard to where we stood. "What is the meaning of this?"

"She insulted my father!" Lauren cried, tears now pouring out of her eyes.

A sound of disgust escaped my lips and it was loud enough for Ms. Cope to hear. Her eyes snapped over to me and I froze. She eyed me for a moment and then turned to Alice.

"Is this true?" Ms. Cope turned to Alice.

"Yes," Alice said calmly, "but it wasn't unprovoked."

Mrs. Cope rolled her eyes and sighed deeply.

"Whether or not Ms. Swan said something objectionable, you have no reason to be hitting her and screeching like a common fishwife! Both of you will report to the headmistress before the first bell and I expect that this matter is settled."

She eyed both Alice and Lauren, who both had the good sense to nod their heads and look down in shame. Ms. Cope turned and walked back to the school. As soon as she was out of earshot Lauren was hissing at Alice.

"This means nothing. Mr. Stanley is going to Mr. Hale _tonight_. When he hears what his son is doing, Jasper will pay. He'll never see the inside of a fine house again."

Jessica and Lauren turned on their heels and walked away toward the school. Lauren was naturally confident that her name would get her out of any trouble with the school. Angela smiled sadly, as if in apology, before turning away from us.

"What are you going to do?" I whispered as soon as she was gone.

Alice smirked.

"Go to the office, I expect," she replied.

"I mean about Jasper. You can't let him be taken unaware by his father now that you know!"

Alice reached up and cupped my face in her hands.

"Thank you so much, Sissy. I can't tell you how much it means to me for you to be concerned about him. But … I think I have a plan."

She patted my cheek and walked away from me, leaving me standing in the middle of the street with a dazed look in my eyes. I clutched my books close to my chest and ran, unladylike, toward the building and made it inside just before the bell. It was perhaps the longest school day of my life.

* * *

I met Alice outside and when I turned toward home, she grabbed my arm. I noticed the red mark on the back of her hand, likely from a ruler, but she dismissed it.

"Lauren got the same," she said, "though she swore the school would hear from her father."

"Why are you pulling me away from home?" I asked.

"We're not going home," she said. "We're going to the Masens' house."

"What?" I squeaked. My heart did a flip flop at the name. "Why?"

"Aunt Esme is meeting Mrs. Masen for tea this afternoon. They'll know what to do about Jasper."

I thought about it for a moment and realized that Alice was being quite clever. There would have been nothing but trouble if she had run off to find Jasper herself and she likely would only have found herself either lost or in danger. With this plan, someone who could possibly affect change would be involved. I was rather impressed with my sister.

Of course, it hadn't escaped my notice that we would be going to Edward's house. Though I knew where he lived, I'd never been to his home. He'd always come courting at my house and we had never made a social call with Aunt Esme because of school. Despite the circumstances, I was excited to see where he lived. I knew he wouldn't be home when we arrived, but I might see him before we left. It was definitely something I hoped for.

Alice knew exactly where the house was, having a much better sense of direction than I. We arrived in less than a quarter hour. Alice stepped up to the door more tentatively and knocked gently. I was surprised when Mrs. Masen herself answered the door.

"Alice," she said, her green eyes traveling over both of us. "Bella. Girls, come in."

Her face was immediately drawn in concern. Our presence here was highly unusual and she was instantly suspicious. Aunt Esme appeared in the doorway and her face was full of concern as well. She, however, did not stand on ceremony.

"Girls," she said. "What's happened?"

"It's Jasper," Alice said and walked over into her arms.

It was the first time I realized how much the day must have worn on Alice. She nearly collapsed against Aunt Esme who folded her into her strong embrace. I watched my sister and only remembered Mrs. Masen was there when I felt her hand on my arm. Edward had told me that she considered Jasper a second son; I was certain that she was nearly as worried as Alice.

Mrs. Masen ushered us into the kitchen where she busied herself with fixing tea. The Masen house was quite different from our home, less opulent in many ways, but no less grand in my mind. Everything about the house was warm. From the dark wood to the vibrant colors on the walls to the rich smells, the house simply invited you in. It could easily have been staffed by four of five people, but I gathered from Mrs. Masen's familiarity with her kitchen that she was the only person who worked in it.

"Tell me what happened, Alice," Aunt Esme said, reaching over and holding her hand.

"Jessica Stanley's father saw Jasper working in the stockyards," Alice said. "He's going to the Hale house tonight to talk with Mr. Hale."

The older women exchanged a glance and Mrs. Masen then sat heavily in a chair.

"Bloody hell," Aunt Esme breathed. "That certainly changes things, doesn't it Liz?"

"I'll say," she replied.

Without looking up, the two old friends linked hands and frowned together in deep thought. I looked between the three women around the table and felt an odd sense of hope despite the somewhat disheartening situation. If anyone could think of a way out of this trouble, I was sure it was the women at this table.

"Call Ed," Aunt Esme said suddenly. "He can likely either intercept Jeffery … or at least calm down Whitlock if Jeffery has already gotten to him. We might be able to stave off any damage for tonight at least."

"But what about Jasper?" Alice asked. "I worry about him not knowing."

"Emmett," Aunt Esme and Mrs. Masen said at the same time and smiled.

"Emmett will take care of that, dear," Aunt Esme said, squeezing Alice's hand.

Mrs. Masen got up from the table and went out into the hall to make her calls while Aunt Esme stayed with us. She began pouring out the tea.

"I want you to promise me something, Alice," she said as she poured. "Please don't visit Jasper right now … at least not for a couple of days."

Alice hung her head while Aunt Esme continued.

"I know that you see him and I make no interference because I understand what it is to be in love, but I will not let you be at risk. You need to recognize the danger in this situation for both you and Jasper and be sensible in your choices. Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes, Aunt Esme," Alice said quietly.

Her face was pinched and pale, but sincere. I believed that she would keep her word and apparently so did Aunt Esme.

"You must know that we will do everything in our power to keep Jasper safe," Aunt Esme said. "And our power is not insignificant."

Aunt Esme dropped a little wink at Alice before stirring her tea and taking a dainty sip. Alice smiled wanly.

"I really hope so," she said, her voice shaking slightly.

We all looked up when the kitchen door opened. Edward stumbled as he walked into his kitchen, his eyes widening and then settling on me. His face passed between surprise, delight, and then settled on concern; he knew this was out of the ordinary. He walked over to Aunt Esme and placed a kiss on her upturned cheek.

"Esme," he said. "Alice … Bella. What an unexpected surprise."

"Hello, Edward dear. Bella … take him in the other room and explain, please."

I rose and as we walked down the hallway, I felt his warm hand on the small of my back. He led me along the hallway, past the small cupboard where his mother sat speaking rapidly into the phone. Edward's hand became more insistent on my back until we reached the parlor. I took in the small settee, the wing backed chair, the upright piano … my eyes didn't seem to miss a detail.

"What's happened?" he asked as he pulled over the sliding door to the room, closing us off for the time being from the rest of the house. "Is everything well with Alice?"

"Oh, yes," I said quickly. "We settled everything last night. It's … Edward, it's Jasper."

His face drained of color and he sat heavily on the chair. I realized immediately what he must be thinking and rushed over to kneel in front of him, taking both of his hands in mine.

"No, please Edward, look at me. He's not hurt!"

"Then … what? God, Bella, you gave me a fright."

"I'm sorry, but it is serious. Mr. Stanley was at the stockyards; he—saw Jasper."

Edward said a rather coarse word and I blushed. His fingertips brushed my cheek.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "Go on."

"She said her father was planning on going to Mr. Hale tonight."

Edward stood up, my hands still around one of his.

"Where are you going?" I asked.

"I have to go to Jasper," he said, tugging on my hand until I stood. "I can't –" the sound of the door opening cut him off.

"You're going nowhere, son," Mrs. Masen said. "I've spoken with your father. Esme is on the phone with Emmett now. You're not to go there; it's too dangerous right now. Who knows what Whitlock Hale might decide to do?"

Her words were like a knife in my gut. This was Jasper we were speaking of; Jasper was the one facing the brunt of the danger here. I knew that Edward was not satisfied as he kept my fingers threaded with his.

"Mother, I won't sit here knowing that Jas could be in danger. And I can't believe you would want me to. Mr. Hale is an unreasonable brute; who knows what he might do if he's in a temper!"

"Of course I don't want Jasper in danger," she said, throwing her hands in the air. "Your father's on his way to the Hale place as we speak. As soon as Esme contacts Emmett, he'll be heading for the Back of the Yards**. You're needed here."

"Oh? And for what purpose?" Edward's voice was angry, impatient.

His mother didn't answer. Her eyes drifted over to me and then she turned and left. I felt uncomfortable knowing that I was now the reason Edward couldn't go to his friend; however, I was glad for some excuse. It was selfish, but I wanted him safe even if Jasper might not be.

"So … I'm to stay with you," he said, turning to face me.

I worried I would see irritation, or worse, anger. Instead, his lips were turned up in a crooked grin.

"There are definitely worse ways to spend an afternoon," he whispered, leaning close to me.

Before I could stop him, his lips were brushing against mine, just a soft kiss before he pulled away.

"Shall we find your sister?" he asked, his voice nearly as low as it was the night before. "I'm certain she is in need of distraction at the moment."

The afternoon and early evening were spent playing hand after hand of three handed gin rummy and worrying. Alice's eyes flicked over to the door after every card was played. Each time she looked, Edward or I would look at each other and frown. It was perhaps the most fretful afternoon I had ever spent with him and I worried for my sister dreadfully.

She was looking pale, drawn and refused to eat anything when Mrs. Masen brought supper to the table. She was polite, but quietly stubbornly turned away the meal. Mrs. Masen looked first at Edward who looked at me. I shook my head at her and shrugged, unable to offer any excuse other than the obvious. Alice was sick with worry. We had been waiting on word for hours by that time and it had worn Alice's nerves to thin threads.

Aunt Esme had risen and was preparing to leave. I had worried about this because I knew that Alice would not leave until she heard some word about Jasper. Aunt Esme knew this as well. She took her time with her scarf, her overcoat and her gloves. As she was pulling on the second one, we heard the kitchen door open.

Alice was out of her seat before the door finished creaking open. She stood, her eyes wide as both Mr. Masen and Emmett came through the door. Mrs. Masen immediately went to her husband and Esme looked to Emmett. Emmett gave his mother a small smile and I heard Alice let out an audible sigh. I believed it to be the deepest breath she had taken all afternoon.

"Whitlock took it better than we might have expected," Mr. Masen explained. "Said he didn't care a lick for the boy anymore and whatever nonsense he chose to do to support himself–," he paused and looked over at Alice, "was of no concern to him any longer."

"He disowned him," Mrs. Masen said numbly.

"Not legally," Mr. Masen countered, but frowned. "But for all intents and purposes, Whitlock considers his son dead."

Alice then did the strangest thing. She began to giggle. It was a soft sound at first, just a whispering noise. But then the volume and intensity grew until she was laughing uncontrollably, her hand crushed to her mouth. She finally had to sit down in order to steady herself.

Edward looked between her and me, but I was as perplexed as everyone else in the room. Aunt Esme finally walked over to her side and put her hands on Alice's shoulders.

"Alice," she murmured. "What is it?"

"Don't you see?" she said, through giggles and streaming tears. "Don't you all see? If Jasper is dead to him, he won't go after him. He'll let him be. And that's all Jasper ever wanted."

I knelt down at Alice's feet, ignoring everyone around me but my sister and took her hands in mine. I looked up into her eyes and saw them glistening with her tears. The smile on her face reached her eyes and I knew that she believed that this was the end, at least between Mr. Hale and Jasper. It was one less thing that would worry her at night.

I understood without having to speak with her at all. I looked first at Edward and then at Aunt Esme, nodding to her as I did. Alice was going to be fine. Her emotions were simply wound too tight for her to keep them in any longer. I could sympathize with her quite well at that moment. I looked back over to Edward who was leaning against a wall and staring at me, his eyes a green haze of intensity as he thought about something I couldn't fathom. I thought about his words from the previous night, about how he wished he could see inside my mind. At that moment, I wished I could see inside of his.

Emmett drove us home and as the snow began to fall, we were all very thankful for the warm car. Alice and I huddled in the back seat, rubbing each other's arms to keep warm. She continued to sniffle as I held her and I tried to hold her tighter to reassure her. Still, I knew that my reassurance would mean nothing until she could see Jasper for herself. Again, I selfishly thanked God that Edward was safe.

* * *

When we arrived home, I told Alice I would meet her upstairs in a short while and made my way to the library. I had hoped it would be empty and I could slip in and write what I needed to write without having to explain myself, however, Uncle Carlisle was reading in his favorite chair when I arrived at the door.

"Good evening, Bella," he said warmly.

"Hello Uncle Carlisle," I said and bit my lip nervously. "I don't mean to trouble you …"

"Not at all! Come in … what can I do for you?"

"I was hoping to use some paper? I wish to write a letter if you don't mind."

"Of course, dear," he replied. "In the top drawer of the desk is the stationary and you'll find a number of fine pens as well. Take whatever you need."

"There's no need for special stationary," I said embarrassed.

"Don't be silly," he said with a chuckle. "We have plenty and it goes to such waste on Physician's eyes."

I laughed uneasily with him before walking into the room. I felt unsure of myself as I walked over to the desk. It was a teak behemoth with a large middle drawer and four smaller drawers on either side.

"Uncle Carlisle?" I said. "Which … top drawer?"

He laughed.

"The top left," he said. "I'm sorry, Bella. I forget that you don't use my desk."

I bit my lip and opened the drawer, thankful to see the stationary with the embellished 'C' upon the top and several fountain pens. I gathered the pen, paper, and inkpot I would need and excused myself to the solarium where I could be alone to compose my letter. I needed to concentrate and I wanted to be close to the piano which I now always thought of as Edward's. There was a table and chairs by the darkened window wall where I could sit and still enjoy the light from the main part of the room. Once I sat down, the words began to flow from the pen as though they had already been written within my heart.

_1 March 1920_

_My dearest Edward,_

_I hope that you do not consider me forward in writing to you, but you asked a question of me last night which I was remiss in answering. I would like to rectify that in this letter if you would allow me. You asked me what I want and I believe I can answer you with certainty now._

_Like you, I wish for a house where I can raise a family and a kitchen where I can cook. Did you know that I enjoy baking? It's something they taught us at the college. When I dream of my future, there are blurry images running around the edges of my reveries, all of the many unknowns in my life, but one image is solid and real. That is you, Edward. You are the one constant in all of my varied imaginings._

_You came into my life unexpectedly and I confess I was frightened at first. I knew almost immediately the potential for heartache when you looked into my eyes. Instead of allowing me to hide, you drew me out. You pursued me when I might have run away and my life hasn't been the same since. You've added so much color and possibility to my life and now … I can't imagine the alternative._

_I've learned so much in the past months, watching Rose and Em as they prepare for marriage and suffering with my sister as she struggles with her … unique situation regarding Jasper. I realize that there is a time to hide and there is a time to show one's self. I recognize that now is not a time for me to hide from you. I want you to be as sure of my affection as I now am of yours. I hope that my admission brings you a measure of happiness and security, for surely you have brought me both in spades._

_With great affection,_

_Bella_

_

* * *

_

**_**Back of the Yards is the name of the neighborhood in which Jasper lives. I apologize for not making that clear last chapter._**

**_A/N: Again, I have to apologize for update fail. It's not my intention to leave you all hanging. Real life has been more than hectic lately, but I think *finally* we have settled into a routine with Kindergarten and activities. I hope that you enjoy this chapter and the development of Bella's character. I really feel as though she has come leaps and bounds from where she was at the beginning of the story, farther even than I expected. I'm almost proud of her! *sniff* I hope you are as well. :)_**

**_There is a poll on my profile page requesting input on the type of outtake you'd like to see. There are three choices. If you wouldn't mind clicking over there and choosing one, I'd greatly appreciate it!_**

**_Just a little self promo here. I have a one shot entered in the Age of Edward contest. It's titled Revolutionary Angel, and I would be most appreciative if you would check it out and vote on October 4th when the polls open. Here is the link to the story: .net/s/6354487/1/Revolutionary_Angel_**

**_K. Sorry for self-pimpage. ;) Thanks so much for reading! ~Jen_**


	10. Mo Anam Cara

_It's very clear our love is here to stay.  
Not for a year, but ever and a day.  
The radio and the telephone.  
And the movies that we know.  
May just be passing fancies and in time may go.  
But, oh my dear, our love is here to stay._

"_**Our Love is Here to Stay," George Gerswin, 1938**_

_**Disclaimer**: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters from the Saga. Stephenie Meyer is the owner of Twilight. No copyright infringement is intended. This work and the original ideas presented therein are the sole property of this author._

_Many thanks to my dynamic beta team who makes my words pretty and my tenses jive: Belle Dean, ikss, Swimom7, and bookjunkie1975 ... I'd be lost without you ladies. Thanks!_

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_Friday, April 10, 1920_

_**EPOV**_

I was thankful for the day off from my studies on Friday; I needed to spend most of my day running errands before meeting Bella in the early evening. Though most of what I needed to do revolved around Rose and Em's wedding the next day, my first order of business was to pick up a small gift for my Bella. Finally, I was going to surprise her the way she had done to me with her letter. I only hoped she would be as overjoyed with my gift as I had been with hers.

I was anxious to see her, even though I had seen her just two days previously. We saw each other more often than many courting couples I knew of, and still it was not enough. I ran my hand over the lapel of my jacket and heard the gentle rustling of Bella's letter from the inner pocket. From the moment it arrived in the mail a month previously, I had kept it with me. I remembered the fear that had trickled down my back when I saw who it was from.

The last time I had seen Bella before the letter arrived was at my house as we all waited anxiously for word on Jasper. It was a tense time and I hadn't had but a moment alone with her. I was still worried that something I had said or done the night before might have been inappropriate. When the letter arrived two days later, just before I was getting ready to call on her, I panicked. I felt certain she was going to end everything in a flurry of concern over propriety or her sister's current troubles. The feeling of relief and near ecstasy that flooded me as I read her words was unlike anything I had ever experienced.

_I must have read the letter five times to be sure I had grasped the meaning of every word, every phrase. When I finally looked up, Mother was staring at me over the kitchen counter with a strange smile on her face._

"_Good news, son?" she asked._

_I blinked and looked back at the letter. How could I describe something like this as merely 'good'? I folded the paper up and tucked it into the pocket of my jacket. I looked back up at my mother who was smirking knowingly at me._

"_The best," I finally murmured. "I think I'll walk to the Cullen's tonight."_

_She had argued, insisting it was too cold, but I knew I needed the cold air that evening. My head was spinning and had I not walked the ten minutes in the blustery chill of early evening, my advances would have been too much for her. Her words had lit a fire within me and even the cold Chicago wind didn't dampen it fully._

_I was cordial to Esme and Carlisle when I arrived; I was patient. I was even genteel when Alice came into the room just before Bella and I were to be alone, wanting to apologize for her actions from before. But my heart was racing the entire time and I was thankful to have Bella alone when Alice was done saying her piece._

_She sat uncomfortably in the sitting room, unable to meet my eyes, with a fiery blush on her cheeks. I knew she was wondering about the letter, anxious that I had received it and unsure how I would respond. She had shown such courage in sending it, but I understood that facing the consequences was daunting. I refused to let her suffer through wondering._

_As soon as the door shut softly behind me, I walked over to where she was sitting and knelt before her, placing my hands on her forearms and smiling at the heat that passed between us as we touched. She gasped at how quickly I had come to her, how forward I was being. She looked up and when her eyes met mine it was as if I could see all of the words she had written reflected in her eyes. I didn't think about what was proper or how she might react. I simply acted._

_I leaned forward and pressed my lips to hers, not asking permission or seeking guidance on how she would prefer to be kissed. Instead, I kissed her the way I had wished to kiss her from the first moment that our lips met so many months ago. My mouth was hard on her, needy and insistent. I gently ran my fingers up her arms until my hands were buried in the softness of her hair. Her lips, though unsure, matched my own in their movements and her warm, fast breath upon my face encouraged me to continue. When her timid hands fluttered against my arms and then grasped at my shoulders, I couldn't stifle the moan of pleasure that escaped my throat at her acceptance._

_She surprised me, opening her mouth slightly as we kissed, just enough that I felt the warmth of her tongue upon my lips. I wanted more, and on instinct, opened my own mouth. When our tongues met, my heartbeat sped and my hands tightened in her hair as though I was afraid she might back away from me. I would have let her, but I was desperate to keep her close to me. She moved tentatively, but she didn't pull away. Her fingers tightened against my jacket and she seemed to be pulling me closer. I went willingly and when she scooted closer to me, tucking her hand under my chin and gently stroking along the line of my jaw, I thought I might get lost in the feeling of being surrounded by her touch._

_Her mouth was soft and open to me and I explored, touching and tasting and finally feeling all of the responses I wanted from her. A soft, gentle groan escaped her throat as our tongues moved together._

_She pulled away first and I sighed in regret as I lost contact with her lips. I leaned in and kissed her gently and then rested my forehead against her._

"_I got your letter," I whispered, my voice shaky._

_She chuckled and ran her hand up and into my hair._

"_I take it you were pleased?" she murmured._

"_More than you can possibly imagine," I said fervently._

My idea had started to form that night, but it had taken me nearly a month to finally see it to completion. I patted my other pocket, felt the money I had saved tucked neatly inside and headed out the door to Eleazar's Jewelers.

When I had read Bella's words, I knew I wanted to return the favor by giving her some solid evidence of my feelings for her. I wrote to her, but I was not as eloquent as she was with the written word. My words were stilted and forced … not the stuff of the romances she so loved. I wanted to give her something special, different, and so I set out to the library the next day and researched old-fashioned courting traditions. When I came across a mention of the poesy ring, I knew I had found what I was looking for, however it was Mother who had rounded out the idea for me.

"_You know, the ring is a fine idea Edward, but it might be nicer to put some of yourself in it," she had said._

_I looked at her, confused at what she was suggesting._

"_Well, those sayings you're poring over are sweet, but they aren't __**yours**__. Have you thought about giving her an 'Anam Cara' ring?"_

She explained that her Irish ancestors would give a ring with the words _Mo Anam Cara_ engraved upon it to their soul mate, the person in whom they placed their trust. As soon as she said it, I knew it was perfect, for surely Bella was that for me. It had taken some time, but Eleazar had shown me that he could make exactly what I wanted for my Bella.

The little bell above the door jingled as I walked into the musty, dim jewelry store. I'd been here three times over the month as the ring was being made, checking on its progress and making payments as I could. Eleazar was a kind old man, and I thought, a bit of a romantic. He was more than happy to allow me to pay in installments over some time. I had hoped to have the ring sooner, but I also wanted the best for Bella. It had taken longer than I expected to save up for it, but the money in my pocket was my final payment and the then the ring would be Bella's if she would have it.

"Edward, my boy! Come in!" Eleazar called from behind the counter.

I heard him groan as he slowly got to his feet.

"So tonight is the big night, eh?" he asked with a twinkle in his eyes.

"Indeed," I said, nodding my head. "I have your final payment right here."

It was the last of my disposable income for quite some time. I had saved it doing menial jobs at Father's office and I likely wouldn't make much more. But, it was worth it for Bella and the experience at the law office was valuable as well.

Eleazar grunted and then met me at the counter. He reached under the glass and pulled out a soft, red velvet bag. My heart rate picked up a little when I saw it. I knew what the ring symbolized; it was a promise that I was more than happy to make. My nervousness did not stem from apprehension over the promise, rather over Bella's acceptance of my gift. I knew she was uncomfortable with gifts, but I hoped that this one would be different.

I smiled as Eleazar pulled the small, silver band out of the pouch and it glinted in the faint light. It was perfectly made with stylized letters that made it look older than it was. The old craftsman had etched vines around the band and they seemed to weave around the letters. It was exactly as I had pictured it.

"It's beautiful," I said softly. "She will love it, I'm sure."

"The thought behind it was so sincere, it was easy to craft," he said. "I have never had a request like this one and I am happy you came to my shop. It was a pleasure to make."

I smiled and pushed the small stack of bills across the counter to him, but he shook his head.

"No, I will take no more for this. Consider it my gift to you with my hope that one day you will return so I can make the lovely lady's engagement ring."

"But Mr. Garcia … I can't possibly …"

He cackled and pushed the ring and the pouch over to me.

"I've already made a profit off of you … no need to take more!" he said. "Go. Make your girl smile."

I twirled the small ring around my pinky finger, watching the perfect circle dance before placing it carefully into the bag. I couldn't get measurements, but I thought it would fit Bella's right hand ring finger quite well. I hoped that would be the case.

"Thank you again, Mr. Garcia," I said as I tucked the pouch into my pocket. "I know that Bella will love it."

"Mind if it doesn't fit her properly, you bring it back," he said, shaking his finger at me. "I can fix it right as rain at no charge."

"Yes, sir."

I took my leave of him, thankful at having the extra money to my name. Knowing that I had some disposable cash to use would make the coming weeks easier. With the weather finally getting nicer, there were places I wanted to take Bella in the city. I'd need money for that and I was glad I wouldn't have to postpone my plans to take her places just because I had used up all of my savings.

Before I could visit with Bella, I had to pick up Father's and my tuxedos for the wedding. We both had roles to play in the ceremony and had gotten new attire for the occasion. I half expected to run into either Carlisle or Emmett at the store running their last minute errands. I was not expecting, however, to run into Jasper.

"Edward," he called to me from across the street, running in between the traffic to meet me. "How are you?"

"I'm good, Jas. What are you doing here?"

"Nice," he replied. "Very welcoming."

"You haven't been uptown in ages," I said defensively. "What's going on?"

"I'm picking up a suit," he said. "C'mon. Walk with me to the park."

"I'll meet you there," I said. "I have to pick up my things first."

"Right."

He strolled away, carrying the black suit bag that must contain whatever he had come for, and I turned quickly into the tailor's storefront. After ensuring that both of our tuxes were in proper order, I hurried out of the store to find my friend. I was anxious to hear what he was doing in this section of town and why he was in need of a suit. Part of me was quite worried for his reasons, guessing of course at what his plans might be.

He was waiting for me, smoking a fag by a light post and managing to look aloof despite his bedraggled clothes and dirty fingernails. People were staring and I guessed that some of them might even recognize him from before. I thought this was rather risky, but didn't mention it.

"You had off for the day?" I asked as I approached him.

"I worked the early shift, but I have off tomorrow," he replied, flicking the cigarette butt away and walking the rest of the way over to me.

"Want to grab some lunch?" I asked. "Mom would be happy to see you."

He smiled.

"Sure. Let's head to your place. I have nowhere else to be for a few hours."

On the walk through the park, Jas caught me up on some of his news. He'd gotten a small promotion at the Yards and was making a pittance more than he had been before. He'd made some good friends and was active in the union down there. It all sounded as if life was going well for him and he was happy.

"So … the suit?" I asked. "You going to tell me?"

"It's for Rose's wedding of course," he said dismissively. "But don't let on to anyone. Only Em, Rose and I know about it."

"Your father will have a heart attack if you show up," I said.

"He won't have much to say about it at the reception. Before the wedding, he's still Rose's primary guardian and as much as Rosie hates it, she knows it's true. After the 'I do's' it's a different story. Then Em will be her primary, and he's pretty pleased with his wife having her brother in her life."

I whistled lowly at the plan.

"Em's a crafty fox, that's for sure," I commented.

"Yeah. He'd do just about anything to make Rose happy," Jasper said with a smile. "Alice and Bella, too. He's a good guy."

I nodded and we approached my house.

"Your mom can't know either," he said quickly.

"It's fine, Jas. Besides, everyone'll know tomorrow, right?"

He chuckled.

"That's true enough."

* * *

We finished lunch and were lounging in the sitting room for a while. I was playing nervously on the piano while we chatted; as it got closer to the time when I was expected at the Cullen house, it felt as though the ring in my pocket was growing heavier and warmer, burning a hole in my lapel.

"So, where is it that you need to be?" I asked him, trying to make conversation to distract myself.

"Some of the boys are meeting at Demetri's house to play cards. Tonight's the first night I've been invited."

"You've been working there for months now; why is this the first time?"

"Well, you know, they just wanted to make sure I was sticking around. No sense in me getting involved if I was going to bug out of the place."

"Right," I said, continuing to play. I still felt slightly uncomfortable talking about Jasper's new life. To a certain extent, I understood that things were vastly different in his world, but I couldn't help thinking about it in terms of things I understood. Card games over brandy, talking about stocks and politics, I understood. However, I knew that Jasper's card games were probably nothing like the card games I had secretly watched my father play in.

"It isn't that much of a mystery why they kept me out," Jas said lazily. "They talk about Union policy a lot, as well as people who … might not be as helpful to our cause as others. If I was going to be a liability to them, they didn't want to include me."

"Liability?" I asked and turned away from the piano to face him. "What are they talking about that you might be a _liability _to them if you knew? Are you sure you want to be mixed up in this?"

"Edward, this _is_ my life. I can't survive there unless I'm mixed up in it. Don't you see that? Aro and his brothers … they're the key to everything. If I want to succeed, I need to do right by them."

"Yeah, but at what cost? It sounds like there's some shadiness going on if they're wary of inviting new people in …"

"We've been through this, Edward," he said, his voice full of exasperation. "The rules are different where I live."

"Just because you choose to ignore the rules doesn't mean that they are different," I argued.

"And what do you know of my life there?" Jasper asked rising, his voice harsh. "Everything you want is handed to you. Your education, your clothes, your food, your _girl_."

I stood then and faced him down, eye to eye.

"You dare?" I breathed. "You know as well I do that isn't true."

"Isn't it? Where are you going this afternoon, Edward? Sneaking out to see your girl so that no one who can separate you will know? Or will you be welcomed into her parlor by her guardians, served snacks and be allowed to neck behind her aunt and uncle's backs."

"Damn you, Jas! I hate that you and Alice have it rough, but it isn't my fault!" I ran my hand through my hair as I turned away from him. "But it isn't because you want Alice that you run with … criminals. That's a _choice_. Forgive me if I don't think it's the smartest you've ever made."

"They're not criminals," he seethed. "Just because they're different from you, doesn't make them _criminals_. They get what they need however they can and maybe it's not as … _socially acceptable_ as the professions _you're_ used to, but they aren't criminals."

"Is it illegal?" I asked. "Because if it is, that makes them criminals, Jas. Plain and simple."

"You know, life isn't as black and white as you'd like it to be, Masen."

"Masen? You've known me from the time we were toddlers and you're calling me by my last name? What the hell, Jas?"

"Sometimes I feel like I don't know you at all. I sure as hell know you don't know _shit_ about me anymore."

He pushed past me toward the door of the sitting room but I grabbed his arm as he went by. He turned to face me, an angry look on his face.

"Don't," I said. "I know I don't understand everything, but I don't want this to come between us. We've been friends for too long."

"What good is friendship if you think I'm just a common criminal?" he spat.

He pulled his arm free and walked through the door. I heard him saying a terse goodbye to Mother and banging out the door.

Mother busied herself outside the sitting room door and I knew she was debating whether to walk in and talk to me or leave me alone. I hoped she would just continue on down the hall; I wasn't ready to discuss this with anyone, least of all my Mother who was intrinsically wired to find fault with my reasoning.

After several minutes, she moved on. She sighed and fretted before she walked away, but she did leave me in peace. As soon as she did, I sat down on the couch and covered my face with my hands. I couldn't imagine how my conversation with Jasper had gotten so far out of hand. I knew that things were different now, but it seemed I had misjudged just _how_ different his life had become.

Also, I worried. Jas was well aware of the booze trafficking that went on at the docks; he'd known about it from the time he started working there and had gotten his first bottle of whiskey from the foreman. But I believed that the things they were hiding from Jasper were far more dangerous than petty dealings in hooch.

Jas had said something about them discussing men who didn't _cooperate_ with the union. I knew the climate surrounding unions and the huge division among those whose livelihoods depended on the it and those whose pockets were being emptied _because_ of its stronghold. Plenty of the men in my father's social circle would be happy if the unions became as scarce as good liquor had become. I worried about some of the rumors that had been spreading about the many ties union bosses had with organized crime. If the rumors were true, it could mean that Jas was in danger of being part of some very dangerous activities .

It was likely that Aro and his brothers were connected with one of the many mobs in the city. I had guessed that the first time Jas talked about how successful the brothers had been in their dealings. Knowing that Jas was now privy to their secret meetings sent a chill of worry through me. Would he be forced to do things for the brothers? Things that could get him incarcerated … or worse? I knew that I could not protect him from his own choices, but I had hoped to at least be available to him if he had the need. Now I had managed to alienate him. I had not been a good friend to him at all. I would need to make things right with him somehow.

I stood and strode over to the window. The sun was still high in the sky, but I pulled out my pocket watch and checked on the time. Two more hours before I was due to visit my girl. I frowned and placed the watch back in my pocket before leaning against the window frame and looking out at the street.

I couldn't believe Jasper had the nerve to bring Bella and Alice into this. I would have never throw his relationship with Alice in his face that way. It wasn't right. I knew how hard he had fought for her … that didn't make my struggle with Bella any less noble or my feelings for her any less intense. Just because we could court freely didn't mean that our relationship had been easy. It was just more traditional than theirs.

If I were being honest, there were things I envied about Jasper and Alice's less traditional relationship. I knew he took her to illicit clubs late at night where they danced and kissed and did all of the things I wished to do with Bella. But we were always under scrutiny. No one scrutinized Alice and Jasper because everyone was busy ignoring the fact that they were a couple.

I was happy to take things slowly with Bella because that was how she expected our courtship to go, but I would be lying if I said I didn't wish for some of the freedoms that Jasper had with Alice. Bella had grown bolder since she wrote the letter to me, letting me know of her feelings. Our courting had progressed and we had come a long way from simply sitting in awkward silence or merely holding hands.

I couldn't decide if I preferred the times when we would play piano together and talk, or when she would look up at me shyly and wait for me to kiss her again. I smiled and I felt myself getting warmer just thinking about the coming evening. If she took the ring in the proper frame of mind, there would be more kissing tonight and my anticipation was the answer to my question.

* * *

I arrived at the Cullen house about fifteen minutes early, sweating despite the comfortable weather. I was nervous, perhaps more so even then when I came to ask permission to court her. When I thought of the idea to give Bella this ring, I had focused on only her surprise and then her happy reaction. I hadn't considered how to go about giving it to her or what might happen if she was _too_ shocked by my display.

Leah opened the door when I rang the bell and greeted me with a grimace.

"Evening, Mr. Masen," she said. "I'll take your hat and over coat. Miss Bella has been delayed and Dr. Cullen asked that you join him in the library to wait."

Her monotone voice cut out as she took my belongings and directed me toward the library. I always felt uncomfortable around Leah, as though I had done something at some point in time to offend her, but I was never quite sure what it was.

"Edward!" Carlisle rose from his chair and as he greeted me. "How are you, son? It's been some time since I've seen you."

"Yes," I said, laughing. "All of those long hours at the hospital."

"Indeed. The girls should be home shortly from the dress shop. They must have gotten caught up with measurements or gossip."

I chuckled, still uncomfortable and nervous about the ring sitting in my pocket. I fiddled with my lapel just to feel it underneath my fingertips. As I did so, I heard the rustle of Bella's letter in my pocket as well. The soft sound comforted me slightly, a reminder of her feelings for me.

"You must be happy to be almost done with the back and forth of wedding details," I said as I sat down opposite of Carlisle. "It has taken a great deal of time and effort."

"Mostly for the Hales," Carlisle said, "though I imagine this is just good practice for when our girls get married."

My heart skipped a beat and my face flushed involuntarily. One of his girls was _my_ girl and the thought of her getting married was particularly prominent in my mind at that moment. I cleared my throat in embarrassment, unsure of how to respond to Carlisle's words, and he chuckled.

"I'm not asking you to make your intentions clear tonight, son. Don't worry."

"I thought my intentions had been clear from the beginning," I said when I had recovered myself.

He smiled and nodded.

"Yes. You have always been forthright and upfront about your feelings for Bella. Now … are you going to tell me what has you so nervous? I thought Bella already agreed to you escorting her to the wedding tomorrow."

I burst out with a loud laugh before rubbing my hand behind my neck.

"Yes … that she did. Is it very obvious that I'm nervous then?"

He snorted as he nodded.

"Clear as daylight, Edward. What's on your mind?"

"I've … purchased something for Bella. I'm somewhat nervous about her reception of it."

"I'm certain she will be thrilled with anything you give her," he said. "Can you show me?"

"I'd prefer her to be the first to see it, if you don't mind." He nodded and I continued. "I wanted to give Bella something physical that she could keep with her and be reminded of my feelings for her."

"That is a fine gesture, son. What is making you nervous?"

"That she will reject it, think it inappropriate, perhaps think I am being too bold … a number of things."

The older man smiled at me before leaning forward and lowering his voice.

"Do you love her?" he asked.

My voice caught in my throat and I swallowed loudly. I was quite sure about what I felt for Bella, but I had never said it out loud or even really thought it. I wet my lips and continued to stare at him.

"Well … do you? It's just a simple yes or no," he said with a wry smile.

"Yes," I said unsteadily. "Yeah, I do."

I felt like a weight had been lifted off my chest. It felt good to have admitted it aloud.

"Then you have nothing to worry about. Whatever it is that you have in your pocket, it's just a symbol of that. And Edward? She's already accepted that."

He winked at me as we both heard the front door open and Esme's voice echoing through the hallways. The girls were home. And, apparently, I was in love.

Carlisle and I walked out to the foyer where Esme embraced her husband and Bella gave me a shy smile.

"Leah, please make up your special mint ice tea along with some sugar cookies," Esme called into the kitchen as she sorted through the boxes they had brought home. "You two need some sun! The porch swing is up; enjoy the outside for a change."

I stood back, behind Bella so I could watch her as she and Alice helped their aunt. When Esme mentioned us going out on the porch swing, Bella gave me a shy hidden smile that sent my heart racing. She was looking forward to being alone with me. And, with my conversation with Carlisle still fresh in my mind, I was more than anxious to get her alone as well.

The Cullen's porch ran along the back of their house so that it faced their lush gardens. Once the gardeners had departed for the day, it felt secluded. The conservatory separated it from the main wing of the house so people rarely walked by the wide windows that faced the gardens.

After Leah came into the parlor to tell us that tea was ready on the porch, Bella and I walked outside together. When she reached over and slipped her hand into mine, a relieved smile spread across my face. She had missed me in just the two days since our last meeting and she was as eager for my touch as I was for hers.

"After you," I murmured, as I held the door open for her.

I watched Bella as she poured out the iced tea for us. I took the glass she handed me and leaned against one of pillars. My heart was racing and my palms were sweaty. I needed a moment to calm myself before I sat next to her on the swing. She tucked her legs underneath her and sat back comfortably on the swing.

"Was your shopping trip successful?" I asked.

Bella rolled her eyes at me before answering and I had to stifle a chuckle.

"Alice and Aunt Esme were in heaven. More dresses and ribbons and hats than you can shake a stick at."

"And you?" I asked.

She lifted one of her shoulders and sighed.

"I was happy to be with them, but the clothes don't interest me very much. Though I _am_ excited about the wedding tomorrow."

I smiled. I was excited about the wedding as well. The last time Bella and I had gone to a dance together, we thoroughly enjoyed ourselves. I watched as Bella took another sip of her tea, looked over at me and then looked down at the empty part of the swing. Though she wouldn't openly ask me to sit with her, this was close enough.

"I'm rather nervous, myself," I admitted with a sly smile as I walked across the porch and eased myself onto the swing.

"Nervous?" she asked, a slight tremor in her voice. "Whatever for?"

"I'm told I will need to escort a beautiful lady down the aisle," I whispered conspiratorially. "Everyone will be looking at me!"

She giggled.

"Don't be silly," she chastised. "No one will be able to look away from Rose, I'm sure," she added seriously. "I saw her in her dress today; she was so very lovely."

"I assure you, she won't outshine you."

Bella held her glass tightly and looked down into it, a smile playing on her lips.

"You always say the nicest things," she whispered.

I reached into my pocket and pulled out both the red velvet bag and her letter. The paper had been folded, unfolded, and refolded so many times that it looked as though it was years, not weeks old.

"Your words are far more poetic than mine," I said, reaching over and touching the soft skin of her wrist.

She looked over at me and her eyes widened at the sight of her letter and the red bag.

"I haven't been able to let it out of my reach," I admitted, opening up the letter and smoothing the creases. "I know I told you before, but no words have ever touched me so deeply."

The blush on her cheeks was fiery and I knew that if I touched her face it would be flaming hot. I kept my fingers wrapped around the package in my hand, knowing that I had a lot to say and not wanting to get distracted with touching Bella.

"Bella, I'm not a writer … the letters I sent you were almost embarrassingly clichéd, I know. But I wanted to give you _something_ that could come close to expressing my feelings for you."

"Your letters meant the world to me, Edward," she said softly, "and I've kept each one in my journal."

I smiled and looked down at the items in my hand, amazed anew at how central this girl had become in my life and the hold she had over me.

"All the same, I wanted to give you something that you could always carry with you."

I offered her the red velvet bag and after placing her iced tea on the table, she took it, looking up at me surprised.

"You didn't need to buy me anything," she said, clearly embarrassed.

I shrugged.

"I like buying things for you," I whispered, and touched her cheek. "Open it, please? I've been anxious for you to see it all day."

She smiled and pulled at the drawstring. She reached her finger inside the bag and dug around. I knew exactly when her finger found the silver circle because she gasped in surprise and put a second finger into the bag in order to retrieve the ring more quickly. As she pulled it out of the bag, I began my explanation.

"I know how much you appreciate old fashioned romance, so I wanted to get you something that expresses this sentiment. I did some research at the library and found some entries on poesy rings. Do you know what they are?"

"Yes," she whispered, turning the ring over and over in her hands. "Courtiers would give their lady-loves a ring inscribed with a message of their intentions so that she would never forget the gentleman's affection for her."

I nodded. "I scoured books for traditional sayings, but none of them seemed to be just right. Mother was the one to suggest this," I said as I gestured to the ring. "It says '_mo anam cara,_' or 'my soul friend' in Gaelic. My family is originally from Ireland and this is something that one of my ancestors might have given to his beloved."

Bella sat and stared at the ring for quite some time and as she did my stomach turned itself in and out of knots. Her face in profile was unreadable and I worried that I had made a grave mistake.

"Bella," I murmured.

"Shh," she whispered as she continued to turn it over and over. Finally she turned to me, her eyes sparkling with unshed tears. "I wanted to make sure it was real."

I smiled and cupped her cheek in my hand.

"It's real," I said. "And you would do me a great honor if you would agree to wear it."

She reached over and held the ring out to me and my heart sank for just a moment before she smiled.

"Would you?" she asked.

"Of course."

Part of me wished to get down on one knee and place it on her finger as if I was asking for her hand. However, that wasn't proper and it would be unfair. I _would_ get down on one knee in front of this girl, but it would be with a diamond in my hand and with the blessings of her uncle.

She held out her right hand and I took it between mine. The ring slid onto her finger with only the slightest effort on my part and fit snugly. It looked perfect on her hand, sparkling in the sunlight. I raised her hand to my lips and kissed the ring on her finger. As I released her hand, her fingers traveled along my cheek until she was placing just the slightest pressure on my neck. I felt the anticipation of finally kissing her again growing in my stomach.

I looked around quickly before looking back at Bella. Her brown eyes were heavy and the look on her face clouded my brain with entirely inappropriate thoughts. I breathed in deeply and tried to settle my mind. Bella leaned forward, closer to me, and I heard the rustle of fabric as she moved. Her fingers were moving gently in my hair and the soft feel of her tickling my scalp was driving me nearly insane. I doubted she knew what her touch was doing to me, but I refused to let on lest she stop.

In the haze of desire her pointed gaze and her gentle touch had created, I had managed to forget what we were sitting on. Her movement toward me had overbalanced us on the swing and I had forgotten to hold us steady. All too suddenly, the swing shifted and we both fell backward slightly.

Bella giggled, the purposeful gaze gone from her eyes, but her body was ever closer to mine. I laughed, but I knew my eyes were dark and heavy with want. I could feel my body on edge, eager to be closer to her. Everything about the afternoon: the ring, the cool evening air, the look I saw in Bella's eyes, made me want to be in contact with her as much as she would allow.

I saw her shiver slightly in the breeze and I had an idea.

"Are you chilly?" I asked, attempting to sound light-hearted and failing miserably. Even my voice sounded needy.

"A bit," she replied.

"Would you allow me to try something?"

She breathed in deeply and nodded, biting her lip gently.

"Turn around and lean back against me," I murmured. "Let me swing us."

She stared at me and darted her eyes around the garden. We were alone and I knew that everyone inside was busy. She bit down on her lip harder before smiling slightly.

"I've always liked to swing," she whispered as she began to rearrange herself.

My heart soared a little as she moved over closer to me. I placed my arm up on the back of the swing and she leaned back against my chest. Feeling the weight of her against me was like heaven. The entire side of my body where she lay tingled with heat. I itched to wrap my arms around her, but instead I slowly rocked us back and forth as she laid her head on my shoulder.

My lips were inches from her cheek, separated only by the heavy curtain of her hair, and it was near torture not to move her hair and kiss her cheeks, her ear and finally her mouth. Instead, I leaned my cheek against her head and relaxed into the feel of her body tucked close to mine.

"Why 'my soul friend'?" she asked suddenly. "Why did you choose that?"

She had startled me. I was lost in daydreams when she spoke and it took me a moment to process what she wanted from me.

"It seemed appropriate," I murmured, turning my head and bending down so that I could speak directly into her ear. "I feel complete when I am with you and I know there will never be anything I do not wish to share with you. It's my hope that you share those feelings."

I could not see her face, but I felt her head nestle closer to my neck. She reached up and traced a line along my thumb and forefinger before hooking her fingers through my hand and bringing it down and around her body.

"I do," she whispered after she was wrapped in my embrace.

My arm lay draped over her shoulder and around her waist. Her fingers were entwined with mine. Slowly, I brought my other hand over to her arm and began stroking it in time with the motion of the swing. She sighed and I felt her head shift again, ever so slightly, to turn toward my face. I was now desperate to kiss her, but I wanted to move slowly. I wanted to give her the opportunity to pull away from me if she was uncomfortable with my advances.

I trailed my fingers up her arm until I found her hair. I both felt and heard her breath catch in her throat as I gently pulled her hair back. As I did, I could feel her temple pressed against my cheek. She tilted her head up and I brushed my nose against her forehead. My lips touched her cheek and I felt her fingers grasp mine tightly. I made my way along her cheek, kissing her softly and feeling the hot blush on her face as I went.

Bella moved with me, turning her face to allow me to travel along her jaw line until I reached her lips. She turned her body as my lips touched hers, moving her hand up and around my neck. She didn't wait for me to lead the kiss this time. After I planted a soft kiss on her lips, she immediately brought her lips back to mine, her mouth open and ready. I moved my hand up to her shoulder and began caressing the long line of her neck as our lips moved together.

She had angled herself in the swing so that she was leaning against my side and I could feel her chest heaving against my own. I moved my mouth slightly, covering her bottom lip with both of mine and pulling it gently into my mouth. I grazed the soft flesh with my teeth and she gasped in surprise, her fingers tightening in my hair.

I let her lip go and kissed her fully, sliding my tongue into her mouth and feeling hers move against mine. Soft puffs of air hit the top of my lip as she breathed harder and pulled me closer. I couldn't get enough of the feeling of her surrounding me, wanting me as I wanted her. A soft, desperate sound escaped my mouth as I kissed her again, harder, drinking her in as she allowed me to pull her closer to me.

Her hand moved slowly up my chest, moving under my jacket to rest just above where my heart was racing uncontrollably. Her fingers brushed against my shirt and I ached to feel her fingers against my skin. I brushed my fingers along her earlobe, running them down her neck until I felt the soft pulse of her heartbeat at the hollow of her throat. Tentatively, I kissed up the line of her chin, dragging my lips along her soft skin until I reached her ear.

I darted my tongue out as I kissed the tender flesh behind her ear, making her gasp and moan softly. I made it a priority in that moment to do everything I could to hear that sound come out of her mouth more often.

Her fingers moved in my hair as I gently kissed down her neck. She arched her head back, allowing me better access, and I covered the hollow of her throat with my mouth, softly brushing her skin with my tongue. She tasted divine, like honey, and I pulled more of her skin into my mouth.

"Edward," she cried softly, her hand releasing my hair and pushing me away softly.

The way she said my name reverberated through my entire body with such force that I nearly pushed her backwards in the swing and pressed myself into her. Only the gentle feel of her hands against my chest brought me back to reality and I slowly pulled my mouth away from her neck. I lifted my head a bit and looked into her eyes, not caring that mine were likely crazed with lust. I wanted her to know how deeply she had affected me, how desperately I wanted her.

Her lips were red and slightly swollen and her cheeks were flushed a hectic red. Her brown eyes were dark and lidded and I could see that this evening had affected her as well.

"I'm sorry if I was too forward," I said huskily, my voice betraying my arousal even more than my eyes.

"No," she said, covering my lips with her fingers. "I just—I cannot think when you are this close to me. I need to breathe, to calm down. This is inappropriate. I'm sorry."

It was my turn to cover her lips and when I did, she kissed the tips of my fingers gently.

"Don't be sorry," I said, trying to stifle the soft moan that her lips on my fingers elicited from me. "But why is it inappropriate?"

I stroked her hair gently and eased her head back onto my shoulder. Her head fit perfectly into the crook of my neck and I wrapped my arms around her, settling her against me comfortably.

"We are only courting," she said unsteadily, her fingers moving tentatively back under my jacket as she spoke. "It isn't proper for us to be so intimate … is it?"

I sighed in contentment as she rested her hand against me, my entire body filled with the warmth of her contact.

"I don't know," I murmured into her hair. "I know I don't feel guilty for wanting to kiss and hold you. Do you feel guilty?"

"I feel as though I ought to," she said. "But no, I don't. Not really."

"Why do you think you ought to feel guilty?"

"Because we aren't promised to one another," she said after a hesitation. "And even if we were, is it right to be so free with each other before … before marriage?"

She nearly choked on the last word. I kissed her hair and stroked her shoulder to calm her.

"Bella," I said, feeling her fingers tighten against my chest. It pained me that she was so worried about mentioning marriage to me, as though it would scare me away. "May I be honest with you?"

"Of course," she said quietly.

"What I have to say might be too forward, but you deserve to hear it nonetheless."

I pulled her up so that I could look into her eyes. I wanted her to see my sincerity when I spoke these words to her.

"I have every intention of asking for your hand one day, my love."

She bit her lip. And when she looked up at me, I saw the tears in her eyes threatening to spill over.

"I love you, Bella. I know we are young, but I don't feel guilty because I know this to be true. Every intimacy we share is with my love for you in mind."

She looked back at me, her eyes wide and confused.

"You … love me?" she asked, her voice thin and full of disbelief.

I brushed my fingertips against her cheeks and watched her close her eyes in pleasure at my touch.

"Yes, I do. Can't you feel it in my touch? I think that's why I long to be close to you so much; I can feel your love for me in your every touch."

Her eyes flashed open.

"Do you love me, Bella?" I asked, my heart in my throat.

It was terribly unfair to ask her in such a way, all but assuming it to be true. But I hadn't been lying. Every time she touched me, I felt love.

"I think I've loved you from the moment I saw you," she said. "I've just always told myself not to be disappointed if you did not … fully return those feelings."

"I do, Bella."

She leaned across and placed her lips against mine only briefly before laying her cheek against mine.

"Say it again, please," she whispered, her breath tickling my ear as she spoke.

"I love you," I said, kissing her ear. "Always."

"And I love you," she replied.

She settled herself against my chest and sighed happily as I wrapped my arms around her. We swung silently until the golden sunlight gave way to twilight's purple haze. There was nothing in the world that could touch the happiness I felt in my newly professed love for Bella. It was as if the future had settled itself because of our declarations and it filled me with peace to know she was mine and I held her heart as surely as she held mine.

* * *

**_A/N: *fans self* You likey hot and heavy petting, right? ;) This chapter is dedicated to Rose Arcadia and the lovely twitter vixens who begged for a chapter with Iced Tea on the Porch. I hope you enjoy! Funny story ... so I thrive on writing lemons. Like, I LOVE it. And I really miss it. So I did some research. Turns out, though it's really unlikely that a young couple such as Bella and Edward would engage in pre-marital sex, heavy necking would TOTALLY be within bounds for them. So, expect more UST. haha! I hope you enjoyed the chapter. Next up? Rose and Em's wedding! Thanks so much for reading! Also, thanks to the many of you who voted in the AoE contest. Revolutionary Angel made it to the top 10! Thank you for your support! ~Jen_**


	11. Dancing in the Dark

I know for certain, the one I love,  
I through with flirtin', It's just you I'm thinkin' of.  
Ain't misbehavin', I'm savin' my love for you.  
Like Jack Horner in the corner Don't go nowhere,  
What do I care, Your kisses are worth waitin' for  
Be-lieve me I don't stay out late,  
Don't care to go, I'm home about eight,  
Just me and my radio  
Ain't misbehavin',  
I'm savin' my love for you.

_**Ain't Misbehavin'**__ by Andy Razaf, 1929_

_(Thanks to brokendawn5 on the Twittah for the suggestion!)_

_**Disclaimer**: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters from the Saga. Stephenie Meyer is the owner of Twilight. No copyright infringement is intended. This work and the original ideas presented therein are the sole property of this author._

_Many thanks, as always, to my dynamic beta team who makes my words pretty and my tenses jive: Belle Dean, ikss, Swimom7, and bookjunkie1975 ... you guys have the fastest pens in the West! ;)_

* * *

_Saturday, April 11, 1920_

**BPOV**

I woke the morning of Rosalie's wedding to Alice's serious face inches from my own.

"Thank God, I thought you'd never wake up," she said when I opened my eyes.

"Good morning to you too, Alice," I mumbled. "Sorry to have kept you waiting."

"You muttered the most _fascinating_ things last night, sissy. I could barely wait to wake up and begin questioning you!"

I jolted upright in the bed and stared at her. She was kneeling beside the bed dressed in her best undergarments. She must have gotten up early so that she could spare some time to drill me when I woke up. My face flushed as I remembered the vivid dreams of the night before, dreams filled with Edward.

"Yes," Alice said, nodding slowly. "That's about what I thought."

"What?" I asked innocently.

"I know that blush," she said slyly, slipping onto the bed and facing me. "You were dreaming of Prince Charming, weren't you?"

I covered my mouth as I giggled at her words. It wasn't very long ago that I was scolding her for dreaming up fairytales about true love. Suddenly, I felt as though I was living in my very own fairytale. I had covered my mouth with my right hand, the one with the new ring on it. Alice's hand shot out and grabbed mine.

"Oh, Bella," she whispered. "He gave you a ring?"

When she focused her gaze on my face, my fingers still in her hands, her eyes were shining with tears. I nodded, a smile forming on my lips.

"You weren't in the room when I came up," I said. "I must have fallen asleep before you came to bed."

"You should have come to find me," she scolded halfheartedly. "I was only reading in the library."

"I'm sorry, Alice," I said. "I wasn't trying to hide it from you. I guess I was tired from all of the excitement."

I giggled again involuntarily and Alice looked up at me through her lashes.

"Excitement?" she asked slowly.

"From the ring," I said hurriedly.

"Of course. What does it say?"

"Mo anam cara," I said, my voice soft as I remembered Edward telling me about it. "My soul friend. Isn't it lovely?"

"It is," Alice said, her fingers brushing against the silver ring. "He loves you."

"I know," I whispered.

When her eyes met mine again, I just nodded.

"Did you tell him that you love him?" she asked.

I nodded again. She smiled.

"You know, I was so worried that you would hold back. I was afraid that even if love smacked you in the face, you wouldn't know what it was. But here you are. Honestly, Bella, I don't think I could ask for anyone better for you. I've never seen you happier than you are with Edward."

"I love him, Alice," I said aloud because I wanted to feel the words on my lips again. "I'm sorry for saying that true love was just a fairytale."

"I'm just glad that _someone_ made you see sense."

Alice got up and began moving quickly around the room. I knew my time in bed was limited. Despite my best efforts at trying to forget what I was required to wear to Rose's wedding, the reality of it sunk in as Alice draped the maroon satin dress over the bottom of my bed. I groaned and threw the covers back over my head.

"Bella, I don't have time for your theatrics," Alice said brightly. "Kindly remove the covers and get yourself washed. We have much to accomplish."

I groaned again, but complied. There was really no way out of this. Rose had final decision on the dresses. She had picked short, sleeveless ones, which she had insisted were both practical for the spring weather, as well as elegant and fashion-forward. Both Alice and Esme had agreed that the dresses were simply divine, so I had little choice but to smile and nod pleasantly.

"I feel indecent," I complained once the dress was zipped in the back and I stood before the mirror. "It barely covers my knees."

"Sissy, this is the fashion now. Besides, I'm wearing the same thing … so are the rest of the girls."

I looked at myself in the mirror and watched as the fluted skirt shimmied with my every motion. The deep red material highlighted how pale my skin was. The dress itself was simple, maroon satin with a discreet bow at the waist. I fidgeted with the dress, my fingers playing with the knot of satin between my breasts that barely covered my chest. As I moved, I noticed how the fabric moved against my skin without the corset. Alice insisted it was unnecessary, but I still felt uncomfortably loose. The white triangle of my cleavage seemed to be highlighted by the dress and I worried that all eyes would be drawn to my décolletage.

I sighed and Alice looked over at me worriedly. She moved so naturally in the dress, effortlessly turning and making the skirt bell out slightly. My eyes were drawn to the delicate lines of her body and I took in the dress as a whole on her. She didn't look indecent, the way I seemed to look in the mirror; she looked radiant. I felt sorry that Jasper wouldn't see her today.

"You're beautiful, Alice," I said with a smile.

"And so are you," she said immediately. "You just need to feel beautiful."

She came around behind me and put her hands on my shoulders.

"Stand up nice and straight; don't hunch over and try to hide your lovely collarbones. You'll be holding a bouquet for most of the day, so you needn't worry about what to do with your hands. I expect that once the bouquet is out of the way, Edward will occupy your hands."

She winked at me and I smiled. I expected much of the same and was chagrined to notice the dusting of gooseflesh that rose up at the mention of his name.

"When you walk, hold your head up."

As she spoke, she looked over my shoulder at me in the mirror. I held her gaze and smiled at her advice. With the matching dresses, I noticed all of the similarities between us that were so difficult to see most of the time. Our hair was nearly the same shade and Alice had done both of us in the same up-swept fashion. We had the same neckline and the same collarbones. Alice's hands were around my waist, instructing me on the proper way to stand so as not to draw too much attention to my chest. I noticed how similar our hands were.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

She was looking at me oddly in the mirror and when I looked at myself I saw the strange smile on my face.

"I couldn't help but notice how similar we look today," I said. "We look like twins, almost."

Alice rested her chin upon my shoulder and wrapped her arms around my waist.

"I love you, sissy," she said.

"Always," I whispered.

"Oh, don't move!" Aunt Esme's voice cried from the doorway. "Tom! Bring the camera. I want them _just_ like this."

At the sound of her voice, both Alice and I startled. We looked at each other and broke into giggles. Alice leaned her chin back on my shoulder and her head against my ear. I felt the ripple of leftover giggles running through her as we stood, trying to hold our pose for the photographer. I could hear him lumbering up the stairway with his heavy equipment and had to stifle another fit of giggles. When he finally arrived, his face was purple with exertion. He smiled widely at us as we stood looking into the full length mirror.

"Ah, they're perfect," he said.

Alice rolled her eyes at me as he began setting the camera and the giggles overtook us again. Luckily, it was some time before Tom had his camera ready.

The ride to the church was rushed and cramped. Aunt Esme, Alice and I were pressed together in the back seat, our flowers clutched to our chests and our knees crushed against the back of the seats. Emmett and Carlisle sat as far forward as the car would allow, their tall frames stooped. Remarkably, though none of us were comfortable, no one complained. I wondered if any of them could feel the current of happiness that I felt as we drove through the streets of Chicago. We were a family. I'd known this for some time, but as we were all crowded in the car, I felt it acutely.

Uncle Carlisle let us out of the car and Aunt Esme ushered Emmett inside immediately. Alice fussed with my fur shawl at the bottom of the steps and I stilled her hands as I handed her the bouquet.

"I'm fine," I said.

"You're more than fine," she said with a smile. "You're stunning. And … Edward is waiting for you."

My heart stuttered as Alice smirked and looked behind me. I could feel his gaze on me instantly, as though my body knew where his eyes roamed and reacted to them. Alice breezed past me up the steps and I was left standing on the bottom step with my back to Edward.

Every move I made felt awkward. Alice had spent so much time making sure the lines on the back of my stockings were straight and my petticoat sat properly under the dress. I wondered if Edward would notice any of these measures and for the first time was slightly excited to see his reaction.

I turned slowly around, my face burning. He was leaning against the railing at the top of the steps in what was meant to be a casual pose. Had I been a stranger, the nonchalant air he had assumed might have fooled me. But Edward was no stranger to me and I could see right through him.

His green eyes were like dark chips of jade in the sunlight and his lips seemed to tremble as he smiled. I'd never seen Edward in a tuxedo before. The black suit coat made his fiery hair even more noticeable and the maroon tie that matched my dress complemented his coloring perfectly. My memories never did him justice; when I saw him waiting for me at the top of the steps, my pulse quickened and I smiled.

I steadied myself on the railing and began to walk slowly up the steps. Edward remained quiet, still and waiting for me, until I reached the top. When I did, he stood up straight, still nearly a head taller than me in spite of the reckless heels Alice had insisted I wear.

"Bella," he murmured.

"Hello, Edward," I said, clutching my bouquet uncomfortably as he openly appraised me.

He shook his head slowly and smiled.

"I didn't think you could be more beautiful than you were last night," he said finally, "but it seems you've proven me wrong again."

I blushed and looked down, my eye catching the glint of the ring he had given me. When I looked back up he was smiling. He held out his arm to me and I took it with a smile.

He kept his eyes forward as he escorted me into the vestibule of the church, but he leaned over to me just before he opened the door.

"Promise me you won't dance with anyone else at the reception," he whispered.

"I don't think you have to worry about _that_," I said, laughing.

He turned to me at the door and leveled me with a serious gaze.

"Did you look at yourself before you left the house?" he asked.

"Of course," I replied.

"Then you know very well I have plenty to be worried about," he said and ran his finger along my cheek. "You look nearly sinful in that dress, Bella. Every man at this wedding will want to sign their name on your dance card."

His face was lifted in a devilish grin and I knew that he was teasing me, but there was a note of possessiveness in his voice, as though maybe he _did_ feel threatened. I couldn't imagine an instance when Edward wouldn't have my complete attention and devotion. When he was near me, I didn't see anyone else. But how did I let him know that? I caught his fingers as they slipped off of my face and held his hand in front of me.

"Edward, if I had a dance card, I would hand it over to your safe keeping this instant and no one's name but yours would be on it," I said, a teasing note in my voice. "Since I do not have one, you will have to accept my promise to save every dance for you."

He bowed slightly, still grinning, and drew my hand up to his lips where he placed a kiss on my fingers.

"I shall hold you to that, Miss Swan," he all but growled.

He tucked my hand into the crook of his arm tightly and led us toward the church. The gravelly sound of his voice had left me slightly breathless. Edward walked me into the church and kissed me softly on the cheek before walking back out to find Emmett. The touch of his lips set a fire burning beneath my skin and I realized why the raw quality of his voice had affected me so; it reminded me of the way he had kissed me the night before.

Before I could get lost in memories, Alice grabbed my hands and pulled me into the bride's room at the back of the church. We needed to make the room ready for Rosalie's arrival. I removed my fur coverall and got to work. Before long, I forgot about how exposed the dress made me feel. Once we were moving, the time seemed to go more quickly.

Rose was beautiful. She sailed into the room looking perfectly natural in her designer gown. After giving each of us quick kisses, she sat down with a sigh.

"So, let's get this show on the road. I'm starving already!" she exclaimed.

Mrs. Hale clucked around her, but I saw the satisfied smile playing on Rose's lips. She couldn't have been happier about the wedding. As her mother fussed and primped about her veil, Rose winked at me. I had expected her to be nervous or edgy. Instead, she looked more comfortable than I had ever seen her.

"Bella," Alice said. "It's time."

Alice handed me my bouquet and I walked over to Rose.

"I'm so happy for you, Rose," I said, leaning down to give her a hug.

"Thank you … cousin," she replied.

The vestibule was a flurry of maroon dresses, rose bouquets, and men in black tuxedoes. I'd never been in a wedding before so I wasn't entirely sure of how everything would proceed. I knew I'd be walking with Edward and that was really all I had focused on. It wasn't until it was nearly time to walk down the aisle that I began to fret. Just as I was about to turn around in a panic looking for Alice, a strong hand slipped around my elbow and slid slowly down my arm to encircle my wrist.

"Edward," I sighed, shivering at his touch along my skin.

"I'm told we are to walk in third. Alice and her escort, Garrett, will walk behind us."

"Do we sit together?" I asked.

"No, we're to part at the center and you will stand with the other girls. But I'll meet you in the center when it's over."

He looked at me and winked causing my heart to skip a beat. His thumb was tracing a small circle on the inside of my wrist. The fluttering movement seemed to send tremors up and down my arm.

"What happens after?" I asked, trying to focus.

"Well, they'll likely to do a stuffy receiving line and then we'll need to pose for pictures. But I've asked Esme and Carlisle if you and Alice might ride with me and my family … that is, if you would like that?"

I turned to him and smiled.

"You know I would, and I'm certain Alice would enjoy it as well."

His lips twisted into his crooked grin and he looked down, laughing quietly at something.

"What?" I asked, laughing with him for no other reason than the sound of his laughter brought me happiness.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I'm just very … distracted today."

I was about to ask him what had distracted him when we heard the swell of music and knew that it was time. The doors opened and I saw the long aisle ahead of us lined with what seemed like hundreds of bodies.

I tensed, thinking about walking up the aisle with all of those eyes on me. Edward seemed to feel my tension and squeezed my hand. He leaned over and laid a soft kiss just below my ear.

"I love you," he murmured before straightening up.

The ball of nerves that had been worming its way into my stomach dissipated and I breathed deeply. Edward squeezed my fingers one more time before moving my hand to the crook of his arm. When it was our turn, I was smiling as we stepped through the oak doors. I kept my head up as Alice had reminded me and held onto Edward's words as tightly as I did to his arm. It was difficult to let him go, but after we bowed in front of the altar, I did. When we stood across from each other, he smiled warmly at me and it settled all of my nerves.

Once all of the bridal party was in the church, the oak doors closed and the congregation began to move restlessly as it awaited Rose's arrival. I had just seen her and I was anxious to see her again as well. I knew that she would make a stunning entrance and I was looking forward to seeing the reaction of those in the church.

The large oak doors at the back opened and every head turned to face them. Rainbows danced on the marble floor as light filtered through the stained glass windows. When Rose and her father appeared in the doorway, it was as if everyone in the church suddenly took a deep breath in unison. She was truly breathtaking … like an angel coming to visit earth for a day.

Her tulle skirt nearly filled the doorway as they walked slowly through the doors. The organ was swelling at the beginning of Mendelssohn's _Bridal March_ and everyone stood to greet the bride.

Rose was resplendent. Her pale skin, touched with the golden light, seemed to glow. Through the transparent veil, I could see her red lips curled into a contented smile. Her eyes never wavered; they were focused solely on Emmett waiting patiently for her at the end of aisle.

Emmett was tall and handsome in his tuxedo. His face was filled an amazing mixture of happiness and pride as he waited for Rose to reach him. I felt myself fill with tears as I watched my cousin's strong face break into an almost childlike smile. The happiness that radiated from him was contagious and I had to smile with him. It was almost as if I could see all of his dreams coming true as Rose walked toward him dressed in white.

As she reached him and her father placed her gloved hand in Emmett's, I looked just beyond the happy couple to where the groomsmen were assembled. All of them watched intently as Emmett and Rose took each other's hands and Mr. Hale raised Rose's veil. All except for one.

Edward's eyes rested firmly on me … and the look in his eyes shot a thrill through my body.

His eyes never left mine through all of the important parts of the ceremony. The intensity of his gaze left little to the imagination. I knew that our professions of love the night before were forefront in my own mind and I guessed that his mind lingered on them as well. I couldn't help but wonder when Edward and I might make our wedding vows. I smiled at myself, noticing that my thoughts no longer drifted over the "if" of our marriage, but instead whirled around the "when."

If the wedding had been lavish, the reception was the epitome of decadence. Edward and I walked into the hall after most of the guests had already arrived. His hand rested on my upper back, but his thumb kept drifting up to the edge of the material, brushing against the exposed skin of my back. For the first time, I was actually pleased with the cut of this dress. Edward's fingers on my bare back were a sweet, delicious torture that no one else could see because my cover-up hid his hands from view.

Edward would be sitting with me and Alice at the head table. We looked around for our name cards and were both pleased to see that we would be sitting next to each other. Alice was on my other side. As she maneuvered into her seat, I looked at the place card to her left and gasped. The card was written in Rose's neat, elegant script: _**Jasper Whitlock Hale.**_ Edward's hand stiffened on my back and Alice turned around and gave me a warning glance.

"But …," I whispered.

"Stop," Alice and Edward said at the same time.

I turned and looked at Edward and his eyes pleaded with me to be silent. My teeth snapped together as I shut my mouth and I turned around to sit in the seat Edward had pulled out for me. As he took off my wrap and pushed in my chair, he leaned down and whispered in my ear.

"I promise I will explain," he whispered, his voice tickling my earlobe as he spoke quickly. "Just, please, trust me when I tell you that you must keep quiet about this right now."

I nodded and reached up to squeeze his fingers, letting him know that I heard and understood his request. I tried to set my face into a smiling mask so that those around me wouldn't guess the whirlwind raging through my mind. Edward bent down again to tell me he was taking my wrap to the cloak room and would return promptly. I nodded and tried to refrain from looking over at Jasper's place card. Fireworks were in store for this reception; I only wondered when they would go off.

When Em and Rose were introduced as Mr. and Mrs. Emmett Cullen for the first time, Rose's smile was radiant. Emmett twirled her onto the dance floor elegantly for their first dance. As the band began to play, I was surprised at the up-tempo beat of the song. Instead of a slow waltz, the song had a staccato syncopation to it. Rose and Em didn't bat an eyelash, taking off in a fast paced dance around the ball room floor. The guests smiled and laughed at their carefree dance. I watched in amazement as their bodies twirled and spun in unison.

Edward's fingers crept over and found mine under the table. Instead of grabbing hold, he moved my hand so that my palm lay open in my lap and began to tap out the rhythm of the song on my upturned hand. I felt my body flush as his fingers continued to play piano on my flesh. It was innocent and yet incredibly intimate at the same time and I had difficulty regulating my breathing as he played. When I chanced a glance over at him, his eyes were mostly closed and his smile was peaceful, but his cheeks were nearly as red as his hair. It made me irrationally happy to know that these gentle touches affected him the same way they affected me.

I managed to almost forget about the empty seat next to Alice as dinner was served, thinking that perhaps Rose had wanted something of her brother present at her wedding, if only an empty seat and his name. But I should have known Rose well enough to know that she would never be either that impractical or sentimental. I should have known what was coming the moment I saw the place card.

Jasper arrived just after the first course was served. Most of the guests didn't even bother to look up from their stuffed mushrooms to note the late arrival; they were too engrossed in the deliciously rich food. I, however, saw him immediately and sought out Rose.

She looked as though she had been sitting, waiting for him to walk through the door. Her red lips curved into a satisfied smile and she looked over at her husband, touching his arm. He looked at her, smiled and stood, holding out his hand to her. When they were both standing, they walked slowly around the long head table and over to where Jasper stood uncomfortably in the doorway.

As soon as the couple got up, everyone in the room took notice. Most importantly, Mr. and Mrs. Hale watched their daughter and her new husband move fluidly through the room to greet their wayward son. The sound of forks dropping onto china plates and people murmuring filled the room.

Rose, Em, and Jasper were too far away to hear their conversation, but everyone in the room could hear Mr. Hale's increasingly loud oaths as he took in the scene unfolding in front of him. I slowly put my fork on my plate and dropped my hand to my lap; Edward's hand was waiting for me. I wasn't frightened really, but I was uncomfortably nervous for my friends. I remembered Mr. Hale's face when he had shown up at our home just after Jasper ran away. His features looked all too similar now and I knew that there would be a scene. I wondered how Jasper planned to handle his father. More importantly, I wondered how Emmett would handle it.

Clearly Rose had been in on this plan. She looked no more surprised to see her brother walk into the reception than she had been at seeing Emmett waiting for her at the end of the aisle. She knew he would come. And I gathered that her father knew her well enough to know that. What would he say? What would he do?

"Well, I'll _make_ him leave, Goddammit!" Mr. Hale bellowed from the end of the table.

"Whitlock, please," Mrs. Hale pleaded in a low whine. "Not here. Not today."

"Exactly," he replied harshly. "I won't have … _him_ taint our daughter's wedding day."

I saw my sister stiffen next to me. I reached over and touched her leg. She didn't move, but I felt her relax slightly at my touch. She must have felt so helpless watching the scene unfold. Mr. Hale extricated himself from his wife's grasp and was striding across the room toward where Em and Rose stood with Jasper. The room had fallen to a still hush as everyone watched Mr. Hale. I watched Rose and Emmett.

Rose wrapped her arm around her brother's arm and Emmett moved in front of his wife, facing Mr. Hale. I saw him pause slightly in his stride as Em crossed his arms in front of himself, but he continued on.

"What's the meaning of this?" Mr. Hale called. "You're not welcome here, boy!"

"He was invited," Em said, his low, deep voice carrying through the room though he spoke quietly. "He is most definitely welcome."

"I don't want him around Rose," he said sternly. "His kind doesn't belong here."

I heard Alice snort next to me, along with Aunt Esme who was seated further down the table. I grasped Edward's fingers tighter as I worried that Aunt Esme might somehow get involved.

"_We_ want him here," Emmett said just as sternly.

"Now look here, Emmett…" Mr. Hale began, but Emmett took a step forward and his voice simply cut out.

"No, you look here," Emmett said, his voice cool and serious, full of authority. "Rose and I have discussed this at great length. She wants her brother in her life. I'm inclined to agree with her. And since she is now _my wife_, it is my decision. Not yours. I'll thank you to _walk away_."

Emmett's voice never rose in volume as he spoke, but he did advance closer to Mr. Hale, his very size and presence a silent challenge to him. Though Mr. Hale didn't step backwards, his entire body seemed to shrink. He spluttered, waving his hands and gesturing toward Rose and Jasper. Emmett never looked away. He kept his arms crossed and looked Mr. Hale directly in the eyes.

"This is my decision," Emmett repeated. "I want Jas in Rose's life. If that is unacceptable to you, you are free to leave."

I was stunned and awed by Emmett's courage and cunning. Even someone as naïve as I was could understand what he had done. He was using Mr. Hale's own ideals about a woman's place against him. Rose was now under Em's authority. It was _his_ rules, not her father's that she would need to obey.

Mr. Hale looked around the room full of his many important friends. It wouldn't do for him to leave his own daughter's wedding and Emmett knew that. He had Mr. Hale trapped. Inwardly, I applauded his clever plot and courage, but I also worried that this would be the kind of dangerous game that could spill over into a vicious family feud. Perhaps Em and Rose were not terribly worried about such a feud now that they were safely married, but what about Alice? How would this affect her?

Mr. Hale turned around and walked back to his seat, his face an ugly purple color. Rosalie escorted her brother through the room, her head held high as the guests watched her. Emmett trailed behind, smiling at his wife and his guests. I looked over at my sister whose face was a mixture of anxiety and anticipation. Rose walked him all the way to his seat while Em spoke with one of the servers who brought Jasper an appetizer as soon as he was seated.

Jasper's expression was unreadable. He glanced first at Alice, giving her a small smile, before looking over at me and Edward. His face clouded over so quickly that it made me look around at Edward for an explanation. Edward's face was full of sadness. He was staring at his friend and I knew immediately that something troubling had passed between them. I wanted to know what had happened. When I looked back at Alice, she looked as confused as I felt so I guessed that whatever had transpired had occurred recently.

The rest of the dinner went by without event. Alice and Jasper talked casually even though most of the guests watched him continuously, curious about the prodigal son who had returned. Rose and Em seemed unaffected by the interruption and continued to enjoy their day. The same could not be said for Mr. Hale whose color did not improve. He continued to steal angry glances at his son and then look away in disgust.

The band picked up the pace of the music just as most of the guests had finished their dinners. Rose and Em happily opened the dance floor with another impressive show and soon couples were flooding the floor. Edward took off his formal jacket, loosened his tie, and rolled up his sleeves before leaning over to me.

"You promised," he hissed softly into my ear making me shiver.

I laughed and held out my hand for him to take. The music was much different from anything I had danced to before so I was hesitant when he led me toward the floor. Edward didn't give me time to be timid. He twirled me around quickly and began leading me through a fast-paced dance that left me breathless and giggling.

"You deserve a better dance partner," I said laughing as the first dance number died down.

"Nonsense," he said, pulling me closer to him as a softer song began to play. "You are the most graceful dancer on the floor."

When we moved closer, he held my hand to his chest and I could feel the soft beat of his heart through the thin fabric of his shirt. His hand moved up my back until I could feel the heat of his skin on mine. My heart, already racing from the previous dance, picked up tempo as Edward's fingers inched further up my skin.

"Have I mentioned you look lovely tonight?" he murmured as he brought his head closer to mine.

"Once or twice," I replied coquettishly.

"Hmm," he sighed. "Lovely is such a bland word though."

We continued to dance, his arm holding my body pressed against his so that my body tingled from the contact as we moved together. He had me breathless with his closeness, and as before, I managed to forget the other couples around us.

"Beautiful," he commented, his voice low and husky in my ear. "Ravishing. Divine. _Sexy_."

I gasped softly at his last word, spoken almost directly into my ear. I pulled away from him to look up into his eyes. They were darker than I'd ever seen them and his eyelids seemed heavy, as though he was very tired. He licked his lips as he stared back at me and at once I recognized the look in his eyes. He wanted to kiss me again, the way he had the night before.

Something that could only be described as desire coiled in my stomach as I thought about Edward kissing me. I found myself running through reasons why it would be perfectly acceptable to reach up and kiss him even though I knew very well that it was inappropriate. Somehow, everything began to make sense to me. Edward's admission of being distracted earlier in the day, the way he looked at me during the ceremony, and his seductive words on the dance floor all made me realize how very attracted he was to me.

I don't know why this shocked me so much. I believed him when he said he loved me, but perhaps the idea of attraction and love seemed separate to me. I felt powerful knowing that I had affected him so greatly.

As I thought about how I might use this new discovery to my advantage, my sister caught my eye. She was dancing with Jasper, her head resting contentedly against his shoulder. Jasper looked down on her with complete love in his eyes, as though being with her at that moment was the greatest gift he had ever been given. For once, I wasn't concerned about their future or worried that my sister might leave me. I was simply happy that she had found someone who looked at her the way Jasper did.

Edward's eyes had followed mine over to where Jasper and Alice were dancing. His eyes seemed to draw Jasper's attention and he looked up at Edward. I felt the current of whatever had happened between them in their gaze. Something unspoken was passing between them because I felt Edward relax and then nod in Jasper's direction. Jasper nodded back at him and then went back to looking at my sister. I looked up at Edward.

"What happened between you and Jasper?" I asked quietly.

His eyes darted back over to Jasper and Alice before returning to mine. He shook his head.

"I was an ass," he said softly. "I apologize for my language, but I was. I … expected him not to change. It was unfair and he put me in my place. We still have things to discuss, but I think that it will work out."

I nodded and sighed. I didn't like to think of there being any distance between Edward and Jasper. They needed each other, in much the same way as Alice and I needed each other. Edward squeezed my hand and when I looked up, he was smiling crookedly at me with a devilish look in his eye.

"If I asked you to follow me, would you?" he asked, looking around the room.

I thought about it for only an instant.

"Of course," I said.

My skin broke out into gooseflesh as he smiled wider and turned to lead me off of the dance floor. We wound our way through the tables, nodding and smiling at people we knew. Edward led me out of the large room and down a hallway, past the ladies powder room to a small room.

"Edward," I whispered urgently, looking around. "Where are we?"

"It's … well, it's an unused game room," he said sheepishly. "I just wanted to be out from everyone's eyes for a few moments."

My stomach fluttered with nervousness but I followed him into the empty room. The light from the hallway filtered in, but it was mostly dark. The room had several small tables with chairs around them and I noticed an empty bar in one corner of the room, leftover from before the prohibition I assumed. There was no door and the music from the band filtered into the room.

"Is everything okay?" I asked nervously, my hands on my stomach.

"Yeah," Edward said.

I could see him in silhouette, running his hand nervously through his hair. I stifled the urge to giggle because I understood why he was nervous. From the moment I noticed that he wanted to kiss me, I had wanted to be alone with him. Now that we _were_ alone, the entire room seemed to be charged with both excitement and a little bit of danger. What if someone were to walk in?

"I just wanted you to know that if I could have, I would have told you about Jasper coming today. He asked me not to tell anyone."

Edward's voice wavered more than I was used to and I gathered that he was more nervous than I had previously guessed.

"I understand," I said. "I'm glad he was able to come. It made Rose happy … Alice too."

He chuckled.

"That's an understatement," he said.

We had moved closer together as we spoke. As he finished speaking, we were standing close enough that he could reach out and touch me. I looked up at him nervously.

"Dance with me," he whispered.

"Here?"

He nodded, slipping his hand around my waist. In the dark, with no one else around, the electricity that coursed between us seemed to have doubled. I placed my hand on his shoulder as I had when we danced before, but he took my other arm and wrapped it around his neck so that I was embracing him. His fingers trailed down my arm, making my heart stutter as he flattened his palm against my back.

He sighed and began to move slowly to the faint music. My nose was inches from his throat and I could see the pulse of his heart in the hollow of his neck. Inching closer, I ran my nose against the skin of his throat, making him moan softly. Again, I felt powerful.

"Why did you bring me here?" I asked gently.

He left one hand against my back, but brought the other up and around my neck so that his thumb brushed my ear. He gently tilted my head up so that I was looking into his eyes. They were burning green flames in the darkness and I realized I wasn't nearly as powerful as I thought. He owned me in that moment, body and soul. I would have given him anything he asked for.

"I missed you," he said, running his thumb along my cheek.

"You've been with me all day," I said shakily.

"Not like this," he replied.

He brought his face closer to mine slowly, at first just brushing my lips with his. It was maddening. I wanted to feel his lips on me, urgent, like he had the previous night. Instead, he moved slowly, deliberately. He darted his tongue out and moved it along my lips in the same slow, torturous manner. I moved my hand up his neck and into his hair, unthinkingly tightening my fingers around the strands.

"Mmm," Edward said, kissing me softly before pulling away. "Did you miss me too?"

He sounded cocky and self-assured, but his eyes held the question innocently. I gathered that he was worried I regretted the night before and the way we had kissed.

"So much," I managed to whisper before his lips claimed mine.

My fingers tightened in his hair again as he kissed me, this time the way I wanted him to. His mouth was hot and open against mine and I groaned. It must have sounded altogether wanton but I didn't care. Anything that kept his mouth on mine was acceptable to me.

Edward continued to lead me in a slow dance as our mouths moved together. When his tongue found mine, I pressed myself against him, wanting to feel his heart beating against mine. His breathing sped and he wrapped his arms more tightly around me. His hand circled around my neck and tangled in my hair. His other hand traveled lower down my back, pressing me more firmly against him.

He froze as my stomach came in contact with something hard between us. His breathing all but ceased and he stopped kissing me. As he pulled away from me, I began leaning into him, wanting more. He leaned his forehead against mine and I opened my eyes. His eyes were nearly black in the darkness, his pupils taking up most of the iris.

"I'm sorry," he murmured, bringing his hand up and brushing his fingers against the side of my face. "I just need a moment."

Even in the darkness, I could see how flushed his cheeks were. I wondered if I had hurt him in some way to make him need to stop.

"Did I … do something wrong?" I asked quietly.

He chuckled and kissed my forehead.

"God, no. You've done everything right. Just give me a moment until I can be a gentleman again, hmm?"

We swayed together, moving quietly in the darkness to the phantom strains of music. We talked some, but mostly we just held each other. After what felt like only a few minutes, but what had likely been nearly half an hour, we walked back into the reception hand in hand.

No one gave us any sideways glances as I worried they might. It wasn't until Alice and I were home and ready for bed that she made any mention of my disappearance.

"Alone time with Edward agrees with you, Sissy," she said when the lights were out and we were both tucked under our covers.

"You noticed?" I squeaked.

"Of course I noticed," she said. "Bella, please. I'm glad you want to be alone with him. It's normal!"

"Alice?" I asked tentatively. "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure," she said.

"Edward pulled away from me today," I said quietly, "while we were kissing. He said he needed a moment so that he could be a gentleman again. What do you think he meant?"

I didn't hear her laughter at first because it was so quiet, but I could see her shaking. Before long, her laughter filled the room and I was burning with embarrassment.

"Tell me, please!" I begged. "What's so funny?"

"Bella, we have a _lot_ to talk about," she wheezed with laughter.

* * *

**_A/N: So, I got a few questions about Bella and Edward's increased heat. Here's the thing: they're nothing more than a pair of horny teenagers, except social conventions prevent them from getting naked. I don't think their kissing is period inappropriate; I just think that many of the stories written during that time didn't focus on this aspect of courting. From my research, I've found that physical expressions of love were quite common among young lovers and it was quietly accepted by the parents. Remember that courting was a very exclusive relationship, similar to a couple who has promised themselves to each other in our culture. I hope you are continuing to enjoy this story and B and E's development as a couple. There will likely be some jumping around in the time frame over the next few chapters. In order to keep this story in hand, I need to skip some of the everyday stuff. In the end, it will span many years in story time. So I can't give you a day by day. haha! :) There is a poll on my profile that I am going to close soon asking for your input on what type of outtake I will write for Fandom Fealty. Right now, there is a tie, so go vote! I'll close the poll on Sunday. Thanks so much for reading. You guys rock so hard! ~Jen_**


	12. A Test of Strength

_Man of my heart, I love you so,_

_Lately I've found you on my mind_

_More than you know._

_Whether you're right, whether you're wrong,_

_Man of my heart, I'll string along._

_I need you so,_

_More than you'll ever know._

_**More Than You Know**__, William Rose and Vincent Youmans, 1929_

_**Disclaimer**__: __I do not own Twilight or any of the characters from the Saga. Stephenie Meyer is the owner of Twilight. No copyright infringement is intended. This work and the original ideas presented therein are the sole property of this author._

_Many thanks, as always, to the ladies behind the curtain: Belle Dean, ikss, swimom7 and bookjunkie1975. Without them, my characters would do odd things because of poor grammar. : )_

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_May 22, 1920_

_**EPOV**_

I was up and out the door early that morning, eager to be out of the house for a while and have some time to think. The date had been weighing on me, along with decisions that I needed to make. I knew exactly where I wanted to go. A trolley ride later and I was walking amid the springtime beauty that was the Lake District. Even though the Field Museum of Natural History where Father and I used to spend hours walking around had moved and all that was left was its beautiful shell, I still loved to come here and sit by the lagoon on days like this one. Nothing was more peaceful than the gentle lapping of the water that came all the way up to the building's front steps. I made a promise to myself that I would bring Bella here soon so that she might enjoy this place.

I honestly didn't know what had gotten into me over the last few days. I understood the importance of my next birthday; I would be turning nineteen. At nineteen, my father had married my mother. I was born a year later. The prospect of marriage didn't frighten me, but my own shiftlessness _did_ worry me.

What future could I offer to Bella at this point in my life? I lived in my parent's home, eating their food and relying on my father to provide for my every want and need. I was no more a man than the baby I had seen on the trolley, his mother dandling him in her arms. I picked up a rock and threw it angrily into the lagoon as I thought over my options.

I reminded myself that I was making progress toward a higher goal. At the end of this school year I would begin my law studies and be able to take work in Father's law firm as a paid intern. I would be barely more than a servant there, filing motions and making coffee, but I would be earning an income. True, it would not be substantial, but it would be enough that I could begin to save toward a house. I wanted to be able to offer Bella a home before she took my name.

The problem was more than just my lack of self-sufficiency; I still saw myself as more child than man. I felt woefully unprepared for my role as provider, but I was loathe to admit my fears of inadequacy to my parents. I wanted their respect and their approval. I hardly thought that admitting how little I knew would help me in that regard.

I worried about more than money, of course. When I thought of Alice and Jasper's relationship and how they had fought together to overcome such large hurdles, I realized that Bella and I were really only just beginning. Our relationship, despite a slow beginning, had been relatively smooth and without trial. Did that mean that we weren't ready for that next step? That we somehow weren't as prepared to move to a more adult relationship? I didn't know what qualified two people for that kind of trust and devotion.

Surely I loved her. I had never felt for _anyone_ the way I felt about Bella. I didn't doubt that she was the woman I wished to spend the rest of my life with. But I wondered how and when that life could begin. When should I think of asking her? What did I need to accomplish before I did? It was all so confusing. I knew that

I walked carefully along the bank of the lagoon, running my hands through the reeds and avoiding the marsh flowers that had cropped up along the bank. I had always loved this place, but I thought I loved it even more since the Field Museum had closed and moved into the center of town. Looking around me, I saw only a few lone painters who had set up their easels and were capturing the beauty of the place. There were no raucous crowds here like there used to be when I was child. It was the perfect place for a bit of self-reflection.

As I made my way slowly to the stairs of the old building, I took off my wool jacket and rolled up my sleeves. The day had gotten unseasonably warm and I was thankful for a moment to soak in the sun. I hung my jacket on a low hanging branch of a tree and walked over to the staircase, stretching out over four of the steps and closing my eyes against the strong sun. As a child, Father and I would bring bagged lunches with us and eat on these steps, feeding the ducks that often seemed so comfortable with humans that they were considered tame.

I smiled, thinking about my childhood. It had been so happy and carefree. Father worked hard, but he was successful enough that he was able to spend time with me on the weekends. I don't remember the early days of my parents' marriage of course, but the part of my life I could remember was filled with Father's presence. I realized that that wasn't always the case for most of my peers. I thought of Carlisle and the strange hours he often had to work at the hospital. Emmett, of course, saw his father plenty, but not as regularly as I had been able to see mine.

I remembered occasions when Em would come with us on our Saturday excursions without Carlisle because he was working. It never seemed odd or out of place for him to tag along. Jasper, as well; the three of us were like brothers growing up. But I realized as I looked back that I had been lucky to have my father around so often and so regularly. I realized I wanted that with my family … when I had one.

I could feel the strong rays of the midday sun beginning to burn my face and arms, but I wasn't ready to get up yet. I had actually been quite busy lately with school, preparing for exams and writing end of term papers. I hadn't had enough time with Bella, though I knew she would never complain. She was happy with whatever time we did get.

Our increased intimacy, both physically and emotionally, had taken its toll on my ability to rationally weigh the decisions at hand. I wanted that girl as my wife, and it wasn't because I loved her chastely. I burned for her in ways she was too innocent to understand and I felt terribly lascivious for even thinking about it.

The night of Rose and Em's wedding was the first time I realized just _how_ innocent Bella actually was. She truly didn't understand how she had affected me when she kissed me or what had happened as she pressed against me. I shifted uncomfortably, trying to ignore my unwanted arousal at the very thought of being near her.

Something had changed after that night however, because when we necked again just a week later, she held her body a bit away from mine. Her new caution was for the best and though I knew that, it still irked me. I wanted to be closer to her, oftentimes thinking of ways that we could be nearer to each other even though I knew it was unwise. She never denied me at first, but she was stronger than I was. Despite knowing that it would bring me nothing but discomfort, I gave in to a pleasant memory of the last night I spent in the Cullen's blooming garden with Bella wrapped tightly in my arms.

"_Look, Edward," she called, pulling on my fingers. "The daisies are beginning to bloom! They are Alice's and Aunt Esme's favorites!"_

_She glowed in the golden soft gleam of twilight and it took great effort to pull my eyes away from her face to look at the silly flowers she was so enamored of. They were happy things, even only as buds, and my lips curled up in a smile in spite of myself._

"_What are your favorites?" I asked, winding my arm around her stomach and pulling her closer to me. I leaned in and kissed her neck just behind her ear, delighting in the way her body shivered at my touch._

"_Lilacs," she whispered, her voice high and full of excitement._

"_Why?" I murmured, my lips brushing her earlobe._

"_Because they're purple, like the evening sky, and I love that color. And they smell so lovely when they are in bloom … like summer nights."_

_She leaned her head back against my shoulder and I stifled the groan that rose in my throat from her closeness. I tightened my arms around her before whispering to her again._

"_I'll ask Esme if I can plant you some lilacs," I said. "Heaps of them … your own private paradise."_

_She sighed and looked up at the sky, her head leaning against my neck. She was probably thinking that the sky would be lilac purple soon and thinking innocent thoughts of twilight while all I could focus on was how to turn her so I could kiss her soundly. I should have been ashamed, but I wasn't._

"_Oh!" she cried, pulling away from me and pointing up at the sky. "I think I saw a shooting star!"_

_I smiled at her, not that she saw. She was squinting up at the sky, trying to see where her wishing star went._

"_What did you wish for?" I asked, wrapping my arms around her again._

_She snuggled close to me, but shook her head._

"_Wish for? What do you mean?"_

"_You're supposed to wish on a shooting star," I said. "That's what Mother always told me. She said those wishes were sure to come true."_

_Bella turned toward me and I leaned my forehead against hers, holding her tightly against me still. Her hands came to rest over my heart._

"_Whatever would I wish for, Edward?" she asked quietly. "I have everything I want."_

_I kissed her then. Hard and long, my hands traveling up her back and tangling in her hair until she cried out and pushed me away with a shaky laugh._

"_I'm sorry," I said immediately, but she shook her head._

"_Alice said I ought to be careful with that," she said with a sly smile as she turned around. "I think I understand better now."_

She never did explain to me what Alice had told her or why she continued to giggle, but I had my suspicions. There wasn't much that got by Alice Swan and if she suspected that Bella and I had become more physical, I did not doubt that she would warn her sister about the consequences of such intimacy. My face burned at the thought of Alice smirking over my current predicament, but I was glad that Bella had someone to talk to about our relationship – someone other than my godmother who would likely go right to my mother.

I stood after I had calmed myself from my daydream. Thoughts of Bella were always frequent, but lately it had become more likely that those thoughts would lead to my embarrassment when I stood. I retrieved my jacket and began walking slowly out of the park. It was close to lunch time and I had made plans to meet with Jasper today. He got off of work at eleven and had agreed to meet me for lunch and to purchase lilac plants for Bella's garden. I hadn't forgotten my promise to her and after Esme gave her consent, I had picked out the perfect corner of the garden for her display.

Jasper and I hadn't talked much after the wedding, though we had seen each other on several occasions. He was welcome at Rose and Em's house now and so Alice and Bella frequently stopped by whenever Jasper was around. I wasn't there every time he was, but each meeting was less tense. I asked him to meet for lunch at the last of these meetings and I had expected him to turn me down saying that work was too hectic or just that he didn't have any interest. But after a long pause, he agreed to meet me this afternoon.

I suspected that our rift was weighing on him as well, though he would have liked to pretend otherwise. We'd grown up like brothers. If the future played out as I thought it would, Jasper and I would marry sisters. I couldn't imagine being brothers-in-law who barely spoke. It would be ridiculous. I needed to make him understand that I was aware of my mistake and ask to start over again if that was what was necessary. His friendship was too important to me to let it whither away because of a misunderstanding.

When I arrived at the center of town where we were to meet, I had expected to find him waiting for me. Upon closer inspection of the park, Jasper was nowhere to be found. I walked over to a bench and sat down uneasily. _What if he didn't show? What if he had decided that my friendship __**wasn't**__ important enough to salvage?_ I guessed that I would cross that bridge if I came to it.

"Edward," a familiar voice called.

I smiled and stood up.

"Took you long enough," I said with a smirk.

Jasper paused for a moment, weighing my words and then smiled back.

"Not all of us are layabouts, you know," he replied.

"True," I agreed as he fell into step beside me.

"Where are we headed?" he asked.

"Freedman's," I said quietly. "Father said I ought to pay the old bugger a visit and I figured we could both kill that bird on this trip."

Jasper chuckled and nodded.

"I'm sure he'll have plenty to say to me as well," he said.

Mr. Freedman's general store had been a fixture in both of our childhood stories. Almost every Sunday after Church, our families would come to the general store for sundaes and small talk. Jasper, Rose and I liked it because our parents would ply us with sweets so we would sit quietly while they talked. For us, it meant an hour away from supervision while they sat in the booth behind us and talked about "adult" topics.

As we walked into the store, the familiar bells chimed above the door. It was still a sound I associated with ice cream and good times with my friends. The shop was the same: cherry wood benches with tile-topped tables, the line of stools at the counter with the brass bar in front of them, and the glass topped counter that none of us could resist marking up with our sticky fingers. I could see the handprints of several small children marked it now; apparently that was a delight shared by several generations.

My eyes rested for a moment on the cartoon above the counter. It was well worn and frayed around the edges. Without having to read it, I knew exactly what it said: _Remember the Maine, To Hell with Spain!_ His son, Charlie, had been killed on the Maine in '98. He kept the picture of the ship up there to remind people of the loss of so many young men.

Mr. Freedman's grey head popped up from behind the counter when we came in, obscuring my view of the poster. His pale blue eyes sparked with recognition after only a moment.

"Edward and Jasper!" he cried. "What a pleasant surprise, my boys! Come in!"

Jas and I smiled at each other at his exuberant welcome. Mr. Freedman prided himself on knowing his most frequent visitors well and he took it as a personal affront when they didn't come to visit him often enough. We both knew we'd hear about our absence. He led us over to a table and sat down with us, making us laugh at his familiarity.

"Now, I know that my boy Jasper here has been working like a dog," he began leaning over the table conspiratorially, a twinkle in his eye, "but what's _your_ excuse, Edward? Why haven't you been to see me in so long?"

I ran my fingers through my hair in distraction, laughing nervously as Jasper sat across from me snickering.

"Oh, Edward found himself a young lady, Mr. Freedman," Jasper teased. "Haven't you heard? He's fair over the moon for her."

I blushed in spite of myself. Not a word of what Jasper said was wrong, but I felt embarrassed all the same. Mr. Freedman knew me as a boy; would he treat Bella as just a simple boyhood flirtation?

"Have you asked to court her proper like?" Mr. Freedman asked seriously.

"Yes, sir," I replied, my voice cracking nervously.

"Well, alright then," he said with a smile. "Still, it's no excuse. You should have brought her in! What girl doesn't like ice cream sundaes?"

"Oh!" I exclaimed. "I hadn't … that is, you're right, sir. I'll correct that as soon as possible."

"That's my boy," he said with a smile. "I'll get you both your usual then."

With a clap of his hands, he was up and moving quickly behind the counter, plating up our sandwiches and whistling to himself.

"Way to throw me to hounds there, Jas," I said, throwing a napkin at him.

"Mr. Freedman is hardly the hounds, Edward. You need to lighten up."

I snorted and nodded.

"Probably true," I agreed.

"Thanks for not mentioning Alice," he said seriously.

The smile faded from my lips and I nodded again.

"I do get it, you know," I said. "I know how painfully rough it is for you and Alice and I don't envy you one bit. I don't – look, I'm sorry I picked a fight with you."

"Nah," he said, leaning back in the bench. "I'm as much to blame for that as you are. Things were really bad then, but they're getting better. I can almost see the way out now."

His voice trailed off and I knew he was thinking about something that he wouldn't talk to me about. I knew it was private. His eyes snapped back to the present when Mr. Freedman brought our drinks and sandwiches over to us.

"It's done, Edward," he said after Mr. Freedman left us. "I'm not interested in fighting with you, especially if I'm going to have to call you brother in a few years."

He smirked and picked up his soda pop and I just shook my head.

"That sure of yourself, eh?"

"Indeed I am," he replied, "and of you."

I nodded.

"Thought a lot about that today," I admitted.

"You looked as though you'd been mulling a lot over," he said. "When are you going to ask her?"

"I want to ask her tonight," I blurted out and held up my hands when Jasper looked ready to pounce on me. "Of course, I know that I can't. It's just, things have changed. And I wish … well, I guess I wish we were both a bit older so that I could ask her sooner. It seems improper to ask her when I have nothing to offer her."

Jasper frowned as he chewed on his sandwich, pausing to drink before replying.

"But you do have plenty to offer her," he said finally.

"No, my _family_ has plenty to offer her. I'm no more than a … a layabout, as you said."

"I didn't mean it like that, Edward," he said. "It was a joke."

"But it's true enough," I said. "I have a plan though. I can start work as a paid intern at the law firm next fall. It won't be much, but it'll be _something_."

"What I meant though is that you do have something to offer her; it's just not monetary," he said after a pause. "As long as you have a plan, the rest will fall into place."

There was a look in his eye, whether it was determined or resigned I couldn't tell, but I knew there was something my friend wasn't telling me. For the moment, however, I was simply grateful to have his friendship back.

The lilac plants were easy enough to obtain and to my great surprise, Jasper had a very definite eye for what was healthy and what was merely pretty. He encouraged me to buy the plants with the greenest leaves and fewest flowers, saying that the buds would come later. The plant needed robust leaves to grow strong. I was thankful he was there for I would have bought those plants with the most blooms.

We arrived at the Cullen residence laden with plants. I was familiar enough with their house to simply walk through to the back garden. I knew there was a wooden bench near the garden shed on which I could set the plants until I came back to get them in the ground. We were stopped short, however, by the sight of Alice sitting alone in the garden. I looked over at Jasper who had frozen beside me, a strange look on his face. Alice's head turned towards us as though she was unsurprised to see someone disturb her solitude.

"Hello Edward," she said quietly. "Jas."

Jasper moved quicker than I would have imagined possible, depositing the plants haphazardly on the bench and then rushing over to Alice's side.

"What is it, baby?" he asked quietly, dropping to his knees beside her.

I stood, awkwardly holding the plants and unsure of what I ought to do. Alice turned to Jasper and smiled sadly, her eyes flicking over towards me making me feel even more like an intruder.

"Bella is at your house, Edward," she said then. "She would … welcome your company, I believe."

Something about the tone of Alice's voice made my blood run cold. Something serious must have occurred for Bella to have sought me out like that. I swallowed thickly, looked first at Jasper and then back at Alice, before nodding and turning to rush away.

"Edward!" Alice called. "The lilacs? Sissy wouldn't thank you to waste those."

I stopped and closed my eyes in exasperation.

"Thank you, Alice," I said.

I walked quickly over to the bench and placed the lilacs carefully on the ground. Wiping my dirty hands on my thighs as I stood, I turned and gave Alice a stiff smile and nod before walking slowly toward the garden gate.

"Edward?" Alice called, her voice softer now. "Tell Bella I love her."

I didn't turn around, but closed my eyes and drew in a deep breath. The thoughts racing through my mind then did nothing to quiet the worry creeping through my body. It seemed as though nothing was wrong with Bella, at least physically. Alice was far too calm; she didn't seem worried in the least about her sister's safety. But I knew Bella well enough to understand what the cause of her troubles likely was. Something had happened to Alice. I just didn't know what.

As I exited the garden, I heard Alice and Jasper begin to whisper to each other in hushed tones. It made me wonder what could possibly have changed in the last forty-eight hours that would cause such an upheaval between the sisters. When I last saw Bella, the night I held her in the garden, Alice and she had been light and gay, teasing each other and laughing happily together after dinner. Could they have had a fallen out, as they had before? It was possible of course. Alice was prone to tempers. But it didn't seem to fit. If Alice's temper had caused a rift in the sister's relationship, would she have sent words of love to Bella? I doubted it highly.

As I walked quickly through the streets toward my home, I immediately thought of the inevitable. Jasper had asked Alice to marry him and she had accepted. It seemed logical enough. I knew that Alice's schooling was nearly done. I also knew that Jasper was getting on well at the stock yards. He hoped to have enough money saved for a small house by the fall. Perhaps Alice had told Bella that she was going to marry Jasper sooner than Bella had expected and it had upset Bella, as I knew it would.

I walked a bit faster then, thinking of Bella waiting for me. My imagination did nothing to quell the worry. I thought of her sitting in our family room, the stress of the day too much for her. She would be lying on the chaise lounge, her hand over her eyes. And she would need comforting …

_Right. That's really not helping_ …

I burst into the house through the kitchen and was slightly surprised to see two pairs of eyes look up at me. My mother's green eyes regarded me with a measure of amusement.

"Edward Anthony," she murmured. "You look as though you've been rolling in mud."

I looked down at myself, my cheeks flushing automatically. I did look a bit worse for wear, though she didn't really need to have pointed it out. I frowned and looked back up at Bella.

The skin around her eyes was puffy and tight, as though she had been crying for hours. My fists clenched in anger and frustration; the mere thought of her suffering so sending a jolt of pain through my chest. Her brown eyes that I knew so well looked up at me with relief. She had been waiting for me to walk through the door. I wondered for how long she had been waiting.

"Bella," I said, my voice cracking slightly. "What's wrong, love?"

Her eyes swam for a moment before tears spilled over onto her cheeks. I was on my knee by her side in an instant, my thumbs wiping away the tears that had fallen. I barely noticed Mother standing and exiting the kitchen.

"It's Alice," Bella stuttered. "She's – she's leaving me, Edward."

Her head fell forward onto my shoulder and I held her, feeling completely helpless. She slipped out of the chair and fit her body into my arms, holding onto me with shaking arms as she sobbed. My heart felt as though it was literally breaking apart as I listened to her cry. I stroked her hair and shushed her the way Mother used to do when I was a child, but nothing I did seemed to give her any measure of comfort.

After several moments of holding her uncomfortably on the floor, I made the decision to move us into the sitting room where at least she could be comfortable. I peeled her gently away from me and lifted her up into my arms, holding her tightly under her knees and around her shoulder. She didn't even protest. She just curled her head against my chest and continued to sob.

I passed Mother in the hallway. Her eyes were full of pain at seeing Bella this way. I knew she loved her nearly as much as I did and she likely felt just as helpless to help her.

"Shall I call Esme?" she murmured, bringing her hand over her mouth.

"Give me a few moments," I whispered, gesturing with my head toward the sitting room.

Her eyes traveled over my unkempt suit pants and she stifled the frown that I had expected to see, shaking her head.

"Take as long as you need, son," she said and turned away.

I wondered if Bella had confided in Mother and thought to ask her, but then stopped myself. Bella needed _me_ right now, not my mother or her advice. She'd been waiting for me. Whether or not Mother had information didn't matter; I needed to handle this myself.

I laid Bella gently on the lounge, all inappropriate thoughts gone from my mind as I saw how small she looked curled in upon herself. I knelt beside her, my arm pinned beneath her head and my other hand stroking the side of her face.

"Please, my love," I whispered, leaning over and kissing her cheek. "Please tell me what's wrong."

She continued to sob, but the worst seemed to be over. The tears were slowing and her body began to relax. After several minutes her eyelids began to lift, revealing bloodshot eyes. It drove me mad to see her so distraught. I gently ran my fingers over her face, wishing that my touch could somehow ease her pain, but knowing that I was likely doing nothing for her.

"I'm so sorry, Edward," she croaked.

"Whatever for?" I said with a smile, happy to hear her voice no matter how strained.

"For letting you see me like this," she said, attempting to sit up.

I pushed her back down gently and shook my head.

"Just rest for a second," I said. "Bella, though it pains me to see you so upset, I'm happy you came to me. Can you tell me what's hurt you so, love?"

She closed her eyes and nodded, taking in a deep breath as though to ward off the tears that were threatening again.

"I really thought I knew everything there was to know about my sister," she began, her hand traveling up her body to find mine. When she found it, she held my fingers tightly. Finally, she opened her eyes and looked at me through her swollen eyelids. "But I was wrong, Edward. I didn't know I could ever _be_ this wrong."

"Is she … you said she was leaving you?" I asked, trying to fight back my frustration at not knowing what was wrong. She must go at her own pace.

She nodded and smiled sadly.

"She is. She just told me this morning after the post arrived."

"The post?" I asked. "Bella, I'm sorry. You have me very confused. Are Alice and Jasper getting married?"

Bella shook her head and laughed, but the sound was strained and unhappy.

"God, I wish it were that simple," she said, reaching up and touching my face. "No, Alice will be much further away than the Back of the Yards. She's been accepted at _The Paris Ateliers_, a very prestigious school of design in France. She leaves in mid-August."

I was stunned. Nothing could have prepared me for what Bella had just told me. Alice was leaving, not only Bella, but Jasper as well? Surely that couldn't be right. Alice would never do that to her sister or to Jasper. At least, I hadn't thought that she would.

"It's been planned for months now," Bella continued. "Alice approached Aunt Esme about it after Jasper ran away from home. She's always wanted to design clothes … even when we were little, she would draw her own patterns for the paper dolls we played with, saying that the ones provided weren't fashionable enough. Aunt Esme helped her to obtain the applications and fill out the forms. It's apparently a done deal now."

"Has Alice told Jasper yet?" I asked gently, wondering what my friend would think upon hearing that Alice was leaving him.

"Oh, yes. It seems the only person Alice felt the need to hide anything from was me."

Tears began to well up in her eyes again but I couldn't bear it this time. I pulled her closer to me and kissed between her eyes and along her cheeks, tasting the salt from her tears on my lips as I moved over her face. Her breathing remained steady and I didn't feel fresh tears. I pulled back to look at her.

"Am I really that unreasonable, Edward?" she asked softly. "Why did she hide this from me when I share _everything_ with her?"

I brushed my nose against her forehead as I considered her question. In my opinion, Bella had become infinitely more reasonable in the months since we first met. But at the same time, I saw how Alice's news had affected her. Perhaps Alice thought that saving the news until her departure was inevitable would somehow save Bella some pain. I didn't know that I agreed with Alice's decision, but perhaps that explained it.

Bella sat up on the lounge, rubbing her eyes and wiping her hands over her face. She looked around the small sitting room, saw the closed door and then blushed a darker shade of red. I smiled inwardly as I guess what she was thinking.

"Would you sit with me?" she asked.

"Of course," I agreed readily.

I stood and dusted off my pants, seeing that there was no muck clinging to me before easing down onto the lounge beside Bella. She immediately curled up to my side and pulled my arm around her. I closed my eyes as I leaned against the armrest, counting to ten in order to redirect my suddenly wanton thoughts. I needed to focus on Bella.

"What did Alice tell you?" I asked after we were settled.

Her fingers crept up to my shirt and began to pick at the fabric absent-mindedly as she thought about her words. I tried to focus on rubbing her arm gently with my fingers and not on the feeling of her fingers moving on my chest. I wished that she'd start talking because I knew her voice would distract me from my increasingly wanton thoughts.

"She said that if she was successful, she would be able to provide for her and Jasper better than he could ever hope to working in the stock yards. If she was _really_ successful, he wouldn't have to work there at all."

"So," I said as I worked through what she was saying in my head, "Alice is hoping to provide for Jasper?"

"You think it's crazy too?" Bella said, looking up at me.

"Not crazy, but surprising perhaps," I said quietly. "Did she say whether Jasper _asked_ her to do this?"

"No, she didn't, but I can tell you this sounds exactly like something Alice would have cooked up by herself. Edward, this is something she's always wanted."

"So you aren't surprised that she wants to do this … just …?"

"I'm surprised she didn't ask my opinion," Bella said softly. "It's as if she didn't think I'd have anything valuable to offer. And … that hurts."

I sighed deeply and pulled her closer to me. I could feel her rubbing her face back and forth against my chest as though trying to prevent the tears from falling. I understood now. Alice leaving was a big part of it, but even more than that, Bella was hurt that Alice didn't trust her. Point of fact, I was a little put off with Alice as well. Bella might be prone to more old-fashioned ways of thinking, but she was extremely clear-headed. I valued her opinion and I would think that someone as flighty as Alice should be glad for Bella's advice.

I reached up and pinched the bridge of my nose to calm myself. I couldn't go off angry at Alice; it would do nothing to help solve Bella's problems. Instead, I needed to think clearly. I leaned my cheek against Bella's head and thought over what I knew of the situation. I didn't know as much as I would have liked, but I guessed that Bella didn't know much more than she had told me.

"Did you ask Alice why she didn't tell you?" I asked her.

"No," Bella replied suddenly. "I left as soon as I told Aunt Esme where I was going. I – I couldn't …"

She sighed and turned her face into my body.

"Too angry?" I asked, trying to pull her away so that she would look at me.

She nodded and then smiled.

"Too angry, too sad, too … everything. It was too much. I needed to calm down," she explained.

"And so you came to me," I said, my heart swelling in spite of myself.

She shrugged her shoulder and smiled.

"I knew you'd understand."

Bella looked down and began playing with the folds of her dress, her forehead scrunching up as one thought or another troubled her. I leaned forward and tipped her chin up with my forefinger.

"Bella, I'm honored that you came to me," I said. "I wish I had more answers to make the hurt go away … just seeing you this way breaks my heart. But I want you to know that, even though Alice is leaving, _I_ will always be here. I know that it isn't the same, but … I hope that it is some comfort to you?"

She drew in a shuddering breath before chuckling lowly.

"Yes, Edward," she admitted. "That is a greater comfort than you can possibly know."

She reached up and twined our fingers, squeezing gently as she did. She looked up at me with a tiny smile playing on her lips.

"I just don't know what to say to her," she murmured.

"Sure you do," I said, gently touching her cheek. "You have so many questions; surely you want answers."

Bella's eyes conveyed both fear and determination. She pulled her bottom lip between her teeth and began to worry it.

"I'll just let Mother know that we'll be dining at your house tonight," I said. "I'm sure she wouldn't mind letting Esme know."

Bella's eyes flew open and she smiled at me.

"You'll come with me?" she asked happily.

"Of course," I said with a laugh. "Did you think I would leave you to walk home on your own?"

"Oh, well no … I meant … I thought perhaps …"

"Bella, I will come with you to talk to Alice," I said, leaning closer to her. "But you should be the one to speak with her. She needs to see you as I do."

"And how is that?" she asked, her eyes squinting slightly as she looked at me.

"As an intelligent, level-headed woman who knows her own mind. I think that Alice has seen you as her baby sister for so long that she has missed how much you have changed in the past months. It's time you made her see that."

"You think she should have trusted me enough to tell me about this decision," she said quietly.

"I am … interested in her reasons for keeping it from you and believe that she owes you an explanation."

"Very diplomatic, Edward." Her lips were raised in an amused smirk.

"I believe she should have told you, love," I said after a pause, "but it isn't my place to say why she thought it best to keep it a secret. I think if you ask her yourself it will go a long way toward making her see how important her trust is to you."

She smiled and leaned her forehead against mine.

"I will be glad to have you by my side," she said softly.

"There is no place I would rather be."

When her lips met mine, it surprised me; I hadn't expected her to kiss me. I sensed all of the sadness she had felt throughout the day building as her lips moved softly against mine. When I pulled her gently to me, she clutched her arms around neck desperately, pulling my face closer to hers. She pulled away shakily and laughed.

"Sorry," she whispered. "I just missed you."

I closed my eyes again and chuckled as I brushed kisses against her forehead and cheeks.

"You don't _ever_ have to be sorry for kissing me, Bella."

* * *

Mother had been infinitely happy to see Bella walk of her own volition out of the sitting room. She had been sitting, knitting nervously in the room opposite, though she made a show of not paying attention when we did walk out of the room. She rang Esme to let her know that I would be walking Bella home and inquire whether I might impose and stay for dinner. Naturally, Esme was agreeable. Mother nodded her head at me and turned back toward the phone.

Bella walked slowly next to me, her arm threaded through mine and her bottom lip trapped between her teeth.

"What are you thinking about?" I asked, realizing almost immediately how inane the question was.

She angled her head to the side as a strange smile crossed her lips.

"I was thinking about my childhood," she replied.

"Oh," I exclaimed, surprised. "May I ask what about?"

Bella's childhood was mostly a mystery to me. She didn't like to speak of it often, so I grasped at every opportunity I could to glean any information from her. It seemed she was remembering something happy, but I was infinitely curious about what memory flitted through her mind at the moment.

"Alice and I used to make up stories when we were younger," she said quietly. "After Mother would turn out the lights and we were supposed to be sleeping, we'd tell each other made-up bedtime stories. When I was old enough, I would read reams of fairy tales and try to memorize them so I could impress Alice with my storytelling. Alice never did that. She'd look for hours at pictures and then make us stories about the pictures.

"I tried it once. I looked for hours upon hours at a picture of a French castle. I came up with a tale about two sisters who lived in the castle and met all manner of fairy folk in the garden behind the walls. When I told it to Alice, she said it was the best story I'd ever told. It made me ever so proud to have impressed her."

I smiled, thinking of a younger Bella and Alice huddling under the covers and exchanging tall tales. It made me sorry to have been an only child.

"Anyway, I was just remembering Alice telling me once that she would go one day to find my castle. It occurred to me that she might actually be able to do that now."

I rubbed the fingers of her hand with mine when she smiled at me.

"I'm not angry with Alice for leaving," she said. "I'm sad, of course, but I don't begrudge her the adventure."

"I didn't think that you did."

"It's just that everything has happened so suddenly. I felt I had finally made peace with the fact that Alice would be marrying soon and leaving the house … I had even begun to look forward to it, knowing how happy it would make her. Now, I realize I had been preparing myself for the wrong future."

"It will only take some getting used to," I said. "It isn't as though Alice will be gone forever; she seems rather intent on returning to Jasper and to you."

"Yes," Bella said with a sigh. "Change has never been easy for me, Edward."

I snickered, covering my mouth to hide it. When I looked over at Bella I saw that she was smiling as well.

"I had noticed that, Bella," I said after a moment.

She brought her hand up and lightly smacked my arm, gasping in surprise at herself when she did. I smiled widely at her until she laughed at herself.

"You should tell Alice what you just told me," I said after a moment. "It would be good for her to hear that you had accepted what you thought her plans would be. She must know that you wouldn't have guessed _this_ plan."

"True," she said squeezing my arm. "I hope she isn't very angry at me for running out."

"I don't think she will be," I said with a smile. "She did send me back to you."

"What?" Bella gasped.

"Jasper and I had lunch and went to pick up your lilacs," I explained. "Alice was in the garden when we got back. I think she will be happy to see you."

"She sent you?" she asked quietly.

I nodded and she walked quietly by my side for several moments before speaking again.

"Did you know?" she asked.

I stopped and turned toward her.

"She only said that you would welcome my company," I explained. "Alice looked troubled, so I was concerned, but …"

"So you didn't know … before?"

"No!" I exclaimed, taking her by both shoulders. "You can't think that if I knew I would have kept it from you."

"I … I didn't think so, but I had to ask."

I took a deep breath, calming myself.

"I'm glad you asked," I said finally, turning and letting her take my arm again. I didn't want her to think I was angry at her for asking, but I wanted her to understand why it was unnecessary. "But you needn't have asked," I continued, facing away from her. "No matter what Bella, I am on your side. I won't keep anything from you and I won't lie to you. It's … it's just not my way."

She was quiet for a while. I felt as though I could hear her working through my words as we walked.

"I didn't think you knew," she said, her voice quiet as she spoke. "I sometimes feel as though my sister and Aunt treat me like a child because they do not think me strong enough to handle the truth. I'm glad that you think differently."

"I think you are incredibly strong, Bella," I replied. "And I believe that Esme thinks so as well. If I were asked to guess, I would wager that the decision to hold this back from you was Alice's; Esme would be loathe to go against her wishes."

"You are probably right," she agreed, sighing.

We walked in silence the rest of the way, her fingers tightening around my arm as we got closer to the Cullen's home. When we were mere feet away from the steps, she pulled on my arm to stop me.

"I don't know if I can do this," she admitted. "It isn't that I don't want to know, I'm just worried that my emotions will get the better of me. I don't want to ruin Alice's happiness with my sadness."

"Alice will understand your sadness," I replied, touching her cheek. "It would be odd if you weren't sad at the prospect of being separated from your sister. But she needs to hear your concerns and your questions, Bella. She can't simply go to France thinking you ran away because she was leaving. She has to know that she hurt you by hiding this from you."

She leaned her face against my hand for a moment before nodding.

"Yes. You're right."

"I'll be by your side as I promised," I said.

When we entered the house, Alice was waiting for us. I looked around, half expecting Jasper to still be there, but he was nowhere in sight. Bella saw Alice who had stood upon our entrance, opening her arms to her sister. Bella walked over and pulled Alice to her, hugging her tightly as I heard her sob softly.

"I'm sorry I ran away," Bella said quietly, "but I needed some time. Alice, I have some questions."

Alice picked her head up with a small smile on her face.

"Well … let's hope I have some answers for you, Sissy."

The two girls walked arm in arm down the hallway. I hesitated in the doorway for a moment, unsure if I ought to intrude on their moment despite my promise to stay by Bella's side. Bella looked back over her shoulder and smiled at me. Alice looked back as well and smirked.

"Come on then," she said with a smile. "I expect Bella wants you to be a part of this."

* * *

Their talk went better than I had expected. Both of them shed tears, but both of them said their piece. For my part, I was silent, only lending my hand to Bella when she reached for it. After they had talked through what had happened, Bella pulled me out to the garden before dinner.

We walked over to the garden shed and Bella stopped and smiled at the collection of plants on the wooden bench. When I wound my arms around her waist, she leaned back against me immediately, nuzzling against my neck with her forehead.

"You were right, you know?" she murmured, her hands finding my fingers. "The pain isn't gone, but I feel lighter having spoken to her."

"I think she understands now why you were so upset," I said. "And I don't think she is likely to make the same mistake again."

"No," Bella said sadly. "Probably not."

"The time will fly," I whispered. "Before you know it, she will be back."

"Oh, I know," she said. "But it'll never be the same, you know? She'll go away and I'll learn to live without our nightly talks. And when she returns, who knows what her life will be filled with … or what mine will hold?"

Warmth spread through my body at the suggestion behind her words. Alice would likely be overseas for at least two years, perhaps more. What would the future hold for Bella in two years time? It was a long time … would we be married then, or at least planning for a marriage? I hoped so, but who could tell?

I had hopes that Bella would agree to some higher schooling, though she had made no mention of those plans herself. I couldn't imagine that she had ever been encouraged toward that type of goal by her mother, but I happened to know firsthand how bright she was. She could make a fine writer if she ever let herself believe in her own talent. If that was what she wanted, I would gladly wait for her.

"In the meantime," I murmured, my lips brushing her temple, "I shall have to do my utmost to distract you."

I had been unable to keep the desire out of my voice when I spoke to her. She shivered at my touch and the tone of my voice.

"I cannot think of anyone more qualified for the job," she whispered, turning swiftly in my arms.

When my lips found hers, we moved together slowly at first, eager only to be near to one other. I was gentle yet persistent as I kissed her, wanting to convey so much more than my words were able to how much I wished to be a part of her life in the coming months and years.

While I never would have wished for this separation between her and Alice, I was almost happy to know that she would be relying on me even more in the near future. With her sister gone, I knew that Bella would count on me even more. Part of me was ecstatic to know that in Alice's absence, Bella would turn to me and we would grow even closer. Perhaps this made me a selfish person, but I couldn't help the feelings of happiness that coursed through me when she pulled away from me and then leaned her head against my chest familiarly.

"I feel very lucky to have you," she sighed softly. "I never would have done this tonight if it weren't for the strength you gave me."

"I don't believe that," I replied. "I did nothing but sit by your side. The strength was all yours, love; you just needed to look for it."

"Maybe so, but you made me see it. And for that I'm thankful."

I smiled against her hair and held her more tightly. There wasn't much more I could say to her and so I held her until dinner was called, reveling in the way she pulled me close to her. Though nothing had ostensibly changed during the day, I felt as though there had been a shift in our relationship. I felt more connected to her now than I had at any other point. I wondered, as she had, how the coming months would affect our lives … and our love.

* * *

**_A/N: Sorry this chapter was so long in coming. I'm submitting an outtake of ATJ to Twilighted's feature "Smut Monday" to be appearing on October 29th! So, if you want to know what my lemon-writing is like ... check it out! I submitted Em and Rose's wedding night and I will tell you that on top of some hot smut there is also a pretty big secret revealed at the end of outtake. I hope you enjoy. I'll post it over here the week after it posts on Twilighted. ;) Also, those of you who have read my story Life and Death of EAM might remember Mr. Freedman. Yes, I stole one of my own original characters. LOL_**

**_I hope you enjoyed this chapter and Edward's *ahem* rather randy thoughts. haha! Poor guy. He just wants some action. lol Again, thank you all so much for all of your support and love for this story. It means so much to me! If you wouldn't mind taking a look on my profile for a link to the Original Character Awards. At the end of the month, they are going to open up voting. I am a judge in these awards and there are a lot of great stories that have been nominated! Go give them some love! ~Jen_**


	13. Happy Birthday, Edward!

_Blue moon, you saw me standin' alone  
Without a dream in my heart, without a love of my own  
Blue moon, you knew just what I was there for  
You heard me sayin' a prayer for  
Someone I really could care for_

_And then there suddenly appeared before me  
The only one my arms will hold  
I heard somebody whisper "please adore me"  
And when I looked, the moon had turned to gold_

_**Blue Moon**__, Rodgers and Hart, 1931_

_**Disclaimer:**__ I do not own Twilight or any of the characters from the Saga. Stephenie Meyer is the owner of Twilight. No copyright infringement is intended. This work, and the original ideas presented therein, is the sole property of this author._

_My heartfelt thanks go to my betas, Belle Dean and ikss, and my pre-readers, swimom7 and bookjunkie1975. Without them, I would certainly fall on my face. ;)_

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* * *

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**BPOV**

Sunday, June 20, 1920

"I'm proud of you, you know that?"

Alice was sitting in the window seat embroidering a vest for Jasper, but she had dropped her work to her lap and sat watching me. I was worrying over my gift for Edward, turning it this way and that in front of me and trying to decide on the best way to wrap it. I looked up at her, framed in the window with the sunlight streaming around her face, and smiled.

"What a strange thing to say, Alice," I said, shaking my head. "What made you say it?"

She smiled and folded her hands in her lap.

"Look at you," she said, turning her head from side to side. "You've grown so much in the past months, Bella."

"You sound like Aunt Esme," I said, blushing.

She hopped off of the window seat and walked over to the table where I was working. It was still strange seeing her with her new hair cut. She'd gone with Aunt Esme and Rosalie to get the short, pageboy cut that was so popular of late. They offered to take me, but I declined. I rather liked being able to wear my hair up or down and didn't think the short cut was terribly attractive either. Though, I had to admit, Alice looked wonderful. Secretly, I worried that Edward wouldn't find it as attractive, but I didn't say that out loud. I liked when his fingers ran through the strands of my hair far too much to think about cutting it all off.

"Do I get to see it before you give it to him?" she asked.

I smiled and closed my eyes.

"No. As I told you the last twenty times you asked, this is for Edward's eyes only."

"Mmm, and I wonder what delights it holds for him," she murmured, walking around the table until she stood behind me. "What treasures did you tuck inside for _his eyes only_?"

My cheeks burned at the innuendo behind her words. There was nothing I need be ashamed about in my gift to Edward, but Alice made me feel self-conscious. Besides, there was very little here she would understand. Truly, it was meant for him. _He_ would certainly understand.

"Alice, really. This present took a lot of time and effort for me to make. I want it to be special for him."

"And I'm sure it will be, Sissy. I just think it's darling that you want to save it only for him."

There, again, I thought I heard the devilish undertone of her voice suggesting so much more than her mere words implied. _Or was it there at all?_ With the way my mind had taken to fancy, particularly about Edward, I was possible that I was imagining her suggestions.

My fingers played with the edges of the leather bound book lying in front of me. The cover was simple, with just Edward's name written in my plain script on a nameplate. Inside, I had filled the first several pages with pictures, souvenirs, and my own thoughts about the months during which he had courted me. I had left most of the book blank for him to fill it with his own writing and treasures, but I wanted to give him _something_ that I had made for him. He was constantly asking for my thoughts … and so I had gathered them for him here. I hoped again that they would not be found lacking.

Alice sat down across from me and reached over to me. I pushed the book aside and took her hands with a smile.

"I'm just teasing you, Sissy. I think it's wonderful that you've made Edward something special that is only for him."

"I know," I said, nodding my head. She and I had had many long talks since she had told me about going to Paris. Our relationship was easier now, more natural. I didn't feel on guard around her any longer, nor did I feel as though she didn't value my opinion. She had trusted me with many things of late and I felt proud of how our relationship had grown. Proud, and a little sad that it would again change in just a couple months.

"When will you give it to him?" she asked.

"This afternoon," I replied. "He wants to take me to the zoo, but he'll come here first. I'll give it to him when he arrives."

"The zoo will be lovely at this time of year," Alice said. "Jasper took me a few Sundays ago."

"What was your favorite animal?" I asked with a smile.

"The elks!" she exclaimed, clapping her hands like a child. "They were bigger than you can imagine, but so graceful! They were just stunning. I wanted to draw them…"

"Why didn't you?"

"I didn't have paper," she said. "Maybe I'll go back before I leave."

"We can go together," I offered and she squeezed my hand.

"That would be lovely. What are you looking forward to seeing?"

"Edward told me the big cats were fascinating," I said. "He said that the lion was his favorite."

"Oh, yes, he is quite lovely," Alice agreed. "I hope that it won't be too hot for him by the afternoon. They are great, lazy beasts in the heat."

She giggled, and told me how she and Jasper had sat, waiting for the lion to move, for over an hour.

"He never did move," she said, giggling. "But … Jasper did get rather handsy while we waited."

She winked at me and I, naturally, blushed.

"H-handsy?" I asked, innocently trying to hide the increasing blush as I thought of Edward's hands … and where I'd like them to be.

"Oh, don't play coy, Bella. I know that you and Edward do more than hold hands."

"Yes, but I don't understand what you mean by 'handsy.'"

"You do, you just like to play innocent," Alice said with a smirk and a squeeze of the hand. "That's okay, Sissy. I see the way you look at each other. Maybe I'll hope that the lion is sleepy for you, as well …"

Her voice trailed off playfully and my heart rate sped. Alice left me alone, fiddling with the book on the table and thinking about Edward's hands. His beautiful, long-fingered hands. Lord, I was turning into a wanton.

I wrapped the book in white fabric and tied it with a deep blue ribbon. It looked … small. I frowned as I looked at it. He had given me so much and this seemed so tiny in comparison to the ways he had shown his affection for me. I hoped it wasn't silly. I sighed, fiddling with the bow, and then picked up to bring it with me downstairs. Edward would arrive soon; I wanted to wait for him in the solarium.

Aunt Esme was sitting by the window when I walked into the room. She smiled and waved me over to her and I came to sit by her side.

"Edward will be here soon, I take it?" she asked, looking at the gift and then back up at me.

"Yes," I said. "I'd hoped to give this to him before we went to the zoo."

"That's a lovely idea," she said. "I'll leave you two alone when he gets here. Won't you join me until then?"

I nodded and sat down beside her in one of the chairs facing out to the garden. It was a lovely day, warm and with very little wind. I could just see the lilacs that Edward had planted for me, their lush green leaves almost glowing in the sunshine. They made me smile, thinking of the work he'd put into planting and arranging them for me.

"Did Alice pick out your dress?" Aunt Esme asked.

"Oh!" I exclaimed, picking at the light yellow fabric that hung loosely on me. The sleeves were much shorter than anything I'd usually wear and I ran my fingers along my arms. The thin yellow and white skirt only came to mid-calf. "No, actually … I picked it out. Is it too short?"

"It looks lovely, darling," she said, reaching over and taking my hand. "You should wear yellow more often; it flatters your coloring beautifully."

I had been uncomfortably warm the past few days in my woolen skirts and long sleeved shirts. Alice had taken to wearing pants and short sleeved shirts, and while I wasn't comfortable with that, I thought I could relent and wear thinner, shorter dresses. It didn't escape my thoughts that with shorter sleeves and skirts, more of my skin would be exposed to Edward's touch. I shivered at the thought, blushing when Aunt Esme smiled knowingly.

"You and Alice seem to have reached an understanding about Paris," Aunt Esme began hesitantly.

"As I said to Alice, it wasn't the thought of her leaving that troubled me," I replied quietly. "I felt betrayed when she withheld it from me."

"And you must have felt that I betrayed you as well," she continued.

I turned to look at her and saw sadness in her face. Squeezing her hand, I shook my head.

"I understand now that Alice asked you to keep it from me," I said, my voice thick. This was still very difficult for me to speak of without emotion.

"I have a responsibility, Bella. I could have persuaded Alice to tell you; I'm as much to blame as she is."

I hung my head and nodded.

"Why didn't you?" I asked, my brow furrowed in concentration.

"I don't rightly know, my sweet. I'd like to say that it was a simple matter of following Alice's wishes, but I must have _both_ my girls' interests in mind when I make decisions. Would you accept that I made a mistake born of raising only one son?"

I smiled and nodded.

"I'm not angry any longer, Aunt Esme."

"I know, dear, but I am angry with myself. I didn't give you the credit you deserved. I'm sincerely glad that you have found someone who is willing to make you see your own worth, even when those who ought to make you see it, forget to."

"You mean Edward," I said with a smile. "Yes, he seems to always see the best in me."

"You make it easy on him," she said, squeezing my hand.

From behind us, we heard the deep sound of a man clearing his throat. My skin prickled with excitement as I turned around to see Edward standing watching us. I stood up and smoothed out the easily wrinkled fabric of my summer dress, tucking Edward's present under my arm and folding my other arm around myself, still somewhat unused to how exposed this style of dress left me.

"I'll leave you two," Aunt Esme said, folding up her newspaper and carrying her tea up with her. She reached up and gave Edward a kiss on the cheek as she passed him, whispering Happy Birthday to him.

Edward never took his eyes off of me. I saw a flush of color rising on his skin as he watched me, his eyes widening as he took in my entire frame.

"Happy Birthday, Edward," I said, once Aunt Esme pulled the door to the solarium closed behind her.

"Indeed it will be," he said, walking toward me slowly, his eyes pinning me in a way that sent delightful chills down my spine. "Lovely dress, Bella."

His voice was a purr in my ear as he kissed my cheek softly. Gently, his fingers trailed up my arm and over my shoulder blade. I suddenly didn't feel as though I was wearing a thin, cotton dress; I felt overly warm, heat spreading through my body. I stepped back and away from him, my face red and my heart racing.

"Do you like it?" I asked softly, smoothing my hand over the skirt again.

"Like doesn't _quite_ capture the feeling," he said with a chuckle. "It's new, yes?"

There was a twinkle in his eye as though he were telling a joke. I looked down self-consciously, but his finger was on my chin in a second, tilting my head back up to look at him.

"I didn't mean to offend," he said, his finger trailing down my neck and coming to rest on my shoulder. "But it _is_ a rather different look for you. I wondered if you picked it out yourself or if you had help."

"I picked it out," I said. "Rose took me for summer things and I picked out three new dresses. Alice was … quite impressed, actually."

I chuckled and fingered the package I was holding awkwardly behind my back.

"Of course," I continued nervously, "she would like to see me in man-pants and shirtsleeves, but this is progress, I guess."

"Well, I like the progress very much, love," he said, stepping forward and again running his fingers over my exposed skin.

Heat traveled with his fingertips over my elbow and down my arm. He had distracted me so thoroughly that I let out a surprised yelp when he reached my hand and snatched the gift out of my hand with a triumphant exclamation.

"Edward!" I cried, reaching out my hands to grab at the gift which he held just out of my reach. "Really! You're being such a child!"

He pouted, but still held the gift aloft.

"You've been so secretive these past few weeks," he said, his eyes pleading with me. "I've been so excited to see what you had up your sleeves."

He reached out with his hand and touched my bare arm again.

"Or, rather, lack thereof," he continued with a devilish grin.

I crossed my arms in front of me and tried to keep from smiling back at him. He made it terribly difficult, but I managed to contain myself. He slowly lowered the gift and held it in front of him.

"I wanted to give it to you," I said, my voice sounding just at petulant as Edward had looked.

"Have I stolen your fun then?" he asked, still smirking.

My mouth opened and closed, trying to find a response. Truthfully, I was just nervous about him looking at it and I wanted to delay. I was the one being a child.

"Fine. Have your way then and open it."

I waved my hands in the air the way Alice would to show that I was done arguing. Edward threw his head back and laughed at me. Despite my nervousness, his laughter was contagious and I began giggling with him.

"Come, Bella," he said, holding out his hand. "Sit with me for a moment?"

I took his hand with a smile and followed him over to the piano bench, back to where I felt everything between us had really begun. I felt happiness spreading through my body at the thought.

"It isn't much," I murmured as he ran his hands over the package. "I just hope you enjoy it as much I enjoyed making it for you."

"You made this for me?" he asked quietly.

I nodded nervously.

"Then I will love it, regardless of what is under the wrapping."

His fingers made quick work of the bow, and like a child, he began pulling immediately at the fabric to release the book from its binding. Soon, the wrappings lay on the ground and the rich black leather book lay in Edward's lap. His hands rested gently on the cover, following the careful letters I had written there. My script was plain, but I had attempted to add some embellishments to his name to make it look special. As I watched him tracing the letters, I worried that I had done too much and made it look cheap.

"You have a lovely hand," he said, continuing the trace the letters.

My cheeks burned, remembering my inappropriate thoughts from earlier and choking on my internal reply of, _you do as well_.

"May I open it?" he asked.

"Of course. It's yours, Edward."

He licked his fingers absently before reaching for the cover of the book and turning it back. There on the first page was a sepia colored picture of him and me holding each other at Kate's coming of age party. A sigh escaped his lips and he ran his fingers lightly over the image with a smile.

"Oh, Bella … this is perfect," he whispered, looking up from the book.

"But you've only just seen the first page," I said with laugh.

"If the rest of the pages are filled with memories as pleasant as this, it will be the best gift I have ever been given."

He closed the cover and reached out to me. My body seemed to gravitate toward him and I was in his arms, my head resting on his shoulder, in an instant.

"I would like to spend time looking over the book, but I don't want to miss out on the zoo. Might I look through it later?"

"Of course," I said, reaching up and playing with the buttons on his summer shirt. "We can look through it this evening when we get back if you'd like."

"That would be lovely." He kissed my forehead. "Perhaps on the porch?"

I heard the hopefulness in his voice and couldn't stop myself from chuckling. Edward enjoyed the privacy we were afforded in the garden, and if I were honest, I enjoyed it as well.

"Perhaps," I whispered.

* * *

"Ooh!" I exclaimed. "Alice told me about the elks! I never imagined they would be that big!"

The male had great, fuzzy antlers that made him monstrous in size. He dwarfed Edward who I thought of as extremely tall. Edward kept his hand on my back as we walked lazily among the flowering displays and trees. We darted in and out of the shade, laughing as we went.

"Have you never been to a zoo before?" Edward asked as he paid for a large bag of roasted peanuts.

"No," I admitted. "Mother didn't enjoy animals very much."

"But you do," he said with surety.

"I do," I said. "I always wanted a dog or a cat as a child, but Mother said it was a frivolous waste of money. I didn't think it would be _that_ much extra money, but I knew that Mother didn't want the burden of having to care for and clean up after an animal, so I didn't beg."

Edward didn't reply; he just led us over toward a hill where we could sit and talk in the warm sun.

"Over there is the lion's exhibit," he said as he spread a blanket on the ground and gestured for me to sit. "I thought we could share a snack and wait for him."

My traitorous blush gave me away. I couldn't help but think of Alice's words from earlier and how Jasper had gotten 'handsy' with her. It made my stomach jump excitedly at the thought and I hoped that Edward wouldn't notice. I should have known better, of course.

"Have you taken too much sun, Bella?" he asked, running a finger along my cheek and making me feel impossibly warmer.

"No, why?" I asked as I spread my skirts out around me.

"You got suddenly red and I highly doubt there is anything embarrassing about the lions," he said with a wink.

I couldn't help the loud laugh that escaped my mouth at his words.

"Oh, now you must tell me what is funny _and_ embarrassing," he pleaded.

"It's nothing," I said, shaking my head. "Silliness among sisters; nothing more."

"Now I am nervous," he said with a laugh. "You and Alice can be dangerous."

He teased me for some time while we ate our peanuts. I didn't give into his teasing, but we did manage to move closer to each other as we sat until his head was only inches from my lap. I looked around at the people who had gathered around us. There were many other couples as well as young children running around their parents. Near us, a young married couple sat with the husband's head cradled in his wife's lap as she ran her fingers through his hair. A stirring of desire so strong it nearly made me cry out ran through me. I wanted to hold Edward in such a way, letting all of the young, single girls who walked by us know that he was mine.

Naturally their eyes lingered on him and I couldn't blame them. He was impressive beyond measure and I felt lucky to have his company. But selfishly, I wanted to be able to stake my claim on him as publicly as the young wife had done across from me. It was silly and I chided myself for wanting something that I could not have at this time in my life. Yet Edward made me want it all.

"We mustn't eat all of them," I scolded as Edward popped another peanut in his mouth. "I've read that the elephant does tricks for them."

"And what type of tricks to you think he'll do for you?" he asked, cracking open a peanut and holding it up to my mouth.

Suddenly, the mood around us changed from light and bantering to being charged with energy. He was leaning on one elbow and looking up at me through his lashes. There was nothing in his gesture other than playfulness, but the minute his fingers paused in front of my mouth, the laughter died from both of our throats. It was as though an aura of desire surrounded us as his fingers hovered in front of my lips.

I was torn between knowing that we were in a public place and wanting to feel his fingers on my lips. Our eyes remained locked with each other as his fingers traveled closer to my face. Just as I was opening my mouth to take the offered nut, a young boy of perhaps three cut through our bubble of imagined privacy.

"Momma, look! The lion's moving!"

His excited squeal startled Edward so that he dropped the peanut into my lap. Both of our eyes turned to look as the great, majestic beast rolled from his side onto his back in the sun. The gathered spectators gasped in pleasure, clapping and laughing as the huge cat wriggled in the grass.

"What's he doing?" I asked, delighted with his display.

"Probably has an itch," Edward said lazily, sitting up and shaking his hair out of his eyes, "the great, mangy beast," he muttered under his breath.

"But I thought you loved the big cats." I poked him with my elbow as I teased him.

"Theoretically, yes, I like them. Technically? I dislike anything that interrupts my time with you."

He sent shivers through my body with just his words. So possessive, and yet … not overbearing. I thought again about how strange this relationship had felt when first it began; and how natural it felt to me now.

"What are your plans for the summer?" he asked, leaning back down on the blanket and looking up at me. "Aside from writing."

He smiled when I rolled my eyes. He knew that I wrote every night, but I stubbornly refused to let him see anything I had written. I didn't want to let on that some of my writing had been included in his gift.

"I had been meaning to tell you," I said, reaching over and touching his forearm. It was exposed to me as he had rolled up his sleeves in the heat and I delighted in the way the red-gold hairs rose at my touch. "Rose has asked for my help during the summer months. She's finding it difficult to move around and keep up with the heavier chores. When she asked, I was more than happy to agree. I want to get to know her better and this seems like a fabulous excuse."

Rose was in excellent condition and her growing belly barely showed. I suspected that Alice's imminent departure from my life played more of a role in Rose's request than anything, but whatever the reason, I was more than happy to help her. She was my sister, if not in name then in spirit, and I wished to become closer to her. Time spent over chores during the day would be the perfect way to accomplish that.

"That's wonderful," Edward said, rolling over toward me so that he could see me better. "You and Rose will be good for each other. Jasper has mentioned that she is getting a bit frustrated with her limitations. If you can alleviate some of those, she will undoubtedly be in your debt."

"I'm just happy that she thought of me."

"You'll … still be living with the Cullens, though," Edward said tentatively.

"Yes, of course. I'll be visiting with Rose between three and four days a week, depending on what she's in need of, but I'll be home for dinner with Aunt Esme and Uncle Carlisle each night."

He smiled and reached for my hand.

"Not to worry, Edward," I said lowly, leaning toward him. "Your time with me shall not be interrupted."

His eyes crinkled into happy triangles and he brought my hand to his lips.

"Yes, because you are aware of my feelings on interruptions," he whispered, his breath tickling my sensitive skin. "Shall we move on? I know you were eager to see the elephant."

I didn't want to get up and move away from the heat of Edward's body, but the childlike wonder in me at the mention of elephant could not be contained. After gathering up the last of the nuts into the bag and folding the blanket, we were off, strolling down the walkways toward the elephant pen.

* * *

"Dinner was fantastic, Esme," Edward said, sitting back from the table.

His parents had surprised us by meeting us at Aunt Esme and Uncle Carlisle's house so that we could share a special meal for Edward's birthday. I sensed Edward's surprise and perhaps disappointment when he saw his parents; I knew he was thinking about his gift and the time I had promised him on the porch.

"Nineteen years old," Mr. Masen exclaimed for perhaps the fifth time that I had heard. "How is it my boy has turned into an old man?"

"Father, really. I am only a day older than I was yesterday," Edward said, a blush rising on his cheeks.

"True enough, my boy, true enough. Have you told the Cullens your good news yet?" he asked excitedly.

Edward smoothed his napkin on his lap and his eyes darted over to me. Something in his eyes worried me and I clutched at my skirt tighter. Whatever would he be telling me that would cause him to look at me in such a way?

"I haven't," Edward said quietly.

"Well, tell us, dear boy!" Aunt Esme exclaimed.

"Don't keep us in suspense!" Uncle Carlisle added.

"It's nothing, really. I've just been accepted as a paid intern at father's office for the coming term. It will mean some extra money and some excellent experience."

My fingers loosened. This was news I had heard. But it still didn't explain Edward's pensive look earlier. I wondered about that and what he had been thinking at that moment. I stored it away to ask him later.

Congratulations and toasts were offered around the table and the mood was quite festive. When Aunt Esme brought out the cake that Alice and I had made, everyone ooh'd and ahh'd over the orange flavored cake with raspberry cream filling. I thought that dinner would never end and I longed to be alone with Edward so that I might ask him about his strange look.

The Masens didn't attempt to ask Edward to come home with them; Mrs. Masen gave me a small smile as she bid Aunt Esme and Uncle Carlisle goodbye and then walked over to me.

"Don't let him keep you too late, dear," she whispered with a tight hug.

I loved Mrs. Masen dearly for her quiet ways. She was softer in her independence than Aunt Esme, though no less strong. I found I could relate to her even better than Aunt Esme. I remembered how I had worried so at that first dance whether or not she would ever approve of me. I found her gentle acceptance of Edward's choice so reassuring.

Alice led Aunt Esme and Uncle Carlisle out of the foyer, pleading with them to play Parcheesi with her. She shot a smile and a wink at me as she left us alone and I mouthed the words "thank you" to her as she departed.

"That wasn't so difficult, was it?" I asked playfully, as Edward wound his arm around my waist and led me toward the solarium.

"Insufferable," he murmured into my ear. "I want to see my book!"

"Patience isn't a strong suit of yours, is it?" I ask.

"Never has been," he admitted, swiping his book from where he'd left it in the solarium and guiding me toward the door.

Once we were sitting on the porch swing, Edward slung his arm around me and opened the book on his lap, pausing over the first picture again.

"You look different," he said, running his fingers over my profile. "Almost … scared."

"I was," I said without hesitation, bringing my fingers to rest near his. "I was more frightened that night than I can explain to you."

"Why?"

"I felt myself falling for you and still believed it impossible for you to return those feelings."

He brought his hand over to my face and traced the line of my jaw.

"You don't feel that way now, do you?"

"No," I replied with a smile. "I'm quite sure you're smitten."

He chuckled and then kissed my forehead.

"Indeed I am."

He looked back at the book and turned the page. On the next page, I had affixed a few tickets stubs that I had saved from Edward and my first outings. Among them were the tickets from the Conservatory. He smiled as he looked over them and then tilted his head to the side as he realized I had written next to a few of them.

"Ah," he said softly.

I remembered exactly what I had written next to each one. Little memories I had of the places we had gone and the things he had shown me. Next to the tickets from the conservatory, I had only written two words: first kiss. My body was electrified with his touch and closeness as he leaned over the book and drank in the words. He flipped through the book more quickly now, reading the words I had written, murmuring responses to questions I had asked him in my writing. I felt myself relax as he read, reveling in his enjoyment of my gift.

When he flipped the last page over and found a blank page, his brow furrowed and he flipped rapidly through the rest of the book.

"Where is the rest?" he asked.

"That's for you to fill in," I said gently. "I've started it for you, but I thought you might enjoy keeping track of the important things that happen in your life … and ours."

I blushed and looked down.

"Everything important in my life seems to revolve around you, love," he said softly and kissed my temple.

I pulled away more quickly than I had intended, having remembered that I wanted to ask him something. He looked at me with surprise written on his face.

"I'm sorry. I had forgotten I wanted to ask you something," I explained distractedly. "When your father mentioned your internship with him … you looked at me as though you were troubled. Why was that?"

He closed the book, setting it carefully on the table in front of us and then leaned back against the swing, opening his arms to me. It was an invitation I could not resist. I curled my legs under me and leaned my head against his chest, breathing him in and smiling at the feel of his warmth against my face.

"I wasn't troubled," he said, his voice rumbling in his chest as he spoke, "but it made me think of things that have troubled me over the past several weeks."

I pushed myself up and looked at him.

"Tell me what's troubling you," I said. "Maybe I can help."

He smiled and smoothed my hair down as I settled myself against his chest again.

"Did I ever tell you when my father married my mother?"

"No, I can't recall that you have," I said, somewhat surprised by the line of his thoughts.

"He was nineteen," he said softly.

My fingers froze where they lay on his chest as I weighed his words.

"And … you were thinking about marriage, Edward?"

My own voice sounded both excited and tense. What would I say if he asked me tonight? _Who was I kidding? I'd say yes before he could get the words out._

"I was thinking about how unprepared I am for it," he said, "and how much I wished that I _could_ be ready for it."

I nestled more comfortably against him, understanding his worry now. My fingers began playing with the buttons of his shirt again.

"Are you upset that it will be a while, love?" he asked gently. "With school, I can't expect to have enough to support us for at least another two years."

"That's even sooner than I expected," I admitted.

Edward's chuckle vibrated beneath my ear and he pulled me closer.

"Always my practical girl," he said, kissing my hair. "You will keep me grounded, won't you, Bella?"

"As long as you'll let me," I replied, smiling up at him.

"There was something else I had been thinking of," he said quietly, rubbing circles on my arm. "I don't know if you've even considered it, but there are some wonderful schools now which have excellent literature programs for women."

"For women?" I asked. "You mean, for me? You'd like me to go to school?"

"I would love you to pursue your passions and study literature, but only if it is something you desire. It would put off _our_ future some, but that is something I could be infinitely patient about."

"I hadn't ever dreamed of pursuing any type of higher degree. Mother never even encouraged us to finish out high school."

"But you love school, do you not?"

"I love learning and reading and I am so grateful to Aunt Esme and Uncle Carlisle that they indulge my love of reading with new books … but university? Where would I go?"

"You could go to Mt. Holy Oak or Vassar … there are many options now that weren't there even a few years ago."

He sounded so excited, so full of possibility. Truly, I loved to write and to study good literature. But, the thought of being separated from my new family – from Edward – by hundreds of miles, saddened me to no end.

"I can't leave Chicago, Edward," I said softly. "I'm not Alice and any enjoyment I would take from my studies would be lost in homesickness for … everything I would leave behind."

He lifted me up so that I was looking directly in his eyes.

"My beautiful girl," he said reverently, "as though I would ever let you go alone."

His lips crashed into mine and my fingers crept up his cheeks until they were wound in his hair. There was nothing gentle in his kiss; it was passionate and full of promise. I found my body itching to be closer to him, to cover him and let him know that I would never leave him.

I pulled away from him, panting and he rested his head against my forehead.

"I wasn't asking you to leave me, Bella, or any of your family for that matter. I wanted to put the idea in your head. If you choose to go, I will follow you anywhere if it is your wish. And I'll wait for you as long as is necessary."

I placed my heavy head over his thundering heart and let him whisper sweet nothings in my ear as he swung us to and fro. All the while, my head was filled with a new set of possibilities as I considered a life with both of my loves: Edward and writing.

* * *

_**A/N:**__ If you're interested about Rose's "growing belly" and what that might mean … check out the outtake I posted to my profile: ATJ outtakes and sidetakes. It should explain any confusion. ;) I realize this was a somewhat shorter chapter than usual. It was a little bit of fluff that bridges us to the next stage of the story, with Alice leaving and Bella really growing up. Edward's given her a lot to think about. What do you think she'll do? Do you see her going away to school or will her traditional values and stigmas hold her back from pursuing any future in writing? Let me know what you think! Thank you all so much for continuing to read! ~Jen _


	14. Making Tracks to New York

_Perdido, my heart ever since is Perdido_

_I know I must go to Torito_

_To find what I lost perdido_

_High was the sun when I held him close_

_Low was the moon when we said adios_

_Perdido, goodnight perdido_

_I lost perdido._

_**Perdido, **__Duke Ellington and Charles Mingus, 1941_

_**Disclaimer:**__I do not own Twilight or any of the characters from the Saga. Stephenie Meyer is the owner of Twilight. No copyright infringement is intended. This work, and the original ideas presented therein, is the sole property of this author._

_Thanks again go to Belle Dean, ikss, swimom7, and bookjunkie1975. They make my words pretty and my grammar banging. ;)_

* * *

**BPOV**

_Wednesday August 4, 1920_

"Have you finished with the china, Bella? I thought we could have a light lunch together."

Rose's voice pulled me out of my brooding thoughts and I realized I had been polishing the same piece of flatware for the past five minutes. I put the spoon down hard into the drawer, causing the neat stack to topple. I looked at the once perfect stack of spoons and they swam before my eyes. Ruined.

I felt the soft bulge of Rose's stomach press against my back as she came up behind me and put her hands on my shoulder. Her gentle touch only made the reluctant tears fall faster and harder.

"When does she leave, baby?" Rose asked, leaning her head on my shoulder.

"Friday, a week. On the thir-thirteenth."

I stuttered as I spoke. I never stuttered and it made me angry just to hear it. Alice wouldn't like all of this fussing I was doing over her leaving. She'd wave her hands in the air and shake her head at me, telling me I was being foolishly morbid about the whole affair. But that was Alice. She never saw anything in life except possibility.

"Come on then. The dishes can wait. I've made soup for us and some bread."

Rose kept her arm around me as we walked through her house toward the kitchen. The surfaces of all her tables and fine things shone with the care she gave them. I was very little help to her after all, mostly company during the long days she spent alone while Emmett was at work. I stubbornly insisted on chores to do while I was there, but Rose always found only the littlest things for me to do and always found an excuse to be near me as I completed my tasks.

She was brash and sometimes crude, but she was ever so funny. I had to laugh when she would tell me stories about her and Emmett's courting days and the places that Em thought fit to take her. She smiled often and patted her belly, so content in the life she had. She made me happy just being near her.

I tried to help her get the bowls and plates for our lunch, but she shooed me over to the table and made me sit quietly while she ladled out the rich, creamy soup she had made.

"Potato is your favorite, right Bella?" she asked with a smile.

"Yes," I said, wiping my eyes with a napkin. "Yours is the best I've had, Rose."

"I'll have to give you my recipe before you and Edward get hitched. I'm sure he'll enjoy it at as well."

I looked down shyly at the mention of Edward and marriage in the same sentence. As happy as I was visiting with Rose, I still felt somewhat uncomfortable confiding in her. I knew she would never break my confidences, but … she wasn't my sister. Nothing would replace the bond that Alice and I had forged over nearly seventeen years together, no matter how kind Rose was to me.

"I would appreciate that," I said quietly. "How have you been feeling, Rose? I forgot to ask when I arrived."

"Oh, fine. The little budger sleeps like his father, that's for sure. Constantly rolling from side to side and kneeing me in all my delicate parts."

"That must be terribly uncomfortable," I remarked as she set down the soup and eased herself carefully down into one of the chairs.

She was probably about six months along now, but she managed to remain graceful even as her stomach continued to expand.

"Actually, I find it reassuring." Rose picked up her spoon and held it in the air for a moment. "If he's moving, I know he's doing okay. It's the only sign I have really."

"I hadn't thought of it like that," I said as she placed her hand fondly over her stomach.

"Bella, I wanted to speak to you about something," Rose said after a few moments had passed.

I looked up at her expectantly, wondering if she would need me to run errands with her or whether there was something in particular she was in need of.

"Have you talked with Alice about this impending move?" she asked.

"Well, yes," I said, and then frowned. "A bit. I know the vague details of her plans and where she'll be staying. Uncle Carlisle has distant relatives that she'll be living with while she attends the college."

"I meant … have you spoken to her about Jasper and what _his_ plans are regarding her leaving?"

Rose's forehead was pinched in an expression of deep thought as she contemplated her brother. I had been thinking of Jasper often as well. Alice spent every moment that she could with him in the weeks leading up to her departure, but she didn't offer much in the way of explanation when I asked how he was handling the situation.

"_Oh, Jasper handles things in his own way," Alice said as she rubbed a towel through her short hair. "He's taking it all in stride."_

"_He isn't the least bit upset with you?" I asked, sitting in my nightclothes while she finished getting ready for bed._

"_Why would he be upset with me?" she asked with a smile. "We discussed this for a long time. We've both agreed that it is in my best interest to go."_

"_What about _him_, Alice? Is it in _his_ best interest to let you go?"_

_She looked at me levelly for a moment and I realized then that it had never crossed her mind to stay. Even if Jasper had thrown a great fit and begged her to stay, she was determined to go, despite anyone's objections._

"_Jasper knows I'll come back to him," she said after a moment. "He says that's all he needs to know, after all."_

It hadn't made sense to me at the time and it still didn't make sense to me. Edward would be heartbroken at the thought of me leaving and studying even a few hundred miles away. And the thought of Edward heartbroken caused an immediate and corollary pain in my chest. I couldn't bear to leave him. An entire ocean was going to be between Alice and Jasper for nearly two years and I found it hard to believe that he was just silently accepting of this.

"Has Jasper said anything to you?" I asked, avoiding her question.

"Here and there, bits and pieces," she said, dipping the bread in and out of her soup and not eating a bite. "I'm worried about him, Bella."

"I am too," I replied, and reached my hand over to squeeze hers.

She smiled at me and nodded.

"He told me that he was happy with Alice's decision and that, in the end, it would be best for both of them. Still, there was a sadness in his eyes when he talked about it. I don't like it."

"I think Alice is sad too," I said, shrugging, "but she is also terribly excited. I don't think she can imagine _not_ going on this adventure."

Rose shook her head and laughed.

"No, I don't suppose she can. And I don't begrudge her the excitement of it either. This is the type of life that Alice is meant for. It isn't for you or I though, is it?"

She looked over at me fondly, and I felt the bonds of kinship forming with her. Rose saw me as an equal, a friend. But in the back of my head, a little voice whispered that I was thinking about going to college, at Edward's urging. Didn't that make me more like Alice? I suddenly felt worried that Rose would be disappointed. I cared for Rose and respected her opinion. Taking a deep breath, I began plucking up the courage to confide in her about the choices laid in front of me.

"Bella, you seem upset." Rose looked at me with furrowed brows. "Is something the matter?"

"Rose, may I ask you something?" I put my spoon down carefully and studied the creamy, peppered surface of the potato soup in my bowl.

"Anything, love. Anything at all."

"Edward has suggested that I might enjoy studying literature at one of the Seven Sisters. I have to admit, it's a tempting proposition that I had never considered before he mentioned it."

I looked up to see Rose smiling at me, urging me to continue. It took me off guard for a moment, because I had expected to see either disappointment or confusion on her face. I took a deep breath and laced my fingers together on my lap.

"I love writing. Ever since I could hold a pencil, writing provided me an escape like nothing else before. I thought … well, I never thought I'd ever be able to do more with writing than fill up journals. Now … there's a world of possibilities."

"It's left you confused?" Rose asked, patting my clasped hands.

"More than anything."

"Have you mentioned your confusion to Edward?" she asked.

"Certainly, but he doesn't understand," I said, shaking my head and smiling fondly as I remembered Edward's obstinate rebuttals to all of my worries. "How could he? For him, it's as easy as switching schools to be near me. But he doesn't understand …"

I paused, trying to put into words all of the numerous things that had gone through my mind since Edward had brought up the issue.

"I think I might understand," Rose said gently. I nodded for her to continue. "I never liked school, Bella. It was something I did because all girls of my age and social status did it. At the first opportunity, I left. It's a bit different for you, isn't it? You really enjoy school. It doesn't mean you love Edward any less."

"No, of course not …" I interrupted, but Rose held her hand up.

"Let me finish. You're concerned, though, because you have a vision in your head of the way it is _supposed_ to go. Edward finishes _his_ schooling, graduates with _his_ degree, and then _he_ buys you both a little house and you settle down to raise _his_ family. Do I have it right so far?"

I nodded, smiling at the thought of _his_ family. I did like that part very much.

"There's only one problem with that. You've only been thinking about him. It seems he's been thinking about both of you and maybe it's time to adjust your picture of how things are supposed to go."

"But if I do this, it will delay our wedding and I will need to leave Chicago," I said, frustrated. "I don't want either of those things. But … part of me does want to study more."

Rose grew quiet, thinking as she ate. She motioned for me to eat up and I did so. After a few moments, she dropped her spoon and looked up at me excitedly.

"What about correspondence school?" she asked, her cheeks rising with color. "A friend of mine did that after high school through a quite reputable school. You'd do all of your work and studies here, at home with your aunt and uncle … or your husband." Rose winked conspiratorially. "And you'll still get all of the benefits of an education. It's the perfect solution!"

"Correspondence school …" I said slowly, trying out the words for size. "But … when would I have the time for such things? If, as I imagine, Edward and I will be married when he is done with school, I'll still have at least two years of school left. How will I manage to keep a house and husband satisfied if I still have school work to attend to?"

"Shouldn't be difficult if the husband in question is Edward," Rose said in sing-song.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that he wants this for you," she said. "If you find a compromise that keeps you both in Chicago _and_ lets you pursue your writing, don't you think he will do everything in his power to make the dream come true for you? Besides, that's part of the appeal of correspondence school … you can go at your own pace. Take only a course at a time if you'd like."

I thought about it. I could have _everything_? College, Edward, _and_ my family? It didn't seem real.

"Why do you look so skeptical?" Rose asked.

"It seems so … easy. I guess I never dreamed that getting so much could ever be easy. I thought I would have to sacrifice something."

"Oh, honey, but you are!"

"I am? Or, I would be?"

"Naturally. You'd be sacrificing your idea of what is traditional in favor of something completely different. Do you think you're up to that?"

I frowned and looked down at my hands. My once pale white arms were turning honey brown with all of the sun I had been getting. _What would mother say of you now, little Bella?_ She'd call me a harlot, that's what she'd do. Parading around town in short sleeves and short skirts, talking and laughing loudly and in public with friends, out with a boy without a chaperone? These were the actions of a hussy … or a woman with no class.

But did I believe that anymore? Did I truly believe that my dress, or the way I laughed determined my breeding or social status? Did I think that Aunt Esme, perhaps the classiest woman I had ever met, was somehow lowbrow because she wore pants and cut her hair? Or did I think my own sister was less cultured than Lauren Mallory because she was going off on her own to Paris to follow her dream?

No. I didn't believe that at all.

"My mother was wrong," I whispered more to myself than to Rose. "Not just about some of it. She was wrong in every way imaginable. And I based my _life_ on what she taught us. But it was all … nonsense! Just words and … and … _opinions_!" I looked up and shook my head at her. "Rose, she didn't know _anything_!"

My voice had risen into a high, bell-like tenor as I became angrier. At first, I was angry with my mother, but then I realized there was more to it. I was angry at myself. I had wasted precious time with my sister that ought to have been sent in harmony; instead, I spread discord. All the time I spent arguing with her and convincing myself that she was wrong, I could have been living and learning. I didn't believe that Alice was necessarily always right, but I hadn't given enough credence to the things she tried to tell me.

"Honey, she knew what she was raised to know …" Rose said gently.

"No!" I cried. "Aunt Esme was raised in the same house as she was; that isn't an excuse. She knew what she _let_ herself know. What she was _comfortable_ knowing. God! Alice was right all along!"

Rose patted my hand and sat quietly as my realization continued to wash over me. How could I have been so blind to what my mother really was? How could I have let myself be so deluded for so long? She wasn't infallible; far from it, if truth be told. She was human and frail and … mean. My mother was mean.

"Rose, I need to go home," I said quickly, looking up through my tears. "I – I need to see my sister."

"Of course," Rose said, continuing to gently rub my hand. "Shall I walk with you?"

"No, I'll be fine. It's just a few blocks and I think the walk will clear my head."

"You're certain? You've worried me."

"I'm sorry, Rose. It's just that all this time I've been thinking that my mother gave me _something_ of value when in reality she'd just filled my head with a bunch of nonsense that has stopped me from enjoying life for _so long_. Have you any idea how long I've been chastising myself about how I feel for Edward? About the way he makes me feel?"

Rose nodded and smiled sadly.

"I might know a great deal more about it than you'd think, Bella. We'll talk about it sometime," she said with a smile, "compare notes, if you will. But go … you're wanting your sister now, I think."

"Yes," I said, nodding vigorously. "Yes, I am."

* * *

I began my walk home in a state of utter distraction. My mind was a whirl of warring emotions and thoughts. On the one hand, I hesitated to throw everything I'd believed in away in favor of my sister's rather cavalier ideas. The rational side of me knew that I would never be comfortable with some of her overly-modern ideals. But the little voice within me, the voice that had been growing stronger every second that I walked down the hot sidewalk, _that_ part of me was curious to see what rules I could safely challenge without losing my own identity.

I realized quickly that what had angered my so much was not time wasted on ideals I didn't or shouldn't believe in; rather, it was time wasted _being_ someone I shouldn't have been. I had spent most of my life trying to be someone I was not. Writing … education … those things appealed to me so strongly because they were things that belonged only to _me_; they had nothing to do with Mother. The desire to pursue these things was really my desire to break out of the mold I had long since outgrown. I was smart enough to know that I needed to go slow.

Understanding these things about myself filled me with a rush of possibility. While I would never have the desire to leave my family or Edward and study overseas like Alice, I would enjoy pursuing my education further. And while I might never write for a newspaper or publish a book, I would endeavor to be less reserved with my thoughts and opinions. If Edward and my family valued them, I ought to do the same. The knowledge that I could do these things filled me with a sense of power and growth. I wondered if this was the excitement that ran through Alice when she realized her dream of going to Paris was coming true.

I arrived home and flew up the stairs without even stopping to say hello to Uncle Carlisle who was in his study. When I reached our room, my face was covered in perspiration and my cheeks were flushed with color.

"Alice!" I called out. "Alice, you have to be home! Where are you?"

"Bella? Is that you?"

Aunt Esme's muffled voice called to me out of the closet. When she emerged, dresses and slacks thrown over her shoulder, her short hair was a bit mussed. There was no doubt in my mind that my excited voice had caused her surprise.

"I'm sorry to have surprised you," I said, running a hand through my hair. "I was looking for Alice; is she here?"

"She stepped out to run some things to the seamstress," Aunt Esme said, holding a pair of slacks out in front of her and eyeing them critically. "I expect her back any second. Is anything wrong?"

"Wrong?" I asked, laughter bubbling up in my throat. "No, I think things may be right for the first time in a long while, actually."

Aunt Esme's hands dropped slowly down as she eyed me carefully. She was sizing me up. I watched as her eyes darted quickly to my left hand and then back to my right where she seemed to linger for a moment before looking back up into my eyes.

"What's going on, dear?" Aunt Esme's voice was light, though her eyes were watchful.

"So very much, Aunt Esme. Have you ever had a moment in time when you realized everything you'd been basing your life on was wrong? That the things you held as fact were really fiction? And that you had been going about things in exactly the wrong way for … well, forever?"

"Yes," she said firmly. "When I met your Uncle Carlisle. Why?"

"I had that moment today. Clear as day, I saw how terribly wrong the things Mother had taught me were, how foolish the standards were that she held us to. Aunt Esme, I've been wrong my whole life … but I realized today I don't need to stay that way. I could be right after all."

"Oh, baby," she said and gathered me into a firm embrace. "You haven't been wrong forever, sweetness."

"Oh, but I have!" I said, pulling away and looking at her. "I judged you before I ever met you, all because my mother said so! I judged Alice … I even judged myself for how I feel for Edward! And I never needed to. I never should have, because everything I was weighing people against was wrong. Mother was wrong."

"But, baby, just because some of your information was wrong doesn't mean _you_ were wrong. Now that you see it, it's easy enough to look at the world through new glasses and right all of those misunderstandings."

"I know," I said. "I feel so much lighter, so much happier now."

She smiled.

"You look it too."

"I'm sorry it took me so long to see it," I said, squeezing her hand. "You've been showing me all along how easy life could be, but I couldn't see past Mother's words for so long."

"You don't give yourself enough credit, Isabella Swan," she said, furrowing her brow. "You've been coming out from under Renée's thumb for quite some time. But, I understand how it is. The sun is blinding the first time you see it, isn't it?"

I laughed and nodded.

"It is, but it makes everything so clear."

"Well, I'll be damned," a voice said from behind us.

It was Alice's soft lilt. I wondered how long she had been standing there and how much she had heard. Clearly, it was enough for her because she dropped whatever bag she had been holding and grabbed me from behind in a fierce embrace.

"You finally see, don't you?" she whispered, hugging both me and Aunt Esme at the same time. "You finally see that I wasn't being the obstinate child when I disagreed with Mother."

"Yes, Alice," I said, leaning my head against hers. "I finally see."

* * *

_From Bella's Journal_

_Friday, August 13__th__, 1920_

_Just. The clock in the hall chimed twelve times. I waited for the last bong before picking up my pen to write, wanting to wait until the day of to write this down._

_Today my world begins to change. The sister I've come to think of as my best friend and constant confidante will set sail for a new world filled with adventures and the opportunity to fulfill her childhood dreams._

_As my eyes droop in weariness over the blurring words, I am overcome with the thrill of possibilities that Alice's trip affords her. A month ago, I would have sat, bent over my paper, thinking of all that might go wrong for her and all that might befall me while she was away. Tonight, I am filled with happiness that our life has changed enough for her to pursue her dreams._

_Earlier this evening, all of our friends came to the house to wish Alice a "bon voyage" and send her off with well wishes. Jasper was here, having taken time off from the yards to be with his girl on the night before she left, as was Edward. There were tears of happiness, and some of sadness, knowing that Alice's bright face and laughter would be so many miles away from us for so very long. But the whole night was lit with talk of possibility._

_Dreams of Alice the designer swooping back into Chicago to design gowns for the upper class gentry with a chic, French flair that would become the new style floated through the room. Alice laughed and talked gaily with her guests, never straying far from Jasper's side. Before the end of the evening, when it was only Alice, Edward, myself and our aunt and Uncle, Jasper got down on one knee and asked Alice for her hand. Everyone knew he was planning to propose except Alice, and she was both surprised and delighted. He had been saving for months and the small diamond he placed on her finger shone nearly as brightly as her eyes._

_It was a promise … and something of him to take with her across the ocean. We all clapped and wished them well. Everyone was full of happiness as we said our goodnights and Alice fell asleep with a smile playing on her lips._

_Tomorrow I will say goodbye to my sister. I won't cry until the ship is out to sea and she has seen me smiling and waving happily to her. I want her to leave with my blessing and knowing that I wish her nothing but happiness. It may take all of my strength to do it, but for her … I will._

I capped the pen and yawned deeply, not even bothering to put the book on my side table before letting my head fall heavily to the pillow and falling fast asleep. When I awoke the next morning with dim light filtering in the window, Alice was across from me with my journal open on her lap.

"It was open," she whispered, wiping at her face.

"It's okay," I said, stifling a yawn. "We have no secrets, you and I."

"No, we don't, Sissy."

Her voice was thick with tears and brought me out of my bed to her side in a second. I wrapped my arms around my older sister and she buried her head in my shoulder.

"What will I do without you, Bella?" she asked with tears in her voice. "Who am I going to yell at when I'm angry?"

I chuckled and rubbed her back.

"I expect you'll find someone," I replied.

She batted at my arm lightly and shook her head.

"You know what I mean," she said.

"I do. But it'll be alright, Allie."

She snorted at my childhood nickname for her.

"I know it will. Doesn't mean I like leaving. You may be strong enough not to cry until the ship is out to sea, but I won't be."

"I doubt I'll be that strong," I reasoned, "but it certainly looks pretty on paper."

Alice let out a guffaw at that, looking up at me through tear-matted eyelashes.

"You are and always will be my best friend, Sissy. Never forget that."

"I won't. Oh!" I exclaimed, pulling away from her. "I nearly forgot. I got you something."

"You … when?"

I smirked and walked over to my closet. I reached up on tip-toe to the highest shelf, far above where Alice's prying eyes or hands could reach, and pulled out the violet sashay bag in which my gift was held.

"Open it," I said, handing it to her.

She pulled out the pen first, a fine, maroon colored fountain pen with her name engraved in gold on the cap. Next was a stack of cream colored writing paper with her name embossed at the top in cranberry ink. Finally, she pulled free a stack of matching envelopes, the inside lined in cranberry vellum.

"Oh, Bella," she murmured. "I don't even know what to say! It's the perfect gift."

"This way you have no excuse not to write us," I said with a smile. "Aunt Esme and Rose helped me pick them out. It's really from all three of us."

"I love it and I shall not find excuses."

Her voice was mocking, but there was a promise there as well. She would write; she wouldn't forget about us. I knew this, but it was still nice to hear her say it.

"Rose and Em are coming for an early breakfast," I said, rising again to get ready for the day. "I'll be down shortly if you want to go ahead."

"I'll wait for you," she said, carefully putting away her gift and tucking it inside the bag waiting by her bed. "I'm already dressed and I'm in no rush."

Alice may not have been in any rush, but time had a way of making its own mind up about things. Breakfast flew by and before we knew it, Rose and Em were waving goodbye to us as we were piled into the Studebaker to catch our train to New York. Chicago was not a harbor city and all of the big liners departed from New York harbor. Uncle Carlisle had booked us an overnight train to Penn Station so that we could see Alice off at noon the next day. The old Bella might have been frightened of a trip into such a large city, but today was a new adventure and I was excited about the new experience. I tried hard to focus on that and avoid thoughts about the next day's goodbyes.

When we arrived at the train station, a familiar shock of bronze hair was looking up at the flags fluttering in the hot August breeze.

"Edward?" I asked.

"Right on time, boys," Uncle Carlisle said jauntily as both Edward and Jasper turned around with smiles on their faces.

Alice's eyes were wide with happiness and I let out a sigh of relief at seeing both of them. Tomorrow would be easier for both Alice and I with the two most important men in our lives by our sides. Alice threw her arms around Uncle Carlisle's neck, thanking him over and over for surprising her in this way. Uncle Carlisle reached down and kissed Alice's cheek.

"You are so welcome, my darling girl," he said softly, tucking a stray lock of hair behind her ear.

Alice beamed up at him and he looked down at her, father and daughter. Or, at least that is how it would look to any passerby on the street. I saw then all of the love he had in his heart for us, the way he had orchestrated this to be a surprise for _his_ girls. I loved him all the more for that. He looked up and winked at me over Alice's head and I smiled back at him. He was my next big hurdle; he deserved more from me than I had given him in the past. He loved me as a daughter and I needed to open up to him more, as I had with Aunt Esme. I found that I wanted that bond with him now that I had realized it was missing.

Next, Alice cuffed Jasper on the arm for making her think she wouldn't see him again after last night. He smiled and ducked away from her ill-aimed blows, laughing all the while.

Edward took my hand without a word, pulling me toward him and then wrapping me in his arms.

"You're here," I said, resting my head on his shoulder for a moment.

"I am."

His lips were soft on my forehead and I closed my eyes, the anxiety I had ignored all morning washing away with his presence. He kissed me once more before turning back to the rest of my family.

"Shall we go to the platform then?" Aunt Esme asked, dabbing at the corner of her eyes.

We all nodded and walked together into the grand station where our Chicago adventure had really begun all those months ago. The building looked the same to me, but I couldn't believe the way my life had changed in less than a year. I walked through the large expanse holding hands with the man I loved and surrounded by family, ready to send my sister overseas for the next two years. It was more than my mind could have imagined when we arrived in October.

Alice and I exchanged glances as we passed by the stand of benches where we had waited for Aunt Esme that first day. Even Alice had changed so much in that short time. She was a woman who knew her own mind and despite a bit of fear, she was ready for this journey. When we boarded the train, Alice was the last to get on and she lingered on the bottom step for a moment, Jasper standing at the top waiting for her. I watched her from the window as she surveyed the platform with a small smile. I wondered if she was thinking, as I was, about that first day and all of the things we never could have known when we first arrived in Chicago.

* * *

Aunt Esme brought out a deck of cards after the train picked up some steam and we played hand after hand of gin rummy, old maid, and go fish. We talked, we laughed and we wandered around the spacious cars. At lunch time, we split up and had a light lunch at separate tables in the dining car. It was a little bit of private time away from everyone for Edward and I and I was grateful for it.

We sat by the large picture window, my hand held lightly in his while he ate his sandwich and stared out the window at the scenery passing by. I was more than content to watch him.

"You look entranced," I commented.

"This is a first for me, you know," he said, pulling his eyes away from the passing countryside. "I've been on trains before, but only within the city. I've never been this far away from home."

I stared at him incredulously for a moment before beginning to laugh.

"What?" he asked, smiling and squeezing my hand. "What's struck you funny?"

"Here I thought you to be so worldly," I teased, "and I'm better traveled than _you_!"

He let out a loud laugh at that and then covered his mouth when Aunt Esme looked over at us curiously.

"I'd never thought of it that way before, but you're right. You are _far_ more worldly than I am, my love."

"I'm sure you'll catch up to me someday," I replied, stroking his hand.

"I rather hope you stay ahead," he said with a strange look on his face.

"What makes you say that?"

"Well, if you stay ahead it will mean that the rest of our travels will be done together."

I looked out the window and pondered his words with a smile growing on my face.

"I think I like the sound of that very much indeed," I said finally.

The sleeper cars, Uncle Carlisle informed us over dinner, were exorbitantly expensive and in his opinion overrated. He chose, instead, to obtain the two compartments we'd occupied throughout the day. They were equipped with plush benches on which we could stretch out and pass the night as comfortably as possible. No one talked about how sleeping arrangements would be handled.

"So … what are you all doing tomorrow evening?" Alice asked, setting down her glass of iced tea. "You can't just come to New York and do _nothing_!"

I saw the way her face seemed more pinched. The reality that our lives would go on without her here was setting in and she was trying to make light of it.

"Bella and Edward will be joining us at the Met for a performance of _La Bohème_," Uncle Carlisle said with a smile.

"Bella and Edward," Alice repeated. "And what will Jasper be doing?"

Edward and I looked raptly at Uncle Carlisle, eager to hear what he had to say, but it was Jasper who spoke first.

"Opera isn't really my scene," he said, winking at Alice and reaching over to take her hand.

"But what will you be doing?"

"I'm sure I'll find something to keep my interest," he said with a smile. "As I told your uncle, I'm going to see what the city has to offer for a few days. I won't be heading back to Chicago with them, Alice."

Alice looked between Jasper and Uncle Carlisle, her face maintaining a perfect mask but draining of all color.

"I don't understand," Edward said after a long pause. "What do you mean you won't be joining us when we return to Chicago? Won't they expect you back at work?"

Jasper's eyes lingered on Uncle Carlisle for a moment before looking over at Edward and weighing him for a moment.

"I've taken a few days off … vacation," he said.

Edward nodded slowly, seeming to accept at least superficially what Jasper was saying. I knew Alice enough to know that she didn't buy a word of it. Her mouth was pressed in a thin line and her fingers held Jasper's in a tight grasp. I knew that they would talk further, when they had a moment alone. If she thought it important, I had no doubt she would let me know of any trouble. I wondered if Edward would be able to let it lie until then.

After dinner, when the sun was setting on the speeding train, we all walked back to our compartments and filed in, Jasper, Alice, Edward and I in one, and Aunt Esme and Uncle Carlisle in the other.

The compartments were spacious enough to afford us leg room and equipped with drapes to close us off from the rest of the train. We did not, however, pull over the drapes. Aunt Esme and Uncle Carlisle did not pull theirs over either. I had been up late the night before and my weariness combined with the relaxing motion of the train was making me sleepy. When I sat close to Edward on the bench, my legs pulled up next to me, I found myself drifting off.

"Do you think they're going to make us move?" Alice whispered loudly from the other side of the compartment.

She was looking between Edward, me and Jasper. All of us turned our heads in one motion to look over at Aunt Esme and Uncle Carlisle. Aunt Esme was already leaning comfortable against her husband's chest, her eyes closed and looking as though she was drifting off to sleep. They had turned off the overhead light and were only bathed in the dim light from the narrow hallway between our compartments.

"It doesn't look that way," I whispered back.

"Should we turn off the light and see what happens?" Jasper asked, smiling.

"They have theirs off," Edward reasoned.

"Well, Sissy will never get to sleep with the light on … so we might as well."

I rolled my eyes at Alice and snuggled closer to Edward. I was fairly certain Alice would prefer to be in the dark with Jasper, but I didn't mind her using me as an excuse. Being in the dark wrapped in Edward's arms, sounded perfect to me. His arm was already draped around me, but he rubbed my bare arm.

"You're freezing, love," he murmured, reaching around with his other arm and pulling me even closer.

My hands and arms were quite cold because a fan was blowing directly above us for most of the journey. The parts of my body that were in contact with Edward, however, were quite warm indeed. There was something decidedly private and even a little risqué about the thought that we would be sleeping together, even if we were sharing a bench on a train with my sister less than five feet away. I'd wake up the next day in Edward's arms.

Edward pulled away from me and stood up, reaching above us to the shelf overhead. I looked over to see that Uncle Carlisle was watching Edward moving around the compartment. When he saw me looking, he smiled and looked away. His look told me he trusted us, but he would be watching. I understood and even welcomed his watchful eyes. I looked forward to this time with Edward. Uncle Carlisle's very presence would ensure that we didn't let our emotions get the better of our judgment.

When Edward sat back down, he held my sweater and a blanket in his hand.

"You'll never sleep if you're cold," he said, offering me the sweater.

I shrugged into the light fabric and rubbed my hands over my arms. Jasper had gotten a blanket for Alice as well and we set about arranging ourselves for sleep, darting wary eyes over at our aunt and uncle's compartment as we moved. When we were settled, Jasper reached up and pulled the chain, darkening the cabin.

Edward had draped the blanket over most of my body and then wrapped the excess around, covering his legs. He leaned himself back on the bench, stretching out his long legs and making a space for me to lean my head against his chest. It wasn't the most comfortable of positions for either of us, but I heard Edward sigh happily when I settled my head against him and rested my hand over his heart.

"If you are uncomfortable with this, I wouldn't take it as an affront if you moved over to the other cabin," he murmured, stroking my hair gently and making me close my eyes in ecstasy.

"As if I would leave you," I whispered, my body inching closer to his.

He continued to gently run his fingers through my hair, trailing along the edges of my face and along the tips of my ear. It sent shivers up and down my back every time he even lightly grazed my skin with his fingers. I began to copy his movements with my own hand, swirling my fingers over his shirt and feeling the fine hairs that were beneath the fabric.

It was dark and my eyes were closed, so I wasn't watching where my hand was traveling. When I felt a ridge in the fabric, I paid it no mind and continued moving against him. Suddenly, I encountered the soft feel of hair against my skin. My fingers felt on fire as I grazed against Edward's chest. He drew in an audible gasp and I froze against him, realizing that I had innocently crossed a line without ever meaning to.

I should have pulled my hand back. Three or four weeks prior, I likely would have pulled my fingers away as though they had been burned and buried my face in my hands in shame. That evening, however, in the dark, with my blood racing with the simple desire to get closer to him in any way I could, I left my hand pressed against him and felt the way his heart stuttered beneath my palm. I could tell that he was trying in vain to regulate his breathing. When I moved just the tip of my finger but a fraction of an inch, I heard him groan softly and felt his arm tighten around me. I began to draw my finger away, but his free arm moved quickly, pinning my hand against his chest. I lifted my head off his chest and though I could not see all of his features clearly, I could see him well enough to note the flush on his cheeks. His eyes were dark circles flashing in the light flashing by us from the train. They startled me with their intensity.

He leaned over so that his lips were brushing against my earlobe. "Please," he whispered, his voice shaky and low, "don't stop."

A warm feeling, like fire in the pit of my stomach, bloomed at the tone of his voice and the pitch-black color of his eyes as he looked at me. Even Jasper and Alice couldn't have heard him, but his voice echoed in my mind as though he had moaned the words loudly for all to hear. The steady thrumming of his heart seemed to beat through my body as his hand loosened on my arm. Still holding his eyes with mine, I moved my fingers away from his shirt and I saw the disappointment in his eyes until I found the button that had hindered my movements. It was the top one; undoing it wouldn't make him look slovenly or partially undressed. But it would allow me to place more of my hand against his skin and now that I had felt that part of him, there was a desperate need in me to touch him more.

Once the button was loosened, I laid my head back against his shoulder and listened to the steady rhythm of him breathing, the gently thudding of his heart, the way he moaned softly as my fingers moved against his shirt, inching toward his exposed chest. I closed my eyes, letting my fingers lead and trying to breathe steadily. As I reached the edge of his shirt, my heart stuttered and Edward froze.

My hand kept moving and we both sighed softly as my fingers traveled under his shirt, resting comfortably against his overheated skin. He seemed to relax as I began to swirl my fingertips against his chest, his breathing calming. But his heart rate remained fast in my ears and his skin felt as though it was on fire.

I could feel my eyelids growing heavier as he began stroking my hair again. He placed his other hand under the blanket, against my side, and began tracing patterns against my body. Every pass of his thumb against my rib cage coiled the warm feeling tighter within me. Reason and desire warred in my mind as his hand crept lightly up my body. He'd felt my fingers against him in a way he'd never felt before; I wanted to feel the same.

One finger, then another crept up my side until they rested along the side of my breast. I couldn't breathe. The heat of his fingers seared me through the fabric of my dress as I imagined his skin touching mine. Slowly, his hand followed the curve of my breast until it ghosted up the front and his finger brushed my now hardened peak.

I gasped at the contact and my eyes closed involuntarily. His hand froze but when I made no move to stop him, he added the slightest amount of pressure, cupping the fullness of my breast in his hand. I sighed at the contact and wanted to lean into it, to urge him on, but I knew that we could not continue on this path. I reached up to still his hand after a few moments. He acquiesced immediately and settled his hand over my waist again, moving his thumb back and forth over the seam in my dress, but not traveling any higher up my body.

We could hear hissing whispers coming from the other side of the compartment as Jasper and Alice pursued their own quiet dalliances and perhaps discussed Jasper's revelations from dinner. I tilted my head up so that my nose was at the edge of Edward's collar and my forehead leaned against his jaw line.

"I love you so much," I whispered as my fingers found the line of his collarbone.

His skin was so soft near his throat. I stroked it, feeling the strong muscles and tendons stretching across his shoulders and up his neck. My fingers grew bolder, exploring the way he felt, finally letting myself feel only him … no distractions, no barriers. I swallowed hard, thinking about everything … everywhere … two years never felt longer.

I felt him lean his head heavily against my forehead and tighten his jaw slightly as my hand continued to move against his skin. He turned toward me and kissed me, hard, against my forehead. I could feel his muscles quivering as he tried to restrain himself from pulling me closer. He kissed me more softly along my forehead and down to my ear, his tongue darting out and making me dig my fingers into him.

"God, Bella … me too," he said, only slightly louder than I had.

I looked over quickly at my sister and Jasper to see if they had heard him, but they were in their own world, full of each other.

"I'm sorry," he said more quietly, "if I overstepped a line tonight."

He moved his hand against me in illustration of what he was referring to. I shook my head and chuckled.

"I'm not sorry," I said gently. "I just … it was too much with … too many people."

His hands quieted against me as he pondered my words.

"You wouldn't have stopped me if we weren't inches away from your sister?" he asked.

I could almost hear the crooked slant of his smile in his voice.

"I don't know. I might have. But, I knew it wasn't right … here. Now."

"Fair enough," he said, shifting slightly underneath me so that I could lean against him more naturally.

My hand rose up on his chest as he moved until my palm was resting just under his neck. I moved my thumb around into the hollow of his throat and kept my fingers on the side of his neck, feeling his pulse beneath my fingers. Again, I felt myself drifting off with the comfort of his body close to mine and his warmth surrounding me.

"Is there … do you want something … more from me?" he asked quietly after some time had passed.

His voice pulled me from the edge of sleep and I waited for a moment before I answered, trying to decide if I was in a dream or awake before opening my mouth.

"I want it all with you, Edward," I mumbled, snuggling closer to him and yawning. "All in good time, though … we have forever, right?"

I heard him swallow loudly and felt him pull me fiercely against him.

"Forever might not be enough," he said, kissing me softly and leaning his head back. "Sleep well, my love."

I smiled as I drifted off, rocked asleep with the motion of the train and surrounded in the feel, smell, and sounds of Edward.

* * *

_**A/N**__: When you think of these train compartments, think along the lines of the Harry Potter Hogwart's express compartments. The two young couples were alone, but not really unchaperoned. Carlisle could easily see into the compartment and they had each other sort of right there. Technically, sleeper cars were common in those days and likely not as expensive as I made them sound. But beds would have been more complicated for me and we wouldn't have gotten a little lemon zest. So, in the interest of storytelling, I took a bit of license with history here. I hope you don't mind. : ) If you didn't see, I posted a Christmas outtake ... just a little something special mah girls. Check it out under the ATJ Outtakes and Sidetakes I have posted under my profile. Also, the questions that I am sure you will have about Jasper will be answered within the next two chapters. I hope you enjoy! Thanks so much and I wish you and yours a safe and happy holiday season! ~Jen_


	15. The Journey Home

_I'll be loving you always_

_With a love that's true always_

_When the things you plan _

_Need a helping hand_

_I will understand always, always._

_**Always, **__Irving Berlin 1925_

_**Disclaimer:**__I do not own Twilight or any of the characters from the Saga. Stephenie Meyer is the owner of Twilight. No copyright infringement is intended. This work, and the original ideas presented therein, is the sole property of this author._

_Thanks, as always, to my stellar team of betas and pre-readers: Belle Dean, ikiss, bookjunkie1975, and swimom7. You guys are awesome!_

_August 13-14__th__, 1920_

_**EPOV**_

I stayed awake long after Bella fell asleep. She drifted off with her fingers still lying against my bare chest and the feel of her there, and everywhere against me, made it infinitely more difficult to relax into sleep. I couldn't help thinking about how _right_ she felt next to me, how the weight of her body felt so natural against mine. Suddenly, I knew that going back to sleeping without her would be pure torture.

She shifted and mumbled my name, a faint smile creeping across her face before softening back into the gentle expression of sleep. I brought my fingers up and traced around the curve of her cheeks, watching the way her eyes fluttered and her lips moved. I was entranced by the way, even in sleep, I could affect her. After a few moments, I let her be, moving my hand back down to her shoulders and then tracing a path down to her hips. I tried to ignore the hitching of her breath as my fingers skimmed the swell of her breast just under her arm. Still, I couldn't resist the urge to linger for a moment just under her breast, swirling my fingers up to where I felt her nipple harden earlier.

Her breath hitched loudly and her fingers tightened on my chest for just a second.

"Oh," she sighed.

I wanted to slip my fingers inside of her dress, feel the way her skin would pebble under my touch. Her skin would be hot to the touch, burning my hand with its heat. And when the tips of my fingers found the hardened peak, she would cry out my name and kiss me hard, begging for more.

_Carlisle is _right_ beside you_, I told myself, sighing deeply and before my fingers continued to move away, ignoring the magnetism of her body. Two years seemed an interminably long time to wait before I could touch her anywhere I pleased. I wondered what would please her, how much, how hard or soft. I closed my eyes and ran my free hand through my hair in exasperation. No good would come from _this_ train of thought.

I tried to focus on the way her body sank into mine, the way her soft curves fit around my hard lines and the way my body yielded to hers as well. Even on this too small bench, the comfort she provided was undeniable. I let myself settle more naturally onto the bench, inching closer to Bella as I did. She sighed and adjusted to my movement and then relaxed almost immediately. I could imagine nothing like that feeling in the world, the feeling of her trusting me so completely that she could sleep peacefully in a strange place. It was the closest thing to heaven that I had ever experienced. I held her tighter, not sure I'd ever be able to sleep.

Something was bothering me that night, however, that even the warmth and comfort of Bella's sleeping body could not ease. There was something in Jasper's eyes when he talked about spending some time in the city that had me worried. I had known him long enough to know that there was more to the story that he wasn't sharing with me. Alice seemed as surprised as the rest of us at Jasper's revelation. In fact, the only person who seemed unsurprised was Carlisle. How unobservant had I been?

I feigned sleep when I heard Jasper and Alice rustling around on the other bench. I heard them whispering loudly, trying to determine if anyone was still awake. I was unsurprised when they snuck out of the compartment, no doubt looking for more privacy. I didn't blame them either; the thought of being without Bella for as long as Jasper would need to live without Alice made me almost sick. They deserved whatever solace they could take in each other's company before they were separated. Though, admittedly, I was a bit jealous. I tried not to focus on those thoughts and instead concentrated on getting some rest.

I fell asleep before they returned, with troubled thoughts darting through my mind—thoughts of Jasper and what his decisions could possible mean. When I awoke, the dusk just breaking through the dirty windows, I was still unsettled. My dreams had cast an ominous light on Jasper's revelations from the previous day. I couldn't think of anything positive that would cause him to decide to stay out of town for any length of time. Something must have happened, but for the life of me I couldn't wrap my mind around what it was.

The train was still moving and it made me disoriented. I started to move quickly and then remembered where I was and that Bella was lying against me. I froze, but not before she began to stir, her fingers gripping against my chest tightly.

"Edward," she moaned softly, still asleep.

My name on her lips rocked through me, making me settle back against the bench and cradle her gently, forgetting that we were about to have an audience. I wrapped her in my embrace and closed my eyes, just savoring the feel of her waking up in my arms.

"I'm here, Bella," I murmured against her hair, my body tingling with anticipation.

I wondered if she would wake up with a start, not knowing where she was or what I was doing holding her; or if, like me, she would be pleasantly surprised to see where she was. Slowly, she lifted her head, her eyes blinking in the dim light. Her fingers began to move beneath my shirt again, gently, with purpose. She was awake and she knew where she was. I shivered at her touch, darting my eyes around quickly to see if anyone was watching. Everyone still seemed asleep.

"Kiss me before they wake up," I whispered, intending to sound light but sounding desperate nonetheless.

She looked up at me through her long lashes, a blush rising on her cheeks.

"Did you sleep well, Edward?" Her voice was drowsy with sleep and it sounded deeper than I was used to.

I couldn't be patient; I leaned down and kissed her roughly, covering her mouth and whimpering softly at the feel of her lips moving with mine. When she opened her mouth, her tongue darting out to graze me softly, I pulled her top lip between my teeth and bit down ever so gently. She gasped and I released her immediately, afraid I'd hurt her. Instead, her lips were instantly back on mine, moving more urgently then before. My fingers found their way to her hair and began to clutch at her neck. One of us needed to stop; I just didn't know if I could do it.

"Mmm," Bella murmured as she pulled away. "We should stop."

She didn't sound convinced, though she was entirely right.

"We should," I whispered, and kissed her again smiling against her mouth as she kissed me back with enthusiasm.

"Really," she said more forcefully. "They'll be up any moment."

"So?" I groaned, pulling her back against me and kissing down her chin until I found the lobe of her ear.

She sighed, and pushed gently at my shoulders until I let her earlobe go, looking up at her with a chagrined smile on my lips.

"Sorry,"' I whispered, taking her fingers in mine.

"No, you're not," she said, smiling and running her thumb over my knuckles.

"No …" I whispered, leaning forward and puckering my lips as though I was going to kiss her again.

She swatted at my arm then and giggled. I rested my head on her shoulder so that my mouth was inches from her ear.

"I loved waking up with you in my arms," I murmured, kissing her neck softly.

She sighed and shook her head as though to dispel the cobwebs of sleep.

"I could become addicted to that very easily," she replied.

Did she have any _idea_ what her words did to me?

"Bella," I whispered reverently, unable to say anything more.

"You're worried about something," she said after a long pause, her hands creeping up my neck until she was stroking my hair gently.

The feel of her fingers running through my hair made my eyes close involuntarily for a moment. There was something at once comforting and exciting about the way she moved against me. It took me several minutes before I was able to speak.

"I'm worried about Jasper," I finally managed. "How did you know?"

"I know you," she said simply, "and I'm worried about him as well. What do you think it means, Edward?"

I sat up so that she could lean against me again and looked around. Next to us, Carlisle and Esme seemed to be stirring. It would only be a matter of time before Jasper and Alice began to stir as well.

"I don't know, but I intend to find out," I said. "I can't imagine why he wouldn't come back with us unless there's something he's not telling us."

"Maybe … maybe it would be best not to press him," Bella said slowly. "Perhaps there are reasons why he's chosen not to tell us."

"You think it's something dangerous?"

"I doubt that it's anything serious," she whispered. "But even it is, whatever could you _do_ about it? Think about it Edward, would he have held anything back from you unless there was a reason?"

"No," I replied thoughtfully, "but it's possible he just thought I wouldn't understand. I know that he doesn't think I understand his life in the Yards … and he's probably right. It's just if there is something wrong, I'd like to have the chance to help him."

"You're a good friend and he knows that," she said, her mouth set in a firm line. "I really think that you're best letting him come to you."

"Do you believe that he will?"

She hesitated for a moment before nodding and leaning against me again.

"Yes, I believe he will … if he can. If he doesn't, you'll have to bide your time until he does."

"Impatient, remember?"

She smacked me lightly on my chest, sending an unexpected wave of desire through me.

"You'll just have to _be_ patient. I think this is important."

"Then naturally, I'll follow your advice," I replied, though my voice had lost its determined edge.

The effect she had on me was incredible; the way she could lead my emotions with just a simple touch of her hand never ceased to amaze me. She had put to rest most of my worry about Jasper in just a few words.

Most, but not all of my worry. I wondered if she was right, if Jasper would really trust me with whatever secret had led him to decide to stay away from Chicago for a few days. I didn't really believe that it would only be a few days. Jasper had looked strange the day before when he spoke of spending time in New York. In fact, he'd looked strange whenever he talked about his future over the past several months. I had chalked it up to him being upset about Alice's departure. I no longer felt convinced that this was the answer.

"The train is slowing," Bella said absently as she looked out the window. "We're in New York."

She sounded sad and I held her tighter as the train came to life around us, Carlisle and Esme stretching and standing up along with Jasper and Alice. In just a short time, she would be saying goodbye to her sister. I couldn't make that fact disappear, but I could try my hardest to make the time she did have easier for her. She sat up and looked over at her sister who smiled warmly at her.

"Sleep well, Sissy?" Alice asked, waggling her eyebrows.

"Indeed," Bella said immediately. "Did you sleep at all?"

We all froze and looked at each other for a moment. I doubted that Bella had heard Alice and Jasper leave; she was definitely asleep by the time that they made their exit. Bella was the first to crack, giggling softly into her hand. Alice followed suit. Jasper and I exchanged confused looks, but shrugged it off. The sisters understood each other's sense of humor better than we could ever hope to.

"I hope everyone is well rested," Esme said with a wry smile as she came to the doorway. "We have a very long day ahead."

We all nodded and tried to hide the blushes that inevitably rose to our cheeks. Carlisle came up behind his wife, looking pointedly at Jasper.

"A word with you, son," he said, nodding to the rest of us.

Immediately, I was worried that Carlisle had heard Alice and Jasper slip out in the night or perhaps noticed them missing sometime during their absence. Jasper, however, didn't appear worried, and slipped out of the compartment, following Carlisle down the hallway.

"I'll let you all get yourselves settled," Esme said, looking pointedly at my shirt, the top button of which was still undone.

I blanched and hurriedly fixed it as soon as she turned around.

"I wonder what that was all about," Alice commented as we moved around the compartment, gathering our things.

"What?" Bella asked.

"Uncle Carlisle and Jasper," she said quietly. "I wonder what he needed."

Bella remained quiet, but looked over at me with a questioning look. Apparently, Alice was unworried about Carlisle having seen her and Jasper last night. She seemed more curious than anything. It was troublesome to me that Alice seemed not to know much more than either Bella or I, but I reminded myself that that could be an act. Alice was very good at hiding her emotions, or at least it seemed so to me.

"You know something, don't you Alice?" Bella asked, pointedly refraining from looking up at her sister, but looking up at me through her eyelashes.

"I know enough, Sissy," Alice replied, walking over beside her sister. "I expect you'll know as much as I do soon enough."

So Bella had been right. If I read correctly into Alice's words, Jasper had plans to tell us what was happening. That was very good indeed because my curiosity was more than piqued. I wanted to know what was going on. I felt much like a child whose parents had left him in the dark about a big decision. Only I wasn't a child. At least, I didn't feel that my friend ought to treat me as such.

* * *

The atmosphere at the docks was more difficult than I had imagined, though it did offer a time for Jasper and I to talk. I didn't feel any better for having spoken to him, however. The things he told me weighed heavily on my mind, filling my mind with questions that I knew we neither had time to delve into nor the luxury to pursue. I decided to follow Bella's advice and trust Jasper to know how much I needed to know about his dangerous situation. Pushing our conversation to the back of my mind for the time being, I walked away from him and to Bella's side.

Bella looked a bit lost as she stood dwarfed in front of the enormous ship. Carlisle and Esme flanked her, each of them with an arm around her seeming to support her. They were all crying silently. When I walked up behind Bella, both her aunt and uncle removed their arms from her back to make room for me. I wrapped her in my embrace, happy at least to provide some comfort to her.

Feeling her sob silently in my arms was heart wrenching for me. I had been prepared to see her cry; I knew there was no way around that, as much she had accepted her sister's choice and was even happy for her. There was nothing easy about watching her sister sail away. I had even prepared myself for how difficult it would be to watch her in pain. I remembered all too clearly the way it felt when she came to my house the day she found out about Alice leaving. I just hadn't been expecting to feel sad myself.

Alice and I were only close because of Bella and Jasper. If it hadn't been for them, I have no doubt there would be no love lost between the two of us. But the situation felt very final as I watched Alice standing at the prow of the ship, waving to us as the ship pulled away from the dock. She and Jasper were engaged, Bella and I would be by Christmas at the latest. We were all growing up and this was just the beginning. The plodding movement of the ship seemed to hammer that home for me in a way that even Jasper and Alice's engagement hadn't been able to. There was no going back from this.

Perhaps sad was the wrong word for my emotions. I was nostalgic for the times when decisions were easier and didn't seem to loom over our entire lives. I was excited about the way the future seemed to be steam-rolling forward, bringing my life with Bella even closer within reach, but I was also somewhat frightened at the finality of it all. I knew that my choices about Bella were sound, but what about Jasper and Alice? How would their decisions affect them? How would they affect us?

We were the last family on the dock, watching the ship for as long as we could. I was surprised to see Bella's tears dry up the moment the ship was out of the dock and out into the open sea. She still held my hand tightly in front of her and leaned against me for support, but I could tell that she was already over the worst of her tears. It made me realize just how much she had changed in the past few months. She sniffled once and turned in my arms, looking up at me with her too-bright eyes and a sad smile on her face.

"She's going to be fine," she said, nodding her head.

"So are you."

I brushed a tear from her cheek, making her smile and chase my fingers away with a handkerchief.

"Are you ready, love?" Esme asked, rubbing Bella's back gently.

"I am," she said.

I knew that she was answering both Esme and me when she spoke. I kept my arm around her as we walked back toward where I had left Jasper. I was unsurprised to find the dock deserted and Jasper nowhere in sight.

* * *

"I don't like this, Carlisle," Esme said, puffing furiously on her long-stemmed cigarette and tapping her foot.

We had taken a cab from the docks to a tea house to have a light afternoon snack and refreshment while we waited for the evening's show. It also provided a place for us to freshen up and change clothes, which was more than welcome after the long journey. The whole ride over, Esme had been in a state of agitation. Bella on the other hand, seemed distracted, but not concerned. She seemed to understand that whatever was happening related to our discussion that morning. I envied her patience, especially as I sat facing the piercing eyes of my godmother. She seemed to see right away that both Carlisle and I knew more than we had let on.

"Not one bit," Esme continued as Carlisle opened his mouth to reply. "It's dangerous and reckless and unplanned. Don't you agree, Edward?"

Caught off guard, I opened and closed my mouth several times like a fish out of water before responding to her.

"In my opinion, Esme, anything that Jasper has decided upon will be carefully thought out. I've never known him to be reckless, especially when Alice is involved."

Carlisle smiled at me over his tea, but Esme held me in her icy gaze, her foot continuing to bounce up and down.

"Well, spill it now boys. Jasper has disappeared. Alice is sailing for France. Let's have it. The _whole_ story."

Carlisle and I exchanged glances and he shook his head at me nearly imperceptibly. He looked up at his wife with a smile and his expression softened as he looked over at his niece. He reached over and took Bella's hand. She smiled at him with a question on her face.

"Do you want to hear this news too, Bella?" he asked.

Bella looked at him steadily for a moment before looking over at Esme and then at me.

"Yes," she finally answered. "I think it best if it is all out in the open now. As I'm sure you're aware, Edward and I have no secrets … so you see, I'll know sooner or later."

There wasn't even a trace of the old waver in her voice as she spoke to him; the timid girl who had been afraid to look at a man when she first arrived in Chicago was gone now. She was a a strong young woman, who wasn't afraid to speak her mind. I'd never been so proud to call her mine.

Carlisle patted her hand once and looked over at his wife.

"You know the beginning, Esme, but Bella doesn't. Edward, how much did Jasper tell you?"

"Only the bare essentials. We only spoke for a few moments on the docks before I walked away from him."

I frowned thinking about it, thinking about how I had walked away from him without even saying goodbye to him. I should have known better then and said my farewells when I had the chance. I should have known he would slip away unnoticed.

"Bella, the men that Jasper worked for weren't only interested in meat packing," Carlisle began.

"They were criminals?" Bella guessed when he paused.

Carlisle raised his eyebrows and laughed once before continuing. "Yes, they were criminals. They offered Jasper a deal: they would pay his way through school so that he could become a lawyer, but in return he would work for them, sorting out any legal troubles they might find themselves in. Jasper refused and that angered them. He came to the hospital about two weeks ago and I found him there. He had several cuts and abrasions that needed care. They had made an attempt on his life – a very well thought out and planned attempt – that came close to killing him. They thought they were successful, which is why Jasper has chosen to disappear in New York."

Bella gasped and Esme took her hand.

"He was fine, dear," Esme continued. "Really, it could have been much worse than it was. And he was lucky to come into the hospital when your uncle was on duty … any other doctor might not have been so kind."

"I don't know about that," Carlisle said looking down, "but I am glad that he came in when I was there. Naturally, I tended to his injuries, listened to his story and brought him home. You understand now why he couldn't go back to Chicago after this trip?"

"He didn't live at our house," Bella said with a frown. "Where did you keep him?"

"We couldn't let him stay at the house," Esme said laughing, "though I wanted him to. Jasper and your uncle convinced me that it was in everyone's best interest if as few people as possible knew anything was amiss with Jasper. He laid low at a friend of your uncle's for the two weeks before we left. It was your uncle's idea and why we invited both Edward and Jasper to join us."

"But why did Jasper leave without saying goodbye?" Bella asked. "He said he was going to look around the town for a while, but … he meant that he was leaving Chicago for good, didn't he?"

"I think I can answer this," I said. "Bella, I talked with Jasper and he felt it wise, considering what happened at the Yards, for him to disappear for an extended period of time. He's going to find a place to live and get a job someplace far away from the meat packing district in New York, someplace that hopefully the goons he worked for would never think to look for him."

"But Uncle Carlisle said that they thought he was dead. Why should he be worried?"

"Because eventually they're going to realize he isn't dead, sweetie," Esme answered her. "We can only hope that by the time they do, they either won't care or Jasper will be so well hidden that they won't be able to find him."

"That's horribly frightening," Bella said with a deep frown. "How much of this does Alice know?"

Carlisle looked from me to Esme and then back at Bella.

"I think he came clean with her last night," I said. "They talked for a long time and Alice seemed at peace this morning, didn't you think so?"

Bella thought about this for some time and then nodded.

"She did seem resigned at the very least."

"Bella, you mustn't mention anything about this to Alice in letters," Esme said. "This is very serious and we don't want any of those men catching Jasper's location from us."

"Surely they can't intercept our mail," Bella said in shock.

"Sure they can," I said, reaching across the table and touching her hand. "And even if they can't, it's better for us to _act _as though they can. Carlisle, Jasper asked me to talk with Rose, but I have an idea that I'd like your help with."

I saw Esme sigh deeply, but Carlisle nodded at me to continue.

"In their minds, they likely wouldn't expect a young girl like Alice to file a missing person's report, but certainly his sister would if he didn't show up for some time. I think, after I talk to Rose, I'm going to ask her to file a missing person's report. If she does … the people at the Yards are less likely to come and press her for information. It would look odd if none of us thought anything of him disappearing off the face of the earth, after all. They must know he visited with all of us."

Esme frowned more deeply and her foot picked up speed. I knew she was thinking of her grandchild. Rose was getting bigger by the day; she expected the baby to come around Christmas time. But I thought this was important for that unborn child as well. After all, what was more defenseless than a newborn baby?

"I think that's a smart plan," Carlisle said, looking over at his wife to see if she would offer up words of dissent. She held her tongue. "When we get back, we'll go over and see Rose together."

"I'm going with you," Bella said unexpectedly. She blinked as she looked around the table at her family and at me. "Rose has treated me like a sister in the weeks leading up to Alice's departure. I want to be there when she realizes that her brother may be gone for good."

I didn't say anything then, but I was thrilled with Bella's choice. Rose was going to need someone to help her through this and I was sure that Bella was just the person she would need.

We had very little time left in the city before our long journey back to Chicago. As we sat in the small café, drinking tea and talking idly about the coming year, I couldn't help but search the busy streets for one last sign of my friend. I never saw him, of course. But as we ducked inside the opera house that night, I thought I caught a glimpse of him lurking in the shadows beside the stage door. Whoever he was, I only saw a passing shadow, just a man with blonde hair slinking out of the light and hiding in the darkness of the alleyway. When I paused to look more closely, I couldn't see anyone there. However I entered the Met that night positive that he had come to say goodbye in his own way.

All of us were exhausted by the time we made it on the train sometime near midnight. Esme and Bella immediately went to the first class powder room to freshen up after the long day while Carlisle and I made do with the crude amenities provided for the men. Once settled in our compartment, Bella nestled at my side across from Carlisle and Esme; we all fell into a restless sleep. Tomorrow would be a long day of travel and I was certain that none of us would be sorry to see our own beds.

* * *

_Tuesday, August 17, 1920_

"Edward, I'm not comfortable with all of this secrecy," Mother said for the third time in the past two days as we sat around the table eating breakfast. "It's dangerous to play games with the mob."

I'd been patient with her, nodding quietly each time she brought up her concerns. For whatever reason, something snapped my cool façade.

"And what do you suggest, Mother?" I asked, setting down my toast and staring at her. "Shall we just ignore the situation? Let the mob begin to wonder why no one is missing Jasper. Maybe they could come and rough up Rose or Bella, just to make a point."

"Edward, that's enough," my father said sternly.

At some point during my rant, I had stood and was glowering at my mother. I smoothed my shirt and sat back down. Her face was pale and her lips were thin.

"You're frightened, too," she said.

I sighed.

"Of course I'm frightened. My friend was nearly murdered, Mother. He's on the run from people callous enough to kill in order to protect whatever illegal activities they are involved in. What's more, they know about us. They know about Rose and Em and … and Bella. Unless we cover all of our bases, they could hurt … any one of us."

"Why are you so concerned about them knowing you … or the others?" Mother asked more gently.

"Because we met someone when we helped Jasper move in. One of the foreman's children was there; we were all introduced. They know we're Jasper's closest friends; it doesn't take much deduction for them to figure out who to question if they get suspicious."

My eyes closed as I pinched the bridge of my nose tightly, willing away the thoughts that had plagued me since we returned from our trip. If they couldn't find Alice, who would they settle on? _Bella_, the answer rang back at me. I must be thorough and make sure that every loose end is tucked neatly into place because if I am remiss, they could come for her.

Mother's hands were covering mine and when I opened my eyes, she was kneeling beside me.

"I'm proud of you, Edward," she said though her face betrayed the fear I saw before. "You have become a man before my very eyes. Forgive me for not seeing what was truly troubling you, son. It's sometimes so difficult for a mother to realize she's been replaced."

I startled backwards, but she smiled and shook her head.

"It's not a reproach, son. You've found your match and you're doing what needs to be done to keep her safe. But you're my son … it's just hard for me to let go of _my_ role in protecting you."

A moment passed as I took in her words. I squeezed her hand and smiled up at her.

"I believe that if we handle this properly, nothing will come back to haunt _anyone_. I think that we would have heard stirrings from the Yards before if they suspected that he had gotten away. We need to make them believe that we all think he is missing. That way, if they ever realize they didn't kill him, they'll never suspect we have any knowledge of where he would be."

She held my hand in hers and nodded her assent.

"Carlisle is going with you today?" Father asked.

I nodded to him.

"As well as Bella."

"Bella?" Mother asked. "Do you think it wise to involve her in all of this?"

"She wouldn't have it any other way," I said with a smile. "She and Rose have become very close. She knows how difficult it will be on her when she hears about her brother's fate, especially when she realizes he won't be back to see the baby … or possibly ever. Bella wants to be there for her."

"She'll be good for Rose," Mother said quietly. "And for you."

"She already is," I replied.

Rose took the news surprisingly well, her face calm and unmoving through all of Carlisle's speech. Bella sat beside her, holding her hand and rubbing her back as her uncle spoke in a rather detached manner about Jasper's situation. I sat, useless, in one of the uncomfortable chairs in their sitting room, darting my eyes back and forth between Bella and Rose, only breaking the cycle when I heard the door open and Em burst into the room.

"Hey, darlin'!" he cried when he walked in, his eyes sweeping over the guests and finally resting on Rose. He dropped to one knee in front of her, completely in tune with whatever he had seen on her face. "What's wrong? The baby …?"

"No, the baby is fine," she said, removing her hand from Bella's and placing it on Em's face. "It's Jasper. It seems he's found himself in a bit of trouble."

They sat facing each other for several moments, their eyes speaking volumes without either of them uttering a word. Bella sat uncomfortably beside Rose, seeming uneasy at being so near to them when they were certainly sharing a private moment.

"Bella, would you be so kind as to take my wife in the other room for some tea? I think she is getting tired."

Rose stood up carefully with Bella at her side, holding her one arm. She turned as they approached the doorway and smiled at us.

"Thank you for coming to tell me," she said. "I'm glad to have had friends around when I heard this news."

She seemed to squeeze Bella's hand and the two of them left the room.

"What's happened to him?" Emmett asked, standing up and looking at his father. "Is he in jail? In debt? What is it?"

"They tried to kill him," Carlisle said flatly. "He refused to be their lackey and they tried to make sure he would never reveal their secrets by flattening him between two waste containers. He was faster than they expected, and smarter. He made it out with only a few cuts and scrapes. But he's been in hiding ever since."

"Where is he? Does he need help?"

"We've taken care of it," Carlisle said, putting a hand on his son's shoulders. "He came with us to New York and I left him there with enough money to get him set up in an apartment. He's certain that he will find employment there, but all communication with him will come through Alice from now on. It's just safer that way."

Emmett sat down heavily on the couch.

"Why didn't he come here?" he asked. "Rose would have killed to see her brother one last time before he set off on something like this."

"He stayed away for her safety as well as his. The fewer people knew he was alive, the better. It'll make it more believable when she files the missing persons report later this week."

"Missing … oh."

Emmett sat processing what had been thrown at him in the past several minutes. I could almost see the wheels turning as he worked through the many different scenarios.

"That is the best option," he said finally. "If Rose places the missing person's report, they'll think she doesn't know his whereabouts. The police will go down there asking about him … and it'll make them more confident in their assumption that they killed him."

"We're hoping that they've no solid evidence yet that they _didn't_ succeed. Jasper said it was unlikely that they'd have moved the container yet. He said they only get moved around once in a great while anyway. It could be months before they move it again."

"Let's hope they don't get antsy for evidence," Emmett said.

I shuddered at the thought of what they could have done to him. Carlisle left quickly after the discussion was settled. Emmett would take Rose to the police station the following day to file the missing person's report. After that, we would just have to wait and see. All of us knew what to say if someone were to ask us about Jasper: _Sorry, I haven't seen him since late July_. We were to act as though he dropped off the face of the earth. For his own sake, I hoped that Jasper had at least dropped off of _their_ radar.

"What are you up to today, Edward?" Emmett asked when Carlisle left.

I could see he was still distracted, bothered by the information Carlisle had left him with. I didn't blame him. The things that were at stake for him were even greater than my own worries; he had a child to protect as well.

"I have an errand I would like to run after I take Bella home," I said evasively.

"Anything important?" he asked, his eyebrow quirked.

I shrugged, but it was only half-hearted at best. Emmett knew me well to read me. I sighed as he continued to stare me down.

"I have an appointment with Eleazar this afternoon … to make arrangements for Bella's ring."

Emmett's face didn't change for a moment, but soon a smile was splitting his face. He got up and clapped me on the back.

"I'm glad to hear it," he said. "You will make my cousin very happy; you already have. When do you plan to ask her?"

"Christmas," I replied without hesitation. "I want to ask her at Esme's yearly party."

"Have you spoken to my father yet?"

"No. I wanted to have the ring first, or at least get it commissioned."

"Confident then, aren't you?"

He shook his head to show he was kidding and then put his arm around my back.

"Come to the Cub's game with us tonight," he said. "We'll keep Bella entertained for the afternoon and then the two of you can join us. It will be loads of fun."

"Sounds like fun! As long as Bella is agreeable … I don't know whether she's ever been to a game before."

"Then you must come. It's not something to be missed! They're playing the Reds tonight … you know our long standing rivalry with them."

"Alright," I said smiling. "Let me go talk with Bella."

* * *

It turned out that Bella was delighted with the idea of a baseball game. She had, until then, only heard about them on the radio. She confessed to never really understanding most of the strange words muttered by fast-speaking announcers. But when Emmett mentioned going to the game so she could_ see_ those words acted out, her whole face lit with excitement. I knew then that I wouldn't see most of the game; I'd spend most of the time watching her.

My trip to Eleazar's was very quick indeed. He seemed to almost be expecting me when I opened the door to his shop. We talked for under half an hour about what I wanted and I left after making a down payment on the ring. With the paid internship, I would have no trouble paying off the remainder of the sum by early December. Bella would be wearing my ring before the New Year.

The four of us piled into Emmett's small Templar two door and we drove to Wrigley field. Bella was actually bouncing with excitement as we drove through the streets of downtown toward the stadium. As we got closer, we began to see people walking toward the stadium. Sellers lined the streets offering popped corn and roasted nuts to passersby. Emmett parked the car and we walked the rest of the way, stopping at the many vendors to see what they had to offer.

By the time we reached the stadium, Emmett and I were laden with nuts, popcorn, bottled pop and pennants. Bella's eyes sparkled and my heart soared. I internally kicked myself for not bringing her to a game before that day. Her face was alight with excitement. However, I reminded myself that she would not have thanked me for bringing her around this large of a crowd before this very month; she would have been too frightened. It made me realize just how much Bella had changed.

We entered the stadium after Emmett paid for the tickets and made our way to our seats. We were sitting along the first base line, close enough that we could hear the players calling out to each other as they practiced.

"Look!" Bella said, pointing at the field as she sat down next to me. "Why is that man wearing a mask over his face?"

"He's the catcher," I explained. "He stands behind the hitter and catches the ball as the pitcher throws it."

"So the pitcher throws the ball to the catcher," Bella said slowly. "And the hitter tries to hit it?"

"Right. And the other men in the field try to catch the ball if the hitter manages to hit it."

"What are the squares around the field for?"

"Those are bases," I said, pointing to the three bases and finally at the home plate. "If the hitter hits the ball, he runs to first base. It then depends on where the ball is whether he stays or goes on to the next base. If someone tags him with the ball before he touches a base, he's out!"

I drew my thumb back quickly like an umpire, making her laugh.

"How long does this go on?"

"Well, each team gets an 'at bat.' They are allowed three outs before the inning is over and the other team gets a chance at bat. The point of the game is to get as many runners to cross home plate and score as possible. The team with the most runs, wins the game."

She watched the field as the players ran around, tossing balls to one another and calling out directions to each other, and I watched her. I watched the way her forehead would crinkle in frustration as she tried to figure out one thing or another. And then I'd watch the way her lips would part slightly and the line between her brows would smooth as she puzzled out another piece of the game.

She was fascinating, far more interesting than the game itself – at least to me. I studied her throughout the first two innings. She took to it naturally, cheering with the crowd when Hippo Vaughn threw out three batters in a row and booing when Ed Roush hit a home run with another man on. Sometime in the third inning, her hand slipped into mine.

"Are you not enjoying the game?" she asked, looking over at me and smiling.

"No," I said quickly. "I mean, yes. Of course. Why?"

"Because you've been staring at me for most of the game. Are you worried about something?"

I chuckled and brought her hand to my lips.

"No, I just like to watch you enjoy yourself."

She smiled and turned back to the action. I tried to watch more of the game, but she kept drawing my eyes back to her. I knew she noticed. I'd watch the way her neck and cheeks would color and her lips would turn up in a self-conscious smile. The game ended with our Cubs losing three to two to the Reds. Rose and Bella linked arms on the way out of the stadium, chatting quietly about the night and about what their plans were for the rest of the week. Emmett sidled up next to me, a smile on his face as he watched his wife and cousin talking together like old friends.

"She's so good for Rose," he said to me. "You have no idea how she looks forward to Bella's visits. Naturally she loves her brother, but she sorely missed having a sister growing up. Bella's given that to her."

"I think Bella feels the same," I replied. "Losing Alice was a difficult blow for her and no amount of letters is going to make that any easier. But I think having Rose around makes it easier for her to bear."

"I'm glad it's you," Emmett said after a moment.

"What do you mean?"

"I'm glad it's you who's going to marry her. She could have done a lot worse, you know … given how she was raised. I'm glad that you're going to be in her life … and mine."

I could see what he was referring to as I watched his wife and Bella walk arm-in-arm together. It was like I could watch the years sprawling out in front of us, filled with family trips and dinners, children growing up side by side. It was a lovely picture. It made me all the more determined in my hope that we could move up the date of the wedding. Suddenly, a year seemed completely doable.

* * *

_**A/N:**__ The Templar Two Door is a rather stylish small car that came out around this time in the United States. Did you know that you can find the roster and schedule for Major League Baseball all the way back to its inception in the late 1800s? So, the game I'm talking about _did _occur on Tuesday, August 17, 1920 and the Cubs did lose to the Reds three to two. The players I mentioned did play for the Cubs and the Reds, though I don't know if they did what I said they did. Alas, play by play was not recorded at that time. ;) I'm sure by now you have a vague picture of what happened with Jasper: that they attempted to kill him in at the Yards and he ran away. In the next chapter you will get the whole story … direct from Jasper's mouth. Hopefully it will clear up all of your concerns about him. Again, thanks for reading. : ) ~Jen_


	16. New York State of Mind

_From a tugboat on the river goin' slow_

_A cement bag, it is dropping down_

_Yeah, the cement is just for the weight, dear_

_You make a large bet Macheath is back in town_

_My man Louie Miller, he split the scene, babe_

_After drawin' out all the bread from his stash_

_Now Macheath spends just like a pimp, babe_

_Do you suppose that our boy, he did something rash?_

_**Mack the Knife**__, Kurt Weill 1928_

_**Disclaimer: **__I do not own Twilight or any of the characters from the Saga. Stephenie Meyer is the owner of Twilight. No copyright infringement is intended. This work, and the original ideas presented therein, is the sole property of this author._

_Again, huge thanks to my beta team, Belle Dean, ikss, swimom7, and bookjunkie1975. They are amazing ladies and I'm lucky to call them friends._

* * *

_**Friday, July 16, 1920**_

"Jas!" Demetri called over the whine of the bone saw.

I cut the saw and looked around the carcass hanging in front of me.

"Yeah, D? What's the matter?"

"Aro wants you in his office. Pronto. I'll take over here."

"Yeah, alright," I said, lifting the bandana off of my face and handing him the saw. "I got four done. Did he say what he needed?"

"Just you and quick," my friend said.

I nodded. Aro Valentina was not a man you wanted to cross. I stripped off my blood-spattered coveralls and hightailed it through the warehouse, wondering what the boss wanted of me. As I strode quickly through the yards, the stench didn't affect me as it once had. It was just part of the background now, like the dingy kids who roamed the streets near my apartment. I barely noticed any of it anymore.

I took the steps up to Aro's office two at a time, running a dirty hand through my hair as I went. It was a little late for grooming and I doubted he wanted to see me clean. A clean man was a lazy man here in the Yards. If you were clean, you weren't pulling your share and you were likely to get either beaten or fired, probably both. I worked enough for two men and it showed. I'd come to be almost proud of the filth. I thought it better to be proud of it than constantly disgusted with myself.

"Jasper!" Aro's thickly accented voice called from behind the desk.

His chair was turned away from me so I did not see his face, but I knew he was expecting me. People didn't just drop on in Aro; you needed to be invited.

"Mr. Valentina," I said, standing just inside the door. "D said you needed me, sir."

"I do," he replied, turning around and leveling me with his stare. "I do indeed. Please sit."

Aro Valentina started in the Yards when he was a young man, younger than me, and worked his way up to the boss level. His body bore the scars of his years of labor, but it was his eyes that worried me. Aro was always calculating your worth and what you could do for him. Thus far, I thought I had proven myself helpful to him, but the look in his eyes that day sent a chill through me. It was calculating and I somehow knew he was about to up the ante.

I sat in the chair opposite him. It was a ratty wooden chair with the legs crudely chopped off about two inches shorter than they should have been. It was made so that even a tall man like me sat lower than Aro. You had to look up to him and I thought he liked that quite a lot.

"You've been here how long now, Jasper?" he asked, his scarred fingers tented in front of his face.

"Almost six months, sir," I said immediately.

"And in that time you moved from a box boy to a saw tech? Impressive, very impressive."

"Thank you, Mr. Valentina." I tried to keep the curiosity off of my face even though I was bursting at the seams trying to understand what he wanted of me. People like me didn't get called up into the big boss's offices for praise. He wanted something; I just needed to be patient to see what it was.

"All of your coworkers say you're a loyal man, Jasper. That means a great deal to me. Loyalty is the cornerstone of the union and a trait I _need_ in my workers, do you understand?"

"I – uh, think so, sir. We're playing with our lives out there. We need to trust each other."

"Smart boy!" he exclaimed, laughing lowly. "But I knew that already. Daddy wanted you to be a lawyer, didn't he?"

I frowned reflexively when he mentioned my father, but nodded curtly.

"Yes, I know all about that bad blood. It saddens me to know that your own father could treat his only son that way. Blood ties … well, he certainly doesn't know much about _loyalty_, now does he, son?"

I almost laughed at him and that would have probably been a mistake. You don't laugh at Aro. I wanted to spit to get the ugly taste out of my mouth that talk of my father produced, but I just shook my head, letting him know that no, my father wouldn't know loyalty if it bit him in his privileged white ass.

"But you do," he continued, leaning forward and lowering his voice. "You're loyal to the men on your line; but even more than them, you're loyal to your girl. Aren't you, Jasper? You're loyal to Alice."

My eyes widened when he brought up my girl, and even more so when he mentioned her name. I didn't speak of her here. I kept my head down and worked. I played cards with the guys at night. That was it. Talking about Alice here would have been … well, it would have been like sharing her. And damn if I was going to share my girl with anyone.

"You're surprised I know about Alice, aren't you?"

"A bit."

"I make it a point to know everything I can about my boys."Aro paused, leaning back slowly in his chair and looking around the room at pictures taken of him with powerful Chicago business men. "It's important to know who's working for you, don't you think?"

"Yes, sir."

"You seem like a go-getter Jasper, someone I can trust with _all_ of my dealings."

"I'm – not sure I understand, sir. Is there something more you need me to do in the Yards?"

"From what I hear, you take on as many extra shifts as they'll let you. Saving up for something special?"

My face must have betrayed my thoughts because Aro smiled in a predatory way, as though he could read my mind.

"Well, sir, yes. I'm saving to buy my girl a diamond."

Aro's smile widened.

"And what if I told you I could fast track your savings? Make it so you could ask her … next month, instead of next year? You'd be interested in that, wouldn't you, _son_?"

I suddenly didn't like him calling me son. I didn't like anything about the tone of his voice or the suggestions behind his words. I knew in a vague sense that Aro didn't get his money or his power just by working honestly in the Yards. The men were scared of him and from what I'd heard, they had good reason to be.

"I think it would depend on the offer, sir," I said cautiously.

He threw his head back and laughed raucously. It made me flinch. I had a feeling I was in way over my head.

"Always thinking _smart_, aren't you Jasper?"

"Old habits die hard," I replied immediately.

His mouth twisted for a second, a hard line that revealed brown, crooked teeth behind his rubbery lips. It was not a pleasant smile in any way. Within a moment, a more natural expression replaced the twisted mockery of a smile, but neither one of us were under the delusion that I didn't see the threat in his face.

"Thinking smart could be very profitable for you around here," he said, standing up and walking around to the side of his desk. He turned his body slightly away from me so that he wasn't looking at me any longer. Instead, he looked up at the ceiling above him. "What if I could help you to practice law? A fine, _fast_ thinking man like you would make a shark of a lawyer. A man like me would pay big dough for a snappy shark of a lawyer like that."

He wanted me to be his lackey lawyer? There was only one reasonable explanation for why he'd want me to do that: he was into transactions that required a man groomed to fight his court battles for him. He needed someone _indebted_ to him.

"What would be the terms of your offer?" I asked after a moment's pause.

His back stiffened slightly, but relaxed after a moment.

"You would go to the best school, better than that rich friend I hear you hang out with." His voice was low, but I watched him turn his head slightly to see how I would react to him mentioning Edward. I kept my face and body impassive and he continued. "When you're done and all the necessary exams are passed, you'll set up shop on the right side of town and take care of things on _this_ side of town. Now … wouldn't that be better for that pretty young thing you want to take your name?"

I couldn't lie. His offer gave me the opportunity to be "straight" and live on the right side of town without being beholden to my father. I could give Alice the life she deserved and take care of _her_ instead of letting her take care of me. But at what cost?

Dirty lawyers were a dime a dozen in Chicago. I'd heard the stories from Father and from Mr. Masen, though Father always sounded a bit more jealous than Mr. Masen ever did. I'd also read about "disappearances" … when the lawyers proved untrustworthy or began losing cases for their wealthy, connected clients, the lawyers often weren't heard from again. That wasn't the life I wanted for Alice, always worrying about whether I'd end up as another mysterious disappearance.

While I was mulling over his words, Aro had turned around and was staring at me.

"Whatcha thinking about, college boy?" His voice was harsher now, mocking. "No one believes a pretty boy like you belongs in the Yard. Take the ticket out of here and do something more your speed."

I was offended that he thought I didn't belong, and like the stubborn ox that I was, I stood up with a sneer on my face. I was a good six inches taller than Aro and I looked down on him. I already knew it was a poor choice on my part, but I couldn't take it back without looking like a coward.

"I'll have to disagree with you there, Mr. Valentina," I said, trying to keep my voice steady and my eyes from looking down. "The men on my line think of me as one of the boys here. No one's ever looked at me funny or questioned why I'm here."

"Bullshit," he spat, his lips twisted into a feral looking snarl. "You've never fit in here, even though you tried hard enough. It's the way you hold your head, the way you walk around here … _you don't belong_."

"I don't belong in a courthouse either, so where does that leave me?"

I stared down at him hard. I could take him firing me, but he needed to know where I stood. This wasn't right for me … for Alice. I needed to make the right decision here and protect her.

He looked at me hard for moment, like he wanted to hit me or throw me out of his office. But he didn't. The cold look in his eyes softened after a moment and the smile returned to his lips. He crossed his arms in front of him.

"So angry at your daddy that you can't even take a good opportunity when it bites you in the face, Hale?"

I didn't miss that he stopped calling me by my first name or "son." I was Hale again.

"Maybe that. Maybe that life never was what I wanted. I'm happy here where I am; no need to muck around with that."

"So this is a no then?" he asked, his arms still crossed lightly in front of him. "Not a maybe or a possibly?"

"I think this is a no, Mr. Valentina," I said heavily. "I hope I haven't disappointed you too much."

He paused for a moment too long before letting out a whoop of laughter and clapping me on the shoulder.

"No one disappoints me, Jasper," he said, looking me straight in the eye. "Not and live anyway!"

Another burst of laughter rolled out of his mouth as he squeezed my shoulder and a sick feeling gripped my gut. This wasn't a question of whether I could work here or not. It was a question of whether Aro was going to let me live or not. He'd asked me to join the dirty side of his business and I'd turned him down. Would he trust me to look the other way now? Or would he want to clean up after himself? At that moment, I wasn't really sure.

"Clock out on your way down," he said, his meaty hand on my shoulder still squeezing it painfully. "End of the day for you."

I searched his face for more meaning in his eyes, but he just laughed at me again.

"I expect you bright and early tomorrow though!"

I joined in his laughter half-heartedly as he led me to the door. When the door closed behind me and I was standing in the July heat outside of Aro's office, I realized for the first time that perhaps Edward had known more about my life than I ever gave him credit for.

I wandered around the wrong part of town that night and found myself in a gin joint after dark. I tossed around the idea of going to Edward's that night, but I knew I'd never make it back in time for my shift. The last thing I needed was to show up late to work. I wouldn't give him a reason to look twice at me. I thought if I kept my head down and my nose out of trouble, I'd be fine and Aro would forget his rebuffed offer. I should have known better, even then.

* * *

The next couple of weeks were fine, aside from a few funny looks from the guys the next day. Word tended to spread quickly when you got called to the boss's office, so I expected it. They all wanted to know what was up and I told them the boss just had a question about one of the saws that had gone kaput the week before. Felix was real keen on my answer, so I knew he'd known more than he let on. He kept his eye on me after that day, but the rest of the guys seemed to let it go. They were satisfied with my explanation and I thought I was in the clear. Well, I did until the last day of the month.

I was pulling a double that Saturday, trying to work some extra hours, so that I could have a few days off in a row before Alice left. I wanted to spend some time with her and find the perfect moment to give her the ring I'd saved up for. I figured that taking time off wouldn't be an issue because I'd been pulling more than my fair share. I'd planned to talk to D about it in the next week.

It was about ten at night. The Yards were quiet because most of the saw workers were gone for the day. I was pulling box and freight duty with a couple of boys I didn't know, all of us stripped down to just pants and literally baking in the leftover heat from the day. The boys were newbies, pulling the late shift with me because they didn't rank out of the graveyard shift. I felt proud that D had let me be the senior man on the floor that night. In fact, I wondered if all of the worry over Aro's offer had been for nothing. Things seemed fine.

I was tired and was taking a smoke break while the two others continued lifting and loading. Leaning up against one of the big, metal containers we used to store the offal, I could just see out to the night sky. I was lost, looking at the deep blue sky with the scattering of jewels twinkling brightly. I was so damn tired at that point that I probably could have fallen asleep standing up. But I stayed awake, keeping an ear out for the boys. I wondered what Alice was up to that night and if she'd want to see me when I got off at eleven. I was dead tired, but seeing her face could wake me right up.

It wasn't until the container was moving at me too quickly that I realized something was wrong. The metal containers got moved around by cranes during the day. No one could operate the cranes except the big guns, D and Felix, and they weren't on that night. So when my vision of the night sky was blocked by a silently swinging metal container coming straight for me, I didn't immediately move. What was happening was almost too much to comprehend.

Luckily for me, my body was smarter than my mind. It knew enough to get the hell out of dodge. I threw myself on the ground and rolled out of the way just as the two metal containers made contact, squealing and shaking the ground under me. I lay on the ground, panting and damn near close to tears as I looked up and realized where I was. The two containers were less than a foot away from me. I was safe, but I was stuck tight behind them for the moment. I lay still and listened, trying to understand what had happened.

I heard the two boys whooping and yelling, wondering what had happened.

"Jas, goddammit! Where are you?" the first one, Embry, called.

"Man, if he was over there, he ain't gonna answer you," the other one, Seth, said more softly.

There was silence for a moment, only the shuffle of feet as they looked around for signs of me. Suddenly, I heard more noise; someone else was coming.

"What the hell happened over here?" a voice I recognized well asked.

It was Alec, Aro's son. He worked in the office with his father most days and I couldn't for the life of me figure out what he'd be doing here at this time of night.

"I don't know, boss," Seth said immediately. "Jas was having a fag and then this thing flew out of nowhere and smashed … right where he was standing."

"You're sure he was standing there?" Alec asked him.

Not, _how did the container move?_ Not, _did you see anyone else around?_ Just, _You're sure he was standing there?_ He might as well have asked them if they saw my blood on the ground.

"Well, I thought he was. We were just calling for him," Embry said.

"We'll take care of it from here, boys," another voice said.

I squinted my eyes as I listened hard. I couldn't be sure because the sound was off a little behind the containers, but it sounded like Aro himself. I heard more feet, probably the boys heading off home. It sounded like they went a little reluctantly, but I didn't blame them. They probably didn't even know how dangerous things were right now. Hell, I was only beginning to see myself.

When the sound of their footsteps faded away, I heard a low whistle in the air. Two whistles came back only a second later and then the sound of two sets of feet approaching. I was dying to find a place to peek through, but that part of me intent on survival kept me glued where I was. No sense in giving them reason to try harder.

"You get him?"

It was Aro for sure. I recognized the lilt of his accent clearly enough.

"Yeah." The voice speaking now sent a wave of nausea running through me. It was D. My friend since the day I walked into the yard. "He was standing there smoking his fag like he was outside the fucking Lincoln Conservatory in a coat and tails. No way he got out of the way … he never even flinched.

_Well, fuck you too, D. Guess I'm faster than you thought I was, eh chum?_

"Did you _see_ his pansy ass flattened, Demetri?" the higher pitched voice of Aro's son squeaked.

I heard a small scuffle and then Aro's sickening laughter.

"Now, now, Alec. I'm all for being thorough, but there's no need for proof. The container is there … where could he go?"

Alec said something too low for my ears to hear, though I strained hard to hear.

"And then what would we say to the authorities if we _did_ find him squished like a bug between the containers? Everyone knows we don't run the cranes at night. By the time he's found, he'll be so far decomposed no one will even know he's human. Better that way. Let the little bitch think he ran off with one of our girls here. You know his monkey of a father won't come looking for him. It's _cleaner_ this way. _Safer_."

I heard someone spit and then feet shuffled away. I lay low, listening and waiting for the stillness I knew would come.

"I liked you, you son of a whore," Demetri's voice carried low and whining to my ears. I gathered that he thought he was alone and talking to my ghost … or whatever he thought was still here. "Why'd you have to force Aro like that? Threatening to go to your no good father about his side business … that's sneaky and disloyal. We don't like that shit here. Well … you won't be saying nothing now, I wager. Still, I'm gonna miss your ugly face."

I heard the sound of his spitting and then honking his nose into that ratty snot rag he kept in his back pocket. Then, I heard the sound I was waiting for. He shuffled away, leaving me alone. Stuck … behind two fucking metal containers. I lay there for another ten minutes making sure no more sounds would break the silence. I heard the sound of a car in the distance and guessed it was Aro and Alec going home for the night. I didn't hear anything more and decided to start working my way out of that tight squeeze.

It took me almost an hour and a half of climbing between to the two metal containers; but finally, sometime after midnight, I made my way out, bloody and sweating like a pig. I jumped down and walked away from the Yard, never even stopping to pick up my shirt.

I walked for most of the night, stumbling over my tired, achy feet, never really sure which direction I was head in. I ended up outside of the main hospital sometime just after three in the morning. Looking down at myself, I knew if I ran into the wrong nurse, she'd likely call the cops to arrest me and that was the last thing I needed at that point. I decided to walk around to the side entrance where I knew "poverty cases" were often taken. Maybe I could get someone to quietly look at my cuts without having to answer any questions.

"Jasper?" a familiar voice called to me as a nurse was leading me through the hallway.

The ramrod straight, put-out posture of the nurse lessened slightly at the sound of Dr. Cullen's voice. I knew how well respected he was, but I hadn't ever had the opportunity to see him at work before. I hoped seeing him tonight wouldn't make him think badly of me.

"Dr. Cullen," I said, turning around and facing him.

I wished immediately that I had a shirt to cover myself with. I looked more common than I'd ever felt in front of him, my pants in rags because of the climb and my arms, face and torso covered in ragged, open cuts.

"I'll take it from here, Dorothy," Dr. Cullen said with a nod to the nurse behind me. He crooked his finger at me, beckoning me into his office. "Follow me."

I followed him into a private examination room, not his office. He flicked on a bright light and gestured for me to sit on the table. I could see his deep-set frown as I moved around the room.

"I expect that Alice is home and safe?" he asked, his back turned away from me.

"Of course, sir," I said immediately.

I noticed that his shoulders loosened a bit before he turned around.

"What happened, Jasper? These don't look like work related injuries."

There was concern on his face. I didn't blame him for thinking of Alice first. In fact, I was glad he did. But I still didn't know how to handle explaining what had happened. It seemed pretty clear to me that Aro had put a hit on me. For the time being, everyone at the Yard thought I was dead. That was a good thing, but it meant that I had nothing to go back to. I couldn't very well show up at my apartment when they all thought I was dead.

"Look, let's just call this work related," I said tersely. "I – don't know how much I should tell you."

Carlisle was all business for a while, cleaning out the cuts and looking at them carefully to decide if any of them needed stitching. I got lucky and only needed stitches above my eyebrow and on my forearm. I thought it would be worse.

"You know I'm not going to leave this," he said while he prepared the needles and thread for stitching. "If something or someone has put you in danger … well, that's my business, Jasper."

He had a point, of course. Anything that put me in danger put Alice in danger. Especially since I knew that Aro knew about Alice _and_ Edward. I sighed deeply and shook my head.

"Aro, I mean Aro Valentina, my boss … he offered me a chance at being a lawyer," I said, looking down at my hands. "'Cept he really wasn't interested in me working for the DA's office or having me intern with Mr. Masen, if you know what I mean."

"I think I can follow you. Go on."

He worked and I talked, telling him all about how I figured out what Aro really wanted from me and why I'd said no to his offer. I let out all of the frustration I felt from watching my life slip completely out of my hands. And I told him about the container "accident" and how I'd escaped. It was the only time that Carlisle's calm façade dropped.

His hands froze above my arm when I said the word "accident." Neither of us breathed for a moment and then he shuddered before continuing.

"That was no accident, was it, son?" he said, his voice shaky.

"No, sir. After it all happened, I stayed where I was … mostly 'cause I was stuck tight, but also because I knew it couldn't have just _happened_, you know?"

He nodded.

"Aro and his son Alec were the first on the scene and they played it down to the two guys I was working with. Poor kids probably won't ever know what really happened. I just hope they're smart enough not to ask questions. But I found out everything after they left. D, my … well, a guy I worked with, came over. It was him who worked the crane. He was aiming for me. I heard everything I needed to hear."

When Carlisle finished stitching me up, he examined me carefully with his kind blue eyes and suddenly I felt uncomfortable. There was so much love and understanding in his eyes, almost as if he viewed me as his own son. I wasn't familiar with the sentiment and it made me nervous.

"What are you going to do with yourself now?" he asked.

I shrugged, trying to look tougher than I felt.

"I'll manage, somehow … though I can't imagine how I'll be able to stay in town now. Someone will see me sometime … and if that happens, well, I don't want to think about what they'd do to get to me. It's better for _everyone_ if they think I'm dead."

"I might be able to help you with that," he said after a pause, looking me firmly in the eye. "Do you trust me?"

I snorted before nodding my head.

"Obviously," he answered himself, clearly distracted. "I'll need to make some excuse … I'm expected to be on the floor until ten tomorrow morning. But Dr. Crowley owes me some favors. You'll come with me?"

I only thought about it for a moment before nodding my head. I'd go anywhere with pretty much anyone at that point. I'd been working since seven that morning and had just almost been crushed to death. It was time to let someone else think for a while.

* * *

Dr. Cullen knew it wasn't safe for Alice or Bella if I stayed at their house, even though Mrs. Cullen was dead set on it at first. She gave him a stern tongue lashing when he disagreed with her on it, and I had to chuckle at the way he just listened quietly and then went right on where he had left off after she was done, explaining why I couldn't stay there.

It was because of Alice and Bella, of course. They couldn't know anything had gone wrong or they'd get curious. Both of us were concerned about Alice finding out. With her temper, she'd go off and _someone_ would find out something they shouldn't. I still needed to see her, but she needed to think that everything was normal in the Yards.

Common sense dictated that I could just stay with Edward. His parents would have wanted to help, but I had to put my foot down on that one. I couldn't involve him knowing that Aro had info on him. He might have someone watching Edward's house … it was too risky and I wouldn't be the cause of any danger to my friends.

I fell asleep that night in the house of a man I'd never even met before. Dr. Cullen assured me that he could be trusted and at the word couch, I had been sold. However, when I woke up the next morning and saw the scrawny English man eyeing me suspiciously, I began to have my doubts.

Dr. Cullen knocked on the door while the man and I were still staring each other down; we hadn't spoken a word. I wondered how much, if any, sleep Dr. Cullen had gotten. He looked exhausted.

"Dr. Cullen," the man simpered as he opened the door for Carlisle. "I was expecting you somewhat later."

"This needs to be taken care of sooner rather than later, Alistair. I hope you don't mind."

"Not at all, sir. Come in."

"Jasper, I trust you slept well?"

"I did … feel like I could sleep for another two days, but I'll survive."

I sat up and rubbed my hands over my face. Alistair … the name didn't ring any bells to me. When Carlisle had dropped me off in the middle of the night, I didn't ask questions. I simply stumbled onto the man's couch when he pointed at it and lost consciousness. I guessed by the light filtering through the dirty windows that it was around noon.

"Sleep will come later, son. I want to go over my plans with you and make sure they are agreeable to you before I follow through with them."

I nodded, still darting glances over at Alistair. He busied himself by working at his stove and I turned my attention back to Carlisle.

"Alice leaves for Paris on the fourteenth of August," he began. "Esme, Bella, and I were planning to take the train with her to New York in order to see her off. It is my intention to buy tickets for you and Edward to join us … though I will leave it up to you whether or not you would like a return ticket."

The man was a bloody genius. If I could lay low for the next two weeks, keep Alice in the dark until she got on that train, I could steam out of Chicago and leave Aro and his goons behind for good. With any luck, they wouldn't even have moved the container by then to see that there were no smashed Jasper guts there.

"I think you know already that I won't require return passage," I said quietly.

"I figured, but I wanted to leave it up to you," he said. "What do you think you'll do there?"

"It's New York City, Dr. Cullen. Opportunities abound there for an industrious fella without a name."

He chuckled and shook his head.

"I don't need to worry about you doing anything truly illegal, I guess," he mused. "It seems your stance on that was made achingly clear the other night."

I nodded my head wryly at him. It was all still a little too close for me to make light of it.

"I'll be buying Opera tickets for the rest of the family the night of Alice's departure. We'll board a late train after the Opera. That would be a perfect opportunity for you to … disappear as it were."

I shook my head, thinking of the worry that would go through Edward's mind if I just turned up missing while he was at the Opera.

"I'm going to need to tell them something," I said finally. "But not until we're on the train."

He nodded and smiled.

"Alice may guess if you don't come round to visit at all. Or worse, she may go looking for you."

I shuddered and shook my head violently.

"I'll be around tonight," I said. "Though … you probably won't see me."

It was his turn to snort.

"Right," he said. "Like I didn't see you last Thursday. Or the Monday before that."

I opened my eyes wide in shock.

"They're my girls, Jasper," he said, spreading his hands in front of him. "It is my job to know what's going on. But we trust you."

"Thank you," I said.

I ran my fingers through my dirty hair. Washing was more than in order.

"This may not be the best time, Dr. Cullen," I said uneasily. "But … I need to ask you something."

He nodded and kept a serious look on his face, though I guessed he knew what I was preparing to ask.

"I've bought Alice a ring and intend to ask for her hand before she leaves," I said. "It'd mean a lot to me if you'd give me your blessing?"

"It'd be my honor, son," he said, smiling widely. But his smile faltered almost as quickly as it appeared. "The … uh, ring? Where is it?"

I chuckled and shook my head.

"I thought I was being a ridiculous fool about the whole thing, but I never left it in my apartment. I carried it in my pocket these past five days. It's right here."

I pulled a small, black velvet bag out of my pocket and offered it to him. He held it in his hand before looking up at me questioningly. I nodded my assent before he opened the bag and poured the contents out into his hand.

"It's quite lovely, son. She'll be proud to wear it."

"Yeah, well … it's not as much as I'd like it to be, but it was all I could afford. She deserves a hell of a lot more."

Carlisle shook his head before placing the white gold band with the single diamond set in filigree back into the pouch.

"I think, if you were to ask her, she'd tell you that she deserves to have _you_. All the rest is just details."

His words made me smile and also made me realize how well he did know Alice and Bella. I wondered when Edward would be having this conversation with Carlisle. Even though I envied him a little that he'd likely have the conversation with Carlisle in the Cullen's sitting room with a much bigger diamond in his hand, I felt like this was the right way for _me_.

"I'll just let you get back to sleep, son. I can tell you're dead on your feet. Alistair will take good care of you."

"Yeah … ah … about him?" I asked uncomfortably, standing up and closing the distance between us quickly.

"Don't worry about his brooding," Carlisle said quietly. "He's an old friend from medical school. Harmless as a fly. Besides … he owes me far more than housing and feeding you for a week or two."

His words made me wonder immediately what the good doctor had done for the straggly looking man who was puttering in the kitchen across from me. But I doubted I'd get the information out of either of them. For the time being, I contented myself with the knowledge that I was safe. After Carlisle left, I drifted back to sleep with the smell of strong tea in the air.

* * *

_**The night of August 13, 1920**_

The movement of the train was quickly lulling everyone to sleep. Even Edward and Bella, who only minutes ago couldn't keep their hands off of each other, were drifting off to sleep. Alice had tucked herself under my arm and was leaning heavily against me. The reassuring feel of her body was welcome that night of all nights; I knew it would be our last for a very long time.

"You'll tell me now, Jasper Whitlock Hale, or I'm handing this ring back to you this instant," she murmured lightly against my chest, her fingers gripping my shoulder tightly, almost painfully. "What's going on that I don't know about?"

"A lot, baby," I whispered into her hair. "But I really couldn't tell you until now."

"Start talking, Jas," she said softly, picking her head up and looking me squarely in the eye. "We just don't have much longer."

I told her about my conversation with Aro and his dark threat. I glossed over what happened in the Yard … there was no sense in telling her how close I'd come to being killed. I was out of there; the worst was over. She knew that they thought I was dead and that that was how it needed to stay. And then I told her about Dr. Cullen and how he had maneuvered to keep me safe, setting me up with a place to hide and then buying this ticket to freedom for me.

She was quiet for a long time after I finished speaking, just rubbing her fingers lightly back and forth against my chest. I knew Alice well enough to leave her be while she worked it out in her head. She'd talk to me when she was ready.

"What will you tell Edward?" she asked finally.

"I told him I'd be looking around the city for a while. He's not expecting me to come back with them."

"No, but he'll expect you to return sometime. Jasper, he knows where you lived. You can't let him think that you'll be back. He's just stubborn and naïve enough to go looking for you. Think what Aro or D would do to _him_ if they found him snooping around your apartment."

I shuddered and pulled her closer to me.

"What should I tell him?"

"He's a big boy, Jas," she said, her voice patronizing. "Tell him the truth. It isn't as though Edward is clueless; he's a smart man and if you tell him to keep his trap shut, he'll do it."

"Alice, the more people who know about this, the more dangerous it is. What if word gets out that I slipped town? You think Aro doesn't have a pulse in New York?"

"I don't doubt that Aro has a pulse wherever he wants one," she said calmly. "But I'm telling you _not_ telling your closest friends will do you, and perhaps them, more harm than good. Think about it … Edward would be too easy of a target if he doesn't know your plan."

"Don't talk like that," I snapped at her and then immediately lowered my voice. "You know I don't want anyone hurt … this is too much to think about."

"You should have come to me sooner," she said. I could feel her smiling against my chest. "Here's what you'll do. You're no longer Jasper Whitlock Hale … you're just Jas Whitlock. You're going to tell Edward what's happened and why it's important no one talks about you in the present tense for the time being. Ask him to talk to Rosalie first thing when he returns to Chicago. The last thing she needs in her condition is to be worrying about you floundering in New York. When you get yourself set up in the city, you're going to find a job in the hottest gin joint that'll take you and then you're going to lay low. No talk of Chicago, no visits home for at least a year. You can write to me, of course, but only under your new name. No trails, Jas. They'll have other fish to fry soon enough."

I felt her stirring and looking around, judging who was still awake. We were the only ones. She knelt up on the bench and placed her forehead against mine, framing my face with her delicate hands.

"You will keep yourself safe," she whispered, "because _you_ are my home. When I return, I never want to be apart from you again. Is that understood?"

"Yes," I breathed, tilting my head until my lips met hers.

It was, as it always was with Alice, as though I'd never kissed her before. The newness, the sheer joy in being close to her, overwhelmed me as our lips moved together. Slowly, quietly, I moved her on top of my lap so that I could feel her all along my body. I cradled her as we kissed, feeling her heart pound against my chest and her fingers move in my hair.

"Come with me," she whispered.

"But … Carlisle and Esme …"

Her hands traveled down my chest making me groan.

"They're asleep," she coaxed. "And even if they're not … they'll pretend. I want you one last time before I leave you."

She got up, pulling on my shirt, and I followed as she knew I would. I would always follow her; and always, I would want her.

* * *

The day of Alice's departure was a flurry of activity so that I didn't have a chance to speak with Edward until we were all standing on the docks. Bella and the Cullens stood together, waving and cheering as Alice boarded the ship, but I hung in the background with Edward. Alice and I had said our goodbyes last night.

"There's something I need you to do for me, old friend," I said just loud enough to catch Edward's attention.

He turned to me and seemed to be waiting for me to continue.

"Anything you need, Jasper. What is it?" he asked after a moment had gone by.

"I'm not going back to Chicago, Edward," I said finally and held up my hand when he began to open his mouth. "Something happened at the Yards a couple weeks back. It's not in my best interest to be lurking around there anymore; it's not in anyone's best interest, really."

"What do you mean something happened?"

"I mean someone with power tried to kill me, Edward, and they think they succeeded. It's more … prudent … if they continue to think that."

"This happened a couple of weeks ago? What the _hell_, Jasper? You're just telling me now?"

"It was taken care of. I only told Alice last night, so don't get all indignant. Anyway, none of you can talk about me like you've seen me since the end of July. And, when you _do_ hear from me, it'll be under a new name."

"A new name?"

"It was Alice's idea. I don't have much tie to the Hale name to begin with. I'll be Jas Whitlock from now on."

He seemed to be slowly considering what I was saying. I wondered what he'd ask about.

"I won't keep this from Bella," he finally said. "She'll want to know why we don't see you and I won't lie to her."

I laughed and clapped him on the back.

"I wouldn't expect you to," I said. "And there's something else … I need you to talk to my sister. She needs to know that I'm ok."

He nodded as though this were a foregone conclusion and then plunged ahead with the rest of his questions.

"What are you going to do here?" he asked. "You've left your apartment … I doubt they gave you severance pay or anything decent like that seeing as they think they killed you … what are you planning?"

"Dr. Cullen generously gave me a loan so that I could rent a place here in the city. It'll likely be enough to cover the first several months rent, even if finding a job is more difficult than I think it is. I'm going to lay low and try to find work in one of the gin joints or barrel houses in the city. They aren't too picky about references there so my lack of any sort of documentation shouldn't be too much of a hassle."

"This'll be quite a change for you," he said, turning to face me. "I know that Chicago hasn't always been kind to you, but are you really ready to leave it all behind?"

"I don't really see that I have much choice. It's that or constantly be watching my back … or Alice's when she returns. That's not the life I want for either of us. I'm not saying this is what I would have chosen, but … it's all I've got right now."

He squinted his eyes up at the slowly moving ship and smiled.

"So I'm guessing a holiday visit is just completely out of the question then?" he asked.

"Probably. Alice said a year before I come back at all … just to be safe. Why?"

"Because I'm going to ask Bella to marry me this Christmas. It will be strange not to have either her sister or my … brother there to celebrate with."

I nodded my head and put my arm around him.

"Brother," I repeated. "I like that."

"Yeah … even before the girl's make it official," he teased.

I threw my head back and laughed at that. Yes, once we were both married, we'd be brothers in law at the very least. But in many ways, Edward was already my brother. I was glad to be leaving him knowing that he felt the same way.

Bella turned around, her eyes red and swollen, to look at us. Edward looked at me and shrugged, pulled like a magnet to her side. I saw her relax into his arms as they watched the ship pulling out of the dock and my girl sailing away.

* * *

Finding a place to stay proved much easier than finding a job. I was in the city, wandering the streets both day and night for nearly two weeks before I stumbled into The Black Ball one rainy night.

The clientele looked about right to me. They were middle class and well groomed which meant they likely tipped well. The place was beneath what looked like a tea house during the day. Patrons had to get past a burly hulk of a man by knowing the right word. I saw one guy get thrown out on his ass for trying to sneak in with another patron. I got lucky however, having overhead one of the patrons outside tell a friend who was behind them that the password was "wolf."

The big guy, I found out later, was named Paul and he was pretty much always ready for a fight. He enjoyed door duty because he was guaranteed the opportunity to throw someone out every night. The first thing that struck me about The Black Ball was how damn crowded it was. It was a Wednesday night, but the place was hopping. I also noticed the band at the front of the joint that seemed to keep everyone happy and dancing. This was the place for me; I could just feel it.

"What can I get you?" a pretty young woman behind the counter asked me.

Her back was turned, but she shot a glance over her shoulder at me and flashed a winning smile.

"Some water maybe," I said slowly, "and a job if you have it?"

She threw her head back and laughed. It was a very pretty sound, but I couldn't appreciate it fully. As she turned around, I saw the side of the woman's face was marred with a gruesome, long healed scar.

"He giving you trouble, Em?" a dark skinned man with long black hair asked.

His voice was quieter than I would have expected from a man of his size, gentle almost. I knew, almost instinctively, that this man wasn't the cause of this girl's scar. But I also knew she belonged to him.

"Oh, Jake, no. This nice young man is looking for a job. Look at him, babe! He's just a kid. And I could sure use an extra set of hands behind the bar."

The big man slipped underneath the bar and wrapped his arms around his woman, eyeing me as though to let me know who belonged to whom. I held my hands up.

"I'm engaged, sir. I meant no disrespect to this lovely lady. I'm just new in town and could really use a break."

"You work fast?" the man asked.

"As fast as I need to," I replied.

"You able to keep your mouth shut?"

I stood and stared at him until I saw the corners of his mouth start to twitch.

"Where'd you come from?"

I sighed before looking him straight in the eye.

"Someplace … does it matter?" I asked. When I received no comment, I continued. "I don't have a name here and I don't come with baggage. I just need something to pay the bills."

"The name's Jake," he said, holding out his hand. "This is my girl, Emily. She likes you and that's about the only recommendation I need."

"I'm Jas. You won't regret this," I said, taking his hand firmly in mine.

"See to it that I don't," he said, leveling me with his dark eyes again. "Now get back here and start slinging drinks."

* * *

**_A/N: _**_So, there you have Jasper's story. We'll hear more from him eventually. I hope you enjoyed hearing from him. Writing him is a lot of fun. He's a lot less formal than the other characters; gives me a chance to get my grit on. lol. Again, thank you all so much for all of the love and support you've shown this story. When I started writing this, I wasn't sure if it would find its niche in the FF world because of the time period and Bella's unique POV, but you've all embraced her and this story so much. It really means the world to me. So thank you. :) I'm trying to keep to a 10 day posting schedule which means posting on alternate Mondays and Thursdays. Much love and I hope your New Year has started off spectacularly! ~Jen_


	17. The Midwife's Labor of Love

_The night I looked at you_

_I found a dream that I could speak to_

_A dream that I can call my own_

_I found a thrill to rest my cheek to_

_A thrill that I have never known_

_O yeah when you smile, you smile_

_Oh, and then the spell was cast_

_And here we are in heaven_

_For you are mine_

_At last._

_**At Last,**__ Gordon and Warren 1941_

_**Disclaimer:**__I do not own Twilight or any of the characters from the Saga. Stephenie Meyer is the owner of Twilight. No copyright infringement is intended. This work, and the original ideas presented therein, is the sole property of this author._

_Much love and thanks go to my betas and pre-readers: Belle Dean, ikss, swimom7, and bookjunkie1975. You will notice that the chapter starts with a letter from Bella to Alice. From here on out, while Alice is away, chapters will contain either letters to or from Alice. Hope you enjoy!_

* * *

_Dear Alice,_

_School is going well here, thank you for asking. No, the girls don't give me as much trouble, though they do seem intent on looking at my left hand every morning. I have to giggle, Ali … what_ will_ they think when a ring appears there? Not that I should assume it would appear there before graduation, though the look on their faces would be priceless, wouldn't you think?_

_Rose looks ready to have the baby any day now, but she never complains about discomfort. I know that her back pains her; I can see it in her eyes when she stands or sits, but she is determined to be positive throughout the rest of her time. Aunt Esme helped me make a special heating pad for her last month that she can take with her to bed. It has extra padding and room enough for the largest hot water bottle. She says that it makes sleeping so much more comfortable and was very grateful for it._

_I am loving the music you chose for me! I admit that I was surprised by both yours and Edward's choices. I did not recognize any of the artists or names of the songs, but Edward assured me that they were the finest Jazz recordings on the market. I was skeptical at first, but the music has completely won me over. Edward has begun playing some of the songs on the piano and even improvising some tunes of his own. He loves the recordings, I think, more than I do!_

_Ali, I do wish you could be here for Christmas. The baby will be born by then and you know that Aunt Esme's party won't be the same without you. Of course, I know that you wouldn't make it back in time for your classes, but that doesn't stop me from wishing. What will you do? Will Uncle Carlisle's family take you anywhere special for the holiday? I do hope my present will make it in time … I want you to wear it when you next visit La Tour Eiffel (did I spell it right?) and take a picture for me!_

_Much love,_

_Sissy_

**BPOV**

**December 8, 1920**

I was pulled out of sleep early in the morning by a low groaning sound coming from Rose and Em's room. I had taken to sleeping there most nights in order to be on hand for when the baby arrived. Rose was adamant in wanting me by her side and I was happy that she wished me to be present. The sound I heard that morning, however, was unlike anything I'd ever heard before.

I knew it was Rosalie; her voice was unmistakable. I heard Emmett soon after. It sounded as though he had gotten out of bed and was bumping around in the room.

"Is it time?" I heard his hushed voice through the walls.

I threw the covers off and began dressing without waiting to hear her answer. If Rose was, in fact, ready to have the baby, I did not need my cousin stumbling into my room and finding me in my nightgown.

Rose was quiet after that and I heard the bath water running as I stepped out of my room. I nearly bumped into Emmett in the hallway.

"Bella!" he cried, bobbling the hot water bottle. "You're up."

"I heard Rose cry out," I said. "I'll go and make tea. Go back to her."

"She doesn't think it's time yet." He moved the hot rubber bottle back and forth between his two hands and shook his head. "She thinks it's just a back cramp, but I'm not so sure."

"Well, she could probably use some tea anyway … and possibly a scone. You have to be at work today … would you like to use my room to get some sleep."

He chuckled and ran his free hand through his hair.

"You have school today," he said.

"I think we both know I'm not going to school today, Em," I said with a wink.

"And I think _you_ know I'm not going to work."

We laughed softly and I motioned with my head for him to take the bottle into Rose.

"I'll be in shortly with enough for all of us," I said.

The excitement didn't set in until I was moving noiselessly around the kitchen, making up a tray of breakfast for the three of us. The motions were all routine for me, running the water and setting the kettle to boil on the stove; stirring the settled marmalade and running the honey jar under the warm water for a moment to free the wand. It allowed me time to think about what I might witness later that day.

I'd never witnessed a birth before, nor been around a child younger than a year old. At Carson, there was a nursery, but only those girls who were chosen specially were permitted within to care for the infants. I was not among them and so I never actually saw the littlest orphans, though I heard them when I walked past. The cooing mixed with gentle humming coming from the nurses was always relaxing. Of course, there was the inevitable screaming that would ensue around feeding time.

There had been much speculation about whether it would be a boy or a girl. Seemingly each of Rose's many visitors had a different way of knowing the gender by the way that Rose walked or the way her belly was shaped or even by the type of foods she craved. No one could reach a consensus, but I had my own suspicions. I'd seen Rose knitting a pair of petal pink booties earlier in the week. I felt that if anyone might have a reliable suspicion about the sex of the baby, it would be Rose. I found myself daydreaming about fanciful girl names that afternoon in class and was made to stay after to write lines because of my absentmindedness, but it was worth it. I came up with several beautiful monikers.

Rose was sitting up in bed when I entered their bedroom and Emmett was kneeling beside her. I could see he had dressed hastily and was stroking her hand. I paused at the door to watch them. Rose had her free hand on the side of his face and he was looking up at her. They looked so similar to the way they had looked at their wedding.

"Come in, Bella," Rose said, her voice rough from sleeping.

"I know you've been in the mood for marmalade, so I put some on the tray," I said. "Is there anything you need?"

"Not right now." Rose winced in pain as she attempted sit more upright. "Well, possibly a hand sitting up."

Emmett almost knocked the tray out of my hands trying to get to his wife, but I managed to get it to the bedside table. I fluffed Rose's pillow and arranged the hot water bottle behind her. She settled with a sigh and looked up at me.

"I'm glad you're here, Bella. I think it might be a very long day."

I don't think any of us could have guessed just how long it would be, or how quickly it would begin.

* * *

Rose barely made it through breakfast before the pain began in earnest. Emmett was happily munching on his toast when Rose clamped a hand around his wrist and let out a breathy scream. It had very little volume to it, but it made the hairs stand up on the back of my neck. It was a sound born of pain and fear.

Rose's head was bowed and she was breathing heavily. Emmett looked over her head at me as though I would know what to do. I realized that I was perhaps the _least _able to answer his questions. Siobhan, the midwife Rose wanted to attend the birth, had visited her a few times in the past month to check on her progress. I hadn't been there, but Rose always told me everything that Siobhan told her during her visits. I wracked my brain to remember what she told Rose about the early signs of labor. I wished that Aunt Esme were here; she likely would have more answers than I.

"Call your mother!" I blurted out as soon as the thought crossed my mind. "She'll know who to call and what to do."

He looked at me as though I were a genius. As soon as Rose let go of his wrist, he scurried off the bed and out of the room to make his call. I prayed that someone would be up in the house to take his frantic call, though I had no doubt he would continually ring until someone had the sense to answer. I hoped that someone thought to provide Em with some distraction for the remainder of the labor. He would be beside himself if he had to stay for the duration.

After I cleared the dishes from her lap, I sat at Rose's side and wrung my hands worriedly. I tried to stroke her arm at one point but she grunted and shook her head rapidly. I fussed with the blankets, unsure whether to tuck them around her tighter or relieve her of some. She appeared to be sweltering; sweat was dampening the edges of her hair and beading above her upper lip.

Her breathing appeared to be coming faster, though at intervals she ceased breathing all together and scrunched her face up in pain. At those moments, her usually porcelain complexion turned an ugly beet red. Just after Emmett left to make his call, one of those episodes lasted longer than five seconds. I grabbed her by the shoulders gently, bent close to her face, and breathed. She began breathing heavily again, opening her blue eyes wide to look at me. Her gaze was unsettling to me; her pupils were too wide, darting from side to side like a trapped animal in pain.

It was then I realized she was little more than a trapped animal at the moment. Siobhan had mentioned on one of her visits that the pain of labor was intense, and Rose shared that with me when I arrived after school. Later, sitting at tea with Aunt Esme, I asked casually about what Siobhan had said. Aunt Esme never sugar coated anything, and she told me that the pain of labor was unlike any pain imaginable. She said that giving birth was what had finally convinced her that women were truly the stronger sex. _"No man could do that and ever walk again, Bella. Mark my words."_

I'd laughed at the time, thinking my aunt witty and clever. But seeing Rose, one of the strongest women I knew, reduced to grunts and whimpers made me realize that perhaps even Aunt Esme's blunt words didn't capture the true extent of this kind of pain.

"Shh," I whispered, wanting to fill the room with some other noise beside Rose's breathing. "It will be alright, Rose. Breathe with me if it helps. You can hold my hand … you can hold it all day if it will help."

"Please," Rose panted. "Open a curtain for me? It's like a cave in here."

I rushed to do as she asked, moving aside the curtain that hid the three small windows. I noticed that one of them was open a crack and moved to close it before she took a chill.

"No!" Rose cried. "Leave it. I'm suffocating."

I looked back and forth between Rose's sweat soaked face and the window that was frosted over with the cold before walking reluctantly back to the bed. A bit of air wouldn't harm her for the time being. If I became chilled, I would close it.

I walked back to her side and offered her my hand. She was lying back against the pillow now, still panting, but seeming to relax a bit. She took my hand lightly and smiled wanly.

"I'm glad I got _some_ sleep last night," she commented. "I think I might need it."

"Can I get you any water? You're lips look parched."

"Don't leave me," she cried, clutching my hand tighter.

"No," I said quickly. "Of course not … later perhaps."

It was several more minutes before Emmett returned from making his calls. I sat, tentatively brushing Rose's hair from out of her face and worrying. Things seemed to be happening so quickly. I worried that the baby would come before anyone arrived. I didn't even fully understand what would _happen_ when the baby came. Theoretically, I understood the basic concept of birth, but frankly it all seemed a bit unreal. Surely a baby that had made Rose's belly grow so large could come out of where they hinted it would. That just didn't make sense. I prayed quietly that Siobhan and the rest of the women would come quickly.

"Mom's on her way," Emmett said as he burst into the room. "She said she would ring Siobhan, Elizabeth, Vera and your mother will be over in no time. She must have been sleeping with her hand on the phone! She picked up on the second ring."

"Did you say … my mother?" Rose gasped, tightening her grip on my hand so that I thought I might begin to scream.

"Yes, of course. Mother will call everyone, baby. You don't have to worry about a thing."

Rose's breathing increased and she groaned loudly, grasping my hand harder.

"I don't think she wanted her mother here, Emmett," I murmured through clenched teeth.

His face, so drawn in worry for Rose's pain, began to change as he took in my words. I doubted that Em had ever been privy to Mrs. Hale's rants to Rose about her choices regarding the baby, but I had. I knew that her mother was the only reason that Rose ever lost her cool during the pregnancy. It surprised me, however, that Rose hadn't made her views about her mother well known to Em; she certainly hadn't held back to me.

"She's tiresome," Rose panted, "and nothing I do is good enough. She probably won't come anyway."

But I knew Mrs. Hale well enough to know that she _would_ come, if only to have the final word with Rose in their argument. Rose released my hand a little bit, her mouth turning up in a shadow of her usual smile. "Sorry, dear," she whispered. I shook my head and moved my fingers gently, trying to regain circulation before she clamped down on my hand again. There would be bruises there, of that I was sure.

Aunt Esme, along with Mrs. Masen, Rose's good friend Vera, and Mrs. Hale, arrived just after ten in the morning. Rose was glad to see Vera who took my spot on the bed when she arrived and held Rose's hand. Emmett exited the room as soon as the women arrived to meet Uncle Carlisle who was waiting for him in the study. Even I knew enough to know that he would be better off there.

"We've got to get you up and walking, my dear girl," Vera said gently. "It's the best thing for the pain."

Rose looked at her as though she had lost her head, but didn't argue when Vera threw the covers off of her. Vera had given birth two months prior to a precious little boy named Henry. Rose doted on the little one, but hadn't been able to attend the birth.

"You wouldn't have to walk if you were at the hospital downtown where you _belong_, Rosalie," Mrs. Hale said after she walked into the room.

"Hello, Mother." Rose's voice was mock cheery, far too loud for the small space.

Esme came around to Rose's other said and helped her to stand. As she did, a pain seemed to hit Rose and she swayed on her feet, leaning heavily on her friend before finally finding her balance.

"You're right, V," she said placing her hands on her back. "This actually is better."

Mrs. Hale let out a deep sigh, but walked behind her daughter as she exited the room. I stayed behind with Mrs. Masen to gather sheets, pillows and the hot water bottles. We would set up the room where Rose intended to give birth while the others walked with Rose.

"When did she start?"

"It was early this morning," I replied from across the room. "She was complaining of a bad backache."

"It often starts that way." Mrs. Masen shook her head.

"Rose was fairly sure it wasn't anything major … but it seemed to hit her pretty quickly after that. Do you think that means it'll go quickly?"

"When I was in labor, I was fairly certain that I would have the baby before Siobhan ever made it to the house," she said, smiling. "Surely pain that bad had to mean that the baby was coming any second. Hours later, when Siobhan was wiping my forehead and feeding me broth, I thought perhaps he would never come. They come in their own time, and never a moment before."

I turned and smiled to myself. There was something wonderful about hearing her speak of giving birth and knowing who she was speaking of. A picture of myself, hair wet with perspiration and holding a perfect baby with green eyes and auburn hair, flashed into my mind, making me gasp. I realized I wanted that baby fiercely.

"Don't worry, dear," Mrs. Masen crooned, coming over to me and putting her arm around my shoulders. "I assure you that once she looks into that baby's eyes, any trouble she's gone through will melt away."

"Was that how it was … for you?"

I don't know why I was interested to hear about her experience, but I was intensely curious. I wondered if Edward was a good baby or if he was fussy; if he looked like his mother immediately, or if his appearance changed over time. I wanted to know it all.

She smiled at me and nodded her head.

"The moment I heard him cry, I was in love." Her voice was soft, full of memories. "And when they handed him to me, so warm and needy, he quieted right down. It was as if he knew me."

She squeezed my shoulder and shook her head.

"Come on," she said. "Siobhan will be here soon, I'm sure. And we should go save Esme, Vera, and Rose from Millie."

Mrs. Hale remained quiet, even after Siobhan came bustling into the house. Her fading red hair was tangled and windswept, coming loose in several places from the tight bun which seemed hastily tied at her neck. She was a large woman, and her personality fit her frame. Her ruddy face spread in a smile as she watched Vera and Rose walk back and forth down the hall.

"That's good, Rose!" she cried in her heavily accented voice. "Bring that baby down!"

Aunt Esme and Elizabeth both chuckled at Siobhan's boisterous cry, but Mrs. Hale clucked her tongue and shook her head. The midwife didn't miss the movement and turned to face Mrs. Hale with a large smile on her face.

"And who are you, then?" she asked jovially. "We've never met, I dinna think."

"I'm Mildred Hale. And of course we haven't met."

Mrs. Hale sniffed and turned away, heading toward the kitchen. There was an uncomfortable pause where Siobhan's outstretched hand hung in the air before she pulled it back.

"Don't mind Millie," Aunt Esme said breezily. "I never do."

Siobhan let out a booming laugh that reverberated through the hallway. Rose even managed a quiet laugh at her mother's expense. But just as suddenly as she began laughing, she froze, with her eyes wide.

Things seemed to happen very quickly after that. While I stood, staring at Rose, the front of her yellow dressing gown darkened with wetness and a puddle began to form around her feet. I blushed in response, thinking that perhaps she had soiled herself in her preoccupation with the pain. Mrs. Hale came up behind me while the rest of the women moved quietly and efficiently around Rose.

"Of all the indignities," Mrs. Hale huffed behind her handkerchief. "That lovely dress will be completely ruined."

I hardly thought that Rose had any concern for the dress at that moment. She was leaning heavily on Vera and Aunt Esme and had her eyes closed in what looked like rapt concentration. Her lips were white lines pressed together while her nostrils flared as she took in laboring breaths.

"You there! Tha' young Colleen! Go and fetch me some white towels!"

Siobhan was looking at me, but I furrowed my brow when she called me 'Colleen.' Aunt Esme nodded her head at me and jumped to attention, turning around and scurrying down the hall to retrieve some of the towels we'd stocked in the hall closet. When I returned, Siobhan directed me to lie them down so that Rose would have something to walk on. Mrs. Masen took one of the towels from me and began sopping up some of the clear liquid behind Rose.

They managed to get Rose down the hall and into the room we had prepared. Once inside, Vera and Siobhan helped her to remove the soiled dressing gown and then helped her into a clean, white night shirt. The fabric was nearly sheer and I blushed when I realized that poor Rose was on display to us all. She didn't seem to mind the exposure though. They eased her into the bed and another wave of pain hit her almost immediately, making her cry out.

"My young Colleen," Siobhan said, walking over to me. "You'll help me to boil my instruments."

She breezed out of the room and I looked around helplessly. Mrs. Masen smiled and made a shooing motion with her hands so I turned to run after Siobhan. I found her in the kitchen, laying out her tools on the counter on a white cloth. They were foreign looking to me, shining silver in the overhead light. Many of them looked ominous to me.

"Oh, we won't need most of these, I'm sure, love. Just want to be prepared," Siobhan explained as she continued to remove tools from her bag. "Would you set the water to boiling, my wee lass?"

I took the kettle and began filling it.

"I'm sorry. Why did you call me Colleen?" I asked.

Siobhan laughed and patted me gently on the back.

"I didn't know your name, did I?" she asked with a wink. "A 'colleen' is a pretty young girl!"

"Oh, I'm sorry!" I exclaimed, embarrassed at my rudeness. "I'm Bella, Emmett's cousin. I've been staying with Rose for the past several days, trying to help her as best I could."

"So you're the friend she goes on and on about," Siobhan said with a smile. "Rose is lucky to have you, my dear. Now … she said you would likely have some questions."

"Oh! Ah … well," I stammered. "I don't know. I've never witnessed a birth, you see."

"I'd gathered that. It seemed important to Rose that I answer any questions," Siobhan said, eying me suspiciously. "Are you in the family way yourself?"

I flushed deeply and shook my head.

"I'm not even married," I murmured.

"Aye, but the two don't always go together, if you know what I mean."

She waggled her eyebrows at me, but I shook my head.

"I'm sure I don't," I replied firmly. "Children are born in wedlock."

We worked in silence as the water boiled. But as I poured the water into the basin where she would submerge her instruments, she stared at me openly.

"You have a special someone, Bella?" she asked kindly.

"Yes," I replied with a smile. "Mrs. Masen's son Edward has been courting me for nearly a year now."

She nodded her head as I put the kettle down and turned to attend to her instruments.

"I think I know why Rose was so concerned about you being here today," Siobhan said with a knowing smile. "Do you know how a child is conceived?"

Her blunt question caught me unprepared, my hand still holding the handle of the scalding hot kettle over the sink. I didn't know what to say to her. I had always just assumed that was something one discovered after marriage. I stood for so long that the hot handle of the kettle burned me through the mitt. I dropped the kettle with a loud clanging sound. Siobhan chuckled as she continued to work with her tools.

"Is your hand poorly, dear?" she asked.

"It'll be fine," I said quickly, turning on the cold water. "You surprised me, though. My mother … well, my mother wasn't very open about marriage. I just always assumed that having children was something you learned about after marriage."

I knew I was woefully unschooled in the matters of marriage and the marriage bed. But that was something I hoped to discover with Edward. I guessed that Rose or Aunt Esme would offer me some advice before my wedding, but it seemed that Rose had arranged for this stranger to talk to me before I was even engaged.

"Waiting until your married is a sure way to find yourself in a sticky predicament, my girl. Knowing some of the basics will be nothing but good for you. Here," she said, reaching around me and handing me a yellow brick of soap, "you wash your hands well and then dry my instruments. I will talk. At the end, if you have any questions and Rose hasn't started screaming, you can ask me."

She turned away from me and I began to scrub diligently with the soap.

"There's an act between a man and a woman that creates the child, you see," Siobhan said matter-of-factly. "It is the most intimate of acts. You are right in thinking that is should only occur between a man and his wife, but very often our bodies have other ideas about what is right. I see no need to offend your clearly delicate sensibilities, but I will tell you that if you and your young man were to remove your clothing, you could easily get yourself in a spot of trouble."

I gasped and dropped one of her tools out of the towel I was drying them in. _Removed our clothing?_ My face burned at the thought, but not in an entirely unpleasant way. I had to admit that I was curious. Ever since the train ride, my desire to push the boundaries between what was safe and what was new continued to grow. I always wanted more with Edward. I could see Siobhan's point about our bodies sometimes having a different idea of what was right.

"So … as long as two people were to keep their clothing on … all would be well?" I choked out the question, gripping the slippery bar of soap in my hands and fighting back the embarrassment that made me wish to remain quiet.

"I would say that there would be no way for two people to get into a spot of trouble if they remained fully clothed, Miss Bella."

I looked down and realized I had dried all of the tools. We were done here. I tightened my fists and turned around to face Siobhan who had a large smile on her face.

"My, but don't you have the prettiest blush?" she asked, laughing and shaking her head. "There's nothing to be ashamed about, dearie. If more girls listened to old birds like me before they were married, I wouldn't be visiting the home for unwed mothers so frequently!"

I had no idea how to react to Siobhan. She whirled around after she finished speaking and scooped up all of her tools, clutching them to her breast, and marched toward the door.

"Ah … thank you, Siobhan. For, ah … talking with me."

_Did one thank another for a talk such as this?_ I didn't know. All I could think about were clothes and it left me uncomfortably embarrassed. I thought that perhaps Siobhan's talk might have had the opposite effect on me, making me all the more curious.

Before Siobhan could respond to my stuttering thank you, we heard Rose scream. I made to run, but Siobhan stopped me.

"She'll be fine," she said. "It's just getting close to the time for her to push. Running upsets them. You must be calm for her when she cannot."

We walked up to the room, the whole time my heart was beating heavily in my chest. Rose was no longer screaming, but I could hear her arguing with someone behind the closed door of the room. I guessed correctly that it was her mother. Their loud voices filled the room as Siobhan opened the door.

"Really, Rose, I can't imagine why you are doing this." Mrs. Hale stood in the corner with her arms crossed over her head. "All of us standing around watching you like we were at some kind of side show as you grunt and groan like a commoner. Mrs. Stephens told me just last week that her Betsy was completely unconscious during the whole ordeal in the hospital. She went in, they put her under, and she woke up with the baby in her arms."

Rose's face was brick red and she propped herself upright on her elbows.

"And you also know about Stacy, whose husband came home from the hospital minus his wife," she panted. "Enough, mother. This baby is coming regardless of how _common_ you think its arrival is."

Siobhan busied herself around Rose, holding her wrist and feeling her belly. I watched as she pulled away the cotton gown Rose was wearing and revealed her stomach. My eyes widened as the mound seemed to move, rising up into what looked like a painful knot. Rose's fingers dug into the bed and she held her breath until the knot seemed to relax.

"Och, come now, girly," Siobhan crooned. "You need to be breathing through those pains. You fight them and you're fighting for your wee one."

Rose nodded vigorously. She was staring at a point just above the door, deep in concentration. With no ceremony, Siobhan began moving her fingers between Rose's legs. I could see, but Rose seemed to take no notice of what she was doing. Her stomach seized again and she breathed through the pain, taking deep breaths.

"That's a good girl," Siobhan said, straightening up and smiling. "When the next one hits you, I want you to push with all your might against my fingers. We'll have this baby out in no time."

I stood helpless between Aunt Esme and Mrs. Masen as Siobhan coaxed Rosalie to push harder and longer. From where we were, we could not see the progress, but Siobhan's boisterous voice filled the room, encouraging Rose and telling her that her baby's head was almost out. The two women on either side of me were squeezing their hands together, as though they too were pushing with Rose.

There was a popping sound and then a rush of fluid.

"One more great push, lassie."

Rose groaned and then Siobhan was holding the tiniest little person I had ever seen. Rose burst out in tears and so the rest of the women in the room cried silently, except for Siobhan who was all business. I didn't realize I was crying until the tear spilled down my cheek. Siobhan held the baby upside down and smacked her bottom hard. All at once, the child gave a great cry and everyone in the room let out a sigh of relief.

"It's a girl," Siobhan cooed, righting the baby and moving to clean her off.

After wrapping the baby up, Siobhan handed her to Rose. Vera stayed with Rose and Aunt Esme ushered the rest of us out of the room. I noticed that even Mrs. Hale had tears in her eyes and appeared to be truly moved by the arrival of her granddaughter. We walked into the study where Uncle Carlisle and Emmett were pacing back and forth. Emmett walked over to his mother immediately and she took his large hands in hers with a smile on her face.

"Rose is fine. It's a little girl … daddy," she said softly, bringing her hand up to touch his face.

A tear slipped down her cheek as she caressed his face. Uncle Carlisle came over to her and put his arms around her, smiling widely.

"Can I see her … them?" Emmet asked tentatively.

"Siobhan will call us when it's time, love. She has to help Rose learn to feed the baby. In the meantime, how about you two let us women get something to eat. Are you starving, my darling girl?"

Aunt Esme turned to me with a smile on her face and I nodded eagerly. It had been hours since our rushed breakfast of scones and tea. My stomach had just realized how much time had elapsed.

Emmett made Aunt Esme and I sit down while he made us sandwiches. It was nice to sit back in a chair; I hadn't realized how tense I had been in the birthing room until I finally let my body relax.

I was surprised when Mrs. Hale left after eating, insisting that she needed to get home to her husband.

"But, Millie!" Aunt Esme exclaimed. "You don't even know the baby's name."

"Molly," Emmett said softly. "Molly Abigail Cullen."

Aunt Esme looked over at her son with a look of tenderness. I thought that it was a beautiful name.

"There," Mrs. Hale said. "I know her name."

She turned and left without ceremony and Aunt Esme began to stand, but Mrs. Masen took her arm and shook her head.

"Leave it, Esme," she said. "Let her come back when we're gone. You know you make her nervous."

Mrs. Masen's eyes glittered just as her son's often did right before he laughed so I was unsurprised when she began to chuckle. They were so very much alike.

"Yes well, damn bit of good it did," Aunt Esme said, sitting down in a huff. "Nervous or not, she still acted like an old biddy."

"Come now, it isn't her fault entirely," Mrs. Masen commented kindly. "Her husband's a brute."

"She could treat her daughter with a bit of respect," Emmett said, surprising us all.

We all turned around to look at him and he smiled.

"What? She's my wife."

It was such a simple answer, but it said so much about him and their relationship. After some time, Siobhan came down to the kitchen and told us that we could come up. Mrs. Masen excused herself, saying that she preferred to give the family some time to get to know the new arrival before all manner of guests bombarded her. She came over and hugged each one of us before we hurried up the stairs to greet the newest Cullen.

* * *

_Two Days Later_

I stood in front of the rows upon rows of beautiful dresses, trying to decide what would be the best for the Christmas party that was now only a few weeks away. Everything was so lovely and sumptuous. I didn't know where to begin. The shop girl had shown us several gowns in a light green color that she insisted was all the rage. I didn't like it however, and my face must have been transparent.

"Bella, you can get any color that you like," Aunt Esme said with a smile. "Lord knows no one in our social circle knows what the current fashion is."

"Especially with Alice overseas," I added.

Aunt Esme's face froze for a moment, not sure how I would react, but I smiled. She returned the smile.

"Yes, she's always in the know, isn't she?"

"She is … Aunt Esme, she sent me a drawing of a dress she'd thought of. Do you think …?"

Aunt Esme's eyes widened and she held out her hand.

"Do you have it with you? I'm certain that Clara could go from a good drawing, couldn't you Clara dear?"

"Naturally it would be more expensive …" the young woman simpered.

I dug in my purse as my aunt waved the girl off about price. Really, I was being exceptionally greedy for I knew that money was no object to Aunt Esme and she loved it when I asked her for things, but Alice's drawing was heavenly. I found the folded up piece of paper and handed it to Clara.

"This is good quality drawing," she said, nodding. "Your sister is very talented."

"I know," I said with pride; Alice's talent had only grown in her time at school.

"What colors do you want?"

"I'd like the satin bow in dark grey," I said firmly, "and the dress to be red velvet."

"Red velvet!" the girl exclaimed. "But isn't that too … flashy?"

"Nothing about Bella is too flashy," Aunt Esme said, her eyes flashing dangerously. "Everything about her is understated and elegant. I'll expect the dress in two weeks time?"

Clara nodded dumbly and began taking measurements. I looked at Aunt Esme overtop of the young woman's head and she winked at me. She was holding the piece of paper in her hand and I knew in that moment that she missed Alice as much as I did. She never did ask why I was so certain of the colors though Alice's drawing had been in black and white. I was glad because I knew it would be difficult to explain to her about Edward's veiled comment about the color red.

_**A/N**__: There was a lot of research that went into this chapter and I waffled back and forth on whether to have Rose give birth at home or at the hospital. Hospital births were still the rarity at this time, with only 30-50% of women going to the hospital. Also, there was still a lot of mortality associated with women having hospital births because washing hands among doctors wasn't as stressed as it is today. They suffered from childbed fever and many women died as a result. Not that home births were any safer, but midwives were just a bit less likely to go from woman to woman without washing hands. I hope you enjoyed this chapter. It meant a lot to me to be able to put all of my important women (aside from Alice of course) in one room and have them work together like this. And I think that it was hugely important for Bella. While she still might not have a clue about sex, she's now got an inkling. Not that Gentleman Jazzward would ever be so forward as to take her clothes off … ahem. Before marriage, anyways. LOL Again, thanks so much for reading! Next chapter ... is the one you've been waiting for. Promise. There will be evergreens, holly, and something sparkly. ;) ~Jen_


	18. Christmas Perfection

_Like an apple on the tree_

_Hiding out behind the leaves_

_I was difficult to reach_

_But you picked me_

_Like a shell upon a beach_

_Just another pretty piece_

_I was difficult to see_

_But you picked me_

_**You Picked Me**__, Alison Sudol 2007_

_**Disclaimer:**__I do not own Twilight or any of the characters from the Saga. Stephenie Meyer is the owner of Twilight. No copyright infringement is intended. This work, and the original ideas presented therein, is the sole property of this author._

_Love and thanks again, to my betas and pre-readers, Belle Dean, ikss, swimom7, bookjunkie1975. Truly, I could not do this without your support and help._

* * *

_December 25, 1920_

"Edward, really … just come in already," Father said.

I had been pacing outside of his office for several minutes, waffling back and forth over what I wished to say to him. He knew my plans for the evening – he'd been there when I picked up the ring two days prior – but this was different. I was hours away from asking for Bella's hand in marriage and Father had requested I come to his office so that he might offer some words of wisdom.

"Sorry, Father," I said, walking into the room.

He gestured at the seat opposite him and I sat nervously, still fiddling with the ring in my pocket.

"You're bound to lose it if you keep playing with it," Father said quietly.

He chuckled, but I gave him an exasperated look. I was too nervous to be playful and I disliked the implication that I was being childish.

"Son, I asked you to come here today because you are taking a big step tonight." He leaned back in his chair and tented his fingers in front of him, regarding me solemnly. "I don't need to ask if you're sure about this – I know you are. But I want to make sure you are aware of what the ramifications of this choice will be."

I nodded and swallowed hard.

"After tonight, you are a man in every sense of the word, Edward. You will be only a step away from being Bella's primary guardian." When I opened my mouth to protest, he held up his hand. "Regardless of your personal views on the subject, when Bella takes your name, you will be responsible for her and her well-being. How you choose to assert your authority is completely up to you, of course, but you must understand that with a position of power, comes responsibility."

I shook my head and cleared my throat before replying, trying to measure my words in my head so as not to anger my father.

"I find it difficult to believe that you think a husband is in a position of power over his wife … especially after so many years with Mother."

My cheeks were burning, but I held his gaze, measuring his reaction to my words. He didn't get angry, but he didn't immediately answer me either. I supposed that he was weighing his own answer.

"Just because I respect your mother as my equal and my partner doesn't for a moment mean that I don't _still_ feel the weight of my duty to her. Son, she depends on me as much as you did when you were a child … to provide for this family, to keep her safe. I take my responsibility to her very seriously."

I frowned as I considered his words. I never thought of my mother as beholden to my father, at least not in the sense that Mr. Hale had kept his wife beholden to _him._

"Don't for a second believe that because I depend on your father, I'm weak," my mother's voice said from the doorway.

She came in and stood behind my chair, her hands coming to rest on my shoulders.

"You're confused, aren't you?" she said with a smile on her lips as she looked from me to my father.

I looked up and caught the way they were looking at each other.

"There is a difference between a man who recognizes his duty to his wife and a man who abuses the power he holds over her," Mother said softly. "Your father knows that I need him. When I became his wife, I left the care of my family to live with him and he promised to provide for me. It would be exceedingly difficult for me to make it on my own at this point in my life."

She stopped speaking and walked around the desk to stand beside my father. He wound his arm around her waist and looked up at her lovingly.

"A lesser man could use that to his advantage," she said harshly. "He could dictate what I do, who I see, when I come and go from _his_ house. He could throw it in my face. Do you see, Edward?"

I nodded, my brows furrowed. My parents had never treated each other as such, so I had never seen my mother in the way she was describing herself. I had always viewed her as strong, independent. I thought, perhaps, that was the point of what she was saying.

"You are defined by the way Father treats you," I said. "The respect and love he treats you with carries over to my view of you and others' views."

"Exactly. You might not realize it, but it all comes from the way that your father exercises his power over me. He doesn't abuse it, so you barely recognize it. Your father is trying to tell you that this will be your job soon. As I told him last night, I have no doubt that you are already unconsciously aware of it and acting accordingly with Bella. That, too, is because of your father's good example."

"And because of your mother," Father said quietly. "She doesn't credit herself enough for my … good behavior." He smiled up at her and leaned against her. "Really, I had no other choice in the matter. She wouldn't have taken me any other way and I – well, I could not live without her."

She looked down fondly at him and ran her hand gently through his hair. It was a simple touch, but it contained much love. They were both right … the way I treated Bella, the respect I showed her, was directly related to the way I had seen my parents interact throughout the years.

"I understand," I said quietly. "I want Bella to feel the way you do, Mother. I want her to know that she's my partner, not my servant. I've seen the way men can treat women, maybe not often, but I've seen it. I never want Bella to feel as though she's less than I am."

"Then she never will, because you won't let her," Mother replied.

Father nodded and leaned forward.

"As long as you never forget the trust that she places in you and the duty you have to not only provide but show respect, son, you cannot go wrong. I can't imagine a man raised by a woman as strong as your mother could ever treat a woman with less than the utmost of respect."

He smiled up at her as she chuckled and patted his shoulder. I had never thought of my parent's marriage as anything less than effortless. I wanted that to be the case for my own children one day. I was beginning to see that the illusion of ease took them years of hard work and compromise. It would all be worth it in the end if Bella and I could look at each other the way Mother and Father were looking at each other at that moment.

* * *

My tuxedo was hanging beside the stand up mirror in my room as I sat on my bed in my skivvies. The room was chilly, despite the fire in the wood stove downstairs, but I was slow about getting dressed. Time didn't want to pass while I waited for the right time to begin getting ready, but now that my clothes hung in front of me and we had less than an hour before we left, time seemed to be speeding forward.

It wasn't that I didn't want to propose; it was what I wanted more than anything. I thought, perhaps, it was stage fright. I wanted everything to be exactly perfect for her. I stood and took the tuxedo off of the hook and laid it on my bed, carefully removing the shirt and pulling it on.

In my mind, she would be waiting for me in the solarium and I would sneak up behind her, my arms snaking around her waist as I surprised her with a kiss behind her ear. It would be just in the spot that always made her shiver and pull me closer, but I would resist. She'd turn and look at me surprised that I pulled away from her; I never pulled away from her. I'd be smiling at her and she would know that I had something planned. Then, I would pull out the ring and drop to my knee.

I knew exactly the words I wanted to say and thought about them again as I shook out my pants and slipped them on. _Bella, you are as important to me as the air I breathe. You've given me more happiness in one year than I could have hoped for in a lifetime. Say you'll spend the rest of your life with me so I that I can attempt to make your life as full as you've made mine._ It was simple and sweet. She'd tear up and I'd open the ring box, making her gasp. Then I'd say the words she was waiting for. _Isabella Marie Swan, will you marry me?_

It would be perfect because she deserved it to be perfect. But I was nervous. What if it didn't go the way I wanted it to? What if things didn't go according to plan and our time alone together was cut short? There were so many possibilities. I hurried through dressing and then began to fight with my tie. It was the last piece and always the most difficult. I broke out into a faint sweat as I struggled with the bow, trying to get it perfectly even.

I smelled Mother's lilac perfume before I saw her and smiled when I felt her hand on my arm.

"Let me," she murmured, turning me around and reaching up to my collar. "I won't get to do this for much longer."

"Thanks, Mom," I said.

In a matter of seconds, she had the bow straightened and in place. She stood back with her hands on my shoulders.

"So tall and handsome," she said, making me blush.

"Mom…"

"Don't '_mom_' me," she clucked, brushing a bit of lint off of my shoulder. "Man or not, you'll always be my boy."

She reached up and cupped my cheek in her hand the way she used to do when I was young and I saw that her green eyes were misty.

"I'm so proud of you, son. You've chosen well and I just know that you will make Bella a wonderful husband. It's really … well, it makes me feel like maybe I did a good job after all."

I chuckled and took her hand, bringing it to my lips and kissing it quickly before letting her hand drop.

"You did a great job," I said. "Thanks for pushing me to tutor her. Stubbornness aside, you were right even then."

"I know," she said cheekily, smirking at me.

We both laughed and then she turned back to me.

"You're doing the right thing … it's exactly the right time for this and everything will work out perfectly."

I nodded my agreement. "I know. I'm glad you approve."

She smiled.

"It's just a little hard to let go," she whispered.

"Oh, Mom … it's not like that," I said, as a tear slipped out of her eye.

I held out my arms and she came over and hugged me fiercely. Though she was nearly a head shorter than me, her embrace surrounded me. I felt completely enveloped as I had when I was child.

"I know … I'm just being sentimental. Ignore me."

She sighed and pulled away, wiping at her face. I smiled at her and squeezed her shoulders as I let her go of her.

"Thanks for helping me with my tie," I said.

"Always," she whispered, and walked out of my room.

* * *

My tuxedo was stiff and itchy around my neck as I stood in the vestibule of the Cullen house. I'd handed my overcoat to the man at the door and checked my suit jacket three times to make sure the ring box was safely in my pocket. As I considered pulling it out to check the ring _inside_ of the box, a whisper of fabric on the stairs drew my attention.

My eyes were pulled upwards by a bright flash of red velvet at the top of the stairs. I recognized the hesitant, careful steps as Bella's and my breath caught in my throat. _What was she wearing?_ A distant, hazy memory of a dream flitted through my mind: Bella in red velvet and the two of us entwined on the couch in the solarium. A hot blush rose instantly on my cheeks as Bella made her slow entrance into the room.

The skirt was slightly belled at the bottom, but it was gathered near her knees by two grey satin bows. The velvet seemed to show off all of her curves, clinging to her hips, her waist and even her breasts. I was frozen in place, my mouth hanging open as she descended the steps with a mischievous grin on her face.

She walked over to me slowly, one hand resting on her stomach and the other held out to me, inviting me to touch her. I took her hand and bent in what felt like slow motion, pressing my lips against her skin. It was warm, almost hot to the touch, and my lips lingered too long. She cleared her throat and I looked up to see a twinkle in her eye and a smile upon her lips.

"Merry Christmas, Edward," she murmured.

She stepped closer to me and I wrapped my arm around her waist, vowing silently not to leave her side for an instant lest any lecherous man think her unaccompanied.

"A very Merry Christmas indeed, love," I whispered, leaning down to place a kiss on her temple. "Stunning dress, by the way."

She giggled and ran her hand over the soft fabric.

"You like it?" she asked gaily. "Alice designed it."

"Why does that not surprise me in the least?" I pulled her closer to me as we walked out of the vestibule and toward the main dining room where Esme and Carlisle were waiting for us. "Though I will be glued to your side, ready to beat off suitors if need be."

"As if I would look at anyone but you," she said softly. "Edward, really. Do you have no idea the effect you have on me?"

Esme had decorated with understated evergreens and candles. When Bella turned to look at me, her brown eyes sparkled in the low light. There was so much love and devotion on her face that I nearly pulled out the ring and fell to my knee right there. Instead, I smiled and tucked a curl behind her ear.

"Never think that I underestimate your love," I said. "But I think, perhaps, you don't know just how tempting you really are."

There was a mirror hanging on the hallway wall adorned with fir branches and tiny golden ornaments. I turned her toward it and stood behind her, watching as she looked at herself. I rested my hands on her shoulders, a current of desire running through me as I felt her soft skin beneath my fingers as well as the rich velvet.

"This dress is like something out of a dream," I murmured, my lips inches from her ear.

She reached up and took my hand and leaned her cheek against it for a moment.

"This may sound silly, but wearing it is like having Alice here tonight," she said. "I know it's different from the current fashion … but it felt important to have a part of her with me."

She sighed and walked quietly by my side as we continued on toward the dining room, but I was smiling silently to myself. I was glad that a little bit of her sister would be with her tonight.

Esme was buzzing around the kitchen, barking orders at the hired catering staff. One might think she was frazzled, but I caught the hint of a smile on her lips. She was in her element, in charge and in action. Silver platters heaped with sumptuous appetizers steamed on the counter, making the whole room swim with the fragrance of Christmas. If I wasn't already hungry, the smells in the kitchen would have done the trick.

"Edward! Elizabeth!" Esme cried, coming over and embracing Mother.

She caught my eye and winked at me over my mother's shoulder. When she embraced me, she whispered quickly in my ear.

"Make it quick, my boy. We want to announce the engagement after dinner!"

I smiled and nodded, releasing her. She took Bella's hand in hers and squeezed, giving her a quick smile.

"You look lovely, my dear," she said. "You were right about that dress … it's quite the knockout. Don't you agree, Edward?"

I blushed in response, clearing my throat. Bella was simply too stunning for words in the new dress. It pleased me to no end knowing that this was a dress she chose for herself.

"Completely," I said softly.

Bella reached out for my hand and smiled when our hands met. Mother fussed over the delights laid out on the table as Esme told her about the menu. I took the opportunity to lean over and whisper in Bella's ear.

"Join me in the solarium for a moment?" I asked.

I felt her shiver and smiled. She nodded her assent silently and I excused us from the kitchen. My parents and Carlisle and Esme paused in their conversation to watch us depart. To me, their attention seemed too obvious. I expected Bella to comment on it the moment we were out of their sight, but perhaps I was over anxious. She didn't seem to notice at all.

"Isn't it all like a dream?" she asked as we walked down the hallway, looking up at the decorations dripping from every available fixture. "Aunt Esme has outdone herself this year."

"She certainly knows how to throw a party," I commented, cringing as my voice squeaked.

I would need to quell this anxiousness if I were going to pull off the debonair proposal I had planned.

"You sound nervous, Edward," Bella commented. "Are you well?"

Of course she would notice my own discomfort before she noticed the adults acting strangely. I shook my head quickly and turned to her with a smile.

"It's that bewitching dress," I said, kissing her cheek quickly. "It has my heart racing."

We entered the room and I twirled her around just to see her dress flow out. It made her giggle gaily, a blush creeping up her cheeks. I pulled her back into me and she leaned against my chest, slightly breathless. Her hand crept up and leaned against my cheek for a second before she pulled away and walked over to the piano. I sighed and followed her.

"I received a letter from Alice yesterday," Bella said, turning and leaning against the baby grand.

"Oh?" I asked, trying to keep the frown of frustration off of my face at the sudden detour in our conversation.

"Mmm-hmm," she replied. "She told me she was going to Notre Dame Cathedral for midnight mass on Christmas Eve. She made it sound magical!"

"I've seen pictures of the cathedral. It must be a most impressive sight in person."

"Alice said that it restores her faith every time she sees it. That's quite a feat for someone who constantly doubts whether she believes in anything."

Bella chuckled and I walked over to her, tucking a curl behind her ear.

"You're missing her very much today, aren't you?"

She nodded, and dropped her head.

"Last year she was bundle of excitement at the party," Bella said. "She didn't say so in her letter, but I know she's homesick. I hope that she will have some party to attend … she thrives on that kind of energy."

"I wouldn't worry too much about Alice, love," I replied, tipping her chin upwards so I could look in her eyes. "Alice has always seemed able to make her own happiness."

"That's true," she said laughing. "She always woke me with a surprise on Christmas mornings." She closed her eyes for a moment and smiled. "I almost expected her to pounce on my bed this morning, surprising me just by being here."

I pulled her close, knowing there was nothing I could say that would take that sting away. She relaxed into me as I held her and I hoped that my presence offered her some comfort.

"I knew that this would be difficult," she murmured. "And really, so much has happened these past few months that I haven't had time to think on it much, but today was harder than I thought it would be. I'm sorry."

"Don't be," I said gently. "If it makes you feel better, I miss Jasper more today than I have since he's been gone. When we were children, we used to get together after Mass on Christmas and try out each other's gifts."

"I know he was like a brother to you," she said. "I imagine you're feeling much the same as I am."

She lifted her head and wiped at her face.

"Okay," she said with a little laugh. "I feel better now … it's good just to say it out loud, I think."

"Yes, it is," I admitted.

She turned away from me again, walking toward the picture window. I ran my hand through my hair in frustration. This wasn't the mood I imagined! Her face shouldn't be stained with fresh tears and her heart heavy with missing her sister … this was all wrong. She leaned her forehead against the frosted window and sighed. All at once, I remembered a night only a year ago when she'd poured her heart out to me in this room and I'd kissed her soundly for the first time in front of the window. I realized that the time might never be exactly the way I had imagined, but it didn't matter. She was all that mattered.

I fished the ring box out of my pocket and dropped to my knee, overcome with the desire to pour my heart out to her as she had once done.

"Bella," I whispered, as I opened the box and held it in front of me.

"Hmm?" she murmured.

She didn't turn around immediately. Instead, she waited, probably assuming I'd steal up behind her for a kiss. When I remained silent, she turned around slowly. Her brown eyes were heavy, still slightly red from crying, but they opened wide when she saw me on one knee. Her hand moved slowly over her heart and her lips parted in a surprised "o" shape.

"Isabella Marie Swan," I said, my voice gaining strength. "I think I've loved you from the moment I laid eyes on you in this very room."

She was walking over to me slowly, as though drawn forward without really thinking about it.

"You are everything to me … and I just can't imagine a life lived without you by my side. Would you do me the great honor of becoming my wife?"

She was in front of me, inches away from the outstretched box. Her tears had returned, streaming down her face, but her lips were spreading in a radiant smile. She reached a shaking hand out and it hovered over the ring.

"Bella? Will you marry me?"

"Yes," she whispered. "A thousand times … yes."

Despite the heavy dress, she dropped to her knees in front of me. Forgoing the ring, she fell into my arms and with a gust of laughter I pulled her close. She'd said yes and I thought I might never stop smiling.

Her hands moved over my face and her lips found mine. I kissed her with abandon, folding my arms around her and clutching her to me. She pressed herself against me, her hands locking around my neck and pulling me deeper into our kiss. Our mouths danced in a practiced rhythm, anticipating each other's moves. Her tongue was soft yet insistent against mine and I moaned as she grazed my lip with her teeth.

My heart raced as my fingers trailed up the back of her dress until I reached her exposed skin. Gently I traced the line of her spine up to her shoulders under her heavy curls. My hand encircled her neck until my thumb rested over her thrumming pulse and I could feel her heart racing with mine. Her hands loosened on my shoulders and our kisses grew softer, gentler. She gasped for air, but still leaned in to brush kisses against my lips. I was as eager as she was to prolong the connection, but I still wished to see the ring on her finger.

I leaned my forehead against hers and cupped her cheek with my free hand. Her face was wet from her happy tears and I brushed them away with my thumb.

"Can I have the ring now?" she asked shyly.

I threw my head back and laughed, all of the tension from the day gone in the happiness of the moment. She wanted to be mine … forever.

"Yes," I whispered, suddenly solemn again.

I'd been waiting all day – longer, really – to place my ring on her finger. My hand shook as I brought the ring box around in front of her and held it between us. The black velvet box held the ring upright so that the detailed filigree around the center diamond was on display. I felt a sudden pang of worry that she would be disappointed in my design, but quashed it.

"I worked with Eleazar to make it special for you," I said softly. "I hope … well, I hope it's everything you've dreamed of."

She stared for a moment, her fingers hovering above the box, moving ever so slightly as she examined it, before she looked up at me.

"Would you …?"

"Oh!" I cried, laughing. "Of course!"

She giggled, as I switched hands and took the ring in my fingers. She held out her left hand and I noticed that it was steady … sure. That simple fact filled me with so much happiness that I thought I might burst. She was sure of _me_. How had I gotten so very lucky?

I slipped the ring on her finger and it fit perfectly, just snug enough that it would be safe. She held her hand up for inspection, a small smile on her face.

"It's perfect, Edward," she murmured. "The hearts on the side … the shape of the setting … it's more beautiful than I could have dreamed. Thank you. Thank you for choosing me."

Her left hand, with my ring upon it, rested on my cheek as she looked up at me. I closed my eyes for a moment, just reveling in the feel of her skin against mine, before reaching my arms around her and helping her to her feet.

"Thank you for saying yes," I whispered, and kissed her just behind her ear.

She shivered as I knew she would and then pulled me close again. My lips trailed along her jaw line, peppering kisses along her skin until she groaned and her fingers gripped my hair. I doubted she knew just how amazing it felt when she did that and I stifled the moan that wanted to come out, finding her lips instead and kissing her. She pulled away this time, a tender look in her eyes.

"We should go back … they'll be missing us."

"Doubtful," I whispered. "They all knew, of course."

Her mouth opened in mock surprise as her hand found its way to her throat.

"How long have you been planning this, Mr. Masen?" she asked, threading her arm through mine.

"Since we arrived back from New York," I admitted. "Bella … I just want our life together to begin. I've known you were the one for me for ages now … I'm ready for the prelude to end and the main act to begin."

She smiled and nodded.

"Me too," she said. "I told myself not to hope for this before I graduated. You're always so practical … I thought perhaps you'd think it best to wait until the end of school so I wouldn't be distracted. But … I'm so glad you didn't."

"You make me impractical, Ms. Swan," I whispered into her ear, biting my tongue at the name I wished to use.

She smiled as though she could read my mind and blushed.

"A bit of impracticality never hurt anyone, did it?"

I shook my head and led her out through the door where we were met with four sets of eyes waiting anxiously for us. They saw our smiles and immediately burst into applause, surrounding us with hugs and laughter and tears. Mother and Esme immediately seized Bella's hand to see the ring I'd kept a secret all of these months. Bella was charming and happy and so full of excitement; it filled me with joy to see her so caught up in being the center of attention. It was so unlike her, and yet … fit the moment perfectly.

We could hear other guests arriving and so quieted our celebration. I heard Esme whisper to Bella the plans to announce the engagement publicly after dinner. She paled slightly and I covered her hand which still rested on my arm, letting her know I would be by her side. I thought, perhaps, she understood that my promise extended far beyond tonight and would last for the rest of our lives.

* * *

"And so it is with great pleasure that we ask you to celebrate with us the engagement of our niece, Bella Swan, to our dear godson, Edward Masen!"

Carlisle voice rang over the already raucous applause. Bella stood at my side in front of the enormous Christmas tree in the dining room, clutching my arm tightly in her hand. She was pale, but stood firm in front of the gathered guests. My eyes lit around the room at the assembled gentry of Chicago's elite, all faces turned toward us with smiles and upraised glasses. Bella and I smiled and nodded our thanks at their congratulations on our engagement and I turned to look at her again.

Her eyes were on the crowd and I saw that her smile was fixed … unnatural. I followed her gaze and saw the reason for her mask. Lauren Mallory and Jessica Stanley sat next to each other, their hands in front of their mouths as they hissed to each other. Their cold eyes darted over Bella and to me. I curled my hand protectively over hers and my eyes narrowed in on Lauren. Her hand dropped and her lips rose in a false, simpering smile as she mechanically began clapping.

My gut curdled at seeing their jealousy unleashed full force on Bella. Obviously it affected her; I could almost feel the fear of their callous words rolling off of her. _How dare they, princesses who grew up in gilded cages, judge Bella?_ It was a mystery to me how anyone could know the life she had led and begrudge her any happiness. I wanted to shield her from any angry words that they might say, but knew that I could not. She still had half a year of school with them and I could not follow her around fighting battles with catty girls for her. I had to trust that Bella's newfound courage and independence would be enough to see her through any battles that Lauren or Jessica would choose to pick with her.

After several toasts in our honor, the party moved out of the dining hall and into the solarium which had been lit up for dancing. A small band had gathered during dinner and was playing soft swinging music. Couples were gliding around the large room and filling the air with laughter.

"Shall we?" I murmured, twirling her out on the dance floor.

I heard a few of the women and possibly some of the men gasp as Bella's dress fanned out and she spun into the room. I pulled her back into me and caught her solidly around her waist, my hand waiting for hers as we began swaying to the soft melody. I held her body close to mine, feeling the way her hips moved to the music beneath the fabric. Her hand had slipped under my suit jacket and rested on my back, the heat of her hand melting through the thin shirt and driving me more than a little mad. I leaned my cheek against her head as we danced, closing my eyes to the curious stares we were garnering from the guests. We were the talk of the party, the young couple madly in love – but all I wanted was to feel Bella moving to the music in my arms.

I felt the vibrations of her humming before I heard her voice. She was humming to the song that I hadn't even recognized until I noticed she was singing along. It was one of the songs from the record I had given her for her birthday. I strained to hear the faint sound of her voice over the din of the room, but it was barely audible. Risking the possibility that she would stop all together, I bent down so that I was closer to her mouth. She rested her head on my shoulder and as the chorus began, she opened her mouth and sang to me.

"_Who … gave me that lovesick feeling? / Who … started my senses reeling? / Who … was it when I was blue / Gave me a kiss that grew / into a red-hot furnace, / The kind that burns us? / And you know / Who … cuddled up closer to me, / Who … made me feel bride-and-groomy, / Who … gave me that notion? / Nobody else but you?_"

I bent my head closer to her so that her lips brushed my ear lobe as she sang. Her voice was low and full of promise. It made me pull her closer to me, wanting to drown in the silky tones of her voice.

"Bella," I murmured. "You'll make me indecent for the party."

Immediately, I worried that I was too playful, or perhaps, too forward. I was caught up in the feelings of the night and speaking completely without thinking. Would she not understand? Or worse, would she understand and be angry with me?

She chuckled and I felt the heat of her blush rising on her cheeks, telling me that she understood enough to be embarrassed.

"Well then," she whispered, kissing my neck and moving her body even closer to mine. "We'll just have to keep dancing."

Bella of a year ago would never have played at double entendre with me, engaged or not. The thought that she was playing with me, fully conscious of my double meaning or no, thrilled me. I knew that the excitement of the night had gone to her head, but the game was something new. Perhaps I would not always have to hide my desire for her if it was both shared and understood by her. Though the light banter was exciting, it was harmless and possibly prepared us for the increased intimacy we would share after our wedding.

She swiveled her hips and her stomach brushed my arousal, making me gasp in surprise. She looked up at me curiously and moved more firmly against me. I closed my eyes as they rolled upwards and bit my lip. Her hand tightened on the fabric of my shirt and I felt her watching me. At that moment, there was no one else in the room except for us. I could feel the furious blush creeping up my face as I fought to control the urge to move against her, feel the friction between her body and mine.

I pulled away from her, leaving but a breath of distance between us. Without the heat of her pressing against me, I could open my eyes and look at her. I wondered what she saw when she looked into my eyes, because she smiled shyly and looked away.

"I'm sorry," she murmured. "I don't know what came over me."

"Ah, love … don't apologize," I said. "Some things will always make it more difficult for me to maintain my composure."

"I didn't mean to embarrass you," she said, blushing deeper herself.

"Embarrass?" I asked and shook my head. "Not embarrassed."

"Then … what is it you feel?"

Her eyes were wide and guileless as she looked up at me. The trust and openness I saw there made my heart beat even quicker.

"Desire." I smiled when her eyes opened even wider. "There is always desire … but when you are close to me like this…" I pulled her flush against me again and we both hissed audibly. "It's more difficult for me to deny that and remain a gentleman."

I loosened my hold on her but she remained pressed lightly against me as we continued to dance. How my feet were able to remember the dance as our bodies moved together, every motion creating ripples of sensation throughout my body, was a miracle I didn't understand.

"Is it wrong to wish you weren't always a gentleman?" she asked, her hand moving slowly against my back.

I let out a shuddering sigh and leaned my cheek against her head.

"No, not wrong." My throat worked as I thought through my answer. "Dangerous, perhaps."

"Dangerous, how? You would never hurt me," she replied immediately.

I loved that it was a statement, not a question. I chuckled and shook my head.

"I'd cut off my own arm before I hurt you, Bella. I don't mean dangerous in that way." I sighed and tried to form the correct words. "I mean that there are things I want with you … things we can't have yet."

She sighed and nodded, nestling her head gently under my chin. The music changed to a slower tempo and we moved with it. There was no rush, no pressure to move away from each other lest the adults become suspicious. We were engaged now and could touch each other freely, openly. I chuckled at myself. Of course, it still wasn't enough. I wanted more. And apparently, so did Bella. The thought was both thrilling and frustrating. So much more waiting… As though she read the direction of my thoughts, she picked up where my train of thought left off.

"We have forever," she said. "Maybe the wait will make it better?"

I tightened my arms around her, this time not in lust or desire, but in pure happiness. She was right, of course. The wait would make the end so much sweeter. I couldn't wait to savor it with her.

* * *

_**A/N**__: And there you have it. They are engaged. And very, very horny. LOL I hope you like Bella's more confident attitude. I have a new-ish story on my profile called _The Foreign Papers_. Those of you who read my wit fits over the summer might remember the Pond thread. I've pulled that story out of the wit fit and I am making it into a regular story. I hope that you'll check it out. This is my first real stab at AU, but it was a very popular thread of the wit fit, so I hope you are all pleased with seeing it in a longer format. Thanks so much for your support of this story and all of my writing. I cried when ATJ broke 1K. You totally made my week. Thanks so much! ~Jen _


	19. Face to Face

_When you like a fellow  
Try to treat him right  
Give him your attention  
Day and night_

_When he starts to smilin'  
And he's got you uptight  
Shower him with kisses  
Day and night_

_**Day and Night**_**, **_Nina Simone  
_

_**Disclaimer**__: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters from the Saga. Stephenie Meyer is the owner of Twilight. No copyright infringement is intended. This work, and the original ideas presented therein, is the sole property of this author._

_A great big thank you to my beta team, Belle Dean, ikss, swimom7, and bookjunkie1975. I love you guys and am so thankful for your help._

_

* * *

_

_April 19, 1921_

I was up and about early Saturday morning in anticipation of the day's events. Aunt Esme, Rose, and baby Molly were taking me to lunch and then to the bridal shop. I was a bundle of excitement, eager to get a look at myself as a bride.

As I made my way past the front door, I realized that thepost had come early and I was surprised to find the familiar looking airmail envelope that signaled a letter from Alice. I had only written to her three weeks prior; she must have written back immediately. I handed the mail to Aunt Esme with a smile and waved the envelope in the air.

"Do I have time before we leave?" I asked.

"Rose and Molly will be here in about twenty minutes," she said with a smile. "Go on. I'll keep them occupied until you're done."

I giggled at her, knowing that she would be all too happy for an excuse to play with the baby and fuss over whatever beautiful dress Rose had picked out for her. I hurried out to the porch and ripped open the envelope, impatient to see what stories Alice had for me in this letter.

_April 5, 1921_

_My dearest sister,_

_Would you believe that they're covering wedding gowns in one of my classes right now? I'm simply bubbling over with excitement and wondering what you are planning to wear on your big day. You will make a stunning bride, without a doubt, no matter what fashion you choose. But I dare say the French styles would do amazing things for your form and your sensibilities. They cling more to the body than the American styles, but they cover more skin._

_Anyway, I need to know everything! How is baby Molly? Who does she favor, Rose or Em? Is she good? Does she love you already? Never mind. That is a silly question. Of course she loves you; you must spoil her rotten just like everyone else!_

_Jas is doing well. He's written to me a few times talking about the friends he's made. There is a whole family that runs the establishment where he works and they have taken him right into the fold. He sounds happy, optimistic. I am glad for him, but I miss him so and wonder when I will be able to see him again._

_I miss you so much too, Sissy, especially right now. We could be shopping together for wedding dresses and planning the double wedding that we'd always dreamed of if I weren't halfway across the world. I shouldn't have left you … but the past is past and I must not dwell on it. Nor must you. Know that I am with you, even though I'm not there right now. Kisses and hugs to everyone, especially that gorgeous baby._

_All my love,_

_Alice_

My eyes were misty as I read through the letter a third time. I missed her so. I could almost picture her bouncing on the couch beside me, full of excitement at going shopping for dresses. I felt Aunt Esme sit down next to me and leaned against her without looking over. Her arm was around my shoulders as she glanced over the letter.

"I miss her, too," she said thickly, "but she's doing the right thing."

"I know," I said softly, wiping at my eyes. "But she would be so excited about all of this. She'd probably be more fun than I will be … you know shopping has never been my forte."

"Ah, but you've never been a bride before," Rose said.

I looked up, surprised to hear her voice. She sat in the chair opposite us, a smile on her lips as she held Molly. The baby was sleeping contentedly in her arms.

"You really think being a bride, being the center of attention, will make a difference with regards to my liking shopping?"

I raised my eyebrow at her, a teasing tone in my voice.

"Possibly not," she said with a sly smirk. "However, the anticipation of the wedding night might drive away your jitters."

She winked and Aunt Esme laughed heartily. I blushed, of course, and covered my mouth. Leave it to Rose to completely distract me from my melancholy.

We ate a light lunch at the house before leaving. It was such a lovely day that we decided to push Molly in her carriage and walk the five blocks to the bridal salon. The sun was shining and the baby woke to coo at the passing trees overhead. She seemed fascinated with the way the leaves passed over her and even reached up for them a few times.

"She's so pleasant!" I exclaimed as she cooed again, this time at a bird passing overhead.

"Most times, yes," Rose said with a smile, "but she has my temper and Em's stubborn streak. It's a dangerous combination and I worry about her as a toddler!"

Aunt Esme gave a knowing smile and shook her head.

"My little Molly will be the perfect angel," she said, leaning over the carriage and smiling at the baby. "Won't you?"

Rose laughed. "Well, I'm sure she'll always be an angel for Grandma, at least."

"That's right. And when she isn't, I'll send her right back to her Momma."

Both of them laughed and we continued on down the road. As we walked, the conversation drifted toward the wedding as it seemed always to do. I tried to be patient with these discussions, but I had no interest in who would sit with whom or what appetizer would be best served with the soup. I felt as though I needed to make an effort to be involved, since they were deprived of Alice's enthusiasm.

"So are you going to invite those trolls from the Christmas banquet, Bella?" Rose asked.

"Trolls? Who are we speaking of?" Aunt Esme asked immediately, concern darting across her face.

"It's nothing," I said, shaking my head.

"It certainly is," Rose said. "Esme, there were two girls at the dinner who were positively green with envy when the engagement was announced. They were gossiping behind their napkins every chance they could."

"Bella? Is this true? Are there girls who are giving you a hard time?"

"No more than usual," I said with a chuckle. "Lauren and Jessica have disliked me, it seems, from the moment we met. I don't think my engagement to Edward has anything to do with it; it's just me."

"Well that's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard," Aunt Esme said indignantly. "There isn't a thing about you that's unlikeable."

"Bella, honey, Edward has _everything_ to do with it," Rose added. "They've been jealous of the way he favors you from the moment he laid eyes on you. They are catty, no-good, magpies who are jealous of anyone who gets anything they don't. It's not you; it's _them_."

"Rose, really … it's not as bad as all that. They just don't like me. I certainly don't feel I'm missing out on _their_ company."

I hadn't meant it to be mean, but my comment made both Rose and Aunt Esme burst out laughing.

"Oh, Bella, you really must tell them that the next time they say something catty to you," Aunt Esme said.

"Or better yet, _really_ let them have it," Rose continued. "They deserve every bit of tongue-lashing you could dish out … not that they'd understand half of it."

They continued laughing and I smiled uncomfortably.

"I couldn't do that," I said after a time. "Their families are important in Aunt Esme and Uncle Carlisle's social circle. It would reflect poorly on them if people heard I'd been rude."

Aunt Esme stopped pushing the carriage for a moment and turned toward me.

"Let me be very clear, darling. Neither the Stanleys nor the Mallorys can impact our social standing. We are where we are because your Uncle and I are well-respected members of the community. _They_ come to us, not the other way around. If those girls so much as look at you cross-eyed, you have my permission to read them the riot act."

"Yes, well … they just aren't important enough for me to waste my breath on," I muttered and turned away.

My comment again led to gales of laughter from Rose and Aunt Esme and more encouragement to let Lauren and Jessica have a piece of my mind. I only spoke the truth, however. I felt no compulsion to lower myself to their level. Their words didn't affect me, though I had to admit that their jealousy at the Christmas dinner had bothered me. I disliked the way they looked at Edward; it was entirely too forward of them.

We entered the shop and were immediately greeted by a willowy woman with measuring tapes draped round her neck and a pin cushion attached to her belt.

"Mrs. Cullen! Girls!" she welcomed us in a strangely accented voice.

She came immediately over to the carriage and fussed over Molly in a foreign language that I couldn't understand. I vaguely remembered seeing the woman when we came to the shop before Rose's wedding, but couldn't remember her name.

"Irina!" Aunt Esme said. "So good to see you again."

"Mrs. Cullen, the pleasure is all mine. Ah, Rose, she is so beautiful! And so big already! What is her name?"

Rose smiled sweetly down at little Molly and then looked back up at the woman.

"This is Molly Abigail Cullen," Rose said proudly. "And she's almost five months now, if you can believe it."

"She's strong and healthy," Irina said, nodding her head. "And this must be our bride. Isabella?"

"Bella," I said, holding out my hand. "A pleasure to see you again."

"Indeed. Let's get started right away. I've set out a few dresses for you to try on and we can go from there."

Rose and Aunt Esme settled themselves on the couch and I followed Irina through the store to the fitting rooms. I strained to follow her fast-paced speech as she told me about some of the dresses she had chosen for me. I sighed, nodding silently as I followed her; Alice would have been so much better at this than I was.

The dresses were enormous, long and unwieldy to get into, but Irina was patient with me. After several minutes of maneuvering, I was in the dress. It was a lovely ivory color, with hanging lace and accented pearls. The train trailed nearly three feet behind me. It made me nervous to have that much fabric around my ankles; it seemed like a recipe for disaster. Irina fixed one of the long, gauzy veils onto my head with a small circlet of flowers.

I walked carefully out of the dressing room with Irina close behind me carrying the train. Aunt Esme and Rose were waiting expectantly for my arrival. They both gasped as I appeared, Aunt Esme jumping to her feet and coming over to my side.

"Bella!" she cried, throwing her arm around my waist. "You're a bride."

She turned me toward the large standing mirror and I gasped at my own appearance. The veil framed my face like a white cloud and trailed down my back nearly to my knees. The fabric seemed to hang perfectly on my frame, all of the lace and satin laying perfectly along my curves. Aunt Esme was right; I was a bride. I felt the tears pricking at the back of my eyes. I was a bride; Edward's bride. _It couldn't come soon enough_.

"What do you think, baby?" Aunt Esme crooned.

"It's –," I whispered, but my voice caught in my throat.

As I looked across the small shop, another young woman came out of another dressing room dressed in shimmering white. As she emerged, a girl who looked like her twin jumped out of her seat and ran over to her. It was clear that they were sisters, in the way that they talked and laughed and gestured. I couldn't finish my sentence; I stared intently at the two girls as they fawned over each other, talking in quiet, giggling whispers that carried across the shop.

Aunt Esme followed my eyes and her grip around my waist tightened. She didn't say anything, but just having her next to me was helpful. The moment was broken when Molly woke out of her peaceful slumber with a start, letting out a loud yelp which made us all jump. Rose plucked her out of the carriage and we all laughed, but the moment was gone for me. I tried on the rest of the dresses, yet couldn't bring myself to get excited about any of them. They were all lovely and made me feel beautiful, but none of them felt like "the one." I knew that Alice would have understood that.

We left empty handed and Aunt Esme assured Irina that we would be in touch to set up a second appointment with her in the near future. After walking Rose back to her house, we headed through the park on our way home. As we walked, Aunt Esme tried to convince me that it was perfectly natural for certain things to make me miss Alice more, but I still felt as though I had ruined a perfectly good outing.

"Honey, she's your sister. Of course trying on wedding dresses without her is going to make you miss her."

"I know … but I feel as though I've wasted everyone's time. We were there. It seems foolish to have to go back another time just because I got a little nostalgic."

"Do you remember how many stores Rose visited before she got her dress?" she asked, her eyebrows raised in amusement.

I rolled my eyes and shook my head.

"I'm not Rose," I countered. "I'm not picky. I don't think, even if I had found the perfect dress, I would have been able to recognize it. Nothing felt right without Alice there."

Aunt Esme was silent for a long while. After we exited the park and we were nearing home, she wound her arm through mine and pulled me close.

"It'll all work out," she said softly. "I'm sure of it. We have loads of time to find the right dress and as soon as you do, we can wire the news to Alice so she can share in the fun, okay?"

I smiled and nodded.

"I think it'll be easier next time," I said. "I think I've gotten out the worst of my melancholy."

"That's the spirit, my girl," she said enthusiastically.

That night, neither she nor Uncle Carlisle brought up the wedding during dinner. Instead, we talked about any number of other topics. I knew they were being kind, trying to take my mind off of Alice, and it warmed my heart that they cared so deeply about me. Before going to bed, I began writing back to Alice, telling her about some of the dresses and leaving out all mention of my sadness. It didn't seem fair to make her feel badly about missing out on the dress hunt when there was nothing she could do to change it. I fell asleep feeling better for having written to her and knew that the next day would bring a brighter mood.

* * *

Edward surprised me after school on Monday by showing up just as classes let out. I nearly skipped over to him, so happy to see him after nearly three days apart. I could hardly wait for the day when we wouldn't have to go more than a few hours without seeing each other. It would be something close to heaven, I was sure.

"Edward, what a pleasant surprise," I said as I approached him, a wide smile on my face.

"I couldn't stay away," he murmured, leaning forward and kissing my cheek gently, taking my books from me as well. "It's been far too long."

My skin flared at his gentle touch, goose bumps traveling down my neck. I leaned into him as he wrapped his arm around my waist and fell into step beside me.

"It has," I sighed. "But it's always too long."

He grinned and pulled me tighter to him.

"So it is," he agreed. "How was your day?"

"Fine. I'm anxious for this year to be over. Lessons have become tedious; I _know_ all of this material. I'm eager for new things."

"What did you go over today?" he asked, steering me toward the park instead of toward my home. "I spoke with Esme. We can take our time."

He said the last as a whisper in my ear and the thrill of his nearness made me shiver. I grinned at the thought of dawdling with Edward in the park for the afternoon. Truly, I couldn't think of a better way to pass the time on such a lovely day.

"We finished _Wuthering Heights_," I said after a pause. "Honestly, I think it was the twentieth time I had read it. Not that I don't love it, it's just that the discussion was so superficial."

Edward chuckled and shook his head.

"I could barely get through it once," he admitted.

I pulled away from him in mock surprise.

"Don't tell me that Heathcliff and Catherine didn't strike your fancy!"

"Ugh! Don't get me started, Bella!" he said, waving a hand in front of him. "The man was a swine, and Catherine was little better. They _might_ have redeemed themselves had they had each other, but they didn't even have that in the end."

I had to laugh at him; so riled up over characters in a book he claimed not to like.

"Did your mother force you to read it?" I asked.

His brow creased and he smiled.

"Why do you ask that?"

"Well, to have such a violent reaction to it, _some_ trauma must have gone along with reading it."

He sniffed and closed his eyes, placing his arm around my waist again.

"The only trauma was having to read the book at all," he insisted.

"Oh, Edward," I said, chuckling. "I don't know … it _is_ one of my favorite books. I'm not sure I can forgive you for defaming it so!"

"We'll have to agree to disagree on this one, my love," he said seriously. "I cannot stomach another read through."

He leaned in and kissed my cheek, effectively ending our conversation. He pointed to a shady hill under a tree and we walked over slowly. He set my books down on the grass and helped me to the ground where I could lean against the tree. He lay down beside me, his head in my lap, and looked up at me.

"I did miss you, Bella," he said again, seriously.

"Silly," I said, shaking my head. "You said that already."

Inside, my heart beat faster, just hearing him say it again. I loved that he missed me as much as I missed him. But I also loved to tease him, and knew that he enjoyed the banter as well.

"Yes, but it's true," he said, squinting up at me. "September seems so far away. Let's run away."

He reached around and tickled my side, making me kick my feet and laugh.

"Really, we're in public," I said, trying to keep a serious face as I straightened my skirt.

I went back to running my fingers through his hair. His face immediately relaxed and he closed his eyes in pleasure, a soft sigh escaping his lips.

"You'd really run away with me?" I asked quietly.

"This minute if you asked me to," he replied without opening his eyes. "Of course, I'd also wait another ten years if you asked me. Really, I'm at your beck and call, love."

His words were playful, but I felt the sincerity of them. I mulled over what he had said and decided to pursue it.

"That's rather impractical, you know," I said evenly.

"What is?" His eyes opened and he looked up at me, his green eyes sparkling in the sunlight.

"The idea of running away, lovely though it is, is totally impractical. We wouldn't even have a place to live."

He opened his mouth to speak and then closed it again. I could tell he was moving from playful to serious. It was exactly the frame of mind I wanted him in. We hadn't really discussed the future, other than the date of the wedding. I was happy to know when we would be married, but the practical side of me worried about details such as a house for after the wedding. I knew that once I put the seed into Edward's mind, he would think heavily about it as well.

"Should we begin to look, you think?" he asked, the playful tone gone from his voice.

"I think we should at least talk over our options with your parents and Aunt Esme and Uncle Carlisle," I said. "It wouldn't hurt to know what funds we would need to purchase a house, and whether or not that's feasible right now."

"It's feasible," he said immediately. "Father and I looked at my savings before I bought your ring. I wanted to be sure I could offer you a home before I asked you to take my name."

I smiled at him and ran my fingers down the side of his face.

"I didn't think that you _hadn't_ thought of it," I insisted. "It's just …"

"You'd like me to be upfront with you about it," he continued for me with a smile. "I'd planned to. I've just been caught up in the excitement of it all. Bella, we could buy a house tomorrow and we'd be fine."

"That _is_ good to know," I said, laughing. "Perhaps I'll think on the running away, then."

He sat up with a smirk on his face. Before he could say anything cheeky though, I leaned over and kissed him. His hand came up and encircled my neck. I pulled away from him and leaned my forehead on his.

"I would, you know," I said softly, "if you asked."

"I know," he said sincerely. "Just knowing that is enough."

He winked at me and lay back down. It seemed the serious part of our discussion was over for the afternoon. He looked up at me with a pout when my fingers didn't immediately find their way into his hair. I rolled my eyes as though it was a burden, but honestly found it as relaxing as he did. It felt possessive, because he was mine and everyone in the park that passed us knew that by the way I held his head in my lap. I found that I enjoyed that quite a bit.

* * *

The afternoon passed quickly and Edward and I walked slowly home after a few lazy hours. He held my hand as we sauntered through the park, a small smile on his lips. I was about to ask him what he was thinking when I heard a tittering laugh that was all too familiar to me. I looked over to my right and saw Lauren Mallory sitting with Jessica Stanley on one of the benches. They were holding penny candies and watching Edward with rapt attention. He hadn't even noticed them, which gave me great satisfaction.

When Lauren caught my eye, I thought she would look away. She didn't; instead, she stood and Jessica followed her lead. They began walking toward us.

I slowed down and Edward looked around to see where I was looking. When he saw Lauren and Jessica, his hand tightened around mine. Feeling him there emboldened me. I remembered how I had felt with his head in my lap. He was with me, not either of them.

"Hello, Lauren, Jessica," I said, nodding my head at them as they approached us.

"Well, well, well," Lauren said, a predatory smile on her face. "If it isn't Bella and Edward. Stealing some time alone in the park?"

"Hello, ladies," Edward said, his voice soft but I could hear the tightness in it. "How are you?"

"Lovely, Edward," Lauren said. "We were _just_ talking about you two, weren't we, Jessica?"

"That's right," Jessica said eagerly, shaking her head. "Wondering how soon the big day was and all that."

"The date is set for the middle of September," I said coolly. "Now if there isn't anything else, we were just headed home…"

"How's your sister, Bella?" Lauren asked as I turned away from her.

Her voice made me stop in my tracks and spin around. Her blue eyes were icy, calculating. I couldn't, for the life of me, think what could be going through her head, but I knew with certainty that something nasty was afoot.

"She's well. Thank you for asking."

"She's been gone, what? Eight months now? She should be almost ready to come home, shouldn't she?"

Edward's hand tightened around my arm, but I shook my head in confusion.

"No … I'm not sure what you mean, Lauren. The program she's in goes for a full two years. She's not even half-way finished."

"You're still going with that lie?" Jessica asked, covering her mouth as she dissolved into giggles.

"Lie? What are you talking about?"

I had pulled away from Edward and stepped forward, closer to the girls.

"Oh, how precious … she doesn't even know what the gossip is. Word is that that trashy boyfriend of hers got her in the family way and she's been sent away to have the baby in secret."

Lauren stared at me in defiance. I felt all of the blood drain from my face as the anger at their vile words filled me. How dare they spread gossip about Alice? No, this was too much; I could not stand idly by while they spread lies and rumors about her.

"What small, disgusting minds you must have to think such a thing," I said, my voice low and shaking. "I imagine it is simply beyond you to think that a woman might have a reason to leave this city _other_ than finding herself untimely pregnant. How sad for you."

"Don't you dare set yourself above me, Bella Swan," Lauren countered, stepping toward me and sneering in my face. "I know your type well enough."

"Do you really, Lauren?" I asked, looking her directly in the eye.

"Oh, yes," she seethed, her face red and her nostril's flaring angrily. "You're still nothing more than a common orphan, no matter whose ring is on your finger."

I heard Edward take in a deep breath as though getting ready to speak, but I held my hand up, asking him to wait.

"Better a common orphan than a petty girl who needs to put others down in order to feel important."

"I don't –"

"And another thing," I whispered, closing the distance between us so that our noses practically touched. "Don't you ever say another word about my sister. I'm quite certain your father wouldn't thank you for putting him on the wrong side of the Cullen family."

Her pink lips opened and closed as she struggled to find a retort. I knew that she wouldn't come up with anything; it was beyond her. Really, what more was there to say? I had called her bluff, knowing that there was nothing she could reply with. As I turned away from her and saw Edward watching me with a crooked smile on his face, I knew that I had won. I was certain from that day forward, Lauren and Jessica would have nothing further to say to or about me. Finally, I had "let her have it" as Rose had suggested. And it felt fantastic.

* * *

Edward left almost immediately after dinner that night, explaining that he had reading to do before bed. He promised to visit with me before the weekend and left me with a chaste kiss on the cheek. I spent some time in the library with Aunt Esme, telling her of my adventure in the park with Lauren and Jessica. All of the events met with her heartfelt approval; she was thrilled that I had stood up to them and put them in their place.

As I was getting ready for bed that night, I thought about what Alice would have said at hearing about Lauren and Jessica's accusations. She likely would have laughed at the notion. She'd always said that Lauren and Jessica were perhaps the most simple-minded individuals she had ever met. She wouldn't have cared a lick what they thought of her motivations for leaving. But it mattered to me; perhaps because not long ago _I _couldn't understand the reasons a woman might want to leave her home and study abroad.

As I brushed my hair and thought about how proud Alice would have been of my actions, a strange sound at my window broke my reverie. It sounded like the branches of a tree hitting the pane in a storm, but I knew there were no branches near the glass. I walked over to the window and looked out just as a small pebble hit the window. I gasped in surprise and dropped my hairbrush to the floor.

I peered out the window and caught of flash of bronze hair below my window. I unfastened the lock and opened the window just as Edward raised his hand to throw another handful of pebbles up.

"Edward!" I hissed. "What are you doing?"

He smiled up at me, his cheeks red and his eyes sparkling.

"Come down? I need to see you."

I bit my lip and looked around. Aunt Esme had already gone to bed and Uncle Carlisle was working late at the hospital. I doubted Aunt Esme would punish me very much, even if we were caught. After all, we were engaged. Alice and Jasper had been sneaking out to see each other for months with her silent approval, and they hadn't even been engaged at the time.

"Please, Bella? Just for a few minutes?"

His pleading voice made the decision for me. I could truly deny him nothing.

"Give me five minutes. Meet me on the porch."

He smiled brightly up at me and started to walk toward the back porch.

"Edward," I called quietly.

He jogged back and looked up, questioningly.

"Be quiet!"

He rolled his eyes and walked off. I hurried to close the window and threw on a loose sweater and a pair of pants. It wasn't something I would usually wear, but it was quicker than trying to struggle into a dress. I looked around the room and decided to put a pillow under my covers just in case someone came into look for me. It was unlikely, but I thought it was wise nonetheless.

In less than five minutes, I was slipping out the back door onto the porch. I didn't see Edward anywhere, and looked around trying to see where he might be hiding. I smiled and crept toward the garden. As I neared the edge of the porch, he grabbed me from behind and pulled me backwards so quickly that I nearly screamed in surprise.

His warm hand came up and covered my mouth as I began to giggle nervously, and he turned me around in his arms, pulling me close. I nipped his fingers with my teeth and he pulled away only to cover my mouth with his … hard. As he kissed me, he moved us backwards until I came in contact with the wall. My breathing was already unsteady from the surprise of him catching me, and I groaned as he pushed against me, pinning me between his body and the wall.

"Am I hurting you?" he asked softly, kissing my lips and cheeks.

"No," I whimpered. "You just startled me. What brought this on?"

He attacked my lips again, and I let out a muffled moan as his tongue grazed mine. His arm was wrapped around my waist while his other hand was wrapped in my hair. As he kissed me, his hand trailed down my neck to my chest where his fingers played at the top of my sweater. My heart skipped a beat as he ran his thumb over my collarbone and down my chest to the top of the shirt.

I brought my hand up to his face and ran it down the side of his jaw to his neck. I pulled my mouth away from his for a second and exhaled loudly, running my nose against his chin.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "I couldn't get the thought of you out of my head tonight … and then, seeing you dressed like _this_? Bella, you have no idea…"

I chuckled, and peppered kisses along his jaw and down his neck, making him groan and press into me. I felt him hard against me and it made me sigh.

"I'm not complaining, but what about me was different today that made you come back tonight?"

"Can't you guess?" he teased, capturing my mouth and nibbling at my bottom lip until I gasped. "It was very – intense – watching you tell those foolish girls where they could put their gossip. I quite liked seeing your fiercer side."

He framed my face with his hands, his thumbs brushing my cheeks gently and sending shivers down my spine.

"You liked that?" I asked, looking into his eyes.

"I loved that," he murmured, his green eyes dark in the low light. "I loved seeing you stand up to them and show them exactly what you were made of. I loved seeing you defend yourself."

He kissed me gently, his lips soft on mine. Slowly, we both opened our mouths, our tongues moving unhurriedly together. I slipped my hands beneath his coat, pulling his body to mine so that I could feel him pressed all along my body. He leaned his knee against the wall, his thigh between my legs, and I felt a warmth spread through me as he moved against me. My hands tightened on his shirt as he continued to lean against me.

His fingers trailed down my body and came to rest on my sides as our kiss deepened. I felt his fingers playing at the edges of my sweater and my heart raced, wondering what would come next. I felt the heat of his touch against the skin of my stomach and I gasped, pulling away from him.

"Should I stop?" he asked, his fingers still touching the bare skin of my side.

Though his touch sent shivers through my body, it was like white fire against my skin. I could feel each of his fingers, even though they were light as a feather upon me. And I didn't want him to pull away. I shook my head and looked up at him.

"No," I said, my voice thick. "I don't want you to stop."

He moved his face closer to mine and kissed me gently, his fingers resting lightly around my waist just beneath my sweater. As his tongue swirled in my mouth, he moved over my skin. First he played lightly along my spine and then came back to the front, grazing over my belly button. I took his bottom lip between my teeth as his fingers inched higher and he hissed.

"So soft," he murmured against my lips, his fingers pressing harder against my stomach.

Edward's hand reached the bottom of my rib cage and he paused there, his thumb tracing the outline of my bones. He leaned his forehead against mine and I pulled on his shirt, lifting it up just the slightest amount. My eyes darted up to his and I saw that he was looking at me intently.

"Can I?" I asked, catching my lip between my teeth as I waited for his answer.

"Please," he whispered. "I want to feel your hands on my skin."

I brushed his sides with just my fingertips before reaching around and placing both of my palms against his back, pulling him against me. He let out a shuddering breath and his hands moved further up my body, just below my breasts. I hadn't thought of it before, but when I threw on clothes to come down to see him, I hadn't struggled into my bra. I was bare below the sweater and certainly he could tell that now.

He breathing was ragged and I knew he was waiting for approval from me. I wondered if he could feel how fast my heart was racing. I was desperate for more of his touch, but I didn't know quite how to ask for more. Now that he was this close, I wanted to feel his hands on me there.

"It's okay," I whispered when his fingers didn't continue on their journey. "I mean … if you want?"

"God, you have no idea how much I want," he gasped, bringing his lips to mine fiercely.

He kissed me hard, the soft stubble on his chin scratching my face as our mouths moved together. I felt his fingers tremble as he moved them higher, just brushing the bottom swell of my breast with his right hand. I heard and felt him moan in my mouth as his hand cupped me and his thumb brushed over my nipple.

The feeling was exquisite, something I hadn't expected at all. As the warmth of his hand surrounded me and his thumb explored the tip, I felt waves of electricity run through my body. I ran my nails roughly across his back making him moan again. His other hand moved up, cupping my other breast.

I felt surrounded in Edward, his hands claiming me and his body pressing against mine. His mouth eased away from mine and moved to my jaw line. He trailed his tongue down to my neck where his lips pulled at my skin, making me moan.

"I love you so much, Bella," he murmured into my ear.

He took my earlobe between his teeth gently and I cried out his name, making him chuckle. He ran his palm over my breast, feeling the whole of it in his hand. I was beyond words; the stirrings of desire were too great. My thighs tightened around his leg, sending a wave of pleasure through the lower half of my body. It shocked me so badly that I threw my head back and banged it soundly against the wall.

"Oh, ow!" I cried, leaning my head forward against his chest.

He pulled his hands away from my chest and cupped my face in his hands.

"What happened?" he asked, kissing the top of my head. "Did I hurt you?"

"No," I whined. "I banged my head on the wall!"

Just hearing the words come out of my mouth made me snort with laughter. Soon, I was giggling uncontrollably against his chest and he was holding me helplessly, laughing softly along with me.

"I'm sorry," I said when I had gotten my laughter under control.

"Don't be. We needed to stop anyway."

I could hear the tone of regret in his voice as he spoke and I looked up, my giggles completely gone.

"I didn't want to stop," I said. "That – you have no idea."

It was his turn to snort with laughter and he bent down and kissed me gently on the cheek.

"I think I might have _some_ idea, love. That was quite amazing for me as well."

He winked and stood up straighter, pulling his body away from me. I felt cold along the front of my body, missing the warmth of him against me. My fingers caught the front of his shirt and I looked up at him shyly.

"Maybe you'll come back another night?" I asked.

"I have a limitless supply of pebbles," he said seriously. "You will not be able to keep me away."

I sighed as I watched him walk down the street from my bedroom window that night. We'd sat on the porch for a few minutes after we had calmed down, talking about nothing important and only holding hands. I still felt the electricity pulsing through my veins as he disappeared from view and wondered how I would be able to quiet my pounding heart. As I lay down beneath the covers, my body missed the warmth of his. Despite being impractical and impossible, I would have run away with him that night in a heartbeat.

* * *

_**A/N:**__ Ah … second base. LOL. It's about time that boy's hands saw some action, don't you agree? ;) I really hope you all enjoyed the different aspects of this chapter. It was kind of an emotional roller coaster for our Bella, but I think she's hit a few major milestones. So I have to you guys, I squeed on Tuesday night … ATJ was one of the clues on TwiFic Trivia! It was so cool to see Rose's awesome blinkie up there. =) Anyway, hope you enjoy this chapter. Let me know what you're thinking. Also, for those of you who asked, Bella's Christmas dress is now up on my profile. ;) ~Jen_


	20. Celebrate me Home

_Bill collectors gather 'round and rather_

_Haunt the cottage next door_

_Men the grocer and butcher sent_

_Men who call for the rent_

_But within a happy chappy_

_And his bride of only a year_

_Seem to be so cheerful, here's an earful_

_Of the chatter you hear_

_Ev'ry morning, ev'ry evening_

_Ain't we got fun?_

_Not much money, Oh, but honey_

_Ain't we got fun?_

_**Ain't We Got Fun**__, Richard A. Whiting and Raymond B. Egan 1921_

_**Disclaimer: **__I do not own Twilight or any of the characters from the Saga. Stephenie Meyer is the owner of Twilight. No copyright infringement is intended. This work, and the original ideas presented therein, is the sole property of this author._

_Many thanks to my beta team: Belle Dean, ikss, swimom7, and bookjunkie1975. They are awesome._

_

* * *

_

_Saturday, August 13, 1921_

"Mine," I said, mumbling softly to no one in particular.

I was sitting in the middle of an empty living room of a house I had just gotten the keys for. My house. I shook my head and smiled.

"Ours," I amended.

Bella hadn't arrived yet; she was stopping at Freedman's general store to pick up some cleaning supplies and meeting me at the house to do some initial cleaning. Naturally, we wouldn't be moving in until after the wedding and the honeymoon, but we wanted to get things in order while we had time.

I had on a worn pair of trousers and a holey white shirt, the cuffs rolled up as far as they would go, and I was ready to get to work. As I looked around the room, I imagined the things that we would do to the house over the next several years, the things that we would put into it and the changes we would make.

First, I wanted to install a floor ceiling set of bookshelves for Bella in the small room off of the parlor. It wasn't as big or as grand as her uncle's library, but I was hoping it would do. I'd seen a large leather chair in the window of a second hand store that would fit perfectly in the corner of the room for her. When I went into the room this morning after picking up the keys from the realtor, I could almost picture her curled up in the chair, engrossed in one of her books.

Of course, she'd need a writing desk too. I had lots of ideas for that room, including the possibility of knocking out one of the walls to make for a larger space. I thought if we did that, I might be able to make it into a combination library and office that we could share.

The possibilities were endless and we had plenty of time to pursue them. I leaned back against the wall in the living room, putting my hands behind my head and began daydreaming of all the things that we might do in the house: the parties we could host, the family dinners we would make, the quiet times we would share … the children we would raise. I smiled, knowing that _this_ was really the beginning of forever for us. The wedding was just a public declaration of the promises Bella and I had already made to each other. This house was really our beginning.

I heard footsteps on the front steps and leapt up, knowing it would be her.

"Edward?" she called, slightly out of breath.

I hurried through the room and out to the foyer where I saw her peering through the partially open door. She was carrying a cardboard box that seemed full of odds and ends and I ran the rest of the way to take it from her.

"What did you bring?" I asked, taking the box from her.

She sighed in relief and rubbed her hands together, chuckling.

"You know Aunt Esme," she said. "She couldn't let me leave without just _one_ more thing."

I nodded and leaned over to kiss her. She gave me a peck on the cheek and ducked past me, eager to get into the house. I followed behind her slowly, watching her as she went. She ran her hands along the chair rails lining the hall, looking up and down at the bare walls. I wondered what she was thinking, but didn't want to interrupt her moment.

"It's real then," she said. "We own a house."

"Yes ma'am," I said with a laugh. "I have the key to prove it, too."

She turned around with a glint in her eyes.

"Let me see?" she asked.

I set the box down and pulled the keys out of my pocket, dangling the two sets in front of her.

"I made copies already," I explained, holding one out for her. "A set for you and one for me."

She took them from my hand and turned the key chain over in her fingers, examining it.

"It feels sort of surreal," she said. "Keys to my own house … a month away from being married. It seems like time is flying. Do you feel the same?"

"Sometimes," I said. "Other times, it feels as though it is dragging unmercifully slowly."

She giggled and shook her head.

"That's because you're impatient," she said, coming closer to me and wrapping her arms around my waist.

She'd pulled her long hair back in a careless braid and I brushed my fingers over it.

"Is that a bad thing?" I asked softly.

"No," she whispered, looking up at me expectantly.

I leaned down and brushed a kiss on her lips. Her hands tightened around my waist as she kissed me back. It would be quite easy to forget about the work I'd planned for the day and stand in the middle of the new house, getting lost in Bella. Of course, Bella's practicality wouldn't allow for that.

"Where do you want to begin?" she asked, pulling away with a sigh.

I plunged my hands into my pockets and walked past her into the parlor.

"I guess here is as good as anywhere," I said. "The whole place needs a good sweep and cleaning."

"You take the broom," she said, nodding her head, "and I'll fill a bucket to wash the base boards. We should be able to get the first floor done today."

She pulled a kerchief out of the box on the floor and tied it around her head. She'd dressed in sensible grey slacks and a blue button down shirt. As she rooted through the closet where the previous owners had left some cleaning supplies, I let out a low whistle that I hoped she couldn't hear. I was thankful that sweeping wouldn't require much concentration; most of my attention was going to be on my fiancée and her distracting grey pants.

I took the broom and dust pan she handed me and got to work on the floor in the hallway. It was stifling out so I left the door open and swept most of the dust onto the front porch. Bella frowned at me for taking the easy way out, but carried the metal bucket out to the kitchen without comment.

When she returned, I'd finished with the hall and had begun working around the corners of the foyer, getting it ready for her to wash the walls and baseboards. She set the heavy bucket down and put her hands on her back, looking over where to begin.

After plunging her hands into the soapy water, she got straight to work. This was really the first day of real work that Bella and I had put in together. I wondered if she preferred silence or if she would want to start talking. She didn't make me wonder for long.

"I received a package from Alice yesterday," she said quietly.

She hadn't heard from Alice in over two weeks, so I knew that the package was welcome.

"Anything special?" I asked.

"It was a wedding dress," she said, pausing in her scrubbing and looking over her shoulder at me. "She won't be able to get back from Paris to come to the wedding, so she wanted to send me something special."

My broom froze in mid swing and I looked at her in shock. She'd been hoping that Alice would be able to break away for a month at the start of the semester to come back for the wedding; she'd never really let herself think that it _wouldn't_ be possible.

"Did she say why?" I asked.

"You know she took those summer courses," Bella murmured. "Well, they go up until the second of September and the Fall classes begin immediately on the fifth. She would have to leave at the beginning of the semester and she'd never be able to catch up … it would put her back an entire semester."

"And she's trying to get done as quickly as possible so she can get back to Jasper," I continued quietly.

"I can't blame her for that," Bella said softly. "I can't imagine being away from you for two years. I'd want to do everything I could just to finish faster. It's just …"

"You wanted your sister here for the wedding," I said, leaning the broom against the wall and walking over behind her.

She was kneeling on the ground, her head hung over the bucket. I kneeled down behind her and wrapped my arms around her, pulling her into my lap. She came willingly and laid her head on my chest.

"Yeah," she whispered.

Her fingers found the edge of my shirt pocket and she played with it idly. I knew she was trying to keep herself from crying, but I wasn't sure what to say to her.

"It's ok to be upset, love," I said quietly, running my hands up and down her arm futilely.

I wanted to make it better. It was what I was supposed to do, after all. I was supposed to make it better for her, easier for her to accept things like that. But I felt helpless; I couldn't bring Alice to Chicago and I knew that was the only thing that would make it better for Bella. An idea started to form in my mind, but I pushed it away for the time being and focused my attention on Bella.

"I know it's okay," she said, sniffling. "I just wish there was some way it could be different. Totally impractical, I know … doesn't change the fact that I want her here."

"That's only natural. What did Esme and Carlisle have to say?"

"Aunt Esme just tried to point out how many things were _right_ about next month. She's so very optimistic."

"Didn't help much, did it?" I asked.

Bella shook her head and laughed.

"Poor Uncle Carlisle, though," she said, still laughing. "After Aunt Esme left for one of her meetings, he tried talking to me. I cried on his shoulder for over an hour!"

"While I'm certain he hated to see you upset, I'm quite certain you probably made his night," I said gently.

She looked up at me questioningly.

"He adores you, Bella. And he's always felt at a loss for how to connect with you, I think. You opening up to him like that was, I'm certain, something that he will cherish."

Bella smiled slowly and then reached up to wipe her face.

"We've gotten closer over the last several months, but this was the first time that it's ever just been the two of us. He seemed to understand what I needed."

"Well, he's a much quieter person than Esme," I said with a chuckle. "They balance each other well, but I can imagine that his silence was more comforting than Esme's somewhat impatient happiness at a time like that."

"It was. I'll have to thank him. I don't think I did last night."

"He knows, love," I assured her. "Whether you mention it or not, he knows."

After a few moments of silence, Bella eased herself out of my arms and moved back toward the bucket. Already the soapy water had revealed good, strong wood around the baseboards. We had gotten lucky with this house; it was well within our price range and it would require very little major repairs.

I returned to sweeping, thinking about some of the unexpected luck we had received when we went to purchase the house. Father and I had gone over my accounts before Bella and I even began looking for a house and it was well within my means to put a sizable amount of money down on a house. However, we never had to touch my savings after finding the house we wanted. In a surprising turn of events, it was Bella's father who had provided for us in the end.

"_We think we've found the house for us," I announced over dinner the night after Bella and I found the house. "I'll be calling the realtor in the morning to inquire about making an offer."_

_My parents, as well as both Esme and Carlisle were there and the room was filled with boisterous congratulations and exclamations of excitement for several moments._

"_That was quick!" Esme said, after the noise died down and looked across the table at Carlisle. "Tell us about it."_

_I told them about it, small compared to the Cullen house or even my own family's house, but just right for Bella and me. Neither one of us were interested in anything overly large. Carlisle cleared his throat after I finished speaking and we all looked over at him._

"_We thought we'd have some time before you found what you were looking for, but it seems you both know exactly what you want," he said slowly._

_Bella's eyebrows furrowed in confusion as she looked at her uncle, trying to figure out his tone of voice._

"_Is there something wrong, Uncle Carlisle? We thought you'd be happy we found something so quickly."_

"_I am, dear!" he exclaimed with a smile. "But there is business to attend to that we hadn't thought we'd need to look into yet."_

_Bella reached for my hand under the table and we both sat quietly, waiting._

"_Edward, Elizabeth," Carlisle said, "Edward told me that you've set aside some money for him to purchase the house with. Bella, we didn't tell you before, but you have some money set aside for _you_ as well."_

Bella and I had listened with rapt attention as Carlisle explained how Charles, Bella's father, had set up a trust fund for each of his daughters on the day they were born. Alice had used the money to pay for her schooling; Carlisle and Esme had planned to save Bella's portion for our wedding day, but felt that we could use it better for purchasing the house. All told, Bella's inheritance had paid for our house outright, allowing us to start out our marriage without debt.

Bella had taken the news stoically, but I had been stunned. None of us knew anything about Charles Swan, and I confess that I thought him little better than Renée. Later, when Bella and I were alone, I asked her about him.

"_I don't know," she had said calmly. "I was two when he died. My only memories of him are of stern, formal portraits that hung in our study and of Mother telling us the many ways we could shame his memory. I never thought of him much … until tonight."_

Bella didn't wish to talk about him much, but I knew that his gift and his memory meant a lot to her. I had been waiting for her to bring it up and wasn't surprised when she did so on our first day in the new house.

"I've been doing some thinking," she said, letting the now grey washrag fall into the murky water.

We'd been cleaning for the better part of two hours and we were both tired and sore, but the first floor of the house looked much better than it had earlier.

"Oh?" I asked. "What about?"

"My father." Her voice was soft as she stood up slowly, her red hands rubbing the small of her back. "I'd like to know more about him."

"I think that's a great idea, Bella," I replied immediately. "Esme is sure to know some, and there are lots of things …"

She shook her head and smiled.

"Aunt Esme never met him," she explained. "I already asked. Later, after we're married and we have some time – I think I'd like you to take me back to Pennsylvania. I'd like to meet his family."

I was struck dumb with surprise. I hadn't thought that Bella would ever want to return to the place she had spent so many unhappy years with her mother. It made sense, of course. Her father's family was from Pennsylvania; she wouldn't be able to meet them here. Still, it shocked me that she would be ready for that bold of a step.

"We can go anywhere you like, love," I said quietly.

"I'm going to need you with me when I do this," she said. "We – Mother never interacted with Father's family. I had always thought … well, I didn't know what to think. She was all I knew and I just assumed that there was a good reason for her to want to cut ties with them. Now I can't be sure. I don't even know that they'll want to know me, but I have to try at least."

"Of course," I agreed. "And naturally they'll want to know you. Really no one can fault a child for her mother's choices. It will mean the world to them that _you_ chose to seek them out."

"You can't be sure of that," she said with a smile. "But I know I won't be happy unless I at least try."

* * *

We finished work on the house just before suppertime. My parent's house was closer to the new house, so we went there and had dinner with them. They were excited to hear about the house and we talked throughout the meal about the many things that we wished to do in the near future. When I mentioned my thoughts about the small room and its potential as a library, Bella's eyes lit up. I decided to go out on Monday after my hours at father's law office to pick up lumber for the bookshelves.

Later that evening, after walking Bella home, I found my mother tidying up the kitchen alone. She looked up at me with a smile as I stole an apple from the basket.

"Tired, son?" she asked, drying a bowl.

"I'm exhausted, but we got a lot accomplished."

"That's good. Sit … I'll pour us some tea and we can talk."

I nodded, knowing that without saying anything, Mother knew I had things on my mind I wanted to discuss. She always knew; it was a special gift of hers.

"So, tell me what's on your mind," she said as she set the glasses down. "You've been distant all night."

"I didn't mean to be. I just have a lot on my mind, as you said."

"Okay," she replied slowly, with a smile. "Anything I can help with?"

"Possibly," I replied. "I'm thinking of taking Bella to Paris for our honeymoon."

Her eyes opened wide. I could guess what she was thinking. A trip overseas was quite a lot of money and it would take us away from Chicago, and my internship, for over a month. Despite all of that, I knew that this was the best option for Bella. Her sister might not be able to come to her, but we could spend the first weeks of our marriage with Alice.

"Did she finally hear from Alice then?" Mother asked.

I nodded.

"She can't make it back. I was afraid that it would come to this. Alice is working overtime to try and get back home. Taking a full month off wouldn't just set her back a month; it would set her back a full semester. Bella understands, but she is naturally upset that Alice can't be here."

"And you want to bring her to her sister," Mother said with a smile. "I think it's a lovely idea. I'm assuming you have the funds for it."

"I'll have to talk to a travel agent, but first I want to wire Alice … see if she'll even have time to visit with Bella and me. The last thing I want is for us to be in the same city as her sister and _still_ not be able to see her much."

"That's wise. Perhaps you should consider visiting some of the other cities in Europe as well, keeping your stay in Paris brief so that Alice doesn't feel the need to entertain you constantly. It would probably make it easier for her to take a few days off to devote solely to Bella."

I scratched my chin, going over figures in my head and trying to determine just how much disposable income I had and how much I could spare for a honeymoon. Even without a mortgage, there were other expenses that needed to be paid. Also, when we returned from the honeymoon, Bella and I would need to eat. I needed to be wise with what I had.

Mother reached over and took my hand.

"Don't worry about the money, Edward," she said softly. "Our wedding gift to you will pay for at least half of the honeymoon. And I'm fairly sure Esme and Carlisle are planning to give you the other half. We've just been waiting for _you_ to make up your mind."

"I can't expect you to pay for our trip!" I exclaimed. "You both are already giving us so much for the wedding itself."

"Honey, that's one of the benefits of your father's success," she said, leaning back in the chair. "Who else are we going to spoil besides our only son?"

I chuckled when I saw the twinkle in her eye. I knew there was more behind her innocent question, but I didn't pursue it. Instead, I went back to the topic of the trip.

"Still, Mom, that's quite a large sum of money … I'm not sure I feel comfortable with you and Father, or Esme and Carlisle for that matter, giving us such a generous gift."

"We didn't ask your permission," she said stubbornly. "If you want to know the truth, this was Esme and my idea. Neither of us want you two starting out struggling. We'd much prefer you to have the cushion of your savings underneath you."

It made perfect sense. Still, I felt uncomfortable.

"Edward, who do you think paid for Em and Rose's house?" Mother asked, crossing her arms in front of her.

"I … assumed Em did."

"You assumed wrong. Mr. Hale, blowhard that he is, paid for his daughter's wedding and also gave Em and Rose a sizable sum for the down payment on their house. Esme and Carlisle paid for their honeymoon."

"Oh," I murmured, still a little stunned. "I guess I just assumed that with Em's job, he had saved up enough to cover those expenses."

"Well, they needed those savings in short order, didn't they? Molly coming so soon after they were married and all."

I flushed and shook my head furiously.

"I know how long it takes to, uh, incubate a baby. We won't be having any 'surprises' eight months after we're married."

"First children can come at any time, Edward Anthony," she said stiffly, giving me a warning glance.

I, of course, understood the sentiment. Mothers often told their daughters that "first children could come at any time." It was a way of brushing off the fact that the wedding night often came far before the actual wedding. That wasn't the case with Bella and me, nor was it going to be no matter how much I wished for it.

"Be that as it may, you won't be welcoming grandchildren until at least nine months after the wedding, Mother."

Her shoulders relaxed slightly and she nodded stiffly. It was an incredibly embarrassing conversation to be having and I'd be glad when it was over.

"Be _that_ as it may, one month doesn't amount to much when children are involved. The extra money will be helpful _whenever_ you make me a grandmother."

"I still –"

"Just say thank you, Edward, and let it go."

She smirked at me, but pinned me with her eyes in an unrelenting stare.

"Thank you, Mother," I said sullenly.

"You're welcome. Almost a married man and I still have to remind you of your manners. Bella isn't going to know what to do with you."

I chuckled and shook my head.

"Bella has me wrapped around her little finger and knows it," I replied.

"Good. What else is bothering you?"

She leaned forward in the chair, sipping her tea, and eyed me with interest.

"It's nothing bothering me, really, just something to think about," I explained.

"Tell me, Edward," she said after I had paused.

"Bella wants to go back to Pennsylvania and meet her father's family. I think it's a great idea, I'm just surprised."

"Why? I think it's wonderful that she wants to reach out to them. She has such awful memories of her mother; it would be lovely for her to know she had one good parent."

Mother frowned, as she always did when we spoke of Bella's past. She had come to love Bella ferociously over the past two years and I had little doubt that if she had been given the chance, she would gladly give Renée Swan a rather lengthy piece of her mind.

"I think it's a great idea as well," I said hurriedly. "It just came as a surprise to me. I guess I had thought she wouldn't want to ever go back to Pennsylvania, not after all of the bad memories she was left with after Renée died."

"I'm fairly certain she wants to replace those bad memories, not revisit them."

I sat back in my chair and nodded my head slowly.

"I guess I hadn't thought about it that way," I said. "That makes sense. Bella talks so infrequently about her past."

"You should get her to talk about it more," Mother said, leaning forward. "I don't know her as well as you, naturally, but it's possible she thinks you don't _want_ to hear the bad things."

"I find that doubtful. As much as I dislike hearing about her pain, I think I've made it clear that I want to know everything about her. Honestly, I think she considers it a dishonor to her mother to talk ill of her."

Mother huffed.

"The woman doesn't deserve …"

"She's her mother," I interrupted. "It doesn't matter what you or I think of her or her ability to raise children; she's Bella's mother. I wish she had a lovely memory to look back on, but I wouldn't defame the memory she holds for the world."

She sighed and leaned back in the chair, nodding weakly.

"I'd never say so to her, you understand," she said softly. "But Bella deserved so much better in life than what Renée gave her."

"I know. I just feel that I oughtn't to press her. I do believe that a lot of her past will come up during our trip to her hometown. I wonder if she'd like to visit Carson College as well … I'll have to ask her."

"When do you want to take her?"

"I don't know," I admitted. "It will have to wait a bit. I'll be a full month behind in my internship after our honeymoon; but if I work hard, I should be able to pass the Bar before my next birthday. Then I'll have more flexibility to be able to take time off."

"Maybe you can go as an anniversary trip," Mother suggested. "Unless there's a reason for Bella _not_ to travel, that is."

I rolled my eyes at her veiled hints.

"What? You can't blame me for wanting a little one to play with. Esme is so in love with Molly …"

"I don't blame you," I said. "I just think you might be a little early in your prodding. We're not even married yet!"

"Fine," she said, sniffing. "I won't pester you anymore. Just so you understand …"

"I heard you loud and clear, Mother," I replied with a laugh and stood up. "Thanks for listening to me about the honeymoon … and about Bella's father. Her family situation is a delicate subject for her; I appreciate your guidance."

"It's not a problem, my sweet," she said, gathering up the glasses. "Go. You're probably dead on your feet from all of the work you've done. Are you going back tomorrow?"

"I'll be going back; I think Bella has plans with Esme tomorrow."

"Maybe you'll be able to get some measurements on that library then," she said with a wink and turned back to the sink with the glasses. "I'll see you in the morning, love. Good night."

"Good night, Mother."

* * *

_Saturday, August 27, 1921_

"Just three more weeks, eh, Edward?" Emmett asked as we walked down street away from the tailor. "Everything in order?"

We had just gotten finished with our final fittings for our tuxedoes and were heading out for a late lunch. Emmett seemed to be acting … oddly.

"Yes. Alice was thrilled to hear that we'd be visiting and our entire trip is planned out. We'll actually be getting to see quite a bit of Europe while we're there."

"That's wonderful," he said. "I'm sure Bella will be thrilled to see her sister again."

He rubbed his hands together as we walked and kept looking around.

"Everything all right, Em?" I asked finally.

"Oh, um … yes. Absolutely."

"How's Molly?" I pried.

"Little monster," he said, grinning. "Got her two front teeth and bit me something fierce last night. See?"

He held up his index finger for inspection and there were two tiny red marks in the shape of teeth. I whistled and shook my head.

"What were you trying to do to her, Em? Hold her upside down?"

He snorted.

"No, I kept her away from Rosie too long at dinner time," he replied, shaking his head. "Speaking of Rose … she asked me to talk to you."

"Oh? What about?"

I looked over at my friend and his faced was flushed. He reached a large hand up and palmed the back of his neck uncomfortably.

"Damn, there's no easy way to say this. She wants me to talk to you about sex."

I stopped walking and stared at him, dumbfounded.

"As in gender, or as in the act?" I blurted out, inanely. "Sorry … why?"

"Well, she figures neither one of you have a clue about this sort of thing," he replied stiffly. "In fact, she _knows_ Bella knows almost nothing. She's taking care of that … don't worry."

_Lord_, I thought, trying to imagine Bella's mortification when Rose mentioned the word "sex" in front of her.

"Thanks … what makes you think I know nothing?" I asked adamantly.

The fact was I didn't know much, but I was slightly offended that Emmett would think me so naïve.

"Come on, Edward," Em said with a smile. "We're like brothers. Don't make this harder than it is. I'm doing this exceptionally painful service mostly for my cousin, not for you, so be a sport?"

I swallowed hard and nodded.

"Alright … fine."

"What have you done?"

"You're joking," I said, laughing nervously. "There's really no good way to answer that, you know? You're her rather large and protective older cousin. I say the wrong thing and you're liable to murder me before the wedding."

He rolled his eyes.

"I'm not going to hurt you, you little runt," he said with a smile. "I guarantee you won't say anything I don't already think. Rosie was already two weeks gone with Molly at this point before our wedding, if that makes you any more comfortable."

I flushed an even deeper shade of red.

"There isn't a chance of that," I muttered.

"Okay, see? That wasn't so hard. What _have_ you done?"

I looked up at him nervously.

"I've been meeting her on the porch pretty regularly for the past few months. Heavy necking … and a bit more."

This was officially the most embarrassing conversation I'd ever had, worse even than when my father tried to explain the facts of life to me.

"Right … so you know it isn't likely to be … pleasant for her? The first time I mean?"

"I'd gathered that," I replied ambiguously.

"Rose'll prepare her for that … and you know, how it gets better …"

"It gets better for her? Like immediately?"

"Not … immediately," he said, sighing heavily. "But, yeah, if you're not rough with her it'll get better for her quickly. You better not be rough with her."

I looked at him hard, frowning.

"Right," he said, nodding, understanding from my look how unlikely it would be for me to be rough with Bella. "Anyway … there are – things – you can do to make it nice for her that first time."

I will admit that he had my rapt attention from that moment onward. I might not have relished the thought of needing direction, but finding out how I could make the experience more pleasant for her was high on my priority list.

"When you say heavy necking," he said, wiping sweat off his top brow. "Any … action below the waist?"

"Jesus, Emmett, no! That'd be completely inappropriate!"

_Like you haven't thought about it_, I thought to myself.

"Whatever," he said. "Anyway … there are things you can do _for_ her that might let her … experience the completion of sex. Men kind of are guaranteed to finish, you know? Women need a little something extra. You want to be a good husband? You'll figure those things out."

I had enough information at my disposal that Em didn't need to get graphic in his explanations, but he had certainly piqued my curiosity. More than that, he had laid a challenge at my feet. It was up to me to make sure that Bella enjoyed our marriage bed.

For my own part, I didn't think there would ever be a moment that I didn't want her; the thought of having to wait another three weeks before she'd be mine was nearly painful. But I wanted her to want me in that way too. I expected that she would be nervous and perhaps afraid. Despite my embarrassment, I was glad that Rose would be talking with her. I knew that she would be gentle in her explanations and I hoped that her reassurance would allow Bella to anticipate our wedding night with hope, rather than fear.

* * *

**_A/N_**_: Sorry for the delay in posting. Jazzward was being ... truculent. Not even the enticement of sex in the next chapter could get him to open his trap in the beginning. Luckily, he cooperated. :D I couldn't find any data to suggest whether couples in this era routinely bought houses before their marriages. But, to me, it made perfect sense. This way, they could work on it before they moved in and it would be ready for them. I hope you enjoyed this chapter and, uh, Em's little chat with our boy. At least now we know that he won't be all wham, bam, thank you ma'am. ;) But, poor thing, endurance isn't going to be his strong point in the beginning. At least what he lacks in stamina, he can make up for in determination. LOL Thanks so much for your patience with this chapter. I hope to have the next chapter (yes, it is THE one you've been waiting for) up more quickly. ~Jen_


	21. Mr and Mrs Masen

_It's just you and I, not a sound_

_There's not one sigh,_

_Just the beat of my poor heart_

_In the dark_

_Now, in the dark, in the dark_

_I get such a thrill_

_When he presses his fingertips upon my lips_

_And he begs me to please keep still_

_In the dark._

_**In the Dark, **__Nina Simone_

_**Disclaimer:**__I do not own Twilight or any of the characters from the Saga. Stephenie Meyer is the owner of Twilight. No copyright infringement is intended. This work, and the original ideas presented therein, is the sole property of this author._

_Many thanks, as always, to my betas: Belle Dean, Swimom7, Bookjunkie1975, and ikss. They are wonderful to me and I appreciate everything they do._

_

* * *

_

_Wedding Day_

_September 17, 1921_

The morning moved too quickly for me to really take in what was happening. I went from room to room of our home being poked and prodded and curled and powdered until I finally landed in Aunt Esme's room with my wedding dress laid out on her bed. When she looked at me with a small smile and I realized it was just she and I, I finally took a moment to relax. The dress was the last step; it was almost time for us to leave for church.

Even the ride there was rushed and full of excitement. First it was getting me into the car without falling into the street. Unlike Rose's billowing gown of the year before, Alice had crafted a sleek dress whose beauty was in its fine details. Still, it was difficult to maneuver myself into the car gracefully without sitting on the veil and pulling it painfully out of my hair. Being a bride seemed to mean moving slowly, even when in a rush.

I stood alone in the vestibule of the same church Rose and Emmett had gotten married in, focusing on my breathing. Somewhere underneath the layers of satin and silk, ruffles and tulle, my heart was nearly beating out of my chest. Alice had managed to create the perfect dress for me. It was comfortable yet elegant, and I felt like a princess right out of one of her fairytales. However, if I didn't settle my nerves, I was liable to sweat through the thin satin before I reached the altar.

Somewhere outside of the large wooden doors my soon-to-be husband was pacing. I could almost see him in my mind's eye, hair combed carefully out of his face but stubbornly flopping back down on his forehead as he walked. I tried to focus on that image of him as I willed my heart to slow its racing tempo.

I wasn't frightened; far from it. I was ecstatic to begin our life together. But the morning's rush had left me on an exhilarated high. With all of the preparations done, I was left alone to wait for the ceremony to begin. It was good to have a moment to breathe, but it led to a small amount of impatience on my part.

I'd asked Rose, Angela, and Vera, the girl's I'd chosen as my bridesmaids, to wait outside so that I could have a moment to myself. I thought I might pray, but instead I concentrated on how I would feel when I saw Edward waiting for me. I was lost in visions of his smiling face when I heard Uncle Carlisle clear his throat behind me.

I'd been unwittingly fussing with my veil as I pondered my reflection in the mirror. It was secured to my hair with only a single pin and I felt as though it might slip off at any moment.

"You look lovely, Bella," Uncle Carlisle said, coming up behind me.

"Thank you," I said with a smile. "Is it time?"

He chuckled and shook his head a little.

"Not quite yet. Stragglers are still being seated. I wanted a moment, if that's alright with you?"

I nodded as he reached into his pocket.

"I've had something made for you," he began, his voice somewhat gruff. "I wanted to give you something to help you remember where you came from."

He stood behind me, looking at me in the mirror, and fastened a thin silver chain around my neck. Attached was a small swan.

"No matter where you go or what your name is, you will always be a Swan. I thought, perhaps, your father would have wanted you to have something like this on your wedding day. I hope you will accept it from me in his stead."

I blinked as he finished speaking and the tears spilled out. Reaching up, I fingered the delicate metal of the swan in my hands, feeling the fine craftsmanship that must have gone into making it. I shook my head and smiled, turning around to face him.

"I can't tell you how much this means to me, Uncle Carlisle," I whispered. "Thank you. And … I hope you understand what I mean when I tell you that I consider myself a Cullen as well, now."

He beamed at me and I reached out and took his hand.

"I was afraid when I came here – afraid of so many things. And maybe I didn't do a good job at first of letting you know that _you_ are an important part of why I'm not afraid anymore. Uncle Carlisle, you really helped me see … what a good man is. Thank you … for everything."

He gathered me to his chest and stroked my back gently, his strong hands soft overtop the delicate fabric. He filled me with a sense of calm, despite the nerves and excitement of the day. It was how he had made me feel every day of the past several months … at home.

"You and Alice are as much my daughters as Emmett is my son, and I love you."

I could hear how thick his voice was and smiled.

"Come now, sweet girl," he said, pulling away from me and wiping my cheek with a handkerchief. "If Esme sees you crying she'll wring my neck."

I smiled and shook my head.

"I doubt she'd have time."

He nodded with a wry smile.

"She has been buzzing around today, hasn't she?"

"She's been wonderful. You all have … I haven't had to worry about a thing all morning."

"And that's the way it should be."

He ran his hand softly over one of my curls, settling it back into place.

"Sorry to disturb," Angela's soft voice called from the doorway, "but it's time."

My heart fluttered at the words and I drew in a deep breath. Uncle Carlisle held out his arm, and I slipped my hand through it. He tucked my arm securely at his side with a reassuring wink.

"Are we ready, darling?"

"More than ever," I replied steadily, walking with him out of the vestibule.

As the doors to the church opened, a sea of people rose to their feet, obstructing my view of the altar. The pews creaked and groaned as our guests craned their necks looking for a glimpse of me. I thought I would be nervous with all eyes trained on me. I wasn't. Instead, I was annoyed that they blocked Edward from my view.

We were nearly halfway down the aisle when his bronze hair came into view. I focused on him, eager to meet his eyes. When he tilted his head and I saw him looking at me through the white tulle of the veil, all sounds around me disappeared. His smile lit up his whole face. I saw the gentle rise and fall of his shoulders as he sighed. I had to sigh myself, finally feeling at ease. It was all about to become real; I was about to become Mrs. Isabella Masen.

Uncle Carlisle walked me up to the head of the aisle and Edward met us there, his eyes never leaving mine. As he reached out his hand to take my arm from my uncle, I saw his hands shake just the slightest bit. Uncle Carlisle leveled him with an even look.

"Son, take care of my girl," he said softly.

Edward looked up at him for just a moment before looking back at me.

"Always, sir."

The ceremony was a blur of formality, bending of knees and signs of the cross. As it wound to a close and we stood before the priest, our hands intertwined with our new wedding rings shining, I knew that the moment we'd both been waiting for had finally arrived.

"And now, you may kiss your bride," the priest said with a smile.

Edward's hands shook as he lifted the thin veil from in front of my face. The altar was stuffy, and Edward's cheeks were bright red with the heat and his anticipation. As his eyes met mine without the barrier of the veil between us, a beautiful smile split his face. His hands gently surrounded my waist and I reached up to touch his cheek.

Our kiss was brief, but it seemed to me to be full of everything that was good about Edward and I. There was sweetness and heat, gentleness and desire, but most of all there was just us … totally in love.

* * *

Through a hail of rice, my husband and I exited the church and took refuge in a waiting car. He helped me in first and followed quickly behind, shutting the door on the cacophony of sound.

"Hello, Mrs. Masen," Edward said, turning toward me.

He hadn't stopped smiling from the moment the priest pronounced us husband and wife. Truth-be-told, neither had I.

"Hello … my husband." I reached up and framed his face with my hands. "I am so lucky."

He scooted closer to me on the bench seat, winding his arms around my waist and moving his face closer to mine. His eyes were dark in the low light of the car, but he kept them open as they brushed his open lips against mine softly. My eyes fluttered, but I refrained from closing them, wanting to keep the connection we had.

"God, I love you," he murmured, as he captured my lips more forcefully.

I was swept away by the emotion of his kiss, finally giving up and closing my eyes. He moaned softly as our tongues moved together. His hand moved gently up my body, slowly caressing my waist and hovering just below my breast. I smiled into our kiss, knowing what he wanted. But before he could continue, the front door of the car opened and the driver slid into the front seat. We broke apart quickly and laughed nervously as the driver pointedly avoided looking back at us.

"Congratulations, Mr. and Mrs. Masen," he said after a moment. "I'll have you to Lincoln Park in no time for pictures and your reception."

Through my fiery blush, I smiled up at Edward at the mention of our names entwined together. Mr. and Mrs. Masen – it was the sweetest sound I'd heard all day.

* * *

Pictures were exhausting, standing still amid the flowers while the photographer readied the flash. Our guests had begun arriving at the conservatory and we could see them filtering around the garden while we had to hold our poses perfectly so that the pictures would turn out properly. I wanted to throw my hands in the air and tell them that we didn't need fifteen different pictures of the same pose, but thought better of it. It would be good to have them later, when the memories of the day began to fade.

Though there was more food than anyone could possibly eat at the reception, Edward and I barely had a chance to grab a bite. People kept coming up to us, congratulating us, wishing us well. Our plates were gone and the music was swelling before we even knew what was happening around us.

Edward and I danced on a cloud through the evening, almost oblivious to the happy stares and quiet murmurs that seemed to follow us wherever we went. Throughout the night, as our bodies continued to touch, Edward's eyes grew darker and hungrier. I knew what he was thinking of and it both excited and frightened me.

Rose had prepared me for what to expect on my wedding night better than anyone else. She was simple, direct, and matter-of-fact when she spoke about love between a man and a woman. Even though she warned me that there would be some pain involved, she cautioned me against focusing on it.

"_But you say it will hurt?" I asked timidly, unable to get past that fact. Apparently Mother hadn't lied about everything._

"_Bella, if you allow yourself to focus on _that, _you'll never get past it. Yes, the first time is going to hurt. Probably the second time too. But you know what? It doesn't always hurt. In fact, it feels quite good."_

_She waggled her eyebrows at me and I giggled nervously._

"_This is important, Bella. You can talk yourself out of enjoying sex, but there's no reason to. You're _supposed _to enjoy it."_

_I looked down, unsure of how to respond._

"_What is it, honey?" Rose asked, leaning over and touching my knee._

"_Mother told me … well, she said it would always hurt. She said it was _supposed _to hurt because it was … dirty. And I don't believe that, but …"_

_I trailed off, unsure of what I wanted to say or how to make Rose understand._

"_My mother told me basically the same thing," she confessed with a frown. "Can I ask you something without you becoming upset?"_

"_Of course."_

"_When Edward touches you … does it feel dirty to you?"_

_I blushed scarlet and looked away. Thinking of his touches, especially of late, made my heart race. Instead of answering, I simply shook my head. It didn't feel dirty; it felt perfect._

"_Think of sex as just … a lot more of that. It's something special for only you and him. And it's not wrong at all."_

As the night drew to an end and guests began to trickle out of the reception, I looked up at Edward with anticipation and not trepidation. Though nervous, I was ready to give myself to him.

* * *

The hotel room we were spending the night in was sumptuous, far bigger even than the room Alice and I had shared. I walked into the room tentatively, looking around to see both Edward's and my suitcases sitting in the corner.

Edward shut the door behind us and it was as if the air around us had become charged. We were alone in a room with a bed. This was most definitely a first for us.

"I – ah, hope you like the room," Edward said nervously, running a hand through his hair and looking around.

"It's lovely. So big."

I walked around the room, moving stiffly because of my shoes. I wanted to change out of my dress, but how? And where? When I turned back around, Edward had hung his suit jacket over one of the chairs and he was loosening his tie. My cheeks flushed automatically as my eyes darted over his body. I couldn't help but wonder what it would be like to see him, all of him, unclothed.

I slipped off my shoes, keeping my eyes on Edward. Crimson color was creeping up his neck and spreading across his face and I watched as he swallowed thickly. Once out of the shoes, I walked more naturally over to him, reaching up tentatively to cover his hands. He froze, his eyes wide and searching mine, as I helped him loosen the tie around his neck. I'd heard him complain about how difficult tying and untying his bow tie was and I'd always wanted to help him before. As his wife, surely I could now. I pulled on one side of the tie, tugging it through his collar.

"Better?" I asked.

Edward nodded and clenched his teeth together. He looked conflicted, as though part of him wanted one thing while another part of him wanted something else.

"Can I – I just want – let me kiss you?"

His voice was a husky whisper and it sent tingles down my spine. It was rare to hear Edward at a loss for words. And it had been months since he'd _asked _for permission to kiss me. It was all but understood that I wanted him to kiss me, but I knew that this night was different for him and for me. I stepped closer to him in answer and he slipped his arms around my waist, pulling me to him. His mouth was urgent on mine, hungry and hot, while his hands moved roughly against my back. I felt his fingers on my neck while his other hand roamed my back, dipping lower to cup my bottom. It was so unexpected and new that I tightened my grip on his shoulders.

His fingers moved gently up my back until he reached the top of the buttons. He pulled his face away from mine and looked at me with a question in his eyes.

"I can't do them myself," I said, laughing.

Edward drew in a deep breath and kissed my forehead, my cheek and then found my mouth again, kissing me softly. His mouth continued lower, moving over my jaw line and down to my neck. His lips pulled at my skin, and I gasped at the feel of his tongue on my skin.

"Can I help you?" he murmured, his lips brushing against my ear as he spoke.

"Yes," I whispered, my voice unsteady.

Gently, he turned me around and began working on the buttons that were down almost the entire backing of the dress. His fingers were surprisingly nimble and he'd undone five of them in under a minute. As he worked, I felt his breath against my neck coming faster. His movements paused and then I felt his lips press against the nape of my neck and travel down my spine. I closed my eyes and balled my hands into fists. Feeling his hot breath against the bare skin of my back sent shivers throughout my body.

"Should I stop?" he asked, his breath puffing against my skin.

I shook my head vehemently and then found his hand that had traveled to my waist. I stroked it softly before speaking.

"No," I murmured, my voice more muted than I'd thought it would be. "Everything feels so new and different. I'm just trying to take it all in."

I felt and heard him moving behind me and when I looked over my shoulder, I was surprised to see him kneeling. His face was flushed and his eyes dark, wanting. He looked reverent as he looked up at me and it made my heart skip. Edward's fingers trembled as he moved back to the buttons. I heard his soft moan as he brought his lips back to my skin, kissing me as he continued to unfasten the small pearls.

His lips followed the path of the dress, moving further down my back until he reached the top of my undergarments. He'd undone enough of the buttons that the front was drooping loosely. I reached behind me and stilled his fingers. I turned within the circle of his arms to face him. When he saw the way my dress hung on my body, I heard a strangled sound in his throat. His hands hovered over my waist as though he didn't know where he wanted to place them.

Edward stood slowly and brought his hands up to my shoulders. His touch was hot on my skin as he eased the straps of my dress down my arms. He held his breath as the dress moved down my body and finally pulled free of my arms. It slipped easily over my hips and pooled at my feet. Aside from my stockings, undergarments, and brazier, I was naked in front of my husband.

I shivered despite feeling warm all over. Edward's eyes traveled all over my body and his mouth hung open slightly as he seemed to drink me in. Far from being embarrassed, however, I felt … desirable. The look in his eyes seemed barely restrained to me, as though he was at the very edge of his control. It didn't frighten me, though. Rather, it emboldened me. I knew he was holding back, trying to go slow for me. As acknowledgement of that, and of my own desire, I reached out to him.

"Can I – help you?" I whispered.

I slipped my finger underneath the edge of his shirt and found the circle of his buttons. He nodded slowly as I eased the first through the hole. He was watching me as I worked and I felt my lips curling upwards in a small smile.

"What?" he asked quietly, his lips matching my smile.

"I don't know," I said, looking down as I worked on his fourth button. "I haven't a clue what I'm doing."

He brushed his fingers across my cheekbone and they fell down to the swell of my breast, where he rested his hand lightly, possessively.

"I'm not in any rush," he murmured, his eyes twinkling. "I'm enjoying – undressing you."

He smiled his wide, crooked smile and I had to return it.

"I'm not as nervous as I thought I'd be," I said honestly, looking down intently as my fingers worked.

He brought his finger up under my chin and lifted my face upwards.

"I don't want you to be nervous," he whispered. "I – want this. Very much. But we'll go as slow as you like."

"I want this, too," I murmured.

I reached the bottom of his shirt. I parted it and ran my fingers up his body. His eyes closed and he hissed in air between his teeth as my fingernails grazed over his chest. He was still wearing his thin cotton undershirt, but I could see goose bumps erupting on his exposed flesh.

Edward pulled his shirt out from his pants and I ran my fingers up over his shoulders, pushing it down his arms.

"Wait," he said laughing as the shirt fell down around over his hands, but remained attached at the wrists. "Stupid cufflinks."

I giggled as he fought with the cuffs, his expression darkening as they kept slipping out of his fingers.

"Here," I said, shaking my head. "Let me."

He allowed me to get the buttons undone and the shirt came off more easily. Without pausing, he pulled the undershirt over his head and threw it to the side. When he looked back up at me, he smiled sheepishly. It was my turn to stare, open-mouthed at him. I'd never seen his upper body exposed before. I'd felt it through clothes, but this was so much different. I reached up with shaking fingers and hovered over the dusting of hair that covered his chest.

"Touch me," he whispered. "Please?"

The reddish-gold hair was soft under my fingers and in the low light of the room it seemed to make him shine. I could feel his heart hammering under my fingertips as I swirled them across his chest. His breath hitched as I grazed the pink swell of his nipple and I help my breath to see what would come next.

Edward put his hands on my waist and pulled me to him, leaning down and placing a kiss on my lips. I continued moving my hand against his chest and draped my other arm over his shoulder, running my fingers up and into his hair. Our kiss deepened as he pulled my hips closer to him. I stumbled over my dress and fell roughly against him, out bodies thrown together abruptly.

I could feel him hard against my stomach, and for the first time I felt a moment of doubt. But as he kissed me gently again, his fingers starting to work at the stays of my brazier, the desire to feel his skin next to mine won out over the momentary fear. His fingers seemed unsure as he tried to get the clasps apart and he grunted as the first one came apart. I laughed and pulled away from him for a moment.

"I think … just let me," I said.

I undid the remaining four stays, but held the cloth around my body. I was frightened suddenly, embarrassed. What if he didn't like my body? What if it wasn't what he expected?

Tentatively, I let the fabric fall away from my body. The straps eased down to either side and as I brought my hands around to the front of my body, the satin shell came away from my breasts. Edward's breath caught as I finally tugged it away from myself and let it fall to the floor beside me. I couldn't bring myself to look at him, feeling so exposed and on display.

He reached out for my hand and brought it up to his chest. He laid it flat against him over his heart so that I could feel the staccato rhythm underneath my fingers. Hesitantly, I raised my eyes up to look at him. What I saw in his eyes brought my lips crashing against his. Pure desire and love were swimming in his eyes and I wanted to feel it in his kiss.

He crushed my body against his and we both moaned loudly at finally feeling skin against skin. We'd waited so long and finally it was allowed. I kissed him hard as he ran his fingers up and down my back, over my sides and up and around my neck.

"Can we –" he panted against my mouth.

He jerked his head toward the bed and I nodded against him. As he walked me backwards to the bed, he moved his hands to my garter belt and slipped his fingers between the elastic. I yelped in surprised and he pulled his hands away from me and looked at me with wide eyes.

"I'm sorry," he cried, bringing his hands to my face. "I didn't—"

"No, no … it's fine. I just … it doesn't come off like that." I chuckled and waved my hands over the strange contraption. "It's … complicated."

He laughed loudly and rubbed the back of his neck with his hand as I worked the stays in the back quickly. When the belt was undone, I looked up at him shyly.

"It's fine now," I whispered.

"Come here." He reached out for me, wrapping his hand around the back of my neck and pulling me gently toward him. "Kiss me again."

His mouth and tongue were insistent against mine and I answered his kiss just as fervently. He moved us again toward the bed, his fingers drifting over the thin silk of my undergarments. The belt still hung down from the tops of my stockings, but I forgot all about it as Edward's fingers brushed against my bottom. His touch set my skin on fire through the silk and my hips bucked against him.

The backs of my knees came in contact with the bed and I pulled away from him for a moment, unsure whether he wanted me to lie down or to undress first. He seemed as unsure as I was, but his breathing was fast and his eyes darted between my bare chest and the wide bed behind me. Edward's hands rested at my waist, just over the top of my silk panties. I covered his hands and pushed just enough to show him that it was alright to do what I knew he wanted to do.

His nostrils flared as he hooked his fingers into my panties and pulled them down over my bottom. I felt a rush of air on my naked backside and I shivered. His hands stopped and I looked up at him.

"Lie down," he said hoarsely.

I sat back on the bed and he pulled my undergarments down lower. I was exposed; but he couldn't remove them completely without removing the stockings as well. He rolled first one and then the other down my leg, letting his fingers caress my skin as he did. When the last pieces of fabric were on the floor, and I was lying before him completely naked, he stood beside the bed shaking his head.

"You can't know how often I've dreamed of this," he whispered.

His voice wavered as he spoke, but his eyes seemed to travel everywhere at once, not wanting to miss an inch of skin. My skin prickled in anticipation of his touch, but he seemed hesitant now, unsure. I reached up to him with both hands.

"Join me?"

A low sound, like a muted groan, escaped his lips as he reached for his belt buckle. I swallowed thickly and sat up, as eager to look at him as he had been able to look at me. His blush seemed to deepen and I understood; it had been uncomfortable for the first few moments, knowing he would see me completely undressed. I considered averting my eyes, but just couldn't bring myself to do so. I wanted to see him, all of him.

As he lowered his pants and his briefs, bending over to remove his socks and shoes as well, I watched in amazement as his body was slowly revealed. I noticed the way his pale skin prickled in the open air and the light golden hairs, almost invisible, seemed to stand on end. I admired the curve of his bottom, the definition of his thighs, all of which I'd felt and seen, covered with clothes, but could appreciate so much better without their interference.

He stood up, pants and under things discarded, and eyed me nervously. I drew in a deep and unsteady breath at finally seeing _him_ completely revealed. It was larger than I'd imagined, red and erect. He licked his lips as my eyes traveled up his body and I blushed furiously, looking away.

"Don't," he whispered. "I'm not ashamed for wanting to look at you."

I slowly brought my eyes back up to his and bit my lip in trepidation. I wanted him beside me, to feel him pressed against me, but I was truly unsure of what was expected of me. I understood the mechanics of the act, but how it actually related to our bodies was quite another story indeed. I wondered if Edward was as in the dark as I was. I knew he was unpracticed, of course, but Rose had told me boys had – picture magazines that gave them an idea of what to do. She offered to show me one and I nearly ran out of the house in an attempt to get away. I had no interest whatsoever. Faced with the prospect of failing to pleasure my husband, however, I almost wished I _had_ looked.

"Are you afraid?" he asked.

"Yes, but not of you," I added quickly. "It's just … I don't know what to do and I want … I want it to be good for you."

My face burned as I made such an open and brazen statement, but every word was true. I didn't want to be disappointing to him. He moved quickly onto the bed, lying down beside me on his side. His face was close to mine, but his body didn't come in contact with me.

"There is no possible way that you could be … less than amazing," he said, sounding frustrated as he forced the words out of his mouth. "Have you any idea how badly I want you?"

I chuckled.

"Some," I said, looking up at him with a smile. "It's just … I want you _always_ to want me like this. And I'm afraid if I do this … wrong … you won't."

"God, Bella," he said, throwing his head back with a loud laugh. "I don't think I can ever get enough of you."

He stretched his arm out under my head.

"Come here," he whispered. "Let me hold you."

I scooted closer to him and when I laid my head against his chest he wrapped me up in his arms. His skin seemed to radiate heat, but it felt so natural to be cradled against him like this. I swirled my fingers in the hair on his chest and listened to him breathe. It was impossible not to see his desire as I looked down his long body. I watched as it twitched with my every touch and wondered what it would feel like in my hand, and in my body.

My whole body flushed at the thought of him filling me. There was the tiny thought of that pain, but it seemed dwarfed by this overwhelming desire to feel him claim me in this final act that would make us one. I lifted my head off his chest and looked up at him. He was looking down at me, green eyes almost completely black in the low light. I kissed him softly and his mouth moved more firmly against mine.

As we kissed, Edward pushed me back so that I was lying on my back, my head resting on his arm. His other hand encircled my neck and moved down my body to my breasts. My breath hitched as his fingers found the swell and he circled the nipple slowly, for once moving without the restriction of clothes around us. He continued to palm my breast as he knelt up and moved over me.

My heart seemed to speed up even faster as his knee nudged my legs apart to make room for him. My fingers moved over his body, down over his chest and to his stomach. I was desperate to touch him as he had touched me, feeling every inch of his skin and memorizing it. As I brushed the patch of hair above his manhood, he gasped and reached for my hand. I froze and looked at him, but he had his eyes closed and was shaking his head.

"I'm sorry," I squeaked.

"Shh," he whispered, leaning down to kiss me. "You didn't do anything wrong. It's just when you touch me, I can't tell you …" He shuddered and opened his eyes. "I want to be inside you."

The warmth that had been pooling in my stomach seemed to ignite at his words. I wanted this too; I wanted to feel him, all of him, inside of me. Pain be damned; this was my husband and I was determined not to let fear stand in the way of me enjoying our first night together.

He knelt upright on the bed and ran his fingers over my thighs. I bit my lip and closed my eyes as he traced circles on my skin above my knees.

"Can you raise your knees up?" he asked quietly, moving his hands underneath my legs and showing me what he wanted.

I did as he asked and he let his hands drift over the inside of my thighs. I felt the tremors of his touch all the way down my legs and especially at the meeting of my thighs. He bent over me and I felt his hardness poking at my thigh first hesitantly and then more urgently. I gasped and placed a hand on his shoulder. He froze immediately and looked at me.

I adjusted myself under him so that I could feel him pressing against my center. The instant the heat of him brushed against me, I cried out. He froze again and I giggled.

"Just … surprised. I'm fine."

Edward was focused and tense. I could see beads of sweat on his brow as he eased himself over me. There was pushing and probing, but I never felt more than the tip of him at my entrance. I could hear his breathing becoming ragged and he pulled away from me, resting his head on my shoulder.

"I think … I need to use my fingers," he whispered hoarsely.

I furrowed my brow in confusion at him as he lifted himself away from me. He brushed the lips of my entrance and I moaned at the feel of him touching me. His fingers were soft, spreading me and then probing me. I felt his eyes on me as his fingers continued to explore and I understood what he was doing. But I hoped he would go slow; his fingers inside me felt incredible. I groaned as he found my opening and my eyes flashed open. He was smiling lazily as he watched my reaction to his touch.

Edward leaned down, guiding himself with his fingers and this time when his erection pressed against me, I felt him slide into me slightly. He groaned and brought his hand quickly away, using it to support himself. It was intrusive, feeling him gradually fill me, but it wasn't entirely painful. He moved slowly until I felt him encounter resistance. His eyes flashed up to mine.

"Are you ready?" he murmured softly, his voice tight.

I nodded, biting my lip. As he pushed past the barrier, I clenched around him and he cried out. He stilled himself and breathed hard.

"Oh, God, Bella," he groaned. "Are you okay?"

I nodded again, blinking past the instant of blinding pain that I had felt. It wasn't comfortable, but it wasn't torturous either. He was filling me completely and while it felt … odd, it wasn't unpleasant.

Edward moved slowly, pulling out of me, and the drag of him within me sent shivers through my whole body. I clenched in response and he plunged into me, crying out my name and shaking.

He was still for several moments and I brought my hands up to his hair.

"Are you … alright?" I asked hesitantly.

"God, yes," he said thickly. "I'm … sorry. That was – more – than I ever imagined."

He pulled out of me and rolled over to lie beside me and I felt the loss of him like an ache between my legs. When I looked down, I saw pink stained discharge and I knew I had bled. I moved to cover myself, but Edward caught my hand.

"It's ok," he said softly. "I'm sorry I hurt you."

"No way around that," I murmured with a chuckle. "It wasn't that bad, really."

He looked hopeful as he brushed my hair back off my forehead.

"So … you wouldn't be opposed to do that again?" he asked.

I opened my mouth in an expression of shock.

"You have to do it _again_?" I asked, bringing my hand up to my chest in fake surprise.

He opened and closed his mouth several times before I started laughing.

"Silly," I said, caressing his face. "Of course I want to do it again. I was teasing you."

He shook his head and leaned over to kiss me. I believed he intended to be light and as teasing as I was being, but the feeling of his chest against mine heated both of our blood and our kiss deepened. He wrapped me up in his arms and held me close to him.

"I love you so much, Bella. I can't believe I get to fall asleep next to you tonight and wake up with you in my arms."

"Well … it won't be the first time," I whispered, tracing my finger up his chest until it rested just over the pulse point on his neck.

"No." I could hear the smile in his voice. "But it'll be the first time that I can hold you without worrying someone will beat me off of you."

We both chuckled and he pulled away from me.

"Come," he whispered. "You probably want to get freshened and … changed for bed."

He looked at me through his lashes and I wondered for a moment what he was thinking and then I opened my mouth in true surprise. I guessed what he wanted. He wanted to sleep … the way we were.

"Do you think you can sleep like this?" I asked, skimming my fingers over his side and over his hipbone.

He shuddered at my touch.

"I'd really like to try," he said. "I can't get enough of feeling your body next to mine."

I smiled and nodded.

"Me too," I whispered.

* * *

"Bella, are you okay?" Edward's voice was hushed in the darkness and it took me a moment to remember where I was.

The hotel covers were unfamiliar and the darkness made it hard for me to see, but Edward's arms were comfortingly familiar and helped bring me out of the murky recesses of my dream. It was real. I was married and my husband was by my side. A silly smile spread across my face.

"You're here," I said.

"Of course I am," he whispered, his fingers running over my face as my eyes adjusted to the darkness. "Where else would I be except beside you?"

I reached up and kissed him.

"I was dreaming," I said in explanation.

"I know … you said my name."

I blushed, thinking back on the dream images of twisted limbs and hot bodies moving together. I was not surprised I had called out his name in the midst of such a graphic dream. Edward's still naked body was pressing against me and I could feel him stir against my back. It sent a prickle of desire coursing through me knowing that just being close to me awakened him.

"I'm sorry I woke you … I just wanted to make sure everything was okay."

I felt him pull away a bit, trying to hide his growing arousal. Instead of allowing him to do so and going back to sleep, I turned over and pressed against him softly, looking him in the eyes.

"I'm not sorry you woke me."

Edward's mouth was on mine in an instant, a low humming moan in his throat as his tongue slipped between my lips. His hands were far bolder than they had been earlier, roaming over my body and feeling their way around under the covers. It seemed almost natural to drape my leg over his so I could bring our upper bodies in closer contact. It also put his erection squarely between my legs. He hissed and pulled away, gasping for air.

"Wait," he murmured, letting his hands travel down my body, over my breasts and stomach. "I just – I want to try something."

He eased me onto my back and continued to play along my body as though his hands were traveling over the keys of his piano. It sent flutters through my body as his fingers danced over my breasts and down my belly, never staying in the same spot for more than a second. He threw the covers off of us and returned his hands to my body. The dark lent an air of mystery to his touches as I could only guess where he would touch next.

Edward's face hovered over mine, his breath coming quickly as he continued to explore my skin. I wondered what it was he wanted to try, but didn't want to stop him from touching me. His touch on my skin was like tiny bursts of flame. It made my pulse race. His hands moved to my raised knee and trailed languorously down my thighs. I hissed in a quick breath as his fingers ghosted over my sex, just teasing the hair there with his touch. My hips lifted up involuntarily as his hand cupped me softly and I moaned at the feel of his heated touch.

"What – are you doing?" I groaned, unsure what he intended when he didn't move over me as he had before.

"Did you like it when I touched you … before?"

His voice was a hurried whisper as one finger slipped into me, making me whimper. His face was so close to mine I could feel him smile against my forehead. I couldn't speak as his finger moved slowly within me, just moving around the entrance. It felt exquisite, like the small flames he lit over my body as he touched me had all centered within the pit of my stomach. My breathing came faster and I reached a shaking hand up to his face, pulling him down to my lips.

Edward kissed me softly as his fingers explored me. I was still tender from earlier and he was careful to keep from moving too deep within me. He pulled away from me and seemed to be watching me as he touched me. His finger swirled around, brushing against an area that sent shivers rocking through my body.

"Edward!" I gasped as his finger made another circuit around, teasing me.

My body felt hot, and my heart hammered in my chest. I tried to stop the moans from escaping my lips, but he kept moving within me, teasing the same area over and over. My heart felt as though it would burst from my chest as he added another finger within me, still moving slowly. I groaned and reached up to his hair, pulling his face hard down to mine.

As we kissed, his fingers moved more quickly within me and I felt a coiling in the pit of my stomach, a building tension within me that I felt would explode given my hard and fast heartbeat. Again, his fingers brushed against the spot, but he applied more pressure this time, circling again and again until I was crying out and my hips were bucking against his hand uncontrollably. It felt like a wave of pleasure so intense that I thought it might never stop. Slowly, his hand stilled and my heart began to slow.

I was panting against his shoulder, my forehead wet with perspiration and my lips quivering.

"What – just happened?" I asked unsteadily.

He chuckled and pulled me close, stroking my hair with his hand.

"The French call it _la petite mort_," he whispered.

I shivered as his breath fanned against my overheated skin. He sounded like he was exceptionally happy, but I was still unsure what had just transpired.

"The little death?" I asked, my voice still wavering.

"Mm-hmm," he murmured, kissing my forehead. "It's … part of sex, Bella. It's what happened for me before."

"Oh," I said. "Oh!"

Realization dawned on me and I buried my head into his shoulder, embarrassed for no good reason at all.

"It can happen … like that?"

He rubbed his hands against my arms and nodded.

"Did you enjoy it, love?" he murmured.

A throaty sigh escaped my lips before I could reign myself in and I nuzzled my face against him, letting the hair on his chest tickle my nose. I felt him move against me and I noticed that _he_ was still ready. Turning toward him, I looked up at him. I was concerned about still being sore from before, but what we had just done had left me wanting still more. It was odd and exhilarating at the same time.

"Make love to me?" I asked softly.

Edward groaned and kissed me deeply as he shifted overtop me. His kisses moved from my lips down to my throat and I angled my head to give him better access. His mouth was hot against my skin, sending sparks through my already charged body. As he kissed lower and his lips brushed against my breast, I sighed. He looked up at me through his dark lashes, his eyes wicked with desire. His tongue darted out of his mouth and grazed the peak of my breast, making me cry out.

I felt his hands fumbling between my legs as he tried in the dark to guide himself into me. I reached between us to help him and touched the brushed satin skin of his manhood. I gasped in surprise at its softness. I knew, from before, that he didn't wish me to touch him like that … at least not yet. I understood that he wanted to be inside me.

As he found my opening and slid more easily inside, I hissed at the intrusion, the friction irritating the soreness from before. There was no sharp pain this time though, only the fullness of him within me. My center was still throbbing from his ministrations from earlier. I moaned as he moved slowly.

"You feel amazing," he whispered in my ear, capturing the lobe gently between his teeth.

Edward eased his upper body down against mine and his hips pushed him further into me. He groaned loudly as I surrounded him, and he pulled out almost as soon as he had gone all the way in. He let go of my ear and clenched his jaw as he thrust forward again, still moving slowly. I readied myself for the quick thrust, but he seemed to be holding himself back, attempting to draw out our time together.

As he pulled back again, I felt him quivering with need. I lifted my hips up to meet him, my body clenching around him as I matched his motions. His breath was ragged in my ear and he moaned with me. His movements became harder and I bit my lip against the pressure, still lifting my hips to meet his. As he thrust again, he cried out and shuddered, lying heavily on top of me.

He stilled within me, panting hoarsely next to my ear. I knew it was over and yet my traitor hips moved again, taking him further within me. Edward whimpered and I felt him clutch the covers next my head as he moved softly with me.

"Is it wrong that I'd like to stay here, like this, for the rest of the night?" he asked, his voice thick.

I laughed and the movement sent tremors through my body and certainly through Edward. He groaned and moved again with me before pulling out with a sigh. He draped his arm over my chest and kept his body close to mine. I felt the same need he did to keep him close, connected, as we had been. I noticed that the dull throb after wasn't painful anymore, just achy. Rose had been right after all; it wouldn't hurt every time and already it hurt less than the first time.

"What time is it?" I asked as his eyes drifted closed.

"Three maybe?" he whispered. "I don't know."

"Can we sleep in tomorrow?" I asked, running a hand over his shoulder.

"Absolutely not. We have to be up early for traveling." He nuzzled his face into the crook of my neck and kissed me until I was giggling. "And don't even think of trying to pry information out of me; I'm not telling you where we're going."

"I didn't ask!" I tried to push him away as he continued to nip at my neck and collarbone.

I was gasping with laughter as his fingers played along my sides, adding to the torture.

"Ah! Stop!" I cried, grabbing his face and pulling it firmly to mine so that I could kiss him. He finally settled at my side.

"Is it insane that I still want you?" he murmured sleepily, nuzzling my shoulder with his nose.

"I should think not," I said evenly, pulling away from him so that I could slip out of bed. "We've only been married for a few hours. It would be quite sad if you were finished with me already."

My legs were shaky as I stood up, and Edward moved over to my side in an instant.

"I'm fine … just a little unbalanced," I said, snorting with laughter. "I just wanted to use the bathroom. I'll be back in a moment."

He was out of bed, his arm wrapped around my waist firmly.

"You know, everything started with you tripping into my life," he whispered, kissing my cheek. "The least I can do is help you when I'm the one who's made you a bit unsteady."

I looked up at him with a smile on my face.

"It was you who made me unsteady then, too," I replied.

* * *

_**A/N:**__ *jumpy claps* They're not virgins anymore! *sniff* I'm so proud of them … they've both come so far. And no, I wasn't going for the 12 year old boy pun, though … well, if it works, go with it. lol. I just love them together and am so excited to see them grow together. Some of you have been writing asking whether there is going to be a sequel. While I'm not planning on writing a sequel to this story, there are still 8 more chapters to go after this one. You will get to see plenty of married time with them, I promise. =) Hope you continue to enjoy._

_**Important Note:**__ I will be contributing an outtake of this story to the Fandom For Sexual Abuse Awareness. There is a poll on my profile for you to choose which outtake you'd like to see written. Also, I'll be contributing an alternate POV of my other story, The Foreign Papers, to the Fandom Fights the Tsunami Fundraiser. Again, thank you so much for your support of these great causes! ~Jen_


	22. Bon Voyage!

_Des yeux qui font baiser les miens,__  
__Un rire qui se perd sur sa bouche,__  
__Voila le portrait sans retouche__  
__De l'homme auquel j'appartiens_

_Quand il me prend dans ses bras__  
__Il me parle tout bas,__  
__Je vois la vie en rose._

_**La Vie En Rose**__, Edith Piaf 1946_

_**Translation:**_

_Eyes that kiss mine,__  
__A smile that is lost on his mouth,__  
__That is the unretouched portrait__  
__The man to whom I belong_

_When he takes me in his arms__  
__He whispers to me,__  
__I see life in pink._

_**Disclaimer**__: I do not own the Twilight elements of this story; they belong to SM. All original aspects of this story belong to me._

_Many thanks to my betas Belle Dean, ikss, Swimom7, and bookjumkie1975. They rock hard._

* * *

_September 18, 1921_

"You know eventually you'll have to tell me," Bella said, her foot tapping steadily as we sat in the back of the cab on the way to the train station.

I smiled smugly and wrapped my arm around her shoulders, shaking my head.

"I don't _have_ to," I insisted. "You can guess, but nothing says I have to _tell_ you."

"Oh, so you'll start our married life on a lie then?" Bella asked, sniffing delicately.

"Lie is a strong word . . ." I hedged.

Bella frowned and crossed her arms. The cabby looked straight ahead, but I heard him snort with soft laughter at our banter. When we arrived at the train station, he helped me unload our luggage and I handed him his tip.

"Good luck with her, mate. She's a firebrand for sure."

I smiled, gazing over at my wife who was looking at the train station with fascination.

"That she is," I replied. "That she is."

The porters came to stow our luggage after I presented our tickets to the conductor. He showed us to a private cabin and Bella settled herself quietly while I busied myself with stowing our carry on belongings. She sat smiling out the window for several minutes after I was seated across from her.

"What are you thinking?" I asked, reaching out for her hand across the cabin.

She smiled wider and continued to stare out the window.

"Bella? What are you thinking?"

Her lips trembled as she held back her laughter before her deep eyes darted over to mine and she giggled.

"Two can play that game, sweetheart," she said, her voice light and teasing.

She chuckled again and looked out the window as the train began to move, her foot tapping silently in the air. Her aloof air was driving me out of my mind. The train began to pick up steam and Bella watched placidly as the train platform moved out of sight and the city came into view. Several minutes of this game of silence had me beside myself with frustration. Did she plan to torture me for the entire day's train ride?

I lurched out of my seat and flopped next to her, obstructing her view of the window. She pretended to be startled by my arrival.

"I'd almost forgotten you were there," she said airily. "So quiet . . ."

"We have a long day of travel ahead of us . . ."

"How long?" she asked, her eyes narrowing.

I smirked and shook my head.

"Wouldn't you like to know?"

Her foot tapped faster and I smiled triumphantly.

"As I was saying, it's going to be a long day . . . you aren't planning on ignoring me the entire trip. Are you?"

My voice softened just a tad too much at the end of my question betraying my worry that she would, in fact, remain silent for the remainder of the trip. Finally, she leaned her forehead against mine.

"No," she whispered. "I just wanted you to feel as infuriated as I do for just a fraction of time."

She tilted her face up and kissed me gently, her soft lips moving against mine with slow persistence. A bubble of need rose in my chest and my hands tightened around her waist, pulling her body closer to mine.

_Want_. The thought pulsed in my mind as our tongues found each other and Bella's fingers moved languorously through my hair. _Want_. I wondered if anything would ever be enough again. She pulled away from me before I was ready to let her go and I clutched at her roughly, trying to pull her back to me.

"Ah, ah, ah," she murmured, moving out of my embrace. "The train's barely left the platform. Don't you think we ought to occupy ourselves in other ways?"

"Not really," I groaned, moving closer to her.

Bella placed a hand in the middle of my chest and smiled, shaking her head at me.

"Incorrigible," she declared.

I nodded wildly and reached out for her. She giggled and allowed me to pull her close, resting her head over my pounding heart. She tucked her legs up beside herself and rested her hand on my chest. I leaned backwards, making her more comfortable. I could already feel her relaxing and knew that she would be grateful for a nap.

"I love you, Edward," she murmured, snuggling closer into my chest.

I kissed her forehead and ran my fingers up and down her back, trying to cool the red hot desire prickling throughout my body. Overnight, I'd become addicted to the feel of her skin against mine. I wanted to feel her heart beating next to mine unfettered by the light travel clothes we were wearing. I wanted to see her face flushed as she came undone for me again. I wanted to hear those noises, feel her desire . . . I wanted.

Bella was asleep within minutes of the train beginning to speed up and I was left with a racing heart and a rather uncomfortable predicament. She had been right about me being incorrigible. I'd had her twice the night before and already I wanted her again, less than an hour into the train ride. How was I going to make it through an all day train ride with her tucked at my side and _not_ have her?

I somehow managed to drift off to sleep sometime later, dreaming fitfully and graphically about Bella. It was a wonder I didn't wake her with lurid sounds, but it ended up being she who woke me. I felt her fingers moving softly through my hair and her voice murmuring my name.

"Edward," Bella called more forcefully.

I opened my eyes and sat up stiffly on the bench, rubbing the sleep from my face as I looked around the cabin. Bella was smiling at me when I looked up at her. She was sitting next to me with her coat folded in her lap.

"How long was I asleep?" I asked groggily.

"I only woke up about twenty minutes ago myself, but I am starving. I hoped we could go to the dining car?"

I stood too quickly and the room started to spin a bit. Bella was in front of me in an instant, her arms around my middle and her face drawn concern.

"Sit down," she commanded.

I complied, shaking my head.

"Sorry," I said. "I'm hungrier than I thought."

"We barely got a bite to eat last night and skipped breakfast," Bella said, running her fingers over my face. "Come on. Let's get some food into you."

Bella kept her arm firmly around my waist as we navigated the hallway of the train down to the dining car. Part of me was embarrassed to be leaning on her for support, but I was more thankful that she wished to attend to me. Only when we reached the dining car did I insist she release me so that I could pull out her chair and seat her like a proper gentleman.

"I'm fine, love. Really."

"You're very pale," she said worriedly. "Waiter!"

I sat, shaking my head, as my shy, retiring wife motioned at the server to hurry over to us. He came over, nearly tripping over his large shoes to get to her.

"What can I do for you, ma'am?"

"Would you be so kind as to get us both some water and a menu?" Bella asked quietly. "You see, my husband isn't feeling well."

My chest swelled a little when I heard how proudly she proclaimed that I was her husband. I could sympathize. I think I told everyone we encountered, from the desk clerk at the hotel to the porter who stowed our baggage, that she was my wife.

"Right away, ma'am," he said, ducking his head and turning away.

I chuckled as I smoothed my napkin over my knees.

"What?" she asked, reaching across the table and touching my hand. "Why are you laughing?"

"Nothing," I said. "Just you. You are so fierce at times."

Bella blanched and began playing with my wedding ring absently. I was still getting used to the feeling of the metal circle around my finger and her fingers playing with the band tickled my skin.

"Was I rude? I didn't mean to be. I'm just worried about you."

"No, you weren't rude at all. Just very – focused."

"Well, I can't help that." She sighed and shook out her napkin before returning her hand to mine. "You looked peaked in the cabin and I realized how long we've both gone without food. It was foolish of us."

"A situation soon to be remedied," I said lightly as the flustered waiter brought our menus, two glasses, and a carafe of water to our table.

I thanked the young man with a stern nod of my head when he looked a little too longingly at Bella. She was perusing the menu, deep in thought with her lip caught between her teeth. The boy shrugged and turned away with a quick, "I'll be right back, folks," thrown over his shoulder. I couldn't blame the poor fellow; Bella was rather fetching with her hair pulled back and the color high in her cheeks.

We ordered and munched on breadsticks as we waited for our food, happily recalling snippets of the day before.

"I never asked you about the new necklace you're wearing," I said after the food had arrived. "Was it a gift from Esme?"

"No," Bella said, washing her bite of food down with a sip of water. "Uncle Carlisle, actually. He gave it to me just before I walked down the aisle."

"A swan," I said softly. "How very fitting."

"It was a lovely gesture. He said that he hoped it would help me remember my roots, no matter what my last name was."

"That was very thoughtful of him," I replied.

"I told him that I thought of myself as a Cullen as well . . ." Her voice trailed off and she looked up at the ceiling for a moment, lost in thought. "I hope it wasn't too late to make that sentiment."

I wiped at my mouth quickly and reached across the table to stroke her knuckles with my fingers.

"Of course it wasn't too late, Bella," I said. "Why would you think that?"

"I waited until I was all but out of his house to tell him that I thought of him as my father, Edward," she said, shaking her head. "I should have been more open with him throughout my time there."

She picked up her sandwich and took a quick bite, and I stared at her thoughtfully.

"You weren't really ready to tell him that before," I said after a pause, "and I think he knew all the same. The ease you felt there was evident to anyone who looked, and he lived with you."

"Still," Bella murmured, squeezing my fingers and then pulling away, "I ought to have shown my appreciation better, tried harder at showing him how much it meant to me to have found this place I could call home."

"We'll be living about five blocks from them," I said with a smile. "It isn't as if we'll be miles apart."

"That's true. I'm glad of that."

After our lunch, Bella and I made our way back to our compartment and wiled the time away playing cards and talking. I was certain she knew our destination, at least for the train trip, at this point. We'd taken the same train line when we dropped Alice off so surely the sights looked vaguely familiar to her. She didn't say anything, though, and I thought perhaps she was playing my game, letting me think that she was completely unaware. I still held out hope that I would surprise her on the docks, however.

Time was on my side and the train pulled into New York ahead of schedule. We had nearly two hours to make it from the train station to the docks and get our baggage loaded. In the interest of avoiding any last minute troubles, I hurried a rather sleepy Bella off of the train and through the darkened station to a waiting cab. I was unsurprised when she fell asleep on my shoulder on the way to the docks.

The cabby pulled up to the dock with still an hour of leeway for us and I tipped him generously for his trouble. In return, he allowed Bella to rest in the back of the car while he unloaded our luggage and handed it off to one of the stewards. When things were in order, I shook his hand and woke Bella gently. She was on alert as soon as she was awake.

"This smell," she said. "I know this smell."

The cabby chuckled and gave us a salute.

"You two have a sweet honeymoon," he said, getting back in the cab.

"Edward, are we . . . on the docks?"

I nodded and directed her toward the wooden walkway. I could feel her breathing begin to speed as we walked and she gathered her light jacket around herself. Bella was wide eyed looking around at the bustle of activity going on around her, so much different in the dark than it was when we were here before. The bow of the great ship loomed ahead of us, surrounded by sea fog and belching steam from the smokestacks. As we got closer, she stopped in her tracks and turned to me, her eyes misty and wide.

"Are we going where I think we're going?" she demanded.

"Where do you think we're going, Bella?" I asked with a grin.

"I think – in about a week – I'm going to see my sister."

I continued to smile at her for a moment before finally nodding my head. She threw herself in my arms and let out a sob of happiness. Over and over, she whispered the words "thank you" in my ear. I eased her arms from around my neck and kissed her softly, wiping the tears from her face.

"You're happy, then?" I asked, with only a touch of nervousness.

In theory, I knew she'd be happy to see her sister. But I knew that she wasn't overly fond of grand gestures and gifts. Also, I wasn't sure how she would feel about sharing our honeymoon with anyone, even her sister. I wasn't sure how _I_ felt about it, in truth, but I was willing to share if it gave her happiness.

"I'm ecstatic!" Bella burst out. "It's everything I want, all at once. I get you without any interruptions, and I get my sister. I can barely stand the idea of waiting though!"

I chuckled and put my arm around her, leading her toward the gangway. A festooned officer stood ready to take our tickets and help us to find our stateroom. Bella was silent as we mounted the long walkway up to a narrow doorway that led to the first class deck. In relation to the rest of the ship, the door looked like the disproportionately small entrances to one of Lewis Carroll's fantastical worlds. It was surreal to walk up the gangplank to a height of some thirty feet, and step into the dark hole in the side of the ship.

The hallway we entered was doubly surreal. Plush carpeting, brass chair rails, and sumptuous wallpaper met our wide-eyed gazes.

A waiting steward looked quickly over our tickets and smiled up at me.

"Welcome to the R.M.S Cedric, Mr. and Mrs. Masen, the star of the Ruby lines. We hope your stay with us will be most enjoyable. Please allow me to show you to your stateroom."

We passed by four doors before the steward stopped and offered me the key. I opened the door for Bella and we found our luggage already waiting for us. Bella turned around the room in awe and I watched her for a moment, happy to have made her happy. When I turned to thank the steward and offer him a tip, he had already disappeared.

"It's very late," I said. "I'll understand if you'd just like to get ready for bed. However, it is customary for guests to go up to the main deck on departure."

"Oh, I want to see us leave harbor!" Bella exclaimed. "Even though we won't be able to see much, I want to wave goodbye to New York. It's so romantic."

"Very well," I said. "You should grab a heavier coat, though. It's bound to be frigid on deck."

Walking up to the deck was like walking through a maze of stairways. Finally we reached a doorway from which I could hear the sounds of people bustling. We burst forth from the narrow hallway onto the overwhelmingly large deck, the night sky expansive above us. Both Bella and I paused in awe after we were fully outside.

The experience was like nothing I'd ever dreamed of; the ship's deck was like a city teeming with life and action. Bella and I moved as a unit through the throng of passengers and ships attendants, our arms around each other like anchors to something safe and understood. I could make out the white railing and moved Bella in that direction.

"So, this is a new one for both of us," she whispered, leaning closer to me as we reached the railing.

"A bit of an overload, is it not?" I asked, moving behind her and surrounding her with my arms.

The view of the dock below was otherworldly, as though the people below were in miniature and scurrying from place to place like tiny ants.

"I don't know how you pulled this off – surprise-wise – but I am so thankful, Edward."

I leaned into her, squeezing her a bit tighter and kissing her temple.

"I'm glad you're happy. I had been wracking my brain for a good place to take you, and when you mentioned that Alice wouldn't be returning for the wedding . . . well, it seemed perfect."

She turned in my arms, leaning back against the railing, and looked up into my eyes.

"This is quite a sacrifice on your part," she said, with a glint in her eyes. "Giving up all of that alone time with me to share with my sister."

"Oh, don't go thinking I'm totally selfless," I murmured, brushing my lips against her. "I'll only share some of the time."

Bella wound her arms around my neck and let me kiss her soundly, both of us oblivious to the night air whipping around us. Her hands were tightening in my hair when a loud blast from the fog horn made both of us gasp and pull away. She turned and we saw the gangplanks been pulled up into the boat.

The motors began to whir, making the floor beneath our feet rumble. Bella clutched the railing tightly and I covered her hand with mine, resting my head upon her shoulder and wrapping my other arm around her waist.

"Okay?" I asked quietly.

"Mm-hmm," she murmured, leaning back against me more comfortably. "I don't want to miss a moment."

I expected to have to hold Bella more tightly when the boat began to move, but to my surprise, I felt nothing as the dock itself appeared to be moving away from us. I realized that my perception was off; the ship was actually moving, but it was too large for me to truly recognize the motion. Bella hummed in excitement as the ship pulled fully away from the dock and we remained on deck until the port was tiny in the distance.

"Bed?" I asked, stifling a yawn.

Bella smirked and then kissed my neck with her icy cool lips.

"Sounds divine."

She took both of my hands in hers and I followed as though tied to her, knowing that no matter how tired I was from the day's travel, I wouldn't be getting to sleep without first satisfying my desire for Bella. _She might well be the death of me_, I thought idly as we navigated our way back through the tangled maze of staircases. _Ah, but how lovely a death._

* * *

_September 24, 1921_

Our bags had been packed since the night before and Bella was sitting anxiously on the edge of our bed. We'd be arriving in _Le Havre_ in approximately forty-five minutes and Bella was a bundle of nerves. She'd woken early and had been bustling around the state room, fidgeting with her hair, the dress she'd picked and my suit for hours.

"You must calm down," I said as she stood and began pacing again, taking her in my arms and holding her close. "Why are you nervous?"

"It's been over a year, Edward," she said, burying her head in my shoulder and sighing. "So much has changed. Alice is a Parisian now and I – I'm a married woman. These are good changes, but . . . it's not as though we're just going to pick up where we left off."

"You're making it sound like you haven't talked since she left," I chided. "You wrote to each other religiously. I think your side of the conversation alone could have taken up a book; Alice's as well. Surely you don't think so much will have changed that you'll have nothing to share?"

"It's not that," Bella said, chewing her lip and pulling away from me. She walked over to the dresser and again began smoothing her hair into the soft upturn she'd fashioned earlier. "I'm not the same person I was when she left."

Her eyes found mine in the mirror and she waited to see if I understood.

"You're afraid that Alice won't recognize the differences?"

Bella nodded and then shrugged.

"Maybe," she hedged. "Not really. I don't know."

She whirled around and looked at me, a small smile on her lips.

"I think I'm just nervous without any good cause at all."

I nodded and gestured for her to come to me. She did, tucking herself into my arms in the place that she fit so well and we both sighed.

"Any fear you may have is about to be alleviated. Alice will be meeting us on the dock at _Le Havre_ and escorting us back to Paris. I'm afraid there's still a bit of travel in our future."

Bella groaned, but nodded.

"I'll be glad to stay put for a while when we get to Paris," she said and then paused. "How long _are_ we here, Edward? I don't think I ever asked."

"Three weeks," I said softly, "though we won't be in Paris exclusively. I thought perhaps we could visit a couple other cities in Europe as well, but nothing is definite yet."

"Three weeks," she murmured. "What an amazing prospect to look forward to."

"Come," I said, holding out my hand. "Let's go up on deck so we can see the port when we arrive."

Throngs of people were lining _Le Havre_ when the ship made its final approach and docked in the wide berth. Bella craned her neck, looking for her sister in the tangle of undulating bodies below us, but it was impossible to make out anyone's face. She looked up at me expectantly and I nodded. We rushed down to our state room where our luggage was being removed by one of the porters. We followed him and were two of the first people off of the boat.

Bella and I were both unsteady as we stepped off of the gangplank and onto solid land for the first time in nearly a week.

"Watch your step," the porter said, leaning against our luggage and eyeing us both with a measure of amusement. "It'll take some time before you find your land legs again."

"Land legs?" Bella asked, looking up at me.

"We've been moving and adjusting to the ocean for almost a week. It'll take some time before our bodies figure it all out again."

"Ah," she said, losing interest completely in the explanation as she stood on tip toes looking for Alice.

The porter began moving our bags and we followed him through the pressing crowds. It would take some time for us to locate Alice in the mess, I was certain.

"Sissy!"

The loud shriek echoed above the din of the crowd and many of the people around us began looking around for the source of the scream. I could see her, winding her way through the crowds. It was Alice, and she looked prepared to throw anyone who got in her way into the water.

The two sisters collided with an audible gasp and pulled each other into tight bear hugs. Both girls were crying and talking at once, so quickly that I couldn't make sense of what either of them was saying. But they seemed to hear and understand perfectly. They rocked back and forth in their hug for several minutes before the let each other go. Alice held Bella at arm's length, the tears streaming down her face as she shook her head.

"God, I missed you," she murmured.

"So much, Ali," Bella agreed.

They pulled each other close again and hugged tightly before Alice finally let go of her. She turned her blue eyes on me with a smirk.

"Come here, brother," she said, opening her arms. "Give me a hug for making my sister so damn happy."

She hugged me fiercely, but it was good to be welcomed so warmly. Alice and I had never been terribly close, but it seemed that whatever differences we had in the past had melted with our new family bond.

"Mr. and Mrs. Masen," Alice said after she released me with a small wink at her sister. "I want you to meet two of my dear friends here at _Ateliers_, Simone and her fiancé George."

Alice pronounced their names in near perfect French dialect and gestured behind her to a young couple waiting expectantly behind her. The young woman had long red hair, tied back in a green scarf. Her skin was pale, even paler than Bella's, and her eyes were a brilliant blue. Next to her stood a man who was just a hair shorter than myself. He sported a goatee and a beret and looked very . . . French. I almost chuckled at my rather touristy attitude.

"_Enchanté, _Bella," Simone said with a shy smile. "Alice has told us so much about you. We are happy to meet our friend's sister."

"_Bon jour_, _mes amis_," George said. "Welcome to France."

Bella and I shook hands, exchanged the customary kisses on cheeks with Alice's two friends, and then followed them through the mass of people off the dock.

"We have a cab waiting to take us to the train station," Alice said, "but I figured you might like to hit the _boulangerie_ first."

Bella moaned softly and nodded to her sister, linking arms with her. I followed happily behind her along with George and Simone. George and I divided the luggage between us and we carried it across the street to the outdoor café.

"Let's sit in the corner here," Alice suggested. "Our train isn't for another hour and a half. We'll eat and then head over to the station."

"Perfect," Bella and I said in unison.

Alice ordered us a spread of sweet delights along with coffee and tea. As we ate, we chatted about nothing important and the two sisters couldn't seem to go a minute without touching hands or smiling at each other. Near the end of our large snack, Alice and her friends pulled out cigarettes. The two women also fished out long stemmed cigarette holders. They lit up and then offered the packages to us. I politely declined as did Bella, but I stiffened, wondering what Bella would say to her sister. Surprising me, Bella ignored it and began to ask Simone and George some questions about _Le Havre_ as well as the journey to Paris.

I watched Alice, looking with pride on her sister as she spoke calmly with the new couple. I could almost guess what she was thinking, for my thoughts were likely similar. Bella had grown so much, _changed_ so much, since we'd first met. But she wasn't actually different. She was still the same Bella who flushed when I held her in my arms that first day in the Solarium; she was just more confident, happier, and assured.

Alice's eyes flicked over to mine and she smiled warmly, nodding her head in . . . acknowledgement, perhaps? Maybe thanks? I didn't know. But I nodded my head as well, thanking her silently for encouraging Bella's feelings for me. I realized I owed Alice Swan a great deal of gratitude for Bella's choice.

* * *

It was nearly ten at night by the time Bella and I entered our hotel room. After a long day of walking around Paris and a filling dinner, both of us were ready to fall into the feather bed without even removing our clothes. Somehow, we made it through our nighttime routine, stumbling around the room and fishing through our luggage, all without saying much of anything to each other. As I snapped out the bedside light and pulled Bella close to me under the covers, I heard her mumble, already half asleep.

"What was that, love?" I asked, leaning closer.

"I love you," she said, clearer this time. "Sorry . . . so sleepy."

She sighed and snuggled further under the heavy blankets. I knew she would be asleep within moments. I felt myself drifting as well, enveloped by the warmth and softness of the bed as well as the familiar rhythm of Bella's breathing.

"I love you, too," I whispered, kissing her hair. "Sleep well."

Sleep had been sketchy at best for both of us over the past week. First the hotel, then the train, and then finally a week on the ship did neither one of us any favors. That night, however, I fell asleep without any trouble, my nose burrowed into Bella's soft hair and our bodies flush. It was perfect, but I should have expected the dreams that found me on the other side of sleep.

Bella was over me, under me, around me – calling my name, begging me for more, leading, not following. I was lost in her taste, her smell, her desire. The harder I pulled her toward me, the more she moaned and encouraged me. My limbs, my senses, my heart felt like they were on fire and the only thing that could cool me was more of Bella.

"Edward," Bella's voice murmured, this time in concern, not lust.

The cobwebs of sleep still addled my brain, and I pulled at her body roughly. The sound of my own hoarse moan woke me completely. Bella's face was illuminated in the soft glow of moonlight through the window, and she hovered over me, her dark hair hanging over one shoulder. I had been moving in my sleep, and when I dreamt of pulling her roughly to me, I apparently had. My fingers were deep in the soft flesh of her hips and I could feel my muscles trembling with the leftover taste of the dream. Practice told me I should loosen my hold on her, but instinct kept my fingers tight on her body. Reluctantly, I let my fingers relax and ran my fingers up and down her back.

"You were moaning and shaking," Bella said, bringing her hand to my forehead and brushing a wet lock from in front of my eyes. "Are you sick?"

"No."

My voice was low and in it I could hear the hollow thump of my raging heartbeat. As my eyes adjusted to the low light, I could see her flushed cheeks and her wide, liquid brown eyes searching my face. Her breathing was quick and I could just make out the quick, throbbing pulse at her throat. Could she guess what I was dreaming? Would she agree?

"You were dreaming." Her voice was breathy whisper as she brought her face closer to mine, brushing her lips against my already oversensitive skin. "Tell me what you dreamed of?"

Her mouth continued to move along my jaw, over my cheeks and across my lips and I worked to fight back the moan that was threatening escape my throat. I hadn't wanted her so badly since our first night together.

"You," I said, my voice rough with sleep and need. "It's always you."

"What about me?" she asked.

She angled her body closer to mine, her leg draping over my thigh as she continued to tickle and tease my lips and neck with her mouth. My eyes rolled back in my head as she ran her fingers over the thin cotton undershirt I'd worn to bed, brushing against my nipple before skimming over my arm.

"It was – lurid," I explained, my voice pained.

My cheeks burned hotter as I admitted to the fantasies my sleeping mind had created. Bella's lips found mine again, her mouth more bold than it had been before. She sucked at my bottom lip making me gasp and clutch at the back of her head, holding her close to me as I kissed her back. My breath came in hot pants of desire as she laid her chest flush against mine and her hand continued to explore my body. When it brushed the straining heat of my desire, I groaned and bucked against her, startling her. Her movements froze and she slowed her kiss. I thought she might pull away and I wasn't sure if I could let her. I needed her too badly.

"Tell me about the dream," she said, her lips brushing against mine as she spoke. "_Everything_ about the dream."

I groaned and kissed her harder, but she pulled gently out of my reach, looking at me expectantly.

"You were . . . over me."

My voice was tight and I swallowed hard as Bella lifted herself up and moved over me, her legs around my waist and her hands pressing lightly on my chest. The short, light dressing gown she wore flowed over her thighs as she settled herself on me, her heat covering mine. I grabbed hold of her hips again and I saw her eyes flutter closed, a small smile on her lips.

"Like this?" she asked.

I shook my head slowly and she tilted her head to the side, waiting.

"Like this," I whispered.

My fingers found the ribbon at the front of her gown and I pulled one of the strings. It came apart easily, the sides parting from each other and showing me the tops of her breasts beneath. My hands ran up her thighs, under the thin fabric and up to her stomach, lifting the nightgown as I moved up her body. I pulled it over her head and she sat straddling me, her breasts exposed and only her cotton undergarments and my pajama bottoms between us. _Slow, slow, slow_ . . . I chanted over and over in my head as my hands moved over her stomach, surrounded her waist, and then finally cupped her breasts.

I held her tighter than I had before and she moaned, her head falling back a bit as her hips swiveled over me. I couldn't take my eyes off of her. There was nothing in the world as beautiful as the way the blush in Bella's cheeks rose as my hands massaged her flesh, the way her lips parted and the sounds escaped her lips as she moved over me, the way her chest heaved as my hands tightened.

"Like this?" she asked, her voice higher, more desperate.

"Not quite," I said, moving my hands around her and sitting up with her in my lap.

I pulled my undershirt over my head before looking into her eyes. The lovemaking had only gotten better the more we were together. After that first night, Bella experienced less and less pain. On the last night on the boat, I thought she had experienced another orgasm during the act, but I couldn't be sure. I was as desperate for her to feel that kind of pleasure as I was to feel it myself. I wanted to hear her satisfaction every time we made love. The feeling of her on top of me, echoing the memory of my dream, made me hope that she was ready to try something new.

"Would you be willing to try something?" I asked, supporting her back with my hand and kissing along her throat and down to her chest.

Her breath hitched and her fingers moved to my hair, massaging my scalp and pulling gently as my teeth nipped at her flesh.

"Oh—okay," she groaned when my lips found her nipple.

Her back arched as I sucked the peak into my mouth, swirling around it with my tongue. Bella's skin was hot against my mouth and I sucked at it harder as she moved in my lap. As her fingers tightened in my hair, I felt a prickle on my scalp that toed the line between pleasure and pain.

I released her breast and moved my hands down her body until I reached the waistband of her panties. She scooted off of me quickly and we each fumbled out of our clothes. When we were kneeling on the bed facing each other, Bella placed her hand over my chest.

"I trust you," she said softly. "And I'm willing to try whatever you want."

I wrapped my arm around her waist and pulled her gently to me, savoring the feel of her naked body pressed against mine. Kissing her slowly, I sat back on the bed and pulled her over top of me again. She fell to all fours between my legs as I leaned back against the headboard.

"Come here," I said, beckoning her to me.

Her hair hung around her face as she crawled toward me. My member twitched as her breath ghosted over me and then she rose up, her hands on my knees.

"How – I'm not sure I understand," she said.

"Straddle me – like before."

Her eyes widened as she looked from my sex to my face and then back again, her blush creeping down her chest and her breathing increasing. She moved in slow motion, her actions unsure as she maneuvered over one of my legs. She paused, her heat inches from my skin, and she kissed me. Before she could move again, I trailed my fingers down the front of her body until I found her warm, wet center. I groaned as my fingers slipped into her and she gasped and bucked against my hand.

"Yes," she panted, her forehead dropping to my shoulder. "God, yes."

I moved as I knew she wanted me to, my fingers finding the spot she liked best. Soon, her hips were moving erratically with my fingers and her hands were tight on my shoulders. She chanted my name as she neared her climax and I pulled back just enough so that I could watch her. Her eyes were squeezed shut and her lips were parted. I quickened my pace and she finally let go, throwing her head back and crying out as my fingers continued to move within her.

When she'd calmed somewhat, I took my shaking fingers away from her and took hold of her hips. Her lidded eyes met mine and she lifted her leg to fully straddle me. My heart hammered in my chest as her sex brushed my erection.

"Guide me," she murmured, hovering above me and waiting.

I took hold of myself with one hand and held her hip gently with the other. I watched as she looked down between us to see our bodies joined. As always, the first burst of exquisite warmth I felt as she surrounded me rocked through my body making me shudder and moan. In this position, I couldn't thrust hard into her. Instead, she moved slowly onto me, gently encompassing my length.

It was a completely different angle. When her thighs met my hips and I was fully inside her, she looked up tentatively, steadying herself on my shoulder.

"Is this . . . okay for you?" I asked nervously.

"More than okay."

She leaned forward and placed a kiss on my lips and rocked her hips. Her heat swirled around me in a new and different way and I deepened our kiss immediately, focusing on the feel of her kiss instead of the feeling of her moving on top of me. Bella set the pace, her hips lifting and dropping, swirling and bucking.

"Jesus," I whispered through clenched teeth. "So good, Bella."

She leaned back a bit, throwing her hair over her shoulder as our hips continued to move together slowly. I watched as her breasts bounced lightly with our motions. My hands traveled up her body until I was cupping them, kneading them more gently than I had before. Her head lolled to the side, her eyes closed and her nostrils flaring. She whimpered when my thumbs brushed her nipples.

Bella's hips sped slightly and I sat up just enough that I could reach her breasts with my mouth. I could feel the release building in me and I thought of anything but the feeling of her tight heat surrounding me, moving over me, so that I could stay inside her. I captured her breast in my mouth and groaned around it as she cried out, her hips moving ever faster. As my tongue circled her peak, I felt her back stiffen and her walls clench around me.

Her movements became sporadic and she cried out my name. It was too much sensation all at once. I let go, releasing her peak from my mouth and grabbing her hips in my hands, moving hard against her. She held my shoulders, rocking with my thrusts until I was shuddering and spent inside her.

Bella moved off of me, her legs quivering as she lay beside me. I ran my hands gently over her hips and up her back, suddenly worried I'd either hurt her or offended her with the way I'd taken her. Her sigh sounded contented as she rested her hand on my chest. Still I felt unsure.

"I – I'm not sure what came over me," I said, rolling to the side to face her. "I didn't hurt you, did I?"

"God, no," she murmured, sleepily. "Why ever would you think that?"

"It was – different?" My voice rose in a question though I wasn't truly asking. "I don't know, Bella. I just worried that it was too much."

"It felt so different," she whispered. "But there was nothing painful about it."

I sighed and pulled her over to me. She rested her head on my chest and swirled her fingers in the hair there.

"You didn't mind that it was different – I mean, not the usual?" I asked tentatively.

"Is it always supposed to be the same?" she asked, leaning up.

I opened and closed my mouth, unsure of how to answer her and finally she giggled and put her finger over my lips.

"Maybe it's because I'm so naïve about all of this, but I don't know what's normal and what's different. I just know I want to do what pleases you . . . I like to think that you feel the same."

"I most definitely do," I said fervently. "I guess it doesn't really matter what's normal for anyone else; just what works for us."

"That definitely worked," Bella whispered, a lilt of laughter in her voice.

I chuckled and kissed her forehead.

"It did seem like you enjoyed it."

I felt her face heat against me as she nodded. "Very much," she whispered.

"What time is Alice coming for us tomorrow?" I asked.

"I told her to come late. We deserve a morning to sleep in."

"Good," I said, sighing in contentment at the prospect of having a morning on my own schedule. "Still, we should get back to sleep. I know you're anxious to see the city with Alice."

"She already has plans to steal me away for a day of shopping," Bella confessed, shaking her head against me. "I don't want to leave you, but I admit the prospect of spending a day with Alice is very tempting."

"Don't worry about that," I said. "There's plenty here to occupy me. Besides, shopping in gay _Paris_ might be different than back in Chicago."

She chuckled and squeezed my arm.

"It'll be torturous, I've no doubt. But maybe I'll find a few cute things to bring home with me."

We settled back in for the night, Bella immediately fitting herself at my side. As she drifted beside me and I stroked her shoulder, still letting my body and blood cool from our exertions, I thought about the coming weeks. Overall, I couldn't have asked for a better first night in Paris.

* * *

_**A/N**__: And they're in Paris! And what a first night, right? Lol. Gotta love young newlyweds who can't get enough of each other. ;) So, I need to explain the R.M.S Cedric. When I originally wrote this chapter, it was the Flagship Zafrina. Then, I went looking for Steamships from the 1920s and found out there was an actual R.M.S. Cedric out there. I really couldn't pass it up. LOL I hope you enjoyed. We will meet George and Simone again next chapter as Edward and Bella explore Paris and visit with Alice. Thanks so much for reading! ~Jen_

_**Important note**__: The results of the poll for which outtake you'd like to see written for Fandom for Sexual Abuse Awareness are in! I will write the wedding night from EPOV. ;) Hope you enjoy and please visit their website to donate! =)_


	23. The Eiffel Tower and Beyond

_Give me a kiss to build a dream on_

_And my imagination will thrive upon that kiss_

_Sweetheart, I ask no more than this_

_A kiss to build a dream on._

_**A Kiss to Build a Dream On**__, Kalmer, Ruby, and Hammerstein II_

_**Disclaimer**__: I do not own the Twilight elements of this story; they belong to SM. All original aspects of this story belong to me._

_Many thanks to my beta team, Belle Dean, ikss, swimom7, and bookjunkie1975. Also, more thanks than I can express to you who have stuck with me during this difficult time. I hope this chapter is worth the wait._

* * *

_October 12, 1921_

"I can't believe you're leaving in two day's time, Bella," Alice whined as we walked down the _Champs-Elysées_. "It seems like just yesterday when you arrived!"

"It does, doesn't it?" We came to a stop in front of an upscale baby boutique.

I looked over at Alice who gave my arm a gentle pinch and nodded.

"Anything you need to tell me, Bella?" Alice waggled her eyes as we opened the shop door.

I shook my head in response.

"No," I whispered. "I'm only three weeks married, Alice!"

"Only takes once, from what I hear, Sissy." Her tone was syrupy and dripping with innuendo, but I simply rolled my eyes at her and tried to hide my blush.

"I want to bring something back for Molly. Rose will die to dress her little one in Paris chic, don't you think?"

Alice giggled and nodded.

"I do miss her so," she said wistfully. "Aunt Esme, too. It's just been so long."

"Not much longer, Alice." I rubbed her arm as we looked through miniature versions of the day's most fashionable clothes. "You'll be home before you know it."

My eyes dropped as I spoke the last word, knowing as well as Alice did that she might come home for a week, maybe even a month, but she wouldn't be staying. She'd want to be by Jasper's side sooner rather than later, and I couldn't blame her for that. Still, it remained unspoken between us, as though this more permanent separation was too much to contemplate in the two short days before I left.

"What about this?" I asked, holding up a pretty pink taffeta dress with a white pinafore edged in eyelet. "For Easter, maybe?"

"I bet she'll look darling in it." Her eyes misted over. "I can't wait to meet her."

"She's a cherub and the apple of her parent's eye. But I suspect she isn't long to be an only child."

"Ooh! Gossip you haven't divulged yet, sister. Tell me!"

"It isn't gossip, just a hunch," I chided as we walked toward the cash register. "Rose looked more piqued than usual the day after the wedding. And thinking back, she hadn't been eating like usual. I'm guessing that she's in the early days of her second pregnancy, but there was no word before Edward and I left."

"That's exciting!" Alice clapped her hands.

I paid for the dress and we took our packages back out onto the avenue. After nearly three weeks of roaming Europe with Edward, I'd become accustomed to the avant-garde customs of Parisians and the other Europeans we'd seen on our honeymoon. They were quite different from the reserved Chicago crowd that I was used to, but their ways weren't so foreign when I really looked at them. I found that I quite liked their demonstrative ways after I got used to people kissing passionately on the street or having violent arguments that ended with both parties going to the bar. It was fun and exciting, so much livelier than the restrained life I was accustomed to.

"So . . . I need to know what's going to happen with you and Jasper," I said with a sigh. "We've been putting off this discussion for too long, Ali."

"What do you want to know?" Alice pulled out a cigarette and lit it with shaking fingers.

I reached over and took her hand as she inhaled deeply. We stopped in the middle of the street and people began to walk around us, barely taking note of the two women looking solemnly at each other.

"Honey, what life have you planned for yourselves?" I squeezed her hand as I spoke, trying to convey both acceptance and worry, for surely I felt both in equal measure.

"I owe it to Aunt Esme and Uncle Carlisle to come home after I'm done with university. Besides, I miss our family too much _not_ to go home. But I can't be away from Jas for too long . . ."

"I know." I pulled on her hand and we walked toward one of the cafés along the avenue. After we were seated, I continued. "I can't imagine what it's been like for you. You're very selfless to come home before returning to his side."

Alice snorted and leaned back in her chair more comfortably. We paused in our conversation as we placed our orders with the waiter.

"Marriage has softened you Isabella Marie," she teased, blowing smoke in the air. "Selflessness has very little to do with it. I'm desperate for my family, desperate enough that I'll make myself uncomfortable in order to have some more time with them. It's only knowing that I'll have the rest of my life with Jas that makes it possible."

The server was back with our order and I took a bite of my croissant before continuing.

"New York isn't so very far away," I said after a pause. "We can take turns visiting once Jasper feels safe enough to come back."

"I hate the thought of being away from you," she admitted. "I'd beg you and Edward to move to New York if you didn't already have the house paid for."

I chuckled and reached across the table, touching the tips of her fingers.

"It's tempting even knowing we _have_ the house, but if this separation has taught me nothing else, Alice, it's taught me that even an ocean can't truly keep us apart. A few states don't stand a chance."

* * *

"It's just a few more flights, love. Can you make it?" Edward held my hand tightly as we maneuvered up the steel steps of the Tower.

"Not really an appropriate question, Edward," I said crossly. "If I can't, I'll be sitting on the steps of the Eiffel Tower for the rest of my days."

"I'm sorry." His brow drew down in worry. "We should have taken the lifts as you suggested."

"I'm fine," I replied, trying to focus on the thrill of making it to the top and not on the dizzying distance between me and the ground. "I'd be better if these steps weren't see-through."

"That is a rather unfortunate design flaw," Edward mumbled.

The walk up the steps was far more exhausting than I had anticipated, but Edward had had such a gleam in his eye when he asked that I simply couldn't deny him. Still, the steps were a problem for me. In general, I didn't have any issue with heights, but the Tower was something different all together. It felt like we were climbing up to the sky. The ground below seemed miles away and teeming with tiny ants. It was disorienting and I closed my eyes against the sight.

"Here we are," Edward said as the wind picked up, whipping around my face. "The very top!"

I stepped forward and was pleasantly surprised to find a flat surface in front of me. Still, I couldn't find it within myself to open my eyes. Edward wound his arm around my waist and led me forward until I felt a metal bar at my stomach. He moved behind me and I rested my hands on the bar. Edward's hands moved over my shoulders and down my arms until they covered my hands; I could feel his breath at my ear.

"Open your eyes, Bella. It's so beautiful."

The sun had turned orange-red and hung low in the sky, as though it was fighting against the impending night. It cast a golden gleam on the city and made the Seine glow like molten fire. Everywhere my eyes turned, I saw the city in new, glorious colors. It took my breath away.

"Was it worth the climb?" Edward whispered in my ear, brushing his lips against my skin as he spoke.

"Most definitely." I turned abruptly and looked at him desperately. "I don't want to go home tomorrow! Everything has been so perfect . . . I can't imagine having to slip back into reality after this."

He threw his head back and laughed, his shoulders rocking with the sound.

"I know, love, but reality isn't so terrible." Edward turned me back around, wrapping his arms around my waist and leaning his chin on my shoulder. "Think of it: we're going home to our own house. You begin school in just a few weeks' time and I'll be working at Father's office. We'll settle into a routine in no time at all."

"That's just it. Routine, school, work . . . no more fairy tale honeymoon."

"No," he agreed, shaking his head. "Just day upon day spent with you as my wife. Seems like a happily ever after to me."

I sighed and leaned back into his arms.

"I'm just sorry to see this end. The endless hours spent walking around, doing as we please, never answering to anyone or anything. It's a lovely way to live."

He smiled against my cheek, and turned to kiss my neck lightly sending a ripple of excitement down my back.

"I'll miss that too." His voice sounded husky and low in my ear. "Life won't be all rules and obligations once we're back in Chicago, you know. I'll complete my internship with Father and then my schedule will be much less rigid. With your correspondence school, you can set your own hours. The days and _nights_ will still be ours, my love."

I shivered as a gust of wind blew my hair back and Edward's fingers played at my stomach, teasing me almost as much as his words had. I was being whimsical, asking to remain in Paris away from our duties, but this trip had been a welcome reminder of how glorious freedom could be. I didn't want to let it go; I wanted to spend forever hidden away from reality with Edward by my side. Since that was impossible, I would happily take a reality filled with him.

"That does sound rather enticing," I murmured.

"Any future that includes you entices me, Mrs. Masen."

"Edward, you do say the loveliest things."

I turned slightly, just enough that I could capture his lips with mine. A bubble of need rose in my chest as his lips moved with mine, our mouths parting and tongues entwining in a mellow, practiced rhythm. Edward turned me as we kissed, pressing my back into the railing of the tower and winding his fingers through my hair. I always felt wanted when he held me to him in that manner, so very desired and loved. His ministrations made me forget the crowd of people surging around us at the top of the tower until I heard the tell tale flash of a camera.

Edward pulled away from me. A young man in short pants and a beret was smiling at us behind a camera. I felt Edward's hand tighten on my waist as he turned to fully face the photographer.

"Can I help you, sir?" Edward's voice, though smooth and pleasant on the surface, was cool – too tight. I knew him well enough to understand that he was wary of the young man who had clearly photographed our intimate moment.

"Such a lovely couple," the man said in a thick French accent. "I could not but see the love in your kiss. Forgive me for capturing . . . I did not want to see it end."

Edward did not release me, but I felt his fingers loosen around my waist.

"For what purpose, may I ask, did you take the picture?"

"For love, of course." He chuckled and extended his hand. "Sebastian Gautrand. I am fascinated by what Paris does to lovers. I will destroy the exposed film if it is your wish . . . though I would much prefer to develop it and give it to you as a memory of your time here in Paris."

Edward was thoughtful for a moment, looking back and forth between Mr. Gautrand and me. I understood that he was nervous about my reaction, wondering how I would feel about having something so personal captured on film for all time. I stepped forward, extending my hand to the young photographer.

"Mrs. Masen." I introduced myself. "We are leaving for home tomorrow. Would it be possible to leave money with you so that you might send it to us? I think it would be a lovely reminder of our honeymoon."

Edward's fingers played at my side, tightening and releasing as he watched me take control of the situation. I hoped that I had done the right thing. The old-fashioned part of me frowned upon taking control of a situation in front of my husband, but the part of me that was becoming more and more independent couldn't let the opportunity to own such a photograph fade away.

"Madame, it would be my honor to send it to you. Simply leave your address with me and consider it a wedding gift from the City of Light."

He lifted my hand to his lips and placed a chaste kiss upon it. Edward's fingers tightened immediately upon my waist and pulled me back toward him. He smiled sheepishly at Mr. Gautrand who nodded knowingly.

"It is a wise man who keeps his lovely wife close by his side," the young photographer said with a wink. He pulled a slip of paper and a pen from his shirt pocket and handed it to Edward. "If you please?"

"With pleasure." Edward took the slip of paper and quickly wrote our new address on it and handed it back to Mr. Gautrand. "Thank you, my friend."

"Truly it was my pleasure. I will leave you to enjoy your last day in my city."

We stayed for nearly a half hour at the top of the Tower, looking out in every direction and pointing out places we'd been and remembering snippets of the honeymoon. It was a lovely way to end our time in the city. Instead of walking down the steps, Edward conceded to my need for the lift. It was a far more pleasant trip down because of it.

* * *

Alice held my hand throughout the train ride back to _Le Havre_. Her small fingers gripped my hand with a fierceness that would have been painful had I not been so desperate for the contact. I hated leaving her.

As we stood on the dock, her arms locked around my neck, she stroked my hair and whispered a promise of how soon she would see me again. Alice pulled away from me and held my shoulders as she looked me up and down.

"I need you to do something for me in New York," she whispered, her eyes flicking over to Edward.

I drew in a deep breath and closed my eyes. I'd expected her to ask us to find Jasper as soon as we got off the boat, but the topic had never come up. I was slightly surprised to find her asking us just as we were about to leave.

"Is it safe to seek him out?" Edward asked, stepping closer.

Alice nodded and wiped her nose with a handkerchief. "He's certain that no one is looking for him. Either Aro never moved the container or he doesn't care any longer. Anyway, the people he works for, the Blacks, have a finger on the pulse of Aro's crowd. Jas's name never comes up."

"What do you need, Ali?" I was proud of myself; my voice didn't betray my nervousness. Jasper's new life puzzled me even more than my sister's life in Paris. I wondered what he would be like now that he had lived for a year in New York.

Alice pressed a thick envelope into my hand with a smile. It was far thicker than a letter ought to have been. Edward reached over and took the envelope from me, tucking it into his jacket pocket.

"Money?" he asked in a voice barely above a whisper.

She nodded and shrugged her shoulder. "You can understand why I don't want to send it. I've made a fair living selling my designs. What I'm not saving to repay Aunt Esme and Uncle Carlisle or using here in Paris, I want to give to Jas. It's for our house."

There was a tremor of anticipation in her voice. We didn't hear much from Jasper, only what Rose told us in her letters and what Alice revealed in her letters to me. He must have been doing very well for himself if they were already saving for a house of their own. Only a small part of me found it odd that she was earning enough money on her own to both repay our aunt and uncle _and_ help pay for a house. Earning an income would be something that Alice would cherish; I couldn't let my prejudices dampen her excitement.

"How will we find him?" I asked.

She beamed at me, and pulled a slip of paper out of her purse. "He works at this bar, The Black Ball. He's there every night. If you go, you'll probably have to stay the night in New York or catch a late train back to Chicago." She looked worriedly between Edward and me.

"It won't be a problem," Edward replied, taking the slip of paper. "I don't think either Bella or myself are eager for this honeymoon to end; one more day will be welcome to both of us."

"Thank you," Alice said, taking my hand as well as Edward's. "Seeing how happy you two are was a wonderful gift. And this . . . well, it means a great deal to me."

The ship's horn sounded, a low note that I felt in my belly. Alice hugged us both and shooed us toward the gangplank. I allowed Edward to lead me up the narrow walkway so that I could keep my eyes glued to Alice's form in the crowd. As we approached the entryway of the great ship, I lost sight of her and my tears began to fall.

* * *

_October 19, 1921_

New York at night boggled my mind. Where Paris had been full of romance and life, New York simply never went to bed. People came and went as though the sun hadn't set, bustling around to night jobs and visiting restaurants and bars that never seemed to close. The cab we'd hired from the dock had dropped us off at a hotel near The Black Ball. After we'd secured a room for the evening and left our belongings there safely, we went down to the street to find the bar.

"Are you okay?" Edward asked as I clung to his arm.

I nodded and moved closer to him.

"It is a bit overwhelming," I admitted.

He smiled. "Different than both Paris and Chicago, isn't it?"

"Yes. I'm not sure I like these differences as much as the differences we found in Paris."

He chuckled and covered my hand with his. "I can see what people like, but it isn't for me."

We walked further down the street, past mundane looking storefronts from which we heard the faint strains of jazz music reaching the street. My heart raced as we passed a police officer strolling among the crowd, his hand resting easily on the knob of his night stick. Would he follow us to the speakeasy? Would we be caught, arrested? Edward's fingers tightened over mine and he smiled at me as we walked past the officer.

"Do you think –" Edward's shook his head sharply, stopping my words in my throat.

When we were a safe distance from the officer, he looked over at me. "He knows as well as we do what goes on behind the storefronts; he won't do anything unless someone acts . . . untoward."

I nodded and tried to smile more naturally. I had to admit there was a certain measure of excitement in knowing that everyone on the street was involved in an elaborate ruse. We were all players in keeping the fun well-hidden and safe from the hands of the law.

"I think it's just up here," Edward said, pointing at a building whose façade looked no different than any of the others on the street.

The red brick was just as worn down on this building as all the others and the windows appeared soaped over and papered. A single flyer with the words **The Black Ball** was the only clue that we had chosen the correct building.

"We won't know if Jas is working until we get in," Edward explained as we approached the door. "If you become uncomfortable, just squeeze my hand. I'll get you out of there in no time at all."

"I'll be fine," I insisted, smiling up at him. "Let's just find Jasper. I know you've missed him so."

When we first opened the door, the room we entered was small and nondescript, barely lit up by the dim light bulb hanging from the ceiling. Flickering light and the sound of tinkling glasses mingled with a jazzy beat drew our attention over to a wooden door. We opened it and I was almost knocked over with the thrumming beat that carried up the stairs.

The main part of the speakeasy was underground. A small room packed tightly with moving bodies met our eyes as we descended the stairs. I could smell the alcohol, heavy and sweet in the air. I also saw Jasper almost immediately. He was hard to miss, holding the large bass fiddle and pounding out a rhythm on strings.

"Over there!" I cried above the racket, pointing toward Jasper.

Edward's face lit up and he pulled me faster down the steps, into the undulating crowd. We were jostled and pushed together from the moment we stepped onto the dance floor. I clung to Edward, fearful that I would lose him in the press of people around us. He held my hand tightly and wrapped his free arm around my waist, pulling me through the crowd with ease until we were flush in front of the raised bandstand.

Jasper's eyes were closed as he played his instrument, a round, brimmed hat on his head set low on his forehead. He was sweating and a cigarette hung from his lips. He looked at home on the stage, making music though I hadn't known he played until that very moment. The song came to an end and Jasper opened his eyes. They fell on Edward at once and he hopped immediately off of the stage and pulled the two of us into a fierce embrace, his face lit with surprise.

"Hot damn, I've missed you, brother," he said when he released us. "C'mon. There's a room in the back. I want you to meet Emily and Jake. They've been so good to me."

The band started up again, another man taking Jasper's place playing the bass. He motioned to a large, dark-skinned man behind the bar who nodded without expression. A small woman whose complexion matched the tall man's waved brightly at Jasper. I assumed this was Emily and Jacob.

Jasper led us into a small room, just big enough for a round table and some chairs. It looked like it might be a game table, though no one was playing anything when we walked in. When Jasper closed the door behind us, the music muted enough that I could think clearer.

"Edward and Bella," he said, shaking his head. "Or . . . I should say, Mr. and Mrs. Masen. Congratulations are in order."

We both smiled and Edward put his arm around me. "Yep. We're on our way home from our honeymoon."

Jasper's brown eyes searched Edward's and my faces, as though he were searching for news. He must have known from either Alice or Rose that we had visited Paris on our honeymoon. I could see the worry and the sadness etched in his face; it was the same look I saw in Alice's eyes before we left her. He was desperate for some connection to her, something greater than letters.

"Alice looks wonderful." I stepped forward and took his hand in mine. "She misses you so, Jasper. I think she would have stowed away with our luggage just to get to you if she could have."

He gave a short burst of laughter and the tension seemed to melt from his face, but he shook his head.

"She wouldn't," he said firmly. "She's so close to finishing."

He squeezed my hand and released it, pulling out a chair for me to sit in. I could see how proud he was of Alice and what she was accomplishing in Paris in the quiet smile he wore. He knew her so well, the confidence he had in her accomplishments shining through all of his words.

"Alice gave us something for you," Edward reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out the envelope Alice had given us.

Jasper opened it just enough to see the bills inside before closing it back up and tucking it into his own jacket.

"I'll ask Jake if I can keep it in the safe until I need it," he explained. "It's probably the best place for it right now."

"How is work?" Edward asked, coming around to the other side of the table and sitting down. "Are you happy here?"

"It's better than I could have imagined," Jasper replied, sinking into a chair. "The people who own this joint, Jacob and Emily, are like family to me. They run this place clean-like, no funny business or anything. Well, except for the illegal liquor . . . but you know what I mean. They aren't like some of the other barrel houses around here, selling women along with their liquor. Sorry, Bella."

I swallowed hard, my face flushing as I thought about the implication of his words. I was glad to hear that Jasper wasn't involved in the more dangerous sides of this business, but I was still slightly shocked at the ease with which he discussed what went on. Edward cleared his throat, leveling Jasper with a warning glance that I felt was completely unnecessary, and then gestured for him to continue telling us about his work. Before Jasper could continue however, the pretty woman from behind the bar opened the door carrying a tray full of glasses and plates of food. It wasn't until she turned slightly that I realized only half of her face was pretty; the other half had been severely disfigured.

Several things happened at once. Jasper stood up quickly with a smile on his face to help the woman to the table. I gasped and covered my mouth with my hand and Edward sat, looking helplessly between me and the woman entering the room.

"Emily!" Jasper cried, seemingly oblivious to my rude gasp. "You didn't have to feed us!"

"Hush, Jas," she said in a mellow voice. "We always feed family here and from the looks of things, these are two of your closest kin. Are you going to introduce me?"

Emily set the heavy tray on the table and gave me a radiant smile, completely ignoring my hands traveling from my mouth back to my lap. I tried hard to hide the combination of surprise and fear that must have been written on my face, but I didn't think Emily was fooled. I thought, instead, she was used to these types of reactions and chose to ignore them.

"Emily, this is my oldest friend, Edward Masen, and his new wife, Bella."

"It is a pleasure to meet Jasper's friends," she said, walking toward me with her hand out.

I rose, plastering a smile on my face and extended my hand. Instead of taking my hand in a cool handshake, she pulled me toward her and enveloped me in a hug, wrapping her small arms around my neck and squeezing tightly. It was so unexpected that I let out a loud laugh.

"It's good to meet you as well, Emily," I said as she released me. "Jasper has had nothing but wonderful things to say about his time in New York. It makes us so happy to hear that he's found a good place for himself."

"I've heard all about you and Edward, you know," Emily said with a wink. "Jasper's favorite thing to do when he's not playing his bass is to talk about his family back home. It's so good to finally have a face to put with all the stories."

I was remarkably pleased to hear that I counted among Jasper's 'family back home.' I thought of him as my brother-in-law already, but it was a pleasant surprise to know that he returned that feeling. I sat back down as Emily greeted Edward, offering him the same exuberant hug that she offered me. I had to smile at her natural grace and charm. She carried herself differently than many other women I'd seen, with a regal quality that seemed to set her apart. But all the while, her demeanor was completely laid back. It was a refreshing combination, one that made me think I would like Emily a great deal if given the opportunity to get to know her.

"Jake wants to come back too, but he'll be a few minutes. Some of the boys out front needed to be schooled a bit." Emily began arranging the food on the table. "When do you go back to Chicago?"

"Tomorrow, I'm afraid," Edward said with a look of regret. "I need to get back to my internship and Bella is beginning correspondence school in a few week's time."

"I know _you're_ in training to become a lawyer like your father, Edward," Emily said, gesturing with one of the serving spoons she was using. "But you, Bella . . . what will you be studying?"

"Literature," I replied. "I'd like to write."

Emily smiled at me again, nodding her head. "Yes, I can see you being very creative indeed."

I wondered what she saw in me that made her say that. I didn't define myself as a particularly creative person, but Emily seemed so sure that I fit the bill. I was flattered, but more than a little confused by her surety.

We ate even though we had eaten on the ship not three hours previously; it seemed rude not to and the food was simply too tempting. To everyone's great surprise, I even sipped on some wine through dinner. Though it made my head feel strangely light, it wasn't as terrible as had thought it might be. Edward beamed at me as I toasted him. I knew he wouldn't have cared whether I drank wine or water, I thought perhaps he was proud of me for trying something out of my normal routine. We left that night after hugging Jasper, Emily and Jake, and promising to write more frequently now that everyone was certain Jasper was no longer in danger. I knew that it was a great weight off of Edward's mind to know that his friend was both happy and safe.

* * *

_October 21, 1921_

It was surreal arriving back in Chicago and not going 'home' to Aunt Esme and Uncle Carlisle's house; Edward and I had a new home waiting for us and I was a bundle of excitement and nerves on the car ride home. Uncle Carlisle and Mr. Masen picked us up in Uncle Carlisle's Studebaker and had endless questions about the trip and our short stay in New York. They were anxious for a first hand report about both Alice and Jasper.

As we pulled up to the brownstone, my belly leapt with anticipation. I knew that Aunt Esme and Mrs. Masen were putting the final touches on the house while we were away. I couldn't wait to see what they had done with it, how they had turned it from house into home.

I stood in the foyer where only a few months ago Edward and I had swept and mopped and cleaned an empty shell of a house. All around me, the house was filled with fine things – _our_ things. It was a wonderful feeling of completion.

"We'll let you two kids settle in on your own then," Uncle Carlisle said with a smile as he set down the last of our luggage. "You'll ring if you need anything at all?"

"Yes, of course," I said, walking over and hugging him. "Please tell Aunt Esme that I'll drop by for tea tomorrow?"

"She'll love that. She has so many things to ask you."

Mr. Masen nodded his head to both us and then both of them were gone, leaving Edward and I alone. I felt the butterflies of anticipation leap to attention in my stomach again. We were finally home.

"Look over there," I said, taking his hand. "They've purchased a new hutch for us."

Sitting in corner of the room that Edward had designated "Bella's Library" was a fine, roll-top desk. It was made of amber colored wood with filigree over the sides and down each of the legs. It looked as though it cost a small fortune and my fingers itched to open it, to see what treasure lay inside.

Edward cleared his throat before pulling me gently toward the room. "Actually, they didn't purchase it . . ."

"Oh . . . please don't say that you did," I whispered warily. "Edward, it looks as though it belongs in a palace!"

"I didn't," he said, a blush creeping up neck. "It was my great grandfather's writing desk. My Granny Hare, my mother's mother, kept it in her house until she passed away several years ago. When she died, it came to our house where mother kept it in the attic. I remember sitting at it when I was a boy in my Granny's house, admiring the way the wood gleamed. After we bought the house . . . well, I thought the old desk deserved to be used by someone who would appreciate it. Do you like it, Bella?"

As he finished speaking, we reached the side of the desk. As he had said, the wood seemed to glow in the early afternoon sunlight. I ran my fingers lightly elegant curve of the roll-top. It was almost as though I could feel the history surging below the strange, amber surface. I could see myself sitting at the desk, pen in hand as I wrote page after page of letters, journals, and even stories.

"Bella?"

"Sorry," I whispered, turning toward him. "I was just . . . imagining. I love it, Edward. I love that this desk made you think of me."

"Open it," he said, gesturing toward the handle on the roll-top.

I looked at him with a curious expression on my face, but he simply smiled at me and continued to gesture at the desk. I walked over, gently touching the handle of the roll-top. I expected resistance; it was an old desk and I didn't know how well taken care of it had been in the Masen attic. To my surprise, the lid lifted without a sound at only the gentlest touch.

My eyes were drawn first to the crisp, cream colored paper laid out in the center of the blotter. Written in navy blue script at the top of the page were the words: _From the desk of Mrs. Isabella Masen._ I had to wipe the tears away before I could continue to explore the desk. There were at least two fountain pens along with various colors of ink. I saw bound books that I knew instinctively were just waiting for me to fill them with words.

"You made me my very own writing desk," I whispered.

"Technically, my mother did," Edward replied with a shake of the head, and then added, "but I purchased the components before the wedding and left them with Mother."

"When I was a little girl, the only thing I ever did that Mother didn't like was stay up past bedtime to write in my journal. I'd wait till she'd blow out the candle or turn off the light and then I'd creep out of bed to sit in the moonlight and write. When she'd catch me, she'd take my books and burn them. I used to dream about a desk that would be all mine, one where no one could touch my books and papers and that was filled with all of the best inks and pens."

Edward's face moved from anger to sadness so quickly as I spoke I almost missed the transition. I rarely spoke of my childhood. It wasn't because I was embarrassed by it or saddened by the memories; rather, I didn't want people, especially Edward, to judge me by my past. I saw no judgment in his eyes, however . . . only gratitude for having shared that part of my life with him.

He took me into his arms, wrapping me up in the warmth of his embrace, and I let the tears flow. There was sadness in them for the girl I used to be and the dreams I never thought would get answered. But mostly, there was pure happiness at the life that Edward and I were beginning and all of the dreams we would create together.

* * *

**_A/N:_**_ Ok ... in all fairness, I have a little bit of explaining to do here. One, I know that it took me an embarrassingly long time to update this story. My only excuse is that real life needs to suck it. I lost two family members in the space of two weeks. Also, I've had some not so minor health issues myself that needed dealing with. Things are looking up now and I'm hoping that life will get back to normal. Also, I had promised before that there would be a few more chapters in this story as Edward and Bella grew into a married couple. As I wrote this chapter and grappled with real life, I began to realize that I could probably drag this story on forever. I'm sure there are a few people out there who'd be happy to read Jazzward's day to day life for the next sixty some years. The thing is, I've accomplished what I set out to do when I started writing this story: Bella has completed her journey. As much as I hate to see ATJ come to an end, I believe that I've successfully told this story. To extend it would be to elongate it unnecessarily. There will be a short epilogue where we will see Bella and Edward a few years down the road along with the rest of the characters, but this will be the last regular chapter of this story. The epilogue will be donated to the Fandom for Sexual Assault Awareness Charity and then I will post it here when the appropriate time has passed._

_Truly, I thank all of you for joining me on this journey. When I started writing this, I feared that no one would like such an old-fashioned Bella; and yet, so many of you have taken to her with gusto. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your love and support along this road. Much love and I hope you will enjoy the rest of the stories I have to tell. :) ~Jen_


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